Jun 29, 2004

LIKE LIFE

the smell of a hot summer day reminds me of playgrounds and tether ball
swings and slides
of exhilaration when you jump off the swing at its apex
and the tears of the scraped knees when you landed

the sounds of laughter remind me to live in today
look forward to tomorrow
and not dwell on yesterday

the full moon rising reminds me of romance when I'm with you,
and of werewolves when I'm not

the images of wrestling remind me of Sunday mornings with my grandfather and cousins,
and bruises from drop kicks gone awry before church

the sounds of the ice cream man
still make me call for my mom and ask her for a dollar
to get some cool delicious treats that normally ended up melting
because of the brain freeze slowed down the eating
by the time the brain thaw kicked in the “sugar high frozen for mass consumption”
had already melted

the sight and smell of roses shows me that all things beautiful have another side
and that usually you can reach them if you take the time to get to know them
and than realize that even the thorns can be beautiful

the sounds of keyboard keys remind me that I need to write more frequently

the sound of music makes me want to dance
than the sight of me dancing for some reason makes everyone else laugh
and that makes me dance harder and faster
because laughter is still the most beautiful music a man can make

the sounds of thunder make my heart race
my palms sweat
my desire grow
the smell of rain
the sound of rain
the images of rain
is a lot like life
fast and fleeting
longer than some and shorter than others
there are times its scary
and times its peaceful
there are times you're happy to see it
and times when you wish
"rain rain go away"

but mostly its like life.

100 THINGS ABOUT ME

Good day to all who read this...this is the translation for all my recent entries. I guess I’m telling you because soon it’s going to be written in other languages in their characters so now you'll know what it means. Well anyways I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, I thought it would be a cool thing to do. It’s basically a list of 100 things about me that you didn't know. While there are a few of you who know some of these things its a way for the rest of you to get to know me...so here we go


1 I'm Mexican not Hispanic


2 I hate having short hair


3 my mom is one of my closest and best friends


4 my dad is not


5 I have many siblings but only call one my sister


6 my mom gave birth to her


7 I’m the older of 2 (by 12 years)


8 I love snow leopards


9 I’m at work right now


10 this is actually pretty hard to do


11 I’m also an uncle to a niece I’ve met once


12 I love Chinese food


13 I hate spicy food (no not the garlic kind, the melts your tongue kind)


14 I watch wrestling


15 I have since I was 5


16 I love to read


17 I love music


18 so far I've never been arrested


19 so far never had a ticket of any kind


20 I have a real respect for law enforcement they are just doing their jobs


21 I smoke


22 have smoked since I was 15


23 I started because I was bored at work


24 in my immediate family I’m the only smoker


25 smoked pot for the first time when I was 27


26 my virginity was lost at age 12


27 it is a regret


28 I am/was a father at 16.  I didn't know


29 the child was aborted


30 Tina told me almost 2 years later


31 I still hate her


32 that’s the age I currently am


33 I plan on changing that every year


34 I think Johnny Depp is beautiful and talented as an actor


35 no I’m not gay


36 Just that comfortable with myself


37 I hate facial hair


38 I hate shaving more


39 I know it is possible to cut your self with an electric shaver


40 I hate liars


41 I'm good at listening


42 I'm good at talking


43 I'm bad at patience


44 I like cartoons


45 I don't like it when people don't give them a chance


46 I hate people who tell me I’m not using my full potential


47 I love movies


48 I love Amy lee's voice (ask if you don't know)


49 I’ve had 9 girlfriends


50 in high school, I missed 223 days


51 I had to repeat my senior year


52 I graduated and hang my diploma proudly (although its at my moms)


53 I like Jack Daniels


54 he usually hates me the next day


55 I’m not religious


56 but I am spiritual


57 I’m going to have a cigarette now


58 I’m back


59 silence bothers me


60 I don't like crowds


61 I have a fear of ladders and heights


62 I love to laugh


63 I also cry


64 I never cheated on my most current ex


65 she's the only I never cheated on


66 I have a pet chinchilla


67 I want a Great Pyrenees


68 I love 80's hair bands (remember when they were called glam bands?)


69 hehehehehehe


70 I write poetry


71 I think its just ok


72 I like backstreet boys and n*synch


73 I love my job


74 I want to name my son Kyle Jeffery


75 I’ll probably never have children


76 this thought is a sad one


77 I want to get married some day


78 this also will probably never happen


79 I want to name my daughter Ryoko Nicole


80 I have 2 tattoos


81 I want many more


82 I’m easy to talk to


83 I’m easy to get along with


84 I’m impossible to live with


85 I love my car


86 I have no attention span for video games


87 except for Tetris


88 I was born on June 2nd 1972


89 I love driving to new places


90 I hate the city I live in


91 I’m 5'10" and overweight


92 for the first time ever, I’m living on my own


93 that's changing in a couple of days


94 I don't know if I’m keen on that idea


95 my smile is my best feature


96 I’m content right now


97 I don't believe in sharing, if it's mine, it’s mine


98 I never want to see Mexico


99 I’m fiercely loyal to my friends


100 the only reason I do this is because my friend Beverly had a blog site and I thought it was kind of cool, so I started one too. Thank you Bev


and with that

I still and will always remain

Jose AKA J2

ps although now you all know a little more about me  

Jun 24, 2004

A NEEDLE'S KISS

an invading kiss

that rips into my skin,

you're lava like tongue

tracing my veins,

you're single tooth

leading me in a death dance,

not releasing me.

forever in your thrall.

holding me in your grasp,

an unrelenting need,

an reproachable hunger,

that makes me a prisoner,

in my own flesh.

your seduction complete.

like a cast iron grip

that scares my mind,

my body

and my soul,

if you ever leave me,

even for just a moment.

a longing left in me

by you,

my needle's kiss.

a desperation to feel...

anything,

anything at all.

Jun 22, 2004

TIME

time.

ticks away
at the same speed,
second by second,
but when desire and wants
are added to the dance,
fleeting they are,
and forever they take.
time ticks away
at the same speed,
minute by minute,
but when like and love
are added to the dance,
there's never enough,
or it takes too long.
time ticks away
at the same speed,
hour by hour,
but when longing and yearning
are added to the dance,
that which remains
but for a brief time
and eternity stands permanent,
time ticks away
at the same speed,
never fast enough
and never long enough.

time

Jun 8, 2004

I TOOK MY FIRST STEP TODAY

i took my first step today.

the same as i did tomorrow,

i tripped yet i stood up,
than got back down to fall again,

the sidewalk gets smaller the closer i converge,

i'm nearly to my destination,
only to realize i never left,

i looked down at the sidewalk,
only to see the sky looking up at me,

i was walking nowhere,
getting farther than ever before,

i was losing my sanity,
only to stay insane,

I took my first step today.

different than i did yesterday,

i walked off the sidewalk,
to find myself already there,

to ask myself

'what took you so long?'

only to respond 'i was found but now i'm lost',

i laughed at myself,

'you were caged, now you're free' i said,

'being free is frightening' was my reply,

'yeah it is' i answered 'but feeling "anything" is new to you',

'i felt things before' i countered,

'you never felt alive or free before' i retorted,

i took my first step today.

than i took my second.

than i took my third...

Jun 7, 2004

REFLECTIONS

Who do you see,

my reflective twin,

my mirror self.

What do you see,

when you stare back at me?

Do you even like that person?

Or do you hate him?

Do you envy me?

Are you jealous because of my substance?

Or am I empty just like you,

flat and two dimensional,

with no real shape.

Am I just a reflection of you?

Am I the mirror image to your existence?

Do you see the person I used to be?

That angry man I used to be.

The child I pretend to be.

Or do you see me the way I am now?

Confused and questioning myself.

Am I living or existing?

Do you see the person I will soon become?

Do you pass judgment on where I’ve been?

Do you see a child, an adolescent, or an adult?

Do you see my joy, my anger, my tears my smile?

Do you know my soul, my heart?

Do you see me?

Do you care to see me?

That’s the question I ask of you, my reflection.

Who do you see when you look at me?

Are you only happy when I’m happy?

Are you only sad when I’m sad?

Do you only see me when I see you?

Or do I only see me when I see you?

Jun 3, 2004

SUDDENLY

Suddenly...

it comes to me in a flash of light,

like a bolt of lightning,

dancing and cutting the darks skies.

Suddenly...

like a raging inferno,

enveloping, scorching, searing,

melting and blistering my very essence.

Suddenly...

wide-awake and attentive,

my insight to reality,

now vigilant and wary.

Suddenly...

apprehensive,

to the relevant and obscure.

Suddenly...

everything makes sense.

Suddenly...

absorbed to the banalities

of what isn't

and what won't be.

Suddenly...

I find myself absent,

devoid and hollow.

Suddenly...

I feel a longing,

hungering,

so ravenous,

still craving and yearning for everything.

Yet, all is unobtainable,

absurd,

futile,

impassable,

impractical,

unfeasible,

unreasonable,

unthinkable,

useless,

and unattainable.

Suddenly...

I feel so...alive.

Yet I am not yet born.

Suddenly...

Jun 2, 2004

IT'S MAH BIRFDAY WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOO

Hi one and all, Its my birthday and well its really early in the AM, so, I'll be back later to actually write. Thank you...buh bye 4 now.


Jose