Jun 29, 2004


the smell of a hot summer day reminds me of playgrounds and tether ball
swings and slides
of exhilaration when you jump off the swing at its apex
and the tears of the scraped knees when you landed

the sounds of laughter remind me to live in today
look forward to tomorrow
and not dwell on yesterday

the full moon rising reminds me of romance when I'm with you,
and of werewolves when I'm not

the images of wrestling remind me of Sunday mornings with my grandfather and cousins,
and bruises from drop kicks gone awry before church

the sounds of the ice cream man
still make me call for my mom and ask her for a dollar
to get some cool delicious treats that normally ended up melting
because of the brain freeze slowed down the eating
by the time the brain thaw kicked in the “sugar high frozen for mass consumption”
had already melted

the sight and smell of roses shows me that all things beautiful have another side
and that usually you can reach them if you take the time to get to know them
and than realize that even the thorns can be beautiful

the sounds of keyboard keys remind me that I need to write more frequently

the sound of music makes me want to dance
than the sight of me dancing for some reason makes everyone else laugh
and that makes me dance harder and faster
because laughter is still the most beautiful music a man can make

the sounds of thunder make my heart race
my palms sweat
my desire grow
the smell of rain
the sound of rain
the images of rain
is a lot like life
fast and fleeting
longer than some and shorter than others
there are times its scary
and times its peaceful
there are times you're happy to see it
and times when you wish
"rain rain go away"

but mostly its like life.


Good day to all who read this...this is the translation for all my recent entries. I guess I’m telling you because soon it’s going to be written in other languages in their characters so now you'll know what it means. Well anyways I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, I thought it would be a cool thing to do. It’s basically a list of 100 things about me that you didn't know. While there are a few of you who know some of these things its a way for the rest of you to get to know me...so here we go

1 I'm Mexican not Hispanic

2 I hate having short hair

3 my mom is one of my closest and best friends

4 my dad is not

5 I have many siblings but only call one my sister

6 my mom gave birth to her

7 I’m the older of 2 (by 12 years)

8 I love snow leopards

9 I’m at work right now

10 this is actually pretty hard to do

11 I’m also an uncle to a niece I’ve met once

12 I love Chinese food

13 I hate spicy food (no not the garlic kind, the melts your tongue kind)

14 I watch wrestling

15 I have since I was 5

16 I love to read

17 I love music

18 so far I've never been arrested

19 so far never had a ticket of any kind

20 I have a real respect for law enforcement they are just doing their jobs

21 I smoke

22 have smoked since I was 15

23 I started because I was bored at work

24 in my immediate family I’m the only smoker

25 smoked pot for the first time when I was 27

26 my virginity was lost at age 12

27 it is a regret

28 I am/was a father at 16.  I didn't know

29 the child was aborted

30 Tina told me almost 2 years later

31 I still hate her

32 that’s the age I currently am

33 I plan on changing that every year

34 I think Johnny Depp is beautiful and talented as an actor

35 no I’m not gay

36 Just that comfortable with myself

37 I hate facial hair

38 I hate shaving more

39 I know it is possible to cut your self with an electric shaver

40 I hate liars

41 I'm good at listening

42 I'm good at talking

43 I'm bad at patience

44 I like cartoons

45 I don't like it when people don't give them a chance

46 I hate people who tell me I’m not using my full potential

47 I love movies

48 I love Amy lee's voice (ask if you don't know)

49 I’ve had 9 girlfriends

50 in high school, I missed 223 days

51 I had to repeat my senior year

52 I graduated and hang my diploma proudly (although its at my moms)

53 I like Jack Daniels

54 he usually hates me the next day

55 I’m not religious

56 but I am spiritual

57 I’m going to have a cigarette now

58 I’m back

59 silence bothers me

60 I don't like crowds

61 I have a fear of ladders and heights

62 I love to laugh

63 I also cry

64 I never cheated on my most current ex

65 she's the only I never cheated on

66 I have a pet chinchilla

67 I want a Great Pyrenees

68 I love 80's hair bands (remember when they were called glam bands?)

69 hehehehehehe

70 I write poetry

71 I think its just ok

72 I like backstreet boys and n*synch

73 I love my job

74 I want to name my son Kyle Jeffery

75 I’ll probably never have children

76 this thought is a sad one

77 I want to get married some day

78 this also will probably never happen

79 I want to name my daughter Ryoko Nicole

80 I have 2 tattoos

81 I want many more

82 I’m easy to talk to

83 I’m easy to get along with

84 I’m impossible to live with

85 I love my car

86 I have no attention span for video games

87 except for Tetris

88 I was born on June 2nd 1972

89 I love driving to new places

90 I hate the city I live in

91 I’m 5'10" and overweight

92 for the first time ever, I’m living on my own

93 that's changing in a couple of days

94 I don't know if I’m keen on that idea

95 my smile is my best feature

96 I’m content right now

97 I don't believe in sharing, if it's mine, it’s mine

98 I never want to see Mexico

99 I’m fiercely loyal to my friends

100 the only reason I do this is because my friend Beverly had a blog site and I thought it was kind of cool, so I started one too. Thank you Bev

and with that

I still and will always remain

Jose AKA J2

ps although now you all know a little more about me  

Jun 24, 2004


an invading kiss

that rips into my skin,

you're lava like tongue

tracing my veins,

you're single tooth

leading me in a death dance,

not releasing me.

forever in your thrall.

holding me in your grasp,

an unrelenting need,

an reproachable hunger,

that makes me a prisoner,

in my own flesh.

your seduction complete.

like a cast iron grip

that scares my mind,

my body

and my soul,

if you ever leave me,

even for just a moment.

a longing left in me

by you,

my needle's kiss.

a desperation to feel...


anything at all.

Jun 22, 2004



ticks away
at the same speed,
second by second,
but when desire and wants
are added to the dance,
fleeting they are,
and forever they take.
time ticks away
at the same speed,
minute by minute,
but when like and love
are added to the dance,
there's never enough,
or it takes too long.
time ticks away
at the same speed,
hour by hour,
but when longing and yearning
are added to the dance,
that which remains
but for a brief time
and eternity stands permanent,
time ticks away
at the same speed,
never fast enough
and never long enough.


Jun 8, 2004


i took my first step today.

the same as i did tomorrow,

i tripped yet i stood up,
than got back down to fall again,

the sidewalk gets smaller the closer i converge,

i'm nearly to my destination,
only to realize i never left,

i looked down at the sidewalk,
only to see the sky looking up at me,

i was walking nowhere,
getting farther than ever before,

i was losing my sanity,
only to stay insane,

I took my first step today.

different than i did yesterday,

i walked off the sidewalk,
to find myself already there,

to ask myself

'what took you so long?'

only to respond 'i was found but now i'm lost',

i laughed at myself,

'you were caged, now you're free' i said,

'being free is frightening' was my reply,

'yeah it is' i answered 'but feeling "anything" is new to you',

'i felt things before' i countered,

'you never felt alive or free before' i retorted,

i took my first step today.

than i took my second.

than i took my third...

Jun 7, 2004


Who do you see,

my reflective twin,

my mirror self.

What do you see,

when you stare back at me?

Do you even like that person?

Or do you hate him?

Do you envy me?

Are you jealous because of my substance?

Or am I empty just like you,

flat and two dimensional,

with no real shape.

Am I just a reflection of you?

Am I the mirror image to your existence?

Do you see the person I used to be?

That angry man I used to be.

The child I pretend to be.

Or do you see me the way I am now?

Confused and questioning myself.

Am I living or existing?

Do you see the person I will soon become?

Do you pass judgment on where I’ve been?

Do you see a child, an adolescent, or an adult?

Do you see my joy, my anger, my tears my smile?

Do you know my soul, my heart?

Do you see me?

Do you care to see me?

That’s the question I ask of you, my reflection.

Who do you see when you look at me?

Are you only happy when I’m happy?

Are you only sad when I’m sad?

Do you only see me when I see you?

Or do I only see me when I see you?

Jun 3, 2004



it comes to me in a flash of light,

like a bolt of lightning,

dancing and cutting the darks skies.


like a raging inferno,

enveloping, scorching, searing,

melting and blistering my very essence.


wide-awake and attentive,

my insight to reality,

now vigilant and wary.



to the relevant and obscure.


everything makes sense.


absorbed to the banalities

of what isn't

and what won't be.


I find myself absent,

devoid and hollow.


I feel a longing,


so ravenous,

still craving and yearning for everything.

Yet, all is unobtainable,









and unattainable.


I feel so...alive.

Yet I am not yet born.


Jun 2, 2004


Hi one and all, Its my birthday and well its really early in the AM, so, I'll be back later to actually write. Thank you...buh bye 4 now.