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I AM SO WRONG

HEHEHEHEHE

DAMN

Yesterday my baby sister became a mother.

Well, OK she's been a mother for a while now, but Ethan finally decided enough was enough and said "LET ME SEE THE WORLD!!!"

So yesterday my nephew, Ethan Robert, was born. I have never seen a more beautiful baby boy in my life. This little whopper came into the world at 8lbs and some ounces and at a staggering 21 inches, AND HE IS BEAUTIFUL.

I held him for the first time today.

I have never held "hope and promise" in my arms before nor have I ever been so humbled by beauty and innocence before.

I know that everyday a miracle takes it's first breath, but this was the first time I was witness to that miracle. This was the first time that miracle filled me with joy (that overcame my own personal sorrow). This was the first time that miracle filled me with strength (so that I may pass on my strength to my better half). This was the first time that miracle filled me with love (so that I may pass on that love to all who want it, and to those who so desperately need it).

In my oafish arms, I held the future; fragile, pure and promising.

Yesterday, the future began to look more promising.

Yesterday I became an uncle.

Damn.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

awesome

like jerking off the pope

you know

"Milk of our Lord"

LIKE LIFE (updated)

the smell of a hot summer day reminds me of playgrounds and tether ball

swings and slides

of exhilaration when you jump off the swing at its apex

and the tears of the scraped knees when you landed



the sounds of laughter remind me to live in today

look forward to tomorrow

and not dwell on yesterday



the full moon rising reminds me of romance when I'm with you,

and of werewolves when I'm not



the images of wrestling remind me of Sunday mornings with my grandfather and cousins,

and bruises from drop kicks gone awry before church



the sounds of the ice cream man

still make me call for my mom and ask her for a dollar

to get some cool delicious treats that normally ended up melting

because of the brain freeze slowed down the eating

by the time the brain thaw kicked in the “sugar high frozen for mass consumption”

had already melted



the sight and smell of roses shows me that all things beautiful have another side

and that usually you can reach them if you take the time to get to know them

and than realize that even the thorns can be beautiful



the sounds of keyboard keys remind me that I need to write more frequently



the sound of music makes me want to dance

than the sight of me dancing for some reason makes everyone else laugh

and that makes me dance harder and faster

because laughter is still the most beautiful music a man can make



the sounds of thunder make my heart race

my palms sweat

my desire grow

the smell of rain

the sound of rain

the images of rain

is a lot like life

fast and fleeting

longer than some and shorter than others

there are times its scary

and times its peaceful

there are times you're happy to see it

and times when you wish

"rain rain go away"


the antiseptic smell of a hospital waiting room

the fingernail chewing moments

waiting for news

the sigh of relief

mother, father and son doing well

sister, her boyfriend, and nephew are all healthy

the overwhelming feeling of something bigger than you

more important than you

that you can say

"I was there"


the reflection of pain is mirrored in your eyes

being strong to hold back tears

and keep away the memories

to stand unyielding and immovable

not to be self-indulgent on a day that is not yours to mourn

but theirs to celebrate

and celebrate you do

whole heartedly and unselfishly


but mostly its like life.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

THE 4 AM PHILOSOPHER

Hello, hi, and howdy all you losers, freaks and geeks! You all be my peeps, my peers and my friends.

It's been an emotional tornado, a spiritual revitalization, and one damn confusing time. Now I know we've all been there, and some of us will go there again and again.

So just remember you're never alone, even when there's nobody there.

Now what philosophical gibberish am I spewing with the force of projectile vomit?

I have no clue. I never do. I think it I type it. It comes to me in this torrential wave of needing to say something yet never knowing what it is I have to say. I simply call it the "the bullshit world of Jose and my need to drag you all in".

Behind the mask of a higgledy-piggledy, topsy-turvy and slaphappy fool, lies the heart of a confused, scared, happy, sad and angry young man.

Unless you think 30-something is old than that last part changes to old man.

"I'm sorry everything I do is wrong, to you and, you do everything you can to make me feel subhuman".

But my story and life are as unwritten as that to-do list we always tell ourselves we're going to write. Or the New Years resolutions that we never intend to keep.

Confused yet?

It's OK, so am I. But that's cool, we're supposed to be confused. We're not supposed to know all the answers. We are supposed to be imperfect creatures.

Why? OK, here's why. If we know everything than how do we make ourselves a better people? If there is nothing to learn or tribulations to endure, we ourselves become a mere shadow of existence. Never truly alive or living. Just an empty silhouette of someone we have the potential to be, yet never achieving it.

But through the challenges of everyday life for example

• waking up
• talking to the person who you find attractive
• roller blading for the first time
• even just smiling at someone

it is through this simple yet minuscule challenges that make, define and stimulate the greater person you are destined to be. I like that about us humans. We have potential...now prove me wrong like you always do.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Aww,... tell me where it hurts and I'll kick it for you.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there.

Clarence W. Hall

HAPPY EASTER

HAPPY EASTER....




Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there.
Clarence W. Hall

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I am dyslexic of Borg. Prepare to have your ass laminated.

RANDOMNESS

Current mood: tired

WOW!!! oops i mean YOOOO! JOOOOE!!

Current mood: geeky
OK!!!!
THIS MAKES ME HAPPY IN MY PANTS!!!!





This is Ray Parks (aka Darth Maul from SW Phantom Menace and Toad from X-Men) as the G.I. Joe’s uber cool ninja SNAKE EYES.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL!!!!!!!
(that high pitched girlie squeal is me....sorry)

HAPPY DEAD MAN ON A STICK DAY SHIRT

Current mood: angsty



Happy
Dead Man on Stick Day Shirt Starting at: $19.95 Dead Man on Stick day
sounds a lot less appealing than Easter, but at least it’s better than
what Mel Gibson calls it. A x-eyed smiley face with a crown of thorns
and a goatee with the headline, "Happy dead man on stick" across the
top and "I’ll be back" on the bottom.

Currently listening: The Extremist By Joe Satriani Release date: 03 June, 1997

HOW TO RUIN STAR WARS

Ladies and gentleman, there are ways to ruin STAR WARS. For example getting a healthy, very healthy woman to dress up like a football player...I mean Storm trooper,


does not cause the snap-hiss of my lightsaber. It actually causes the Rebel Alliance troops to abandon Hoth post haste. It can cause Star War-ections to malfunction like the Millennium Falcons Hyper-drive. I'll let Family Guy finish this off...


via videosift.com

Next let's take the awesomeness that is the Princess Leia Gold Bikini.





Aren't that just a wonderful images for all of us geeks and losers?



But these next few things are not conducive to "fire the Death Star, when ready."



This is not conducive to the force push and pull. This is just wrong and a little bit disturbing. Do people not understand how important the gold bikini is?



That some have spent many many hours getting that pod racer to finish the race, that images like these are like getting Ewoks instead of Wookies.



I know it's so cool that we can combine 3 out of 6 of mans greatest loves. The six loves are sports, lego's, boobs/sex, Star Wars, beer/booze and video games. But when you combine them in this fashion...it's creepy like Leia kissing Luke.



See...creepy.

Yet...not as creepy as this.



Sure it's very cute...but kind of creepy. And after that I really have nothing else.

BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.

UMMMM

Well...you know...today I just don’t want to write anything...so I’m crashing. Goodnight all.

MY FAMILY AND PEOPLE WHO ANNOY ME

Oh good, I'm still here. Hard to believe that another Turkey Day with relatives you don't like, kids who won't eat, and nothing on TV but football and parades, has passed on by, and I survived. I have to add this. At a family get together, function or reunion, you usually put on the fake smile and wish one and all a happy whatever it is, because you choose to. You hug the aunt with the halitosis that would make Satan weep because you choose to. You agree with everything you're overbearing cousins have to say even when they say the moon is made of blue cheese because you choose too. You put up with your siblings significant others retarded jokes and useless advice because you choose too. You do all this because you choose too. If you didn't, than you wouldn't have gone.

It’s the unwritten rule of family functions. You came because you wanted to, not because you had to. That is unless you're dragging your kids along only because it was the same hell your parents put you through, and it is your job as a parent to do the same to them.

Now you may think 'so what, we all go through that, what makes you so special?' Well let me tell you.....nothing, nothing at all.

If I wasn't annoyed at a family function, than I would have been annoyed with strangers, like standing behind the one person in the world who still has no clue how to use an ATM.

See, its not that I hate everyone, you just all annoy me. I'm ok with that because I probably annoy you too. Let's some time on the people that annoy me. Sadly, this is an ever growing list and won't ever be complete. Everyday there's another dumb mother fucker born, which means there's another chance some fucktard will annoy me. But alas I am digressing.

Being in the express lane (you know, the 10 items or less lane) with the one person who can count to 30 but somehow misses the number 10 in the process?

Those "truth" commercials, because obviously all smokers have no clue that smoking causes cancer. Let me shed a little light on this. It's not that we don't believe smoking causes cancer, we do! It’s just that we don't believe it'll happen to us. That’s the real truth. We aren't dumb or stupid. We just live in denial. So when I'm outside smoking, because I'm not allowed to smoke inside and someone gives me that dirty look for smoking outside...well all I'll can tell you is this, I didn't go out of my way to talk to you because apparently I don't and didn't find you that interesting...SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

People who constantly chew, with their mouths open are on that list. Come on already! Manners costs nothing, but keep that up and it'll cost you my boot in your ass.

People who still ask "does this make me look fat?" If you're asking it probably does. But in direct conflict to my own statement, if you feel good wearing it, and you like the way you look, who cares what someone like me says.

As a matter of fact that goes out to anyone and everyone. If you are reading this, take what I say as an editorial on the things I see. Some days things may be the most annoying thing ever and on other days I won't have an issue. I'm just going on a day to day viewpoint.

So do it if you want or don't. I mean someone out there just got fed up with me as I got tired of someone else. That’s life, deal with it.

I do. I just happen to dwell on it long enough to think if I should write about it. Is this going to be a funny anecdote or a serious prose. Will this be a rant or a rave? Should I even be thinking this much about it? That's how I deal with it.

BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY

TWITTER THOUGHTS

"Do not offend the Chair Leg of Truth; it is wise and terrible."

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Youth culture has finally sterilized itself.Young America has finally achieved its terminal ambition-fucking itself before anyone else could

THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM or THE MOST COMMON WORDS SAID RIGHT BEFORE YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ON YOUR OWN

Current mood: amused

Have you ever notice that the moment before you get something dumped on you, you get one of these phrases barked (or cooed, depending on who’s saying it)at you.

"There is no ’I’ in team"..."take one for the team"..."it’s all about teamwork"..."the team is right behind you"..."the team depends on you" or something similar to one of these phrases.

I find it hard to believe that I am doing anything with a team. If it is/was a team effort why am "I" all of a sudden responsible for the team? Where is the rest of the team? Why should "I" take one for the team, because there is ’no "I" in team!’ But there is a "me" in team, along with meat and tame.

I sit here reflecting on that little word. I know it probably derives from ancient text that I should probably research, if I really cared that much to learn the etymology of the word, but I don’t want to. But if you’re just as lazy as me, we’ll all just accept that the fact that the word "team" has a rich and beautiful history.

Back to my tirade, I realize "team" is the perfect word for patsy, sucker and weak-willed. It’s a word perfectly designed to play on the fear of being an individual and alone.

Would you care for some proof?

OK, these are just observations that I have made over the years.

First of all...when I was in soccer (back then I was bamboozled into thinking I had to be a part of a team...... but I’m much better now) when the team was running the "end of practice" laps, the stars of the team made sure they were far out front and out pacing us insecure sheep.

When the running was done, the coach was there to tell us wheezing and gasping fodder, err i mean athletes, that we were weak and not supporting the team (but had anyone seen this particular display, five individuals were standing there smug, while the rest of the "team" was berated).

The coach than made this inspirational statement, which sparked the thought that became an idea that a few years later became this little space on the web.

"I need to see hustle the few can’t carry the team, THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM!!

Thats also when a smart-ass individual that would eventually evolve into the man typing on this particular keyboard, started to rear his ugly face. I was always accused of speaking before thinking. This would be one of those moments. I raised my hand and said "But coach there is a ’me’ in team and without the ’me’ there is no team."

20 laps later I realized that maybe, just maybe, I’m not a "team" player. I eventually walked away from the game of soccer.

My story doesn’t end there, though. A few years after that incident, I was working at Arby’s, (the following scene would continue at every place of employment), and I was asked to cover a shift because someone called in sick. Normally, I would have said ’yes,’ but this is one of those times that I had actually made some after work plans.

So I said "sorry I can’t".

The statement that followed was simple and to the point. "You know Jose’ we are a team here and as a team we do have to cover for each other".

Thats also when a smart-ass individual that was still evolving into the man typing on this particular keyboard, started to rear his ugly face. I was always accused of speaking before thinking. This would be one of those moments. I raised my hand and said "But Randy, you do know that there is a ’me’ in team and without the ’me’ there is no team."

Three days later, after my suspension for insubordination, I was back at work, albeit with a chip on my shoulder. I would eventually be promoted TEAM leader (which is a nice way of saying Assistant Managers Bitch). In true Jose fashion, after I received the little plastic name tag with my name engraved into it, I looked at Randy and said "Randy, you do know that there is a ’me’ in team and without the ’me’ there is no team."

That story still makes me chuckle.

As I bring this to an end, no, I am not a team player. Not being a team player means I take both credit and blame for all that "I" do. There may be no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in individual, intelligent and integrity. So stay true and be true to yourself.

Currently listening: Pure Guava By Ween Release date: 10 November, 1992

THAT'S RIGHT, I'M THE GREATEST

It was funny


22

CLEARING OUT SOME SPACE 2

Current mood: frisky

Well I’ve started writing or commenting or reviewing all kinds of stuff. I figure since I’m sitting here at pornado central, I might as well keep my fingers and brain working.

So some of the next few articles are just one or two lines that struck a nerve. Some are reviews of movies and are written as if you can decide to watch them at that moment. Some are links I think are worth mentioning and visiting.

OK I’ll stop wasting your time...

QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 1/11

Winners win and losers lose, but fools are happy



Lost and Found by The Dexateens Lost and Found is a wonderful album By The Dexateens and is available free on their website. http://www.skybucket.com/media/dexateens



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 2/11

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.



A Review 30 DAYS OF NIGHT

OK as a horror movie this sucked. There’s really nothing more to say than that.

BUT....

As a movie about vampire’s...it’s actually pretty good. It doesn’t have the creep out factor for the audience...instead it makes you feel sympathy and the occasional hope for the characters in the story.

Now this is something I honestly thought I’d never say. Josh Hartnet is actually turning into a pretty decent actor. In this movie he plays a small town sheriff who’s all cool calm and collected. Which is right up his acting style. For once I actually believed he could be the character he was portraying. SO KUDOS to him.

The vampires were nothing new. They ate most of the people. They missed a few. The people survive. End of story. You know...it would be very cool if every once in a while the vampires win.

So in the end...if you want a horror movie, pass this one up. If you want to be entertained, than by all means watch this little gem. I promise it will entertain.



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 3/11

When two hearts race, both win.



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 4/11

You people don’t know what the truth is! It’s there, just under their bullshit, but you never look!



MR. MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM

My wife wanted to see this movie more than I did. So yeah for her I added it to our Netflix thingie. Well, to eat a lot of crow in front of your wife is a treat that I believe most married men do...on a regular basis. This married man is no different. This movie is simply about magic. The magic that let’s us all grow into wonderful human beings. The magic that takes us all into those wonderful places that as children we visit constantly, but as we get older, we visit them less and less. This movie is about becoming an occasion. Then finding the strength, the will and yes, the magic to rise to it.

This movie is very much a kids movie.

But what child is it for? The one who is 3 years old or the one who is 243 years old. The answer is yes.

ABSOLUTELY YES!!! This is one of those movies that every family should sit through, simply because by the end (like in Peter Pan) you’ll find yourself clapping, because it’s the magic that we lose as we grow old and older that makes a movie like this so important to enjoy. Because you see in this movie, a little bit of that magic that we created and shared when we were children (and those of us who still are) still lives, grows and flourishes.



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 5/11

Watch reruns, they replay your memories.



Songbook by Fallen Ivory Two very talented musicians. A very melodic album. You can download it for free at their website http://www.fallenivory.com/music.htm



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 6/11

I’ve seen my hopes and dreams A lying on the ground I’ve seen the sky, just begin to fall he said, "All things pass into the night"



A Review of MARTIAN CHILD

I have officially added a movie to my Top 10 movies of all time. The Martian Child is by far one of the greatest feel good movies ever. The chemistry between veteran actor John Cusak and relative newcomer Bobby Coleman was simply magical.

This is one of those movies that actually promotes two things. One, that everybody is different and that makes us all unique and special. Two, that we can love and be loved no matter how different from the normal we are.

This is one of those movies that tugs at the heart strings, fills you with joy and leaves a wonderful feeling in your soul.



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 7/11

Grief is a story that has no beginning, middle or end. Grief, like fiction, is always in the present tense as soon as you open the book.



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 8/11

Whoever Said That Life Would Be Easy Never Walked A Mile In My Shoes



A Review of John Rambo

What happens when you take an action hero from the 80’s and very early 90’s and try to make him viable for the 21st century?

Well when it’s the usual shoot ’em all up, because they are the bad guys, well you kind of chuckle and go...well what did you expect?

But when somehow you actually pull off that the character got older and that he’s somewhat smarter while still keeping the integrity of the original concept...well than my friends, we have John Rambo.

Yes I am a fan of First Blood and Rambo: First Blood part II. Did not really care for Rambo III, and I laughed hysterically when I originally saw the trailer for John Rambo. Which just for the record is the 4th movie in this franchise.

Than last night I watched it. I will say that it is absolutely brutal. The special effects guys went to town on what high caliber weapons would do to a human body. This movie is bloody and gory. Now I’ve never seen actual combat in my life, but I have a very strange feeling that this is what it would look like.

The plot is fairly simple. The story also very simple. This is not a date movie. This is not a movie for children. This is not a movie for intellectuals. This is a movie for the fans of the action genre. There is no redeeming value to this movie other than to entertain. That’s it.

And I was entertained.



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 9/11

I thought you were a CD of U2, You just an 8track of Kevin DuBrow



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 10/11

I Won’t Give Up! I Won’t Give In! I Won’t Give Out Or Fall Apart! This Is The Mountain I Must Climb! This Is My Time!



A Review of No Reservations

No Reservations is simply a very nice date movie. It follows the usual love story pattern. The independent woman who’s lonely, the tragedy that causes a major life change, the way she tries to adjust to the new changes yet keeps falling short, the moment she reluctantly falls in love, the fallout, the make up and the happily ever after.

It’s a pleasant date movie that will make you shed a tear or two, but mostly it will make you hold your partner a little bit closer while you laugh a little, cry a little and makes you feel good.



QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 11/11

When you’ve lost it all. That’s when you finally realize. Life is beautiful

Currently listening: Little by Little... By Harvey Danger Release date: 25 July, 2006

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Silence. I am watching television.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY MORNINGS?

Current mood: calm

(FLASHBACK)

My eyes open, and with a slight panic, I glance at the clock. There’s a five and an eleven. With a sigh of relief I wipe the after effects and evidence of sleep from my eyes. I leave my warm and comfy bed and head to the bathroom. Afterwards I wander into the kitchen. I drag one of the two kitchen chairs to the cupboards so I can reach an old margarine container that I use as cereal bowl. The clock now says six, one so I turn on the TV.

I know the cartoons won’t start until AG-USA is over, but I can not take the chance that today for some weird reason things might change. I walk back to the cupboards to get my box of cereal. If my luck holds out I’ll have Frosted Flakes and of course the worst case scenario is I get Apple Jacks or Kix. On this particular day I get Alpha Bits. It’s not necessarily what I want, but for today it’ll be just fine.

On the TV they are putting some metal tags on some cows ears. I think to myself "Doesn’t that hurt them?" followed with a "Oh WHAT DOES THE CLOCK SAY?"

The little wind up clock that sits on top of the console TV now says six six. OK, I still have time. I have to start making the coffee for my mom, because I know she won’t want to miss anything either. (Of course I later learned it was the coffee smell that woke her up. The reason she sat there next to me is she was just trying to wake up. However, as a child, it was everything and the world that she sat with me.)

Not too much longer now. I check to make sure we have milk in the fridge...and yes we are cool on that front.

Afterwards I jump in the shower and wash all my naughty bits and the dirty ones too. But because I was wearing my super cool Mr. Spock pajamas I put them back on. I look at the clock six and eleven.

Alright!! I pour my Alpha Bits into the margarine bowl, add some milk and with great haste, walk into the living room. I’m spilling milk and cereal all over the place, but it’s OK; I’ll clean it up during the commercials. Thus begins my Saturday morning ritual.

For the next 5 hours I’ll be glued to the boob tube. Spending my Saturday mornings with the likes of the The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse and Heckle & Jeckle, The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, Shazam, Super Friends, Plastic Man, Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels, The Super Globetrotters, Fred and Barney Meet the Shmoo, Spider-Woman, Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo, The Daffy Duck Show, Fred and Barney Meet the Thing, The New Shmoo, The New Adventures of Flash Gordon, Godzilla, Jonny Quest, and The Jetsons to name a few of the heroic, silly and memorable characters who spent many Saturday mornings with me.

(FLASHBACK OVER)

Whatever happened to shows like Tom and Jerry, Popeye, Drak Pack, Thundarr, Dynomutt, The Tarzan/Lone Ranger Adventure Hour, The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang, Richie Rich, Heathcliff/Dingbat, Plastic Man and Baby Plas, Hong Kong Phooey, and The Flintstone Comedy Show?

What happened to the cartoons based on video games like Pole Position, Captain N: The Game Master, Pac-Man, Q*bert, Dragon’s Lair, Frogger, Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong, Jr. and Space Ace?

Or the cartoons based on Dungeons and Dragons or music videos (the show was called Kid Video)?

What happened to innocent fun and hi-jinks? Even then I knew that Saturday morning cartoons were basically really long commercials, but at least they were entertaining and FUN.

Sure we all got older, and waking up at the crack of dawn to watch some stupid cartoons on a Saturday morning wasn’t the same thrill it used to be. I wasn’t spending those Saturdays alone. I was eating that bowl of cereal with my mom was right next to me, coffee in hand and laughing at all the silliness that was happening on TV.

Now this isn’t just as a days gone by kinda rant. When I was in my 20’s I was living with a now ex-girlfriend and her family. Come Saturday morning, her youngest brother and I would be sitting there watching the Saturday morning cartoons. I mean who was cooler than the X-Men and Batman? Well no one was.

Now it seems those days are gone. Now on Saturday morning you get news and world reports. I mean, back then I would sit through AG-USA to make sure that I didn’t miss a single cartoon. I guess it is kinda silly that at 1:41 AM on a Monday morning I’m here talking about those long gone Saturday mornings, but I miss them. Those days of awe struck wonder. The days of the Bugs and Tweety Show. The days of the Lone Ranger and Tarzan Adventure Hour. The days of Shazam and Isis. But put more simply...I miss the simple and innocent days.

Currently listening: Atomizer By Big Black Release date: 22 August, 1994

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Winners win and losers lose, but fools are happy

TWITTER THOUGHTS

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

HIGHLANDER: THE SOURCE

Yes I am a Highlander fan. I love the movies. I am a fan of the Television show. I (unlike so many) enjoyed the cartoon. If Highlander was in a movie theater I paid the money to sit there and absorb more of the crap they were feeding me. I sat there and ate the crap from Highlander 2. I accepted Mario van Peebles as a black Kurgan in Highlander: The Final Dimension. I accepted the fact that Christopher Lambert was getting to old and showing his age badly so they had to give him a noble death in Highlander: Endgame. I was able to accept all of this.

I accepted the fact that there are more fans of Adrian Paul as Duncan MacLeod because of the watered down TV series. That's fine by me...as long as they keep putting out more and more Highlander properties, that DON"T destroy the integrity of the original "myth." Which is pretty much a bunch of bad asses fighting for this great prize, and to win this great prize, well to quote what the whole Highlander Universe is based on, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE."


So about two weeks ago I saw this commercial for the newest installment to the Highlander mythos. A movie called Highlander: The Source. Yes I was STOKED. You can rest assured, to quote my wife, "There was chubbiness action." So being an official member of Netflix (yeah we ended up letting go of the Blockbuster mail home thing, because in the 6 months we had their service they had doubled their price and they were going to raise it again...so we dumped them, because Daddy don't like gold digging ho's) I immediately added this movie.

So this morning after yet another failed attempt at sleeping, I got up and walked into the living room and hit play on the DVD machine.

This movie had everything going for it that is crucial to a Highlander movie. Semi-decent acting, many cheesy effects, very simple storyline and Queen songs (albeit the songs were recorded by someone else but they were pretty decent, but I thought it was worth mentioning). Now some of you may think that is a tongue in cheek review, but if you have ever seen these movies you would know (as all great things from the 80's, it wasn't quality, it was a coolness factor) that they are not nor will they ever be award winners. So as I was saying I was hooked. I was in it to win it. I was there and then they tell you the prize.

THIS IS A SPOILER TO THIS MOVIE...SPOILER ALERT...SPOILER ALERT....THIS IS A SPOILER TO THIS MOVIE


The prize they are all fighting for. The true meaning to the phrase "there can be only one" is that only one immortal if he is pure of heart can have a child.

Well FUCK ME!!!

That's the big pay off?? That goes along the same lines as getting the chance to boff some supermodel and having the fireman using up the fire extinguisher too quickly.

Man, they had me at Hello and then they looked me in the eye and said "Sorry Charlie."

So that my friends is my review of HIGHLANDER: THE SOURCE.



Currently listening:
Black Aria
By Glenn Danzig

TWITTER THOUGHTS

When two hearts race, both win.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

You people don't know what the truth is! It's there, just under their bullshit, but you never look!

THE EVOLUTION OF MUSICAL TASTE

I was born a poor glam child (hair bands to you Johnny/Joanie come latelies) and that is where my poor heart strays to time and time again.

I was first introduced into the glam scene back in 6th grade (thank you so VERY MUCH TWISTED SISTER) and since I had Dee Snider pics taped to the inside of my desk, I knew I was on the cutting edge of cool.

Sadly, the cutting edge was a dull razor that couldn't scratch paper. But I'm digesting...oops I mean digressing.

So here I am...listening to the wicked tunes of TS and all of a sudden, I come into school one day and Dee is gone.

Shredded.

He's confetti covering the inside of my desk.

I of course do what any rational grade school kid would do...I ran to the teacher and said someone had vandalized my desk.

Of course there was a major inquiry (and much to my dismay, the FBI did NOT show up...lazy frikken lazies) by Mrs. Parish (that be the teacher's name), and fellow student named Dan confessed that it was he who had turned my Dee shrine to a New Years Eve party tool.

Dan was then ordered to replace my Circus Magazine pin-ups.

And he did...sort of.

He replaced Twisted Sisters front man with pin-ups of his favorite band Motley Crue. All of a sudden I had all these pictures of some guy I had never seen before (who looked like a girl...sans breasts).

Since I was in mourning over the loss of my prized treasures, I complained some more, that I had no clue who this guy was.

Well boys and girls, Dan was ordered to introduce me to this "new" band, and if I didn't find it an adequate replacement, that the three of us would come up with a reasonable punishment.

I can say that that particular action never came into play. Dan lent me 2 cassette tapes (yes I AM that old) and upon first listening I knew that I had found my new voice.

I was listening to Motley Crue for the first time, and by god they knew me. All the angst was mine...all the power chords rang true to this baby-metal head. There was never a more pure form of adolescent rebellion rock then Motley Crue, and I reveled in it.

To this very day, I can honestly say that of all my CD's, tapes and albums, the only ones that I have multiple copies in all formats are Motley Crue.

It wasn't until many years later that I started to listening to music that did NOT come out in the 80's.

Here's a simple time line

80's glam-- Motley Crue, Twisted Sister, Ratt, Poison, Tigertailz (just to name a few)

90's still glam/thrash/heavy metal--Metallica, Anthrax, Queensryche, Crimson Glory (just to name a few)

late 90's grunge/country--Pearl Jam, Mother Love Bone, Jane's Addiction, Garth Brooks, Mark Chestnut (just to name a few)

The early Zero years Classic Rock--Led Zepplin, the Doors, New York Dolls, Kiss (just to name a few)

currently "whatever moves me"-- these are cd's, mp3's, and cassette's that are a click or button away from being played at any second. NIN "Ghosts 1", Verbatim "Pizza Party EP", Black Flag "Loose Nut", Glen Danzig "Black Aria", Andrew W.K. "Close Calls With Brick Walls", Garth Brooks "Ultimate Hits"

KOUGARS 1-4

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Watch reruns, they replay your memories.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I've seen my hopes and dreams A lying on the ground I've seen the sky, just begin to fall he said, ”All things pass into the night"

A BETTER WORLD

I have admitted on many occasions that I am not a smart man nor am I a wise man, this my friends is fact.

My wife tends to get upset with me when I say that, and I have never understood why. I'm not saying I'm dumb, I'm just saying I'm not smart.

Well, anyway that's neither here nor there, this starts with my search for something to read.

I was looking for something insightful and intelligent to read.

I was looking for something of depth beyond he/she screwed me and now I'm pissed.

Being fairly new to the drama, disputes and wars of and among bloggers I wanted to read something that would for all purposes make me think.

I read a couple of things that made the brain start firing out some thoughts. It was actually a very good feeling knowing that I can still have some pretty deep thoughts running through the same brain that can name most of the Justice League along with 75% of the Smurfs and a few Fraggles.

So this is what I have come up with. That there are basically two groups of people standing forever on the battle lines of this world.

Why must battle lines be drawn anyway? I mean whatever happened to loving your neighbor? What happened to all men created equal? What happened to the phrase "your fellow man"?

According to the bible we're all technically brothers. If you're not into the bible but into evolution, than aren't we one big tribe separated at half past the dawn of time?

But instead we all seem to live in this mode of thinking...

Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards (fill in the blank) and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards (fill in the blank).

You know I honestly don't understand this. Because when you break it down it goes like this...

Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards homosexuals and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards homosexuals.

Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards blacks and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards blacks.

Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards Jews and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards Jews.

Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards men and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards men.

Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards Americans and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards Americans.

And it goes on and on.

Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards (fill in the blank) and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards (fill in the blank).

This is sadly the core of humanity.

The fact that we are not happy unless you are on one side or the other. You're either for or against whatever topic you wish champion or attack. We must be at war with someone or something.

Of course if you choose to not be either, you have no convictions or strength of character.

I guess what confuses me the most is who do you condemn or praise?

Do you condemn the guy who has his dog fight for profit or fun or do you condemn an organization that not only condones but has actually praised the fact that violence is used against their fellow man for the sake of the dog?

Do you condemn the Christian who with a fevered passion and religious zeal shoots at or blows up an abortion clinic or do you condemn the Muslim who with a fevered passion and religious zeal shoots at or blows up a building?

Do you praise the man who claims to be a speaker for injustice but he himself does the same intolerant things that he's preaching against?

Do you praise the man with religious convictions, who points us along the moral path when he himself is found at a motel 6 straying off that path himself?

There were two men who preached change. One through peace and conviction and the other took a more militant approach? But if my history serves me right...didn't they meet the same bitter end? Did they not both have their lives stolen by a man with a gun?

Or should we listen to the musician who never claimed to be a great man. Nor did he claim to be a good man. But he did try to better himself, those around him and the world by using his one great talent. He was a songwriter, and he wrote a great song explaining such a wonderful world...and all we had to do was imagine.

Sadly on this subject I gotta go with the musician.

I prefer to imagine the better world.

You see I know that if enough people start to imagine a better world, there are some people who will go beyond imagining and go into creating a better world.

Who knows maybe...just maybe your kids, kids, kids, kids will have a chance at being a better people living in a better world. Because for a better world to exist, we need better people to run it and better people to live in it.


Currently listening:Horse of a Different Color
By Big & Rich

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I'm gonna smile my best smile And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style.

SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM II

So yesterday we talked about male/performance enhancement, how to date safer/smarter, more sex partners/orgasms/pleasure and watches.

Heh heh heh...you know typing it like that it just seems so silly. I mean what does male performance have to do with anything? I mean why does it matter if he's a early finisher? I mean apparently it still felt good to him. I mean he was able to finish.

What?

Say that again..."watch" doesn't fit? I mean of course watch doesn't fit, I was just testing you to see if you were paying attention. Thank goodness you were, because if you weren't I would have sent you back to read the previous blog again. But since you were paying attention shall we continue...

So now according to the spammers they think I need a new car. Well I happen to like my car. It's the car that I actually learned how much fun driving is. It fit's my lard ass in just fine and I know how she handles. I also know that soon she will be mine with no strings attached.

Stupid loan people.

Oh yeah...why do the spammers want me to get credit cards? I don't want credit cards. I'm an irresponsible man when it comes to credit cards. This I know. This my wife knows. So why is it that the credit card spammers keep trying to lead me down the dark path...again. I mean you don't have to lead me, I'll walk it myself. That's not an issue. I just wish they weren't so pushy. I'll walk that road to ruin in my pace, no need to push and/or shove. I'm waxing up the rocket sled that will take me to ruin as we speak.

Now here's another one.

Why do I need cash in 24 hours. I mean if I needed cash wouldn't I just go to the ATM? I mean that's just silly to wait 24 hours for money when I can go to an ATM and get cash in like 15 minutes. There's no need to fall for that one my friends.

You see...along with writing a blog, I'm also serving the public with useful information. Now why do I supply this service free of charge? Because that's just the way I roll.

Now these last two spam offers confused me the most. You see the first was one for the hottest ring tones. You know I was sitting at a Denny's with my wife the other day, and I asked her if she remembered the days when ringing phones sounded like phones? I mean sure they were a little bit annoying but it sure as Hades doesn't need thermal underwear, you were never confused by the rings.

I find it so confusing why a phone would ring with "Cold Hard Bitch" by Jet and the man responds with "Hi Darling."

Or one of my favorites "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks and the owner of the phone went, "Hey sis, whassup?"

I've also heard "I want a lover who won't drive me crazy,"(No honey, I'm leaving the office right now...I should be there in about 20 minutes) and "I'm all lit up again," (DUUUUUDE, yeah we are so going out, but dude you gotta get us hooked up.)

So why would I look at my emails for the hottest ring tones, if all they do is give away who is calling and why?

You never see that on the TV commercials. On the TV commercials not only do you get the hottest ring tones, but you get the coolest games and screen savers. Now I'll be honest it's the screen savers that's the selling point for me. I mean where else will you get a puppy licking your little phone screen if not from the people who offer the hottest ring tones/games/screen savers. Just saying.

Now this one is more of an annoyance.

I mean it is March on the planet Earth right? I'm not on warp speed and missed the winter did I? It is winter where you all are, right? I know there might not be any snow, but that doesn't change the fact that according to the calendar in the northern hemisphere that the seasons are pretty much running on track as they have for hundreds of years correct?

Than why am I being sent information asking me if I'm paying too much on my winter auto insurance? Wouldn't that information have been of more use back...umm..in..say October or November. I swear sometimes I think that the spammers are robots or programs that don't do any thinking for themselves.

They all seem to use the same opening message and I know I'm no marketing agent nor am I in advertising, but isn't the whole key to getting someone to look and want your product by making it unique? But when all you spamming people send out the same message in the subject line, well people will tend to ignore you. But that's just my two cents worth.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Grief is a story that has no beginning, middle or end. Grief, like fiction, is always in the present tense as soon as you open the book.

SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM

Today I remembered to check my G-mail account. I try to check it daily but sadly I only get around to it bi-weekly. So yeah, I get a Hoover Spam-load worth of crap to sift through. Which normally just kind of annoys me.

Well boys and girls, not today. Nope, today I decided to actually look at my spam, and to be very honest my almost fragile male spirit was almost crushed. I know that the spammers are obviously talking to my Ex's and conspiring against me!!!

Why you ask...let me tell you.

Well only my Ex's would know that I need male enhancement and performance improvement. But you know I really would appreciate if you didn't sell that information to the spammers. It's a little bit embarrassing opening up my emails and since I'm sitting here in the PJ's that God gave me, and there in bold letters...it says make it bigger and it needs to be better. Do you know how disheartening it is when your "little buddy" can read and reads things like this. It's another trip to the therapist and right now is not a good time for more therapy. You know?

Also I know some people are not happy unless you are unhappy and for crying out loud, I don't need to date safer or date smarter. First of all the Wife named Season did a preemptive strike on this option on our wedding day. She went into great detail about what would be the consequences. It involves a lot of pain, suffering, followed by death and then her collecting insurance money and living high on the hog. Ironically the first three results don't bother me that much, but the fact that she can live better off without me...THAT'S JUST UNACCEPTABLE! So please stop telling the spam people that I need more information on dating.

I sure as hell don't need more sex partners. I don't know, I mean I know most guys and some gals are out there asking "Why not Jose? Why don't you want more sex partners?" Let me tell you why. I can barely keep one partner happy as it is and now you want me to spread that fact around to other people too?

NOPE!!! I don't think so, SIR. Besides didn't you read the paragraph above about the pain, suffering, followed by death and then her collecting insurance money and living high on the hog. And how that is unacceptable? Just double checking.

More orgasms...

OK this one I could do with, I mean who doesn't want more orgasms?

More pleasure? They offer something that offers more pleasure?

Umm, doesn't it pretty much feel the same for everyone? Doesn't it all come down to wetness, squishiness, insertion, resulting in more wetness and a trip to the bathroom? (And just in case you failed to notice I left this very vague so it would pertain to all lifestyles. Do you see how PC friendly I'm becoming. But...on a side note what does Personal Computers have with being accepting and tolerant of others whether you agree or understand them. Shouldn't we accept them like that anyway? I'm just asking.)

Now these next few spam emails I don't understand. Why do I need to know how to spot a Rolex or even a fake Rolex? I don't wear a watch.

I haven't worn a watch seriously since I had my Snoopy watch back between grades 3 through 5.

Albeit that was one of the coolest watches ever. It had Snoopy sitting on the Sopwith Camel in the center with 3 different clouds and a Red Baron circling him.

The coolest watch in history was then stolen sometime in 5th grade from my desk. The band had broken, so I put it in my desk for safe keeping. Since it was stolen from a fifth graders desk while he was attending a Catholic School, that better guarantee some hellfire, brimstone and some personal attention from Satan himself to the culprit!

Am I bitter still after all these years??? OH HELL TO THE YEAH I AM!!! So no I don't need any watches thank you very much. And thank you for bringing that memory back. I guess me an little buddy are going to be siting next to each other in therapy thanks to this.

WOW!!! This is actually turning out to be longer than originally intended. So that will be all for today. I'll end it here and continue this tomorrow.

MY OWN PRISON

Since I started this whole music searching thing, it seems to have encompassed most of my meager existence.

Between starting my journey listening to all our CD's and cassettes (yup I still own a whole lot of 'em too).

I've begun to look at websites that list bands that I have and still listen too like Sleaze Roxx, new stuff I have never listened to before like 4:A.M. which is located on Warren Ellis' web kingdom, and down loading Ghosts I (from Ghosts I-IV) available HERE FOR FREE.

It seems sad that I am taking a break from music by blogging.

But it's cool. I am prepared. I have my Kool-aid ala John from the Real World 2, I got tunes rocking in the background, and I just finished a couple of onion bagels for strength.

WOW, that made me sound like a moron. I'm just glad you can look around my room and finally not notice how much mouth breathers, spazzes and I have in common.

That was sarcasm.

I'm drinking my Kool-Aid out of a Wonder Woman glass I got at Six Flags Great America many years ago, my mouse pad is the "Cockpit view" of an R-wing fighter from the Star Wars Rebel Assault game and I have The Flash super glued to my monitor.

So let's change the subject from my lack of productive life to why I'm on here. Well there really is no reason I am on here other than, I just can't sleep. Well that and the music thing, but the music thing is a choice, where insomnia is NOT.

Well I guess that's all for right now.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Whoever Said That Life Would Be Easy Never Walked A Mile In My Shoes

WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW...

My wife gifted me an MP3 player. I decided that my new/old piece of technology needed some "street cred." Thus my "MP3 playa" was filled and I have been one very happy boy.

It's an older model, so it's memory isn't monstrous. Which means my music choices are a tad bit limited.

Since Wednesday, when she presented me an ability to ignore the world and to literally march to the beat of a different drummer, I had a play list that I was very happy with.

WAS being the key word.

Last night when I was cleaning out my "well" I heard a very cool song.

On Saturday I picked up two of Andrew W.K.'s cd's. VERY VERY cool stuff. One of the songs "Into the Clear" struck a chord with me, and I had it playing in my head all day.

I decided that this brand new musical gem (to me that is) would have to go in my "MP3 playa." But after I added it to my array of music and decided to give it an audio gander (that's my very dorky way of saying "a listen to.").

Suddenly...the songs didn't work.

By adding this one song I've had to rethink the entire play list.

After three hours of screwing with this, I gave up for now. I thought maybe I just need to find a set of songs that blend.

I know I can't trust the radio (I mean not like it ripped me off, or stole my girl, but once in a while I'd like to hear an entire day of cool brand new music that was just released. I don't just mean the "single" but the whole album...you know?).

I went with option number two. I started listening to our CD's. Yup over 400 different cd's trying to find the missing pieces

As I'm writing this I'm on CD 6.

All of this because a song that resonated with me, caused a chain reaction with "MP3 playa's" play list.

The worst part is that I just happened to notice the candles I had lit just went out. I started looking for the next set of "antique light bulbs" that I look over and noticed my audio cassette collection.

CRAP.

I forgot that I still have some Cassette's to upgrade to CD's. Well I guess life could be worse. I mean the at least the vinyl albums I own already have CD counterparts.

All this happened because I really really really liked a song, and wanted to put it in "MP3 playa."

You know what folks...I think I need a hobby...badly.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I thought you were a CD of U2, You just an 8track of Kevin DuBrow

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I Won't Give Up! I Won't Give In! I Won't Give Out Or Fall Apart! This Is The Mountain I Must Climb! This Is My Time!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

When you’ve lost it all. That’s when you finally realize. Life is beautiful.
By Jose aka J2 at 3/02/2008 04:28:00 AM

CLEARING OUT SOME SPACE

Well I've started writing or commenting or reviewing all kinds of stuff. I figure since I'm sitting here at pornado central, I might as well keep my fingers and brain working.

So some of the next few articles are just one or two lines that struck a nerve. Some are reviews of movies and are written as if you can decide to watch them at that moment. Some are comments that I have left...and after reading them, realizing that it's actually a pretty good start on something, but than I no longer have the righteous anger fueled rant, that was in my head at the moment I started that, so in the end all I get is a very cool paragraph.

OK I'll stop wasting your time...

REVIEW OF "JUSTICE LEAGUE - NEW FRONTIERS"

This is a movie for comic book fans. Sadly it really isn't for those who have enjoyed the Justice League cartoon on Cartoon Network, or the Super Friends from days of old. It is for fans who enjoy a bit of nostalgia and elements of "what if this happened" and who are knowledgeable of the DC comic book universe. This movie runs along the same vein as Batman:Mask of the Phantasm with the dark and gritty overtones. Sadly, it isn't a stand alone movie. Without some foreknowledge and history of the main characters, you will get lost in the storyline and some of the "inside" elements won't have the same impact as they would for someone with foreknowledge and history of the main characters. I really hope this will help some of you if you decide to watch it.

A REVIEW OF "TMNT"

JUST PLAIN FUN That's what the TMNT was all about. Just plain fun. This movie is that. It's just plain fun. Sure the story could be better. But is there anything out there you can't say that about? I guess when it comes to being a TMNT fan, I've never taken them any more seriously than I was supposed to, so I have yet to be disappointed by anything TMNT. But back to this move..well..I guess..YUP, this movie is just plain fun.

IN RESPONSE TO A BLOG ON PETA

How can you expect people to treat animals ethically when we as a race can't treat each other ethically? We as a race are cruel and savage hunters who make better weapons to destroy and kill. We are the most technically advanced savages in existence today. And we're not getting any wiser or kinder. So if you want to start somewhere start teaching tolerance on a global scale, and after that we might have a cruelty to animal free world.

A REVIEW OF SUPERMAN/DOOMSDAY

Of all the Superman story lines I read during my fanatical comic book collecting days, this one was by far my most favorite. So when I found out that they were doing a movie of it I was stoked. That is until I saw it, I was disappointed. Maybe I expected to much. Maybe I just hoped it would be more than it was. Either way I was still disappointed. They rushed what would equal three story line that took over a year in the comics into just over an hour on video. Now had they spent an hour on each part of the story maybe I would have been a little happier. I have since watched it again. Although I still find it lacking. It's like they forget that if you're going to kill a character, even temporarily, you have to spend a little time making it mean something. You have to have spend time with the people who are affected by it. With some more time they could have done this, and then there would have been more perennial moments. But as a Superman "fix" or if you need a dose of Superman it would do in a pinch.

A REVIEW OF "MEET THE SPARTANS"

I went into this thinking the same thing I do whenever I check out a parody film. I go in expecting that the funniest parts of the movie were in the trailers. This movie, well I was actually surprised by this movie. It was a lot funnier than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it will never win an award of any kind, nor will it ever be a classic. What it will be and thankfully is, simply a dumb parody movie with some funny moments, some gross moments and few surprises. And let's be honest..sometimes it's OK to expect nothing from a movie and still be entertained by it. Especially a movie whose only purpose is to entertain you at the bathroom level humor.

Well my "well" for the week is officially dry. SO now that I've purged everything, I am walking away from pornado central for the day. I hope you all have a good day.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

horrified the answer may be beyond the capabilities of my own two hands so small (no one should feel this alone)

SLEEPING ON THE COUCH IN JUST A FEW EASY STEPS

On this day of running errands, doing grocery shopping and getting dinner, I have come to this conclusion. If there's a way to end up sleeping on the couch, I'll find it.

On our way to Denny's for dinner we had a discussion on her colorful descriptives for the male genitalia for example...

When one of the cats is feeling rambunctious and the other one is not she will intervene (yes, she intervenes because they both happen to be male...and since cats can't give consent...) and will usually make one of these 2 statement, "Put Petey away," (when only slightly annoyed), and "Sheath it back up Mister, RIGHT NOW" (when she's had to pull one off the other more than twice and IS greatly irritated).

When she's being silly she usually refers to it as a winkie (now this is spelled to her precise specifications) which she says than giggles like a catholic school girl. Now personally I don't know whether to laugh along or to be insulted. You know what I mean?

Of course when she's feeling rambunctious she refers to it as a...let'as just say rooster. NO, not because it's up at dawn,(even though it usually it is) but the four letter word that means rooster. Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm trying to keep the language a little more appropriate for those who are easily offended. Believe me, it could happen at any moment that I refer back to my sailor-esque language but for right now this is funnier.

Now, when she's feeling violent, well in those times she doesn't get vulgar. Instead she calls it Jimmy, as in "KICK HIM IN THE JIMMY!!!" or "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT??? HE DESERVED TO GET KICKED IN THE JIMMY!!!" If there is trauma of any kind, that happens to include the male nether regions, it is forever referred as Jimmy.


At Denny's the waitress Amanda asked us what we wanted to drink, I asked for my usual diet coke and Season asked for her usual coffee.

When Amanda came back she asked my wife if she cared for cream, her response was "Yes please. I'm a creamaholic." -dramatic pause- looked at me and said "You shut up right now." (Being who I am, I know that at some point today I'll say something that will deny me access to the "Hole-y Land". Yes boys and girls this would be the moment.)

My response to her statement was very simply..."Whatever Jenna."

The immediate reaction to this was me getting kicked under the table.

Amanda looked at me and asked "Jenna Jameson? The porn star?"

Which caused me to get kicked under the table...again.


After dinner, Season was looking at the dessert menu and couldn't find the pie. She asked me to help her find the pie, and then get a little upset with me.

I asked her why was she looking for pie and why did she want me to help? I mean wasn't the winkie enough for her Luckily I protected the seat I was sitting on from the flurry of kicks that came from under the table with my leg, so that there would be no property damage...again.

Now she's asleep in the bedroom and I'm sitting here eating a Hot Pocket, writing on my blog and watching Meet the Spartans.