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the smell of a hot summer day reminds me of playgrounds and tether ball
swings and slides
of exhilaration when you jump off the swing at its apex
and the tears of the scraped knees when you landed
the sounds of laughter remind me to live in today
look forward to tomorrow
and not dwell on yesterday
the full moon rising reminds me of romance when I'm with you,
and of werewolves when I'm not
the images of wrestling remind me of Sunday mornings with my grandfather and cousins,
and bruises from drop kicks gone awry before church
the sounds of the ice cream man
still make me call for my mom and ask her for a dollar
to get some cool delicious treats that normally ended up melting
because of the brain freeze slowed down the eating
by the time the brain thaw kicked in the “sugar high frozen for mass consumption”
had already melted
the sight and smell of roses shows me that all things beautiful have another side
and that usually you can reach them if you take the time to get to know them
and than realize that even the thorns can be beautiful
the sounds of keyboard keys remind me that I need to write more frequently
the sound of music makes me want to dance
than the sight of me dancing for some reason makes everyone else laugh
and that makes me dance harder and faster
because laughter is still the most beautiful music a man can make
the sounds of thunder make my heart race
my palms sweat
my desire grow
the smell of rain
the sound of rain
the images of rain
is a lot like life
fast and fleeting
longer than some and shorter than others
there are times its scary
and times its peaceful
there are times you're happy to see it
and times when you wish
"rain rain go away"
but mostly its like life.
Jun 29, 2004
100 THINGS ABOUT ME
Good day to all who read this...this is the translation for all my recent entries. I guess I’m telling you because soon it’s going to be written in other languages in their characters so now you'll know what it means. Well anyways I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, I thought it would be a cool thing to do. It’s basically a list of 100 things about me that you didn't know. While there are a few of you who know some of these things its a way for the rest of you to get to know me...so here we go
1 I'm Mexican not Hispanic
2 I hate having short hair
3 my mom is one of my closest and best friends
4 my dad is not
5 I have many siblings but only call one my sister
6 my mom gave birth to her
7 I’m the older of 2 (by 12 years)
8 I love snow leopards
9 I’m at work right now
10 this is actually pretty hard to do
11 I’m also an uncle to a niece I’ve met once
12 I love Chinese food
13 I hate spicy food (no not the garlic kind, the melts your tongue kind)
14 I watch wrestling
15 I have since I was 5
16 I love to read
17 I love music
18 so far I've never been arrested
19 so far never had a ticket of any kind
20 I have a real respect for law enforcement they are just doing their jobs
21 I smoke
22 have smoked since I was 15
23 I started because I was bored at work
24 in my immediate family I’m the only smoker
25 smoked pot for the first time when I was 27
26 my virginity was lost at age 12
27 it is a regret
28 I am/was a father at 16. I didn't know
29 the child was aborted
30 Tina told me almost 2 years later
31 I still hate her
32 that’s the age I currently am
33 I plan on changing that every year
34 I think Johnny Depp is beautiful and talented as an actor
35 no I’m not gay
36 Just that comfortable with myself
37 I hate facial hair
38 I hate shaving more
39 I know it is possible to cut your self with an electric shaver
40 I hate liars
41 I'm good at listening
42 I'm good at talking
43 I'm bad at patience
44 I like cartoons
45 I don't like it when people don't give them a chance
46 I hate people who tell me I’m not using my full potential
47 I love movies
48 I love Amy lee's voice (ask if you don't know)
49 I’ve had 9 girlfriends
50 in high school, I missed 223 days
51 I had to repeat my senior year
52 I graduated and hang my diploma proudly (although its at my moms)
53 I like Jack Daniels
54 he usually hates me the next day
55 I’m not religious
56 but I am spiritual
57 I’m going to have a cigarette now
58 I’m back
59 silence bothers me
60 I don't like crowds
61 I have a fear of ladders and heights
62 I love to laugh
63 I also cry
64 I never cheated on my most current ex
65 she's the only I never cheated on
66 I have a pet chinchilla
67 I want a Great Pyrenees
68 I love 80's hair bands (remember when they were called glam bands?)
69 hehehehehehe
70 I write poetry
71 I think its just ok
72 I like backstreet boys and n*synch
73 I love my job
74 I want to name my son Kyle Jeffery
75 I’ll probably never have children
76 this thought is a sad one
77 I want to get married some day
78 this also will probably never happen
79 I want to name my daughter Ryoko Nicole
80 I have 2 tattoos
81 I want many more
82 I’m easy to talk to
83 I’m easy to get along with
84 I’m impossible to live with
85 I love my car
86 I have no attention span for video games
87 except for Tetris
88 I was born on June 2nd 1972
89 I love driving to new places
90 I hate the city I live in
91 I’m 5'10" and overweight
92 for the first time ever, I’m living on my own
93 that's changing in a couple of days
94 I don't know if I’m keen on that idea
95 my smile is my best feature
96 I’m content right now
97 I don't believe in sharing, if it's mine, it’s mine
98 I never want to see Mexico
99 I’m fiercely loyal to my friends
100 the only reason I do this is because my friend Beverly had a blog site and I thought it was kind of cool, so I started one too. Thank you Bev
and with that
I still and will always remain
Jose AKA J2
ps although now you all know a little more about me
1 I'm Mexican not Hispanic
2 I hate having short hair
3 my mom is one of my closest and best friends
4 my dad is not
5 I have many siblings but only call one my sister
6 my mom gave birth to her
7 I’m the older of 2 (by 12 years)
8 I love snow leopards
9 I’m at work right now
10 this is actually pretty hard to do
11 I’m also an uncle to a niece I’ve met once
12 I love Chinese food
13 I hate spicy food (no not the garlic kind, the melts your tongue kind)
14 I watch wrestling
15 I have since I was 5
16 I love to read
17 I love music
18 so far I've never been arrested
19 so far never had a ticket of any kind
20 I have a real respect for law enforcement they are just doing their jobs
21 I smoke
22 have smoked since I was 15
23 I started because I was bored at work
24 in my immediate family I’m the only smoker
25 smoked pot for the first time when I was 27
26 my virginity was lost at age 12
27 it is a regret
28 I am/was a father at 16. I didn't know
29 the child was aborted
30 Tina told me almost 2 years later
31 I still hate her
32 that’s the age I currently am
33 I plan on changing that every year
34 I think Johnny Depp is beautiful and talented as an actor
35 no I’m not gay
36 Just that comfortable with myself
37 I hate facial hair
38 I hate shaving more
39 I know it is possible to cut your self with an electric shaver
40 I hate liars
41 I'm good at listening
42 I'm good at talking
43 I'm bad at patience
44 I like cartoons
45 I don't like it when people don't give them a chance
46 I hate people who tell me I’m not using my full potential
47 I love movies
48 I love Amy lee's voice (ask if you don't know)
49 I’ve had 9 girlfriends
50 in high school, I missed 223 days
51 I had to repeat my senior year
52 I graduated and hang my diploma proudly (although its at my moms)
53 I like Jack Daniels
54 he usually hates me the next day
55 I’m not religious
56 but I am spiritual
57 I’m going to have a cigarette now
58 I’m back
59 silence bothers me
60 I don't like crowds
61 I have a fear of ladders and heights
62 I love to laugh
63 I also cry
64 I never cheated on my most current ex
65 she's the only I never cheated on
66 I have a pet chinchilla
67 I want a Great Pyrenees
68 I love 80's hair bands (remember when they were called glam bands?)
69 hehehehehehe
70 I write poetry
71 I think its just ok
72 I like backstreet boys and n*synch
73 I love my job
74 I want to name my son Kyle Jeffery
75 I’ll probably never have children
76 this thought is a sad one
77 I want to get married some day
78 this also will probably never happen
79 I want to name my daughter Ryoko Nicole
80 I have 2 tattoos
81 I want many more
82 I’m easy to talk to
83 I’m easy to get along with
84 I’m impossible to live with
85 I love my car
86 I have no attention span for video games
87 except for Tetris
88 I was born on June 2nd 1972
89 I love driving to new places
90 I hate the city I live in
91 I’m 5'10" and overweight
92 for the first time ever, I’m living on my own
93 that's changing in a couple of days
94 I don't know if I’m keen on that idea
95 my smile is my best feature
96 I’m content right now
97 I don't believe in sharing, if it's mine, it’s mine
98 I never want to see Mexico
99 I’m fiercely loyal to my friends
100 the only reason I do this is because my friend Beverly had a blog site and I thought it was kind of cool, so I started one too. Thank you Bev
and with that
I still and will always remain
Jose AKA J2
ps although now you all know a little more about me
Jun 24, 2004
A NEEDLE'S KISS
an invading kiss
that rips into my skin,
you're lava like tongue
tracing my veins,
you're single tooth
leading me in a death dance,
not releasing me.
forever in your thrall.
holding me in your grasp,
an unrelenting need,
an reproachable hunger,
that makes me a prisoner,
in my own flesh.
your seduction complete.
like a cast iron grip
that scares my mind,
my body
and my soul,
if you ever leave me,
even for just a moment.
a longing left in me
by you,
my needle's kiss.
a desperation to feel...
anything,
anything at all.
that rips into my skin,
you're lava like tongue
tracing my veins,
you're single tooth
leading me in a death dance,
not releasing me.
forever in your thrall.
holding me in your grasp,
an unrelenting need,
an reproachable hunger,
that makes me a prisoner,
in my own flesh.
your seduction complete.
like a cast iron grip
that scares my mind,
my body
and my soul,
if you ever leave me,
even for just a moment.
a longing left in me
by you,
my needle's kiss.
a desperation to feel...
anything,
anything at all.
Jun 22, 2004
TIME
time.
ticks away
at the same speed,
second by second,
but when desire and wants
are added to the dance,
fleeting they are,
and forever they take.
time ticks away
at the same speed,
minute by minute,
but when like and love
are added to the dance,
there's never enough,
or it takes too long.
time ticks away
at the same speed,
hour by hour,
but when longing and yearning
are added to the dance,
that which remains
but for a brief time
and eternity stands permanent,
time ticks away
at the same speed,
never fast enough
and never long enough.
time
ticks away
at the same speed,
second by second,
but when desire and wants
are added to the dance,
fleeting they are,
and forever they take.
time ticks away
at the same speed,
minute by minute,
but when like and love
are added to the dance,
there's never enough,
or it takes too long.
time ticks away
at the same speed,
hour by hour,
but when longing and yearning
are added to the dance,
that which remains
but for a brief time
and eternity stands permanent,
time ticks away
at the same speed,
never fast enough
and never long enough.
time
Jun 8, 2004
I TOOK MY FIRST STEP TODAY
i took my first step today.
the same as i did tomorrow,
i tripped yet i stood up,
than got back down to fall again,
the sidewalk gets smaller the closer i converge,
i'm nearly to my destination,
only to realize i never left,
i looked down at the sidewalk,
only to see the sky looking up at me,
i was walking nowhere,
getting farther than ever before,
i was losing my sanity,
only to stay insane,
I took my first step today.
different than i did yesterday,
i walked off the sidewalk,
to find myself already there,
to ask myself
'what took you so long?'
only to respond 'i was found but now i'm lost',
i laughed at myself,
'you were caged, now you're free' i said,
'being free is frightening' was my reply,
'yeah it is' i answered 'but feeling "anything" is new to you',
'i felt things before' i countered,
'you never felt alive or free before' i retorted,
i took my first step today.
than i took my second.
than i took my third...
the same as i did tomorrow,
i tripped yet i stood up,
than got back down to fall again,
the sidewalk gets smaller the closer i converge,
i'm nearly to my destination,
only to realize i never left,
i looked down at the sidewalk,
only to see the sky looking up at me,
i was walking nowhere,
getting farther than ever before,
i was losing my sanity,
only to stay insane,
I took my first step today.
different than i did yesterday,
i walked off the sidewalk,
to find myself already there,
to ask myself
'what took you so long?'
only to respond 'i was found but now i'm lost',
i laughed at myself,
'you were caged, now you're free' i said,
'being free is frightening' was my reply,
'yeah it is' i answered 'but feeling "anything" is new to you',
'i felt things before' i countered,
'you never felt alive or free before' i retorted,
i took my first step today.
than i took my second.
than i took my third...
Jun 7, 2004
REFLECTIONS
Who do you see,
my reflective twin,
my mirror self.
What do you see,
when you stare back at me?
Do you even like that person?
Or do you hate him?
Do you envy me?
Are you jealous because of my substance?
Or am I empty just like you,
flat and two dimensional,
with no real shape.
Am I just a reflection of you?
Am I the mirror image to your existence?
Do you see the person I used to be?
That angry man I used to be.
The child I pretend to be.
Or do you see me the way I am now?
Confused and questioning myself.
Am I living or existing?
Do you see the person I will soon become?
Do you pass judgment on where I’ve been?
Do you see a child, an adolescent, or an adult?
Do you see my joy, my anger, my tears my smile?
Do you know my soul, my heart?
Do you see me?
Do you care to see me?
That’s the question I ask of you, my reflection.
Who do you see when you look at me?
Are you only happy when I’m happy?
Are you only sad when I’m sad?
Do you only see me when I see you?
Or do I only see me when I see you?
my reflective twin,
my mirror self.
What do you see,
when you stare back at me?
Do you even like that person?
Or do you hate him?
Do you envy me?
Are you jealous because of my substance?
Or am I empty just like you,
flat and two dimensional,
with no real shape.
Am I just a reflection of you?
Am I the mirror image to your existence?
Do you see the person I used to be?
That angry man I used to be.
The child I pretend to be.
Or do you see me the way I am now?
Confused and questioning myself.
Am I living or existing?
Do you see the person I will soon become?
Do you pass judgment on where I’ve been?
Do you see a child, an adolescent, or an adult?
Do you see my joy, my anger, my tears my smile?
Do you know my soul, my heart?
Do you see me?
Do you care to see me?
That’s the question I ask of you, my reflection.
Who do you see when you look at me?
Are you only happy when I’m happy?
Are you only sad when I’m sad?
Do you only see me when I see you?
Or do I only see me when I see you?
Jun 3, 2004
SUDDENLY
Suddenly...
it comes to me in a flash of light,
like a bolt of lightning,
dancing and cutting the darks skies.
Suddenly...
like a raging inferno,
enveloping, scorching, searing,
melting and blistering my very essence.
Suddenly...
wide-awake and attentive,
my insight to reality,
now vigilant and wary.
Suddenly...
apprehensive,
to the relevant and obscure.
Suddenly...
everything makes sense.
Suddenly...
absorbed to the banalities
of what isn't
and what won't be.
Suddenly...
I find myself absent,
devoid and hollow.
Suddenly...
I feel a longing,
hungering,
so ravenous,
still craving and yearning for everything.
Yet, all is unobtainable,
absurd,
futile,
impassable,
impractical,
unfeasible,
unreasonable,
unthinkable,
useless,
and unattainable.
Suddenly...
I feel so...alive.
Yet I am not yet born.
Suddenly...
it comes to me in a flash of light,
like a bolt of lightning,
dancing and cutting the darks skies.
Suddenly...
like a raging inferno,
enveloping, scorching, searing,
melting and blistering my very essence.
Suddenly...
wide-awake and attentive,
my insight to reality,
now vigilant and wary.
Suddenly...
apprehensive,
to the relevant and obscure.
Suddenly...
everything makes sense.
Suddenly...
absorbed to the banalities
of what isn't
and what won't be.
Suddenly...
I find myself absent,
devoid and hollow.
Suddenly...
I feel a longing,
hungering,
so ravenous,
still craving and yearning for everything.
Yet, all is unobtainable,
absurd,
futile,
impassable,
impractical,
unfeasible,
unreasonable,
unthinkable,
useless,
and unattainable.
Suddenly...
I feel so...alive.
Yet I am not yet born.
Suddenly...
Jun 2, 2004
IT'S MAH BIRFDAY WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOO
Hi one and all, Its my birthday and well its really early in the AM, so, I'll be back later to actually write. Thank you...buh bye 4 now.
Jose
Jose
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