Oct 31, 2003


Getting candy, that’s the damn reason for Halloween! Not promoting a pagan holiday. It's all about the candy, well and costumes too.

Not spending money on Hershey’s, Twizzlers or Snickers bars and it's sure as hell not about defending the privilege to go to a neighbors house, knock on their door, threating them (trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat), getting candy and then proceeding down the street to repeat this ritual.

I used to love trick or treating, walking what felt like 100 miles for a pillowcase full of candy. Carry the loot back home and then go hit another neighborhood and do it all again.

Now we just go to the store and buy twice the candy amount, because we plan on snacking on a whole lot of it as we hand out the rest of it. Of course while doing this, we're also fending off the religious freaks who go on and on about how this is the devils blah blah blah.

But the candy's not free anymore, and that sucks. The only thing that is free is that little pamphlet that says that if you participate in Halloween, you're going to hell.

The costumes are still pretty cool, and seeing the babies in their strollers dressed as little clowns or pumpkins, that's just adorable.

But what about me and my selfish desire for sweets and sugar highs, huh? What about my need to dress up as a Jedi Knight or a Cowboy or a Pirate and walk around the neighborhood?

Where's my “free candy”? My free candy is a little bit different now. I mean I still wear the costumes, but now I'm the spooky house that when I was a lot younger I was too afraid to too. I'm the one who plays the spooky and scary sound Cd's. I'm the house with the black lights and the fog machine to try and scare the new crop of kids and their parents.

I make sure I get the good candy. The good candy means more visitors. More visitors means the chance to scare more people. That's right, there's no pennies, candy corn, or toothbrushes to be given away at this house. I avoided the tootsie rolls, dum dums, and the cheap Sam's club bubblegum. Only name brands here dammit. I got the Reeces, M&M's, the Hershey’s snack pack (removing the dark chocolate bars....because the they are icky and yucky to most children} and this time I even added Spree's and Sweetarts (because not everybody wants chocolate).

Am I ranting for no good reason? Well of course I am! Silly rabbits, tricks (or treat) are for kids.

We had our time, its time to pass the torch (or flashlights because some dumb kid had to get burned and ruined it for the rest of us) and move on.

Hell now we get to be the house that was too creepy (insert evil laugh here). We get to be the house that gets all the attention because we have the best candy. Noting travels faster on Halloween than finding out who has the best candy.

So yes, I will take the candy now. All you Jesus freaks, keep your salvation speeches out of my candy bowl. This is about some harmless fun, costumes and candy. It's not about your “holier than thou” bullshit. It's about staying children in a world that doesn't allow children to stay innocent for very long.