WHY IS IT, WHEN YOU LOSE SOMETHING, YOU LOOK LIKE HELL FOR IT?

You ever notice the only time you lose something and find the need to look for it, are the times right before you have to leave for somewhere and you need it for something?


But of course for the last 2 weeks it has meant nothing, not a care as to where or what it is. But now you're running late and the need to know where said object is and because it is imperative that it leave your home with you. Than and only than does it becomes a mad obsession.


You have to find it. Right now at this moment, because later will not suffice. At this juncture there is no later.


The only thing worse than the frenzied and panicked scramble, is when you call out the search party (you know, whoever finds it necessary to help out) that it becomes a life or death predicament.


Than when you have looked everywhere and have exhausted all you top secret resources (like looking in between the couch cushions or digging through the trash) that you try to call off the dogs from this code blue DEF-CON 5 engagement, that now it becomes a dire situation.


Now the rescue party doesn't listen (believing they know what's most prudent at this juncture), they continue looking for said object with idée fixe that makes King Kong's fixation on blonds seem like a passing fancy.


At this time I have accepted that the long lost object is MIA-presumed dead. I'm playing TAPS on the now long gone dealie-bob (can you believe I actually got that word from dictionary.com.....crazy).


During this moment the search party are still collecting data and going over the files and statistics repeatedly making sure that no stone went unturned (ergo looking in the same spots over and over again, yet coming up with the same results repeatedly). Yet here I am going (and yes I am making the stupid quote marks with my fingers) "its gone fergetaboutit!"


Now 10 minutes has gone by and I have mourned the missing object and I have found the strength to go on.


I am informed that the rescue parties have finally come to the same conclusion that I came to (even though I came to it 10 minutes earlier), it's gone the way of the planes over the Bermuda Triangle, gone, poof and mysteriously disappeared.


Why do I bring this up? Because I seem to find a little bit of happiness in the fact that since I could not rescue said object from the jaws of mystery that neither could anyone else.


I gave up on said object earlier, than to watch my cohorts frantically search the same places as if they were virginal and untouched (even though I know that not less than 30 seconds ago they had checked the same place). Needless to say it brought up a wonderful conclusion and anecdote, which I choose to share.


Look for something only as long as you have to.


There are things, no matter what you do, that happen. Not for the good or the bad, but they JUST happen.


Life with all of its ups, and downs, does not mean keep looking back and searching in the places you have already looked. It's about looking around as we travel forward, facing the future and exploring the unknown.

So today............... I Like It Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR BOYS AND GIRLS, MEN AND WOMEN, YOUNG AND OLD, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND FACE THE FUTURE

WELL COULD YOU AT LEAST LEAVE A "HEY YOU'RE BEING STUPID!!"

LOL...just my way of saying leave a message when you visit. Tonight's a short entry day. Just wanted to say that little blurb is all. Since I don't work tomorrow, I'll go on my usual rant about something or other... but for now I'm...

J2 thas me

OMG...ITS SNOW!

My friends and countryman, its winter time in the Midwest. It happens every year. It's almost a seasonal occurrence, and people are already complaining. This is an annoyance. Seriously. But not the most irritating one.

What’s worse, you ask? People in the Midwest who say "well it’s the first snowfall” and this excuses you for driving like an idiot!

NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! That is not acceptable. It won't be acceptable later today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year.

That excuse only works if you moved here from Florida or any place that has summer all year round.

But if you have lived in the Midwest all your life......PLEASE SHUT UP AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!

Why are these people on my naughty list? Why do these people deserve a special hell that involves small openings, broken glass a,d lots of water?

"Well" said the writer with an evil gleam in his eye, “The reason these people piss me off is because it’s not their first snow fall!”

You’ve seen snow fall a million times, and you driven walked and ran in said snow falls. So it shouldn't be a surprise if it’s slippery...unless you're an idiot!

I mean come on already. I could sit here and tear you all a new one but I won’t have too, you all know who you are so STOP IT ALLREADY!

Now don't get me wrong, I think most drivers are idiots when you add one of these elements

* booze (duh),
* any in climate weather (rain sleet snow etc.)
* the statement "I just got my license"
* the freeway (oh come on we're all geniuses till you put any of us on the freeway because we either turn into Dale Earnhart or were driving Miss Daisy).


But to sit and complain that the 6 car pile up was because of the first snow, in a state that is known for it's winter vacation spots that include snow and snow related activities, is just plain idiotic.

MY FAMILY and PEOPLE WHO ANNOY ME

Oh good, I'm still here. Hard to believe that another Turkey Day with relatives you don't like, kids who won't eat, and nothing on TV but football and parades, has passed on by, and I survived. I have to add this. At a family get together, function or reunion, you usually put on the fake smile and wish one and all a happy whatever it is, because you choose to. You hug the aunt with the halitosis that would make Satan weep because you choose to. You agree with everything you're overbearing cousins have to say even when they say the moon is made of blue cheese because you choose too. You put up with your siblings significant others retarded jokes and useless advice because you choose too. You do all this because you choose too. If you didn't, than you wouldn't have gone.

It’s the unwritten rule of family functions. You came because you wanted to, not because you had to. That is unless you're dragging your kids along only because it was the same hell your parents put you through, and it is your job as a parent to do the same to them.

Now you may think 'so what, we all go through that, what makes you so special?' Well let me tell you.....nothing, nothing at all.

If I wasn't annoyed at a family function, than I would have been annoyed with strangers, like standing behind the one person in the world who still has no clue how to use an ATM.

See, its not that I hate everyone, you just all annoy me. I'm ok with that because I probably annoy you too. Let's some time on the people that annoy me. Sadly, this is an ever growing list and won't ever be complete. Everyday there's another dumb mother fucker born, which means there's another chance some fucktard will annoy me. But alas I am digressing.

Being in the express lane (you know, the 10 items or less lane) with the one person who can count to 30 but somehow misses the number 10 in the process?

Those "truth" commercials, because obviously all smokers have no clue that smoking causes cancer. Let me shed a little light on this. It's not that we don't believe smoking causes cancer, we do! It’s just that we don't believe it'll happen to us. That’s the real truth. We aren't dumb or stupid. We just live in denial. So when I'm outside smoking, because I'm not allowed to smoke inside and someone gives me that dirty look for smoking outside...well all I'll can tell you is this, I didn't go out of my way to talk to you because apparently I don't and didn't find you that interesting...SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

People who constantly chew, with their mouths open are on that list. Come on already! Manners costs nothing, but keep that up and it'll cost you my boot in your ass.

People who still ask "does this make me look fat?" If you're asking it probably does. But in direct conflict to my own statement, if you feel good wearing it, and you like the way you look, who cares what someone like me says.

As a matter of fact that goes out to anyone and everyone. If you are reading this, take what I say as an editorial on the things I see. Some days things may be the most annoying thing ever and on other days I won't have an issue. I'm just going on a day to day viewpoint.

So do it if you want or don't. I mean someone out there just got fed up with me as I got tired of someone else. That’s life, deal with it.

I do. I just happen to dwell on it long enough to think if I should write about it. Is this going to be a funny anecdote or a serious prose. Will this be a rant or a rave? Should I even be thinking this much about it? That's how I deal with it.

HELLO...JUST BORED

Yes, I am bored. It happens now and then. You can have the most adventurous life filled with mystery and intrigue, and every once in a while, you'll have a “bored” moment. So that's what I'm having right now.

I'm also having a “blank and empty mind” moment. Which basically translates to, when I have a deep thought or real need to write I'm usually too busy or too far from a computer. But when I set aside some time and have some privacy, that's when I'm hit with my “blank and empty mind” moment.

So since I really don't have anything to say other than that, I guess I'll go on to the next page. Who knew that you could actually waste some time and get out a couple of paragraphs talking about being bored and and blank.

I might actually have to rethink this writing thing I'm doing. I mean if I can pull this off I might have a career in advertising or politics. Isn't that the two career choices if you are a professional waste of time and space?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quote of the Week: Spike can't bite Willow

Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing has never happened to me before.
Willow: Maybe you were nervous.
Spike: I felt all right when it started. Well let's try it again.
[Spike tries to bite Willow and he backs off screaming in pain.] Spike: Damn it! What's wrong with me?
Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike: Not to me it doesn't!
Willow: It's me isn't it?
Spike: What are you talking about?
Willow: Well you came here looking for Buffy, and settled. You didn't want to bite me, I just happened to be around.
Spike: Piffle!
Willow: I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's all ways, "ooo, you're like a sister to me," or "oh, we're such good friends."
Spike: Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
Willow: This doesn't make you anymore scary.
Spike: Don't patronize me. I'm only 126 years old!
Willow: You’re being too hard on yourself. Why we don't wait a half an hour and try again?

Lame quote time:
why is it that when you're wrong no one forgets but when you're right, no ones around?

SALVATION LATER, CANDY NOW!!!!

Getting candy, that’s the damn reason for Halloween! Not promoting a pagan holiday. It's all about the candy, well and costumes too.

Not spending money on Hershey’s, Twizzlers or Snickers bars and it's sure as hell not about defending the privilege to go to a neighbors house, knock on their door, threating them (trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat), getting candy and then proceeding down the street to repeat this ritual.

I used to love trick or treating, walking what felt like 100 miles for a pillowcase full of candy. Carry the loot back home and then go hit another neighborhood and do it all again.

Now we just go to the store and buy twice the candy amount, because we plan on snacking on a whole lot of it as we hand out the rest of it. Of course while doing this, we're also fending off the religious freaks who go on and on about how this is the devils blah blah blah.

But the candy's not free anymore, and that sucks. The only thing that is free is that little pamphlet that says that if you participate in Halloween, you're going to hell.

The costumes are still pretty cool, and seeing the babies in their strollers dressed as little clowns or pumpkins, that's just adorable.

But what about me and my selfish desire for sweets and sugar highs, huh? What about my need to dress up as a Jedi Knight or a Cowboy or a Pirate and walk around the neighborhood?

Where's my “free candy”? My free candy is a little bit different now. I mean I still wear the costumes, but now I'm the spooky house that when I was a lot younger I was too afraid to too. I'm the one who plays the spooky and scary sound Cd's. I'm the house with the black lights and the fog machine to try and scare the new crop of kids and their parents.

I make sure I get the good candy. The good candy means more visitors. More visitors means the chance to scare more people. That's right, there's no pennies, candy corn, or toothbrushes to be given away at this house. I avoided the tootsie rolls, dum dums, and the cheap Sam's club bubblegum. Only name brands here dammit. I got the Reeces, M&M's, the Hershey’s snack pack (removing the dark chocolate bars....because the they are icky and yucky to most children} and this time I even added Spree's and Sweetarts (because not everybody wants chocolate).

Am I ranting for no good reason? Well of course I am! Silly rabbits, tricks (or treat) are for kids.

We had our time, its time to pass the torch (or flashlights because some dumb kid had to get burned and ruined it for the rest of us) and move on.

Hell now we get to be the house that was too creepy (insert evil laugh here). We get to be the house that gets all the attention because we have the best candy. Noting travels faster on Halloween than finding out who has the best candy.

So yes, I will take the candy now. All you Jesus freaks, keep your salvation speeches out of my candy bowl. This is about some harmless fun, costumes and candy. It's not about your “holier than thou” bullshit. It's about staying children in a world that doesn't allow children to stay innocent for very long.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY MORNINGS?

(FLASHBACK)
My eyes open, and with a slight panic, I glance at the clock. There's a five and an eleven. With a sigh of relief I wipe the after effects and evidence of sleep from my eyes. I leave my warm and comfy bed and head to the bathroom. Afterwards I wander into the kitchen. I drag one of the two kitchen chairs to the cupboards so I can reach an old margarine container that I use as cereal bowl. The clock now says six, one so I turn on the TV.

I know the cartoons won't start until AG-USA is over, but I can not take the chance that today for some weird reason things might change. I walk back to the cupboards to get my box of cereal. If my luck holds out I'll have Frosted Flakes and of course the worst case scenario is I get Apple Jacks or Kix. On this particular day I get Alpha Bits. It's not necessarily what I want, but for today it'll be just fine.

On the TV they are putting some metal tags on some cows ears. I think to myself “Doesn't that hurt them?” followed with a “Oh WHAT DOES THE CLOCK SAY?”

The little wind up clock that sits on top of the console TV now says six six. OK, I still have time. I have to start making the coffee for my mom, because I know she won't want to miss anything either. (Of course I later learned it was the coffee smell that woke her up. The reason she sat there next to me is she was just trying to wake up. However, as a child, it was everything and the world that she sat with me.)

Not too much longer now. I check to make sure we have milk in the fridge...and yes we are cool on that front.

Afterwards I jump in the shower and wash all my naughty bits and the dirty ones too. But because I was wearing my super cool Mr. Spock pajamas I put them back on. I look at the clock six and eleven.

Alright!! I pour my Alpha Bits into the margarine bowl, add some milk and with great haste, walk into the living room. I'm spilling milk and cereal all over the place, but it's OK; I'll clean it up during the commercials. Thus begins my Saturday morning ritual.

For the next 5 hours I'll be glued to the boob tube. Spending my Saturday mornings with the likes of the The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse and Heckle & Jeckle, The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, Shazam, Super Friends, Plastic Man, Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels, The Super Globetrotters, Fred and Barney Meet the Shmoo, Spider-Woman, Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo, The Daffy Duck Show, Fred and Barney Meet the Thing, The New Shmoo, The New Adventures of Flash Gordon, Godzilla, Jonny Quest, and The Jetsons to name a few of the heroic, silly and memorable characters who spent many Saturday mornings with me.
(FLASHBACK OVER)

Whatever happened to shows like Tom and Jerry, Popeye, Drak Pack, Thundarr, Dynomutt, The Tarzan/Lone Ranger Adventure Hour, The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang, Richie Rich, Heathcliff/Dingbat, Plastic Man and Baby Plas, Hong Kong Phooey, and The Flintstone Comedy Show

What happened to the cartoons based on video games like Pole Position, Captain N: The Game Master, Pac-Man, Q*bert, Dragon's Lair, Frogger, Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong, Jr. and Space Ace?

Or the cartoons based on Dungeons and Dragons or music videos (the show was called Kid Video)?

What happened to innocent fun and hi-jinks? Even then I knew that Saturday morning cartoons were basically really long commercials, but at least they were entertaining and FUN.

Sure we all got older, and waking up at the crack of dawn to watch some stupid cartoons on a Saturday morning wasn't the same thrill it used to be. I wasn't spending those Saturdays alone. I was eating that bowl of cereal with my mom was right next to me, coffee in hand and laughing at all the silliness that was happening on TV.

Now this isn't just as a days gone by kinda rant. When I was in my 20's I was living with a now ex-girlfriend and her family. Come Saturday morning, her youngest brother and I would be sitting there watching the Saturday morning cartoons. I mean who was cooler than the X-Men and Batman? Well no one was.

Now it seems those days are gone. Now on Saturday morning you get news and world reports. I mean, back then I would sit through AG-USA to make sure that I didn't miss a single cartoon. I guess it is kinda silly that at 1:41 AM on a Monday morning I'm here talking about those long gone Saturday mornings, but I miss them. Those days of awe struck wonder. The days of the Bugs and Tweety Show. The days of the Lone Ranger and Tarzan Adventure Hour. The days of Shazam and Isis. But put more simply...I miss the simple and innocent days.

I HATE IT HERE...SOMETIMES

Man oh man, the Internet just had to make sure I get a space to rant, rave and spew forth my ever pointless ideas, thoughts and whatever else decided to flow from my under used brain through my fat chubby fingers to tap out on this off white keyboard, didn't they?

I have to say when I started this, I was really walking on the side of "whiny lil bitch." I figured thats not a good way to start this project.

But then a bit of reality kicked in. I know to start off with one major emotion instead of an introduction makes no sense. Well, it does to the writer but not the reader. As a form of an introduction to who I am...I'll get there as time goes on. What I am is much simpler. I'm just like you. I hate and love everything. Just like you.

As to what this is...it's some of my moments in life as I experienced them. Written down as they happened (more or less) with some clarification, grammar and spelling checks done at a later date.
Basically this starts during the worst part of my life.

All through this my life just went on. Now this has been a "soapbox," a diary, and a therapy for me to yell and scream, lie and cheat, beg and plead, and whatever other 2 words you wanna add that are opposites of each other and yet by some weird grammatical rule, still makes sense. So enjoy or don't. Thats up to you.