THE DOOR TO TOMORROW

If life handed you an apple pie and it tasted like apples, that's a good thing, right?

And If life hands you a lemon, you're supposed to make lemonade, correct?

So than, what do you do when life keeps handing you happiness?

I'm not a very nice person (I have ex's who can attest to that).

If someone pisses me off i.e. a person who I thought was a friend and turns out that they did not trust me enough to come with me about something, I'm still nice and pleasant to them.

If a somebody says things about me (race, religion. etc. etc.) that has nothing to do with my personality or generalizes me as nothing but a race, religion etc., I still treat then the same way.

You see before Season I would have torn into them and let loose the hounds of hell so that they knew without any doubt how I felt. That what was done to me did bother me, but now I don't.

You see I feel sorry for them. Not in the "I pity you fool" sort of way, but in the "man, you'll never get me, and that just sucks" kind of way.

I feel bad for us, because when they do this, all it ends up doing is creating a gap between us. The feelings of friendship are now a chasm that separates us.

I will never talk to them the same way I used too. I will not trust them. They are kept at arms length (and I keep hoping my arms get longer).

Now? Well now, the people who do hurt me will never know what their unkind words did.

Instead they get my bogus smile and laugh and a false friend who is keeping his enemies close.

But some how and for some reason, I have the affection and love from the woman who has married me. She looks at me like I really matter and still listens to me, as if my words could move mountains.

She has blessed my life with conversation, with silly topics and the serious discussions. I am fortunate to have a partner, a friend and a wife who wants to share her life with me.

The strength we share, has allowed me to face many of my demons, no matter how ugly they were. She stood by me and still looks at me with love filled eyes.

I thought this was just stories and lies, but here I stand. A believer that true love exists. And that it can keep growing day by day.

So I'm looking at the apple pie and lemonade in front of me. And I'm thinking to myself...do I really deserve this? I honestly don't think so, but Season, she makes me feel like I do. So I take a slice of that apple pie and a swig from the lemonade and revel in the fact that it really is OK to be happy. That it is really OK to find bliss in the person next to you.

That happiness is not a mat that sits on your doorway, but the key that opens the door to a future you never looked towards.

So with that I remain simply...

a happy fool

A MOMENT OF DOUBT

There are times when somethings hit me like a runaway freight train. It's like something in me feels something for the first time.

Today I felt a true anguish that shook me down to my core. I felt a sense of loss.

A true loss, not the "Oh crap where are my car keys' feeling, but the "Oh shit, something in me just died" kind of loss. This time it was very different.

It was the "am I really allowed to be this happy" kind of feeling.

I am with a partner who loves me what I feel for her can only be described as bliss. But at the same time I ask myself "Can I make her truly happy?"

I don't know. I don't have all the answers. I can't even pretend to have them. All I know is that I feel so complete when I am with her.

There used to be this HUGE pool of anger that bubbled and boiled deep inside of me.

Now I only find hope, love and a wonderful feeling called tomorrow. I pray that I can give her this everyday. Because inside of my strange little soul I find it whenever I hear her heart beat or whenever she smiles at me. I find myself happier than ever before in my pitiful existence.

For some reason today after watching the fall of fictional character, I find myself wondering. Do I make her happy? Do I make her feel complete? Do I do to her what she does for me? Can I save her?

I don't know, maybe I'm just being stupid, it's something I do a lot. I still wonder "am I what she has been searching for?"

I guess that's all I really wanted to say. She makes my world, my life and my soul complete. I just pray that I do the same thing for her.

THE DOOR TO TOMORROW

If life handed you an apple pie and it tasted like apples, that's a good thing, right?

And If life hands you a lemon, you're supposed to make lemonade, correct?

So than, what do you do when life keeps handing you happiness?

I'm not a very nice person (I have ex's who can attest to that).

If someone pisses me off i.e. a person who I thought was a friend and turns out that they did not trust me enough to come with me about something, I'm still nice and pleasant to them.

If a somebody says things about me (race, religion. etc. etc.) that has nothing to do with my personality or generalizes me as nothing but a race, religion etc., I still treat then the same way.

You see before Season I would have torn into them and let loose the hounds of hell so that they knew without any doubt how I felt. That what was done to me did bother me, but now I don't.

You see I feel sorry for them. Not in the "I pity you fool" sort of way, but in the "man, you'll never get me, and that just sucks" kind of way.

I feel bad for us, because when they do this, all it ends up doing is creating a gap between us. The feelings of friendship are now a chasm that separates us.

I will never talk to them the same way I used too. I will not trust them. They are kept at arms length (and I keep hoping my arms get longer).

Now? Well now, the people who do hurt me will never know what their unkind words did.

Instead they get my bogus smile and laugh and a false friend who is keeping his enemies close.

But some how and for some reason, I have the affection and love from the woman who has married me. She looks at me like I really matter and still listens to me, as if my words could move mountains.

She has blessed my life with conversation, with silly topics and the serious discussions. I am fortunate to have a partner, a friend and a wife who wants to share her life with me.

The strength we share, has allowed me to face many of my demons, no matter how ugly they were. She stood by me and still looks at me with love filled eyes.

I thought this was just stories and lies, but here I stand. A believer that true love exists. And that it can keep growing day by day.

So I'm looking at the apple pie and lemonade in front of me. And I'm thinking to myself...do I really deserve this? I honestly don't think so, but Season, she makes me feel like I do. So I take a slice of that apple pie and a swig from the lemonade and revel in the fact that it really is OK to be happy. That it is really OK to find bliss in the person next to you.

That happiness is not a mat that sits on your doorway, but the key that opens the door to a future you never looked towards.

So with that I remain simply...

a happy fool

A MOMENT OF DOUBT

There are times when somethings hit me like a runaway freight train. It's like something in me feels something for the first time.

Today I felt a true anguish that shook me down to my core. I felt a sense of loss.

A true loss, not the "Oh crap where are my car keys' feeling, but the "Oh shit, something in me just died" kind of loss. This time it was very different.

It was the "am I really allowed to be this happy" kind of feeling.

I am with a partner who loves me what I feel for her can only be described as bliss. But at the same time I ask myself "Can I make her truly happy?"

I don't know. I don't have all the answers. I can't even pretend to have them. All I know is that I feel so complete when I am with her.

There used to be this HUGE pool of anger that bubbled and boiled deep inside of me.

Now I only find hope, love and a wonderful feeling called tomorrow. I pray that I can give her this everyday. Because inside of my strange little soul I find it whenever I hear her heart beat or whenever she smiles at me. I find myself happier than ever before in my pitiful existence.

For some reason today after watching the fall of fictional character, I find myself wondering. Do I make her happy? Do I make her feel complete? Do I do to her what she does for me? Can I save her?

I don't know, maybe I'm just being stupid, it's something I do a lot. I still wonder "am I what she has been searching for?"

I guess that's all I really wanted to say. She makes my world, my life and my soul complete. I just pray that I do the same thing for her.