TWITTER THOUGHTS

I was not gentle, I was not kind. I'm afraid I've damaged them beyond repair. And that's the truth. I am afraid.

FEBRUARY 29, 2008

All kinds of facts, news bits, births and deaths that took place on this auspicious day...done to songs that were either a #1 song on the charts and/or most played. It's pretty cool stuff

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion I myself prefer to laugh since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

SO MUCH COOLER ONLINE...not

So I was listening to Brad Paisley this evening and lo and behold I had a blog entry form just like that.

"Online"

I work down at the pizza pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5'3 and overweight

I'm a Sci-Fi fanatic
Mild asthmatic
Never been to 2nd base
But there's a whole nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace

'cause online I'm down in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black belt in Karate
And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac

In real life the only time I
Ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade.

Online I live in Malibu
I posed for Calvin Kline, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that'll blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online

When you got my kinda stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
And I lose a bunch of weight every time I log in

Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online

Obviously, I'm doing something wrong, because here I am...online, with a my space page yet I'm still as uncool and unhip as humanly possible.

I don't know, maybe my uber-geek tendencies comes forth in spades on my profile which keeps me from being in the freezer section of cool here in cyber-ville.

Who doesn't love a good comic book, video game or cartoon?

Just because I know who Gordon Shumway is that should not keep me from the hallowed halls of coolness university.

So what if I still have the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe opening from the cartoon memorized. This should not disqualify me from being part the gang from Cools-ville.

Or because the closest I get to exercise is watching the Claudia Schiffer workout tapes. Is this enough evidence to be judged and to be found lacking the coolness gene that would make me the envy of every kid in town?

I feel so left out.

I want to be iceberg lettuce cool too.

I want to be able to take a trip to Iceland, and have the natives look at me and say...

"WOW! We will have to change the name of our little country to Jose-Land, because Jose is way cooler than ice."

I want to be so cool that when I walk into the zoo, penguins, polar bears and all of the other arctic aminals look start following me home because I remind them of their motherlands.

I want to be so cool that I can single handedly go into the land of glaciers and snow and with just my presence, which reeks of awesome coolness, undo all the damage global warming has done.

After that Vanilla Ice will only want to be called Vanilla because he will have to give up the Ice part of his name, because compared to me he is no longer "Cool as Ice."

I'll have to call every weather man when ever I leave my house to let them know that a "COOL" front is on the move.

I want to be so cool that even cool people will have to pay me royalties for allowing them even a minute amount of coolness.

As a matter of fact I want to be so cool, that people start replacing the word cool with Jose.

Or maybe I just thought that was a really silly song...

until I remembered all that I have witnessed on here. I remembered a blog I read that mentioned about how fake people are on here

Wow, you mean there are people online that aren't truthful?!!!

Then the song took a whole different meaning. Now it's not as funny as it was when I first heard it.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Hope is the thing with feathers. That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops, At all. - Emily Dickenson

A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the tread mill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda
took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!

OBSERVATIONS OF THE WORLD I LIVE IN

These are observations, thoughts and reactions to true events that happened today. These are some of the things Season and I saw/heard/dealt with. Some are funny, some sad and some just plain pitiful.

So without further ado...

The "special" employees at Goodwill, are far more knowledgeable and helpful than the non-special employees at Wal-mart. Which makes me wonder who has the higher hiring standards.

While sitting at our dinner table at one of the buffets in town, I noticed a few things...

• There was a young lady of color who was wearing a pair of painted on jeans and heels. She also had an ace bandage wrapped around her knee...on the outside of her pants. She was able to walk just fine until there were people around. Then she walked with a limp that would make Kathy Bates from Misery proud.
• There was another young lady present who was wearing some sweat pants and had a knee high cast and crutches. And she limped less then the above mentioned girl who hobbled past her and rudely bumped into her, while up at the buffet line.
• If you are not 100% sure where the Amazon is...keep your mouth shut. Because, I am sorry to say this, if you are don't know where the Amazon Jungle is, go back to school. Of course it doesn't help your standings if you are already prego's when you ask "Isn't the Amazon in Africa?" and then are completely astonished when the answer is "No."
  
• Just because someone is of an ethnic background, one should not assume that they do not have a mastery of the English language. It will cause you some embarrassment. When the "dumb spic isn't moving fast enough" is standing in front of you turns around and says, "I would be offended by you, but sadly I pity you too much to be offended. Now your parents on the other hand...I'm offended by how cheap they are. Because you see Sir, wire coat hangers are not expensive at all." Sadly, this is one of those true events that happened to yours truly. The worst thing is, I don't think Einstein got my insult at all.

Now I'm not going to focus on the negatives. While sitting at the restaurant, my wife and I noticed a few positive things...

• Like an older sister...around six years old shares her ice cream with her 2ish year old brother, than walks over hands him something and says "That is a marshmallow. Eat it. You will like it." Then tell their mother "I'm teaching him important stuff."
  
• When an older couple, as in those that have been married longer than dirt has been around, are still holding hands. Together they walk to the buffet line and the husband fills up his plate and they walk it back to their table. Then they grab a plate for her, fills that one up and walk it back to their table. Where they both sit down to eat together. Which will also go down as one of the greatest moments I was witness to.
• OK, my wife didn't see this because she never notices the positive things about herself, but I digress. I am able to look at my wife and fall in love with her, all over again, everyday.
• I saw a teenager hold the door for someone, without being asked, without any attitude and without being thanked. The teen didn't do or say anything negative. As he sat down at the table behind me, his buds asked him "What the hell that was all about?" and the teen said "Someday that might be me, and it would be tight if some jobber did that fo me." And that my friends is cool.
  

These are some of the greatest and foulest things I noticed today.

A HISTORY OF BOOBS

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

Since your truly is under the weather, and has been fighting the same damn illness for over a month...I have decided to make myself feel better. NOT that way...perverts. But instead by talking about things that make me happy. I am going for a happy feeling kind of blog entry. So without further ado...

I'm just sitting here waiting for my fever to break...again,so these are going to be in no particular order. Some will be kind of self explanatory, and some will have reasons. But mostly it's just me waiting for the "Fever flash" to go away.

An ice cold beer on a hot summer night/JD and lemonade on a hot summer afternoon.

A movie I am ACTUALLY excited to see finally hits the big screen. Instead of driving to the theaters and realizing there's nothing worth watching/paying $20 to see.

Being in the mood for a donut and the gas station/Krispy Kremes/grocery store are putting out the brand new and fresh donuts for the day.

Going to sleep and not getting the cold and/or wet spot.

When that song that's stuck in my head finally goes away.

When you're in the mood for a particular song AND it actually gets played on the radio.


NOT seeing "first", "second", "fifth" or any number in the comment sections of the blogs I read.

You're only first because the blog owner hasn't deleted you.

Getting a close parking stall when you go shopping.

Putting on fresh from the dryer underpants on a cold winter day. This also includes socks, sweatshirts/pants and cargo pants. I am learning this late in my life...I am not that big of a fan of the common blue jean.

Going on youtube and finding anything from my past that just makes me go...DAAAAMN!!!



I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!!

Finding a cowboy hat that not only fits me but looks good on me too. (Which I am wearing right now...WOO HOO)



On Wednesday morning, logging onto pogo, and the badges games are ones I actually want to play.


When I find that CD (I've been looking for) at Goodwill for $1.98 and it's NOT scratched at all.

And that's it for today...or at least right now.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

BUGS

Currently fighting one...and I think I'm losing...i guess I'll be back when I feel a wee bit better

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I don't think the world is stupid, but if you can't make correct change without using a machine, I believe you to be to stupid for the world

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Remember, it is not for any of us to discount the level of importance that others see in us.

126 Life Experiences I've Had

Level one
( ) I have had an asthma attack
(X) Smoked A Cigarette
(X) Smoked A Cigar
(X) Been drunk
(X) Been In Love or still in love
(X) Been Dumped
( ) Been Fired
(X) Been In A Fist Fight
(X) Snuck Out Of A Parent's House

Total so far: 7

Level two
(X) Had Feelings For Someone Who Didn't Have Them Back
(X) Been Arrested or Seen Someone You Know Get Arrested
(X) Made Out With A Stranger
(X) Gone Out On A Blind Date
(X) Had Crush On someone older than you
(X) Skipped School
(X) Slept With A Co-worker/ team mate
(X) Seen Someone / Something Die

Total so far: 15

Level three
(X) Been On A Plane
(X) Thrown Up From Drinking
(X) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding/Skiing
(X) Been Moshing
(X) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Loved or Lost Someone Who You Can't Have
(X) Been in a bad relationship

Total so far: 22

Level four
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(X) Made A Snow Angel
( ) Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
(X) Gone Puddle Jumping
(X) Played Dress Up
(X) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(X) Gone Sledding
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game

Total so far: 31

Level five
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
(X) Used A Fake / Someone Else's ID
(X) Watched The sun set/ sun rise
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Kissed A Snake
(X) Been Tickled
(X) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(X) Robbed Someone
(X) Been Misunderstood...

Total so far: 39

Level six
( ) Pet A Deer
(X) Won A Contest
(X) Been Suspended
(X) Had Detention
(X) Been In A Car/ Motorcycle Accident
( ) Had / Have Braces
(X) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) Had deja vu
(X) Danced in the moonlight
(X) Hated The Way You Look

Total so far: 47

Level seven
(X) Questioned Your Heart
(X) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
(X) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
( ) Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep

Total so far: 53

Level eight
(X) Played Cops And Robbers
(X) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(X) Made Prank Phone Calls
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(X) Kissed In The Rain
(X) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Been Kissed Under the Mistletoe

Total: 62

Level nine
(X) Watched The Sun Set With Someone You Care / Cared About
(X) Blown Bubbles
(X) Made A Bonfire
(X) Crashed A Party
(X) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(X) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey
( ) Worn Pearls
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge

Total: 70

Level ten
( ) Swam With Dolphins
(X) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/ Freezer/Ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(X) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(X) Sat On A Roof Top
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(X) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(X) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) Stayed Up All Night

Total: 77

Level eleven
(X) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(X) Had / Been In A Tree House
(X) Have been/Are scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
(X) Seen/heard a Ghost
( ) Have/had More Than 30 Pairs Of Shoes or Flip Flops
(X) Gone streaking
(X) Been to/Visited Someone At Jail
(X) Played Chicken
(X) Been pushed into a pool with your clothes on

Total: 86

Level twelve
(X) Broken a bone
(X) Been Easily Amused
(x) Caught A Fish
(X) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(X) Cried So Hard You Laughed
(X) Mooned / Flashed Someone
(X) Had someone Moon / Flash You

Total: 94

Level thirteen
(X) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone's Name
(X) French braided someones hair
(X) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(X) Rode A Roller Coaster
(X) Went Scuba-Diving / Snorkeling
(X)Had A Cavity

Total: 102

Level fourteen
(X) Been Used
(X) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(X) Licked A Cat
(X) Bitten Someone
(X) Licked Someone
(X) Been shot at
(X) Flattened someone's tires
(X) Drove/rode in a car until the gas light came on
(X) Had five dollars or less and bought something

total: 115

TWITTER THOUGHTS

HOW DARE ANYBODY ANALYZE ME...ESPECIALLY CORRECTLY!!!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I am not confused or baffled by homosexuality, but I am confused and baffled by people who are confused and baffled by homosexuality.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

You know...I have never wondered where the good time's have gone.

VALENTINE'S DAY ,sure it's late, but it's worth it.

OK. I get it.

Some of you don't like Valentine's Day.

I understand.

What I understand least about this particular topic, is the reasons why some of you hate this "holiday."

So I (in my infinite lack of wisdom and tact), will sit here, type away and make some lame jokes, so that I might understand your feelings.

OK?

1. He/she doesn't know what type of gift/goodies to give or are desired.

If you're with someone, and you love them it doesn't matter what you get them. That kind of thinking is like beating a dead horse. Sure it may make you feel good and the "squish" sounds may be kind of cool, but ultimately all you'll be doing is attracting flies and getting nowhere fast.

If they like flowers/plants buy them one.

If they have a sweet tooth...by all that is good and holy get them some chocolate.

If they like jewelery AND you can afford it, get them a little trinket.

Hell most guys would be happy with a decent DVD/Video Game/CD. Price $10-$25.

Most women would be happy with a card and some kind of flower. Price $10-$25.

Shopping is done.

Now on to more important things. Whether to go out for dinner and entertainment or stay home and cuddle. Either way it's a win win situation.

HOWEVER--If your entire relationship hinders on the perfect gift, get the hell out of dodge. Run to the hills. Get to steppin'.

No relationship should ever be so fragile as to hang on the balance of a gift of any kind. Which pretty much means you think you are driving down a 2-way street, but sadly it's a one way and if you look closely up ahead you can see that it dead ends.


2. It makes single people feel like losers because they are single.

Actually it's not this so-called holiday that makes people feel like losers. That particular piece of blame falls into the jurisdiction of...drum roll please...US. WE THE PEOPLE. Your peers.

This is true because no-one can make you feel more like crap than those you trust and love the most. So this goes out to all of you, The Friends/The Pals/The Chums who think they know better...

SHUT UP!!

Just because you're in a relationship, it doesn't make you any better than anyone else...EVER!

It also does not mean you have the ability to dispense advice like a seasoned veteran, it just means you were lucky to find someone who is willing to put up with you, for whatever reason they choose to call it.

This does not raise your status in the world. It does not elevate you or your wisdom.

It doesn't make you a better person in any way. It just makes you NOT single.

Just remember, you're only one word from being single again...and that word is "GOOD-BYE."


3. Valentine's Day is such an important holiday for couples.

OK, and anyone who believes this should be drawn and quartered. After being kicked in the Jimmy/Jane multiple times, with pointy boots/shoes.

WHY?

Because you are too stupid to breathe. You should not wait until Feb. 14th to tell anyone how you feel.

This should be done repeatedly, everyday and for no reason at all.

If you want to propose than propose. Doing it on a Hallmark holiday does NOT make it more romantic, it makes it cliche.

If Valentines day reminds you how special the one you're with is...end it right now. You should be reminded of this fact every time they breathe. Because, in all honesty, no one really needs any one person to live.

If you're happy with who you are, you don't need someone to else to define you.

Ever.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

There's a time for truth...and then there's a time for parenting.

USELESS UPDATES

I'm still just screwing around with some of the functions on the Flock browser. I guess it's a decent tool. I'm just having a lazy day.

First things first...did anyone, besides me that is, catch the Knight Rider movie?

For an updating and revamping it wasn't that bad. It had just the perfect amount of bad acting, very cool visual effects and straight out silliness that was trademark for the show. So I was pleasantly surprised.

Now I'm just waiting for the 4th Indy movie.

I finished reading Brother Odd...OH MY GOD that was the best book so far. If you haven't read the Odd Thomas books by Dean Koontz you really should.

Well other than waiting for Monday Night Raw and screwing around with more of the thingies on this browser, I guess that's all for this moment

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Another thing I can use to waste time, space and all things anti-matter in between.

WOW THIS MAKES THINGS SO MUCH EASIER...i think

I'm playing around with some programs and browsers, and so far Flock is OK. That is until my needs change, I get smarter or I finally figure out this thing that I sit in front of and download porn.

OK sometimes it's a TV.

Sometimes it's nothing at all.

Yeah, that'll do pig, that'll do.

For now.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Right now I am looking for ways to make wasting time on the world wide web more efficient.

WASTING TIME, PRODUCTIVELY

It seems like all I do anymore, is try and figure out ways to be more productive with my ability to waste time.

I'm looking to be more efficient in the laziness.

All because I can't really sleep.

God, this just sucks.

MARTINA McBRIDE - MY VALENTINE

You know...the song is sappy, and the words are pretty common to just about every love song ever written...but today at this moment, every word sings true.

I Love You,
You Will Always Be,
The One Meant For Me,

My Susan,
My Wife,
My Love

GLOBAL WARMING MY ASS

It's been a while since the snow has been piled up in the parking lots of department stores...(am I aging myself calling them department stores?) as high as the store itself, like in the image below

GOD, that is still so damn cool.

It used to be one of my favorite things from my childhood. I waited and hoped that Sunday would get here faster, because that was the only day they'd be closed.

We "deviants" would grab our sleds, claim a "mountain", climb it and take the plunge (sometimes almost straight down, so that the first few landings would knock the snot AND air out of you) down, just to do it again.

I know it would have been easier and probably safer to just use the hills that were readily available. BUT, damn, to have your very own mountain to trek up, then having the stupidity to try and slide down it!!

That's what being a boy was all about.


Sadly, my digital camera took a dump, so I had to find an image that closely resembled said childhood memory/current snowfall status.

This one actually comes close.

Thank you Mr. Internet for having such images ready and available for us with digital camera issues.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST THEME

So what?? Sure, I mean who isn't all weepy for a Disney cartoon?

ALADDIN - A WHOLE NEW WORLD

NEW KNIGHT RIDER

KITT comes back. KNIGHT RIDER returns. OH MY GOD!!!! The sad part is that I don't care if it's not a Trans Am. I don't care that it's a Ford Shelby instead. Hell I don't even care that Val Killmer is the new voice of KITT. I"m actually happy about the fact that they actually spent some money on this and it won't be as hokey as Team Knight Rider, as predictable as Knight Rider 2000 and as useless as Knight Rider 2010.

Yeah I know, no matter how old I get I still "geek" out way too much for it to be healthy...WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!"

MY SPACE ADDICT

Myspace is the Devil (pronounced deb-bull).

Thas fo shoe.

I can't believe how much time I waste on here.

I actually came to check my email, which reminds me, I still have to check my email.

Between the blogs and bulletins...Good and Holy Father Christmas, I wasted a good 2 1/2 hours.

I Looked at the time and went "You know what Einstein, this explains why you have no time to do everything you actually plan to do."

My response to myself was "SHUT UP!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!" Followed by rolling up a My Space doobie.

I answered back "You now maybe...just maybe you have a problem..."

I tell myself "That's not true! I can quit anytime I want!" as I'm chopping some My Space on a mirror.

"I think it's time for an intervention." I say to myself.

"I DON'T HAVE A MY SPACE PROBLEM!!! WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!" as I'm tapping the syringe filled with My Space while I tie off my mouse clicking wrist.

The above scenario was a dramatization of an actual moment.

OK, it was a complete falsehood, but it sure was funny in my head.

It just came to me as I was going through my online rituals.

I check My Space.

I check my emails.

I check out POGO.

I go to Project Play list spend a few minutes there.

Afterwards I look at the time and realize I have used up all my time and I have to rejoin the real world (NOT the MTV series...albeit the best one was Real world 2 L. A.). So I quickly write down some nonsense and hope you don't realize what a piece of crap it is.

INTERMISSION

OK, The Internet is the Devil (pronounced deb-bull).

Thas fo shoe.

Since I mentioned The Real World, I actually went and looked to see what happened to Jon, Irene, Dominic, Aaron, Beth 1 and 2, Glenn, Tami and David. A sad truth is that I knew their names without having to look them up.

OK back to the regularly scheduled blog entry.

INTERMISSION OVER

And that my friends is the how and why of my blogs. It's sad that I know all this, and I still try and write one of these things as often as I can.

You guys deserve better quality blogs.

With that said, ladies and gents, I'll be calling this the end for todays entry.

Damn it, I still have to check my email!!

Mahalo â nui

FREE RANGE, ORIGINAL RECIPE or EXTRA CRISPY revisited

My wife tells me that I have to redo this entry. She looked at me and asked "Are you even trying anymore?"

I was all like "What you doin' gettin' all up in mah bizness!" in my head.

The words that actually came out were "Umm honey I was kind of tired, and I wanted to get it down before I forgot."

Which now that I think about were also the words in my head when I was originally asked if I was even trying.

I think I gots to keep away frum dat MTV...word.

So she suggested that I should probably rewrite it.

So I guess here you have Free Range, Original Recipe or Extra Crispy revisited...

It's Saturday afternoon, and we just finished a stint at the white trash Bloomingdales (I have this love/hate thing with Wal-Mart shoppers) and my wife sees the sign for the Elegant Farmer. She sees this damn sign at least once a week, and at least once a week she says one of these days we should check it out. It finally turned into one of these days, and my wife and I were on our way to the Elegant Farmer.

Gentlefolks, let me explain that I'm not a very big fan of the rustic/farm/craft type establishments (which this totally was) and looking back I should not have been surprised...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

My wife was looking at all the products they carry. Jam's, pies, fresh dairy products, some knick-knacks , you know. Basically, if it has a price tag on it she's going to give it a once over.

Not me, all I was looking for the freshly slaughtered and ready to cook animals that will fill my belly with goodness.

AND I FIND IT!!!

Wooooohoooo went the victory scream!

Hunter/Provider find meat.

Hunter/Provider bring meat to cave.

Hunter/Provider is interrupted with words.

Hunter/Provider is confused.

Sign say this "happy chicken."

These are happy chickens? They have been fed a good and healthy diet? They are free range? They have had a happy life? They are HOW FRIKKEN MUCH?!?!?

And all the other meat products have very similar descriptions.

And they all have pretty much the same reaction from me. Emphasizing "the HOW FRIKKEN MUCH?!?!?" part.

I Like Meat.

Not in the gay way, but in the steak with a side of steak and some pork chops or chicken to take home kind of way.

YUMMY STEAKS! A GOOD BURGER WITH BACON. DEEP FRIED CHICKEN. NOW THAT'S EATIN FOLKS.

Believe me when I say I am no friend of PETA.

I think that every pet is an emergency meal (you know, when the end of the world comes).

I may not go actively hunt said critters, but I fully support those that do.

I think that if a couple thousand bunny rabbits and mice must suffer for make-up that the woman I love wears, than by god put that lip gloss on Mickey and Bugs needs some blush.

If I get to live a little bit longer because they used said little critters in medical experiments, than by all that's holy, I'll get you a few more myself.

I'm getting off track. Sorry.

My PETA thoughts are on a back burner for a wee bit longer. This is about the happy animals that are going to be my lunch/dinner.

I don't care what kind of life my food had. I don't care if it ate well. I don't care if it was from an award winning stock.

All I care about is whether its 350 degrees for 40 minutes or 340 degrees for 50 minutes.

I do not want a history lesson with my meal. I don't want to know what part of the country my tomatoes were grown in. I don't need to know what kind of cow gave me milk for the ice cream I am eating.

I really don't need to know how happy my dinner was.

Because unless I am not mistaken, at this point happiness in no longer part of the equation. The only part of the equation left is "and what sides would you like with your meal?"

So a happy chicken? Who cares.

A fried chicken in a bucket of extra crispy with a side of slaw and mashed taters, please and thank you.


So lovely wifey o'miney...is this up to my usual witty yet pointless waste of cyberspace that you expect and love me for??

I ALMOST FORGOT

WAY TO GO GIANTS!!!!

ANY TEAM THAT DOES NOT

AND I REPEAT

DOES NOT HAVE RANDY MOSS CAN WIN!!!

THIS TIME IT HAPPENS TO BE THE GIANTS!!!

I can live with that.

FREE RANGE, ORIGINAL, or EXTRA CRISPY

Over the weekend Season and I were checking out the Elegant Farmer. I guess if you is from a big city where there isn't much access to a working farm, this would be an impressive place. But for us almost on a farm types...it's pretty much old hat.

But anyway, we were walking around and something finally hit me.

We were looking at the "Happy Chickens." Yes, the frozen dead ready to cook Happy chickens. The 30 minutes at 350 degrees and then you have a meal happy chickens. I'm sorry, I don't think these are happy chickens anymore.

In my personal opinion, there are no such things as free range chickens. If you have to feed them or else they starve, that is not free range, it's just a bigger more open cage.

I also don't want to hear how well they lived. I don't need to know their dietary habits. All I want to know is if it's original or extra crispy.

This actually goes for all animals that are bred and raised to be a meal or a clothing item.

It's not because knowing the truth might skew my desire for meat or leather. It's a much simpler reason than that. I just don't care enough for it to matter. They will all die in one way or another. Just this way I get good food and cool coats.

And what else is there after that?

PART OF YOUR WORLD - The LITTLE MERMAID

Yeah still going through my sappy moment. I LOOOVE this song.

KISS THE GIRL - The LITTLE MERMAID

I'm such a sap. I LOVE this song. Yes, I'm the fool who sang along while it was playing. After I found it, I had to "check" to make sure the link worked just so I could sing it again.

P.S. My favorite part is when the seagull comes and does his screeching "wahhh wah wah" part.