A MOMENT OF DOUBT

There are times when somethings hit me like a runaway freight train. It's like something in me feels something for the first time.

Today I felt a true anguish that shook me down to my core. I felt a sense of loss.

A true loss, not the "Oh crap where are my car keys' feeling, but the "Oh shit, something in me just died" kind of loss. This time it was very different.

It was the "am I really allowed to be this happy" kind of feeling.

I am with a partner who loves me what I feel for her can only be described as bliss. But at the same time I ask myself "Can I make her truly happy?"

I don't know. I don't have all the answers. I can't even pretend to have them. All I know is that I feel so complete when I am with her.

There used to be this HUGE pool of anger that bubbled and boiled deep inside of me.

Now I only find hope, love and a wonderful feeling called tomorrow. I pray that I can give her this everyday. Because inside of my strange little soul I find it whenever I hear her heart beat or whenever she smiles at me. I find myself happier than ever before in my pitiful existence.

For some reason today after watching the fall of fictional character, I find myself wondering. Do I make her happy? Do I make her feel complete? Do I do to her what she does for me? Can I save her?

I don't know, maybe I'm just being stupid, it's something I do a lot. I still wonder "am I what she has been searching for?"

I guess that's all I really wanted to say. She makes my world, my life and my soul complete. I just pray that I do the same thing for her.