ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH, DEAR FRIENDS, ONCE MORE

It's been a long time since I sat behind this keyboard and actually wrote something...or anything that could be construed as new.  Or at least anything that wasn't more than a line or two long.  OK, that's not entirely true either.  I'm in the middle of writing a few stories, that I have hit a slight mental block on, but will be posted when they are done.

But I haven't written a blog in quite a while.

I, in the last few...wait a second...umm do any of you even know anything about me?

Oh I know there a few lovely ladies have been on me to start writing again, and thank you for the emails, they made me feel special and filled me with happiness.  And one gentleman who has wondered where I have been, and I promise you all that I will never be away for that long again.

Let's answer a few of those inquiries first...

I'm Jose and this is my blog and at this exact moment in time, I am sitting in a smokey room and the night is literally about to end.  Thank you Bon Jovi for that little bit of prose.  I know one person in here and the rest of the room is filled with people I have never met before.  The smell of stale beer, cheap cologne and way too much perfume assaults my sense of smell like the battle of Normandy.  I have a diet coke, a pack of smokes, a fully charged laptop and compulsion to write.  I don't have any clue what it is I am going to write, but here I sit with my fingers doing the Elaine dance all over the keyboard.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and in just a few weeks I will have spent one year sober.  Which is probably the only positive thing I have done in my life.  It doesn't mean I haven't tried to do positive things before, just that when your looking at the world through the distorted bottom of a bottle, it's pretty hard to see things clearly.  It's even harder to see what kind of person you are or can be.  Instead you have to look back through the years of devastation and self pity to get a clear picture, and it's never pretty.  Although it is eye opening and quite a humbling experience.

I'm also going through a divorce.  Don't feel bad about this.  I finally came to terms with it in April after being separated for a year.  I don't feel bad that my marriage ended but I do mourn the fact that I lost a really good friend.  Although I am happy that she will finally be able to find a partner and live a life that will make her happy.

Less then a week ago there was a girl who I thought was perfect for me, well she ended our blossoming relationship.  Mainly because I am overweight.  But one point this relationship drove home is the simple fact that if you can't be with me during my low points, you don't deserve me when I reach my high points.  What bugs me about this that in the beginning, it wasn't an issue, but through a Dear John letter it was.  For someone who claimed to always be honest, she failed and quite spectacularly at that.

I should be really upset about the pettiness of it all, but it proved to me two things.

First that I am ready to start a relationship with someone who is willing to be completely honest and second, that honesty is something that is proven not promised.  Those are some amazing lessons to learn, and I am very glad I did.

That's been my last couple of months.

Now the near future has a few more changes happening.  My baby sister is getting married to a good guy.  That makes me very happy.

This just goes to prove that life is constantly evolving and so am I.  Normally, all of these things would have sent me down the road of righteous rage and justifiable anger but it seems it takes a lot more than this to get my hackles up nowadays.

Somehow, someway I have found some peace of mind and the riptide of anger that fueled me for most of my life seems to be less and less of an issue.

So with all that said, thank you for being patient with me.  I've spent to long away from you all and from myself.  I am a writer, and I will no longer deny myself that honest truth.  I may never be a published writer nor will I ever be paid for this, but by god, this makes me happy.   And It's about time I made myself happy...

Not that way you perverts...

LOL

With all that said, I am Jose and this is my blog.  Welcome and welcome back...

MOVIE REVIEWS 15

You know what has always bugged me?  Movie reviews that take a "I'm so much smarter than you" route.  Every movie review I have ever read takes this approach.  They sit there and with a fine tooth comb and condemn every aspect of the movie or they praise the intellectual aspects of this cinematic experience.

Me, I just want a simple review.  Did the movie achieve it's goal.  How was the acting?  Was the script/story any good.  Was the movie entertaining.  Add a positive comment.  Add a negative comment.  Finally make a simple scale and rate that movie accordingly.

It's not asking for much.

Reading a movie review shouldn't have to be a chore.

So let's make that scale

   1.  Punch me in the FACE, because that's gonna be better than this movie.
   2.  I will never watch the movie again
   3.  Did I actually pay to see this?
   4.  I wish I saw it on cable.
   5.  I'll only watch it if its free on cable.
   6.  Can't find the remote...so I guess I'll watch this
   7.  This is better then the other stuff that's on.
   8.  I will watch the movie again
   9.  I CAN'T WAIT to watch the movie again
 10.  This movie WILL be owned, in any form because it's that damn good!!.

Now let's review some movies...

Kick-Ass


10 shades of brilliant!! This move does in fact KICK ASS!! Solid story, well paced plot, just enough humor, romance, and corniness to off set the large levels of ultra violence. Solid and consistent acting from each character, and each one almost believable. From beginning to end, this movie creates one response after another from laugh out loud moments to OMG!! moments.

10/10
but if you are not a fan of ultra violence you should stay away from this movie, because it has it in spades.


How To Train Your Dragon


I had no expectations with this movie. None at all. I enjoyed it all. The story was well written, and the plot moved flowed fairly well. They could have spent a little more on character development but you got enough so that it didn't hinder the story. Although I am quickly becoming less of a fan of the gross anatomy deformity present in just about all CGI movies. The movie had heart and quirkiness without it ever detracting from the overall feel of the movie.

My only real complaint is the jerky camera movements that have become popular to signify dramatic fight scenes, doesn't translate very well in an animated movie.

But this movie is a lot of fun.

9/10


Clash of the Titans (2010)

How can you possibly screw up such a simple story? How can you make a movie that is damn near visually perfect, and have such a dull story? How can you take the caliber of acting talent that was present and literally make it disappear?

I don't know either but this remake did it.

I want to sit here and just complain, and criticize the movie, but I won't do that.

3/10 and that's ONLY because visually, this move is amazing...


The Losers


Wow.  Wow!  WOW!!!  What a fun action movie!  From the beginning. this movie had drama, was action filled and laugh out loud funny.  Even the cliched moments felt refreshing.  I actually held my breath during some of the intense moments.  The story itself could have been a little more fluid and the characters a little more developed...but over all a really fun way to spend 90 minutes of my life.  Here's hoping they continue this as a franchise, because there's still a lot more stories they can tell.

8/10

MILK AND SUGAR WITH YOUR INSANITY?

After sharing the Disappointment Saga (don't worry, more chapters are coming) I was feeling a bit nostalgic.  So I went back and started looking through the ARCHIVES.
Wow!!  Heh!!  OMG!!  So for the next week...I'm going to be sharing some of my favorite past entries...and basically giving you directors commentary.  Think of it as a lowbudget dvd special feature...

This is sadly and happily one of my favorite stories...and I don't really know why. I can try and say it's a story of uncompromising hope but it 's more along the vein of unequivocal stupidity.  Well either way it's the reprint of the day...oh yeah there is one thing I must mention.

This story was of course written before the end of my marriage, so that is why the editors note reads the way it does...at the time I had all my stories "proofread" by her, and she would add the occasional little comment.  Most times it added that final bit of flair that I love my blogs to have.  That's why it stayed.

But it really is OK...my life has recently taken a bizarre turn which I will be talking about in the very near future.

So after all that talking, let me share with you...

MILK AND SUGAR WITH YOUR INSANITY?

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein

I believe there is some quote or proverb that says something about life and experience being two of the greatest teachers we can learn from.

But when it comes to those particular lessons, I must have either skipped out of class or had a substitute teacher.

This journey starts way back in the first grade. I was rummaging around the pantry for some tasty goodies. I noticed a shiny wrapped object, which warranted further investigation. Upon further investigation, what I discovered was akin to finding a light saber.

I have always been a firm believer in the "if it looks like (fill in the blank) and smells like (fill in the blank), then by all evidence presented it should be (fill in the blank)."

Baking chocolate does not subscribe to this philosophy. As a matter of fact, baking chocolate laughs in the face of that philosophy. It mocks it while wearing monkey pants. But I believe I am digressing.

It smells like a delicious chocolate bar. It looks like one of the biggest chocolate bars I had ever seen. So with my first grade understanding of these simple and basic truths, this was going to be one of the greatest chocolate experiences in my life.

I was mistaken.

I can still remember acrid bitterness after the first three chews. The conflicting moments between my taste buds screaming "THIS IS NOT CHOCOLATE...SPIT IT OUT NOW!!!!" while my brain was pleading in a whiny tone to my taste buds "BUT IT LOOKED AND SMELLED LIKE CHOCOLATE! IT'S NOT MY FAULT."

Luckily I had the wherewithal to trust my taste buds and make a mad dash to the sink where I proceeded to spit the remains out.

You know those moments alarming clarity that seem to sneak up on you? I am about to have two of those moments.

1. I had not yet learned the fine art of spitting.

2. I couldn't reach the sink properly.

As a five, almost six, year old lad, I was a little bit on the pudgy and short side. On a good day and with some planning I could do the infamous run and jump that all young lads and lassies do when there are vertical obstacles.

This would not be one of my good days.

Luckily, the apartment my mom and I lived in had a very tiny kitchen so I was able to take a step, grab a chair, pull it over, climb on it and do that dribble spit thing that children are oft to do, into the sink.

There was a moment of illumination while leaning over the sink and spitting out the bitterness that had overwhelmed my unsuspecting tongue; my mouth had been open during my baking chocolate ordeal.

Allow me to paint by number a picture for you. As I stare at the mess in the sink, on my shirt, shoes, on the chair, and all over the floor I begin to cry, which wakes up my mother. Her first reaction is of course to be quite upset, but settled down pretty quick. There was no parental punishment to be dealt out this time.

My mother believed I had learned from my mistake.

I would prove her wrong.

It happened while I was living in El Paso, Texas when I was 8 years old and I had a hankering for something sweet. So again I explore the pantry. And again I find a chocolate bar. I had this tingly sensation that I had been at this crossroads before.

I chalked it up to guilt.

Until I took that first bite.

My fourth grade mind vividly remembered my first grade experience. BUT this time things would be different.

First I remembered to keep my mouth shut, tight.

Secondly I was finally tall enough to be able to spit out the horrendous reminder into the sink.

Third I had mastered the spitting technique. I had actually won a few spitting contests on the playground during recess.

Of course this would be the exact moment my mom would walk in the door.

With a mixture of horror, wonder, and disappointment she asked me why I didn't learn my lesson the first time I had done this.

I simply said "I just thought the other one was a bad batch of chocolate."

The horror and wonder left her face. The disappointment lingered while she said "I sure hope you learned your lesson this time."

I would prove her wrong.

Again.

I was a senior in high school and I was taking a home economics cooking class. The teacher had on some occasion brought in chocolate treats for her students. We had broken up into cooking teams and she starts to hand out some chocolate bars. Ms. Teacher and I were on the same page of the book, although her interpretation was very different than mine.

She begins to say "This is baking chocolate, and not very good to eat."

I heard 'This is..' as I was biting into what is now my third foray into the consumption of this deceptive food product.

Only the look of pain on my face gave any indication that I had done something stupid.

It became felony stupid when I decided to tell my mom about my home economics experience. This time her expression was simply disbelief, mixed with a touch of "he seems so bright, and then he does this".

"Are you ever going to learn?" my mother asked me. I don't know which was more humbling. Her asking me that question or the fact that you could almost hear the last embers of hope quickly growing cold.

"Yes mother. I have learned my lesson."

Seven years later I see it in the pantry.

AGAIN.

I walk away.

I know it tastes bad.

I know the disappointment I will suffer if I take a bite.

I remember first grade and the shame.

I remember fourth grade and embarrassment.

I remember 12th grade and the look I got.

Somehow with all this going through my wasted grey matter, I somehow forget that it tastes like absolute shite, I grab it and take a bite. I, of course, proceed to spit it out.

This time I do not tell my mother. I don't want to hear her heart break.

Now what does all of this have to do with today.

Yesterday, I was helping my mom clean out her pantry. Take a guess what was in there.

I am sitting here typing out this story to remind myself that taking a bite of unsweetened baking chocolate is not a good idea.

Yet...

I wonder...

Editor's note:

I, the wife, just read this. I guess I'd better hide the baking chocolate I bought this afternoon for Christmas cookies. Otherwise, I have a sneaking suspicion it will go missing, and I'll never EVER know where it went.