Jun 29, 2008


By the guy that brings you



Rules of Marriage - Twittering about the crime for your own personal amusement doesn't help either. It's akin to adding gasoline to flame.


Rules of Marriage - Stealing your partners ice cold beverage (the last one in the house) is not a very good way to start an 85 degree day.


In my previous blog I just totally flaked out. The closing paragraph read as such...

"Later that year my cousin would take me to Hooters and to Juarez, Mexico. Where again disappointment would rear it's ugly head. But that's a story for later."

Yet, this is how it was supposed to read:

"Later that year my cousin would take me to Juarez, Mexico, where again disappointment would rear it's ugly head, and the tale of my first time at Hooters. But that story comes later.

Sorry for the confusion.

I guess one could safely say that I can't proofread for crap.  Anybody know any proofreaders and/or editors who would be willing to see me slaughter the English language, and then try and help me fix it?  Volunteers and people who work for cheap (Free) just message me...thanks.
(Yeah this is actually kind of serious)

Since that particular snafu is cleared up, let's continue down the highway that leads to Disappointment 2...

Later that year the family and I headed down to El Paso, TX for a summer vacation.

Because heading down to Texas in the middle of summer is always a brilliant EFFIN idea.

I guess waiting for spring, late fall or even winter was completely out of the question.  Instead we went down in the middle of summer.  Which is akin to standing in the path of a "Flaming Broccoli Fart Coming From The Bowels Of Hell!!!"

My cousin Emilio (Emmy) had all these things planned out that we would be doing as a family and as house guests.

My cousin Dino, of course, had other plans.

Dino, who is three years old than yours truly, has always had a bit of a wild streak in him. This encounter would be no different.

But I am getting way ahead of myself. First I have to tell you about the trip itself.

We drove to El Paso, TX from Waukesha, WI.

"We" consisted of mom, step-dad, step-bro, half sister (who was still small and young enough to require a car seat) and of course, your unsung hero...Me!

We would travel by Pontiac Phoenix.

A Pontiac Phoenix, that's what 5 people endured a cross country trek in.

A Pontiac Phoenix who during the course of this trip, we needed to get a tire, because the retread was falling apart, before we even got out of IL.

A Pontiac Phoenix who decided that this would be the most opportune time to have the air conditioner malfunction to the point of needing to be replaced.

A Pontiac Phoenix who decided on the return trip, that this would be an opportune moment to have the "replaced" air conditioner caused the car to over heat...3 times.

If it wasn't for the portable cassette player I brought along, I would have killed someone.

If Poison, Whitesnake, Ratt and Motley Crue had not been on this trip, there would have been a headline somewhere that said "Teenager Kills Family - Blames it on "The M****R F*****G air conditioner!"

The 1500+ mile (straight) venture into what was quickly becoming my very own personal hell.  Then we arrived in El Paso.

If it wasn't the car working against us, Mother Nature decided to join in the fun.  Amid downpours that caused us to cease all forward movement and  coyote's doing suicide sprints across the interstate, some higher power did NOT want us to get to El Paso.

We would be spending the week at my aunt's home.

As I previously mentioned Emmy would be our tour guide/host for the week.

Emmy was already there with his wife when the Phoenix limped in from it's ordeal on the Highways and Interstates of America.

Dino showed up roughly 2 hours later.

Emmy and step-dad took the car to the garage so that the repairs could be made.

Step-bro and I decided to jump into the pool to get rid of the "Been in a car too long" funk and mom, aunt and sis were in air conditioned splendor.

After a  few hours Emmy and step-dad returned and the Phoenix with a new AC and 4 brand new tires.

Emmy informed us that we were going to go to Carlsbad Caverns the next day.  (yay...another 150+ miles in that damn car...effin...yay).

Dino asked me if I wanted to hang with him and one of his buds.

16 year old kid asked to hang out with  two19 year olds... I SAID OOOOH HELL YEAH!!!!

Mom heard him ask me, and she volunteered the Phoenix to be the party car (albeit, she did not know it would be a party car).

Oh F**K, I can spend MORE time in THAT car.

About an hour or so and we were on our way OUT.


On our way to pick up his friend, we stopped at a gas station, filled up with gas, I bought cigarettes (heh), and Dino gave me his fake ID. He was going to be using his real one.  He told me not to let the bouncers look too long at it or they'd realize there were two IDs for the same person, his and mine.

Dino looked at me and said, "Manny, were going Juarez, to hit a few bars. Drinking age there is 18.  But don't do anything stupid and when we get home, don't tell your parents."

Being the cool as ice future rock star I said, "OK!!  Boy that sure does sound like fun!" with a huge grin on my face.  See how smooth I was...

Of course, to get ready for drinking, we needed "a base."

I had no idea what that meant, luckily Dino was there to explain the inner workings of bar hopping.

We headed to Whataburger where we got something to eat, which for the record really, REALLY sucked. "Base food doesn't need to be good, it just needs to be filling, that's why were eating an hour and a half before we hit the bars.  That way you won't get drunk as fast."  Made sense to me...I had no clue what he was talking about, but he was buying dinner and I was cool with that.

We picked up his buddy, got some cash and headed to Juarez, Mexico.



The first bar we went to was called Porky's..


No, I'm not kidding.  It really was called Porky's.

This is the first beer I ever drank in a bar.  OK, not a fan of Meeler Liiite.

It's 2/3rds gone, and I don't care, this is the best beer I ever had.  I like beer.  And look, the goofy grin makes it's appearance.

After an hour or so, Dino looked at me and smiled, really, really big...think Cheshire cat...then think rabid wombat.  "We're taking him." is all Dino said.  His bud, started grinning and heartily agreed.

We left Porky's and headed down the street.  We went a couple of blocks and we stopped in front of a non-descript building, and we walked in.

My eyes got huge; the goofy grin makes it's 3rd appearance of the night.  From the doorway, I could see a girl dancing and she appeared...yes, she was topless, and starting to work on the bottoms.  I was a happy boy.

I was completely enveloped in new found HAPPINESS.

The bartender headed over to ask us for our ID's.  He took one good look at me and told Dino, that all my drinks were double priced.  I guess he must have some kind of amazing mental ability to see past my mature exterior and surmised that I might be falsely representing my age.

Dino looked at me and said "Will you please wipe that goofy grin of your face.  He's letting us stay but your drinks are double price.


He asked us for our drink order and I was about to have my 4th beer of the night.

Before I go any further, I need to describe the current situation.  The bartender looked just like Danny Trejo except with a beer gut. He had all the tattoos, was shirtless, and wearing sunglasses.  And looked like he could really do some damage to a person.  Dino ordered us three beers. I was awfully scared of this guy. 

My new found happiness was beginning to wane.

With Dino leading the way, we started to approach the stage where the now completely naked woman was dancing away.

Then closer we got to the stage the more my new found happiness was becoming memory.

I'm not saying the girl were unattractive, but WELL...SHE WAS UNATTRACTIVE.

Suddenly Dino started laughing uncontrollably and pointed across the room. Parked by the door to the strippers' dressing room was a stroller (thank God the baby wasn't in it, but the diaper bag was hanging on the handle). We all started laughing uncontrollably until a new dancer came out with obvious signs that her breasts had just been used for the primary purpose that breasts were designed for...

and there went the last kernel of new found happiness.

This day I learned that not all strip clubs looked like the kind you see in '80s T&A movies.

But some will look like the ones in '70s T&A movies where they go to Tijuana and expect to see a donkey show.

For the next 3 hours we watched nakedness go from bad to worse.

After that, anywhere was an improvement. We headed to the our last bar of this trip. It was OK, except for a couple who were all over each other. They had their tongues jammed down each others throats. I could deal with that. Then they pulled back, with their tongues imitating two snakes frolicking and undulating. At this point in my beer haze it made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. Afterward, we went to Jack in the Box and got food. It did not sit well in my tummy after a bunch of beers, the sad strip bar and the dancing snake show.


Jun 28, 2008


When I was much younger (and Spanish was my main language) there was a restaurant that we passed quite often.  Whenever we did, I would begin to giggle.

It was a Tex-Mex restaurant named Chi Chi-s.

Why did this make me giggle?

I guess before I can continue, I need to give a tiny little language lesson.  In Spanish the word chi chi's is a slang term meaning boobies.  Which is one of my favorite English words...I'm just saying is all.

Because of this auspicious name, this building became a place of great interest and importance.

Now we fast forward our tale to 1988 and I was 16 years old.

A friend named Chris regaled to me a wonderful tidbit of information.  "Jose" he said "last night we went to Chi Chi's for dinner and it was awesome the f..."

Trying to contain my excitement, I asked if they allowed teens in there?  (Of course in hindsight...)

"Yeah, why wouldn't they?"  That's right Chris, keep me in suspense...

"Dude we are going right now!"  As I proceeded to drag him to his car.

Chris was looking at me like I was insane, "Dude, are you OK?"

"Yeah man, I AWESOME...so let's get going!"

With an ounce of trepidation he said OK, and then we were off.

I was stoked.

I was finally going to the promised land.

I was ready for this moment.

I was finally at the restaurant called boobies.  Or Chi-chi's to my American friends.

We walked in and I immediately began my search.  I looked near and far.


I looked at Chris "Dude?  Umm, where are the girls?"

Chris stared at me, confusion evident in his eyes.

The hostess sat us by the windows.

"Um Chris, there are girls here right?" as I began to notice that there were people of all types sitting at tables and in booths.  Eating something that resembled Mexican food.

Some guy asked what we wanted to drink.  Chris and I asked for a Coke.

I looked at the menu.

I looked at Chris, and asked him, "Why is this place awesome?"


"Earlier you said 'Jose last night we went to Chi Chi's for dinner and it was awesome the f..' what makes this place awesome?"

"They have the best Mexican food in town."


"Yeah the food here is great!"

That's when the disappointment sunk in.

Chris asked me what was wrong?

I told Chris what chi chi's meant in Spanish, and he laughed.

And laughed.

And Laughed.

"Well that sure explains why you freaked out when I said I was here."

Meekly I responded with a barely audible "yeah"

He laughed a little while longer.

After catching his breath he says "Well let's order our food, you'll love it."

When the food arrived disappointment number two hit me.  The food absolutely sucked.

Chris was in hog heaven, but when you get homemade Mexican food on a semi regular basis, restaurant food always falls a bit shy.

So we ate.

Then we paid.

Then we left.

I silently vowed that I would never again would I fall for a name like that again.

Later that year my cousin would take me to Hooters and to Juarez, Mexico.  Where again disappointment would rear it's ugly head.  But that's a story for later.

Jun 27, 2008


That, sadly, was a true moment that I had the unfortunate luck to not only witness BUT I was also a part of.


I said "But Hilary lost." The girl said "That's because she's dumb & I'm smart and you're a guy & and I could be the first girl 'precedent'."


At McDonald's I heard a girl say "I am like so smart, I could so be the president. I mean if Hilary could run well than I would totally win"


I am now working a first shift schedule and I am still getting used to it.

It is kicking my ass

like I was that skinny guy in that ad.  I wish Charles Atlas had a "get used to sleeping at night and waking up in the morning" advice, because I could sure use that.

If things keep going like they are, I should be back on here in a more timely fashion.

I'm also going to be moving in July.  SO if everything goes smoothly, I'll be back to a daily schedule after that.

That's about all I got today.

Jun 25, 2008


Rules of Marriage - No matter how long or short you're married...the toilet seat will always be a controversial subject...that you can't win


Getting used to first shift is kicking my ass...and greatly reducing my pornado central time.

Jun 23, 2008


Now it's time to throw money away on car maintenance, fueling up for the week and hoping that nothing bad happens to our loyal "steeds"


The weekend is over & back to the grind of working, cleaning packing & every little mundane activity that come with Mondays. YOIKS & AWAY!!!

Jun 22, 2008


Quote of the Day - "This place smells like swamp donkey!"

Jun 21, 2008


My wife just tried to beatbox. It's truly one of the saddest things ever. If there was ever proof of her lack of hip hop, this would be it.


You know it feels pretty good being behind my keyboard again. I think I will have to invest in a laptop very very soon.


If I can get a mechanical engineering degree, would that help me build a light saber?


Why is the movie "The Exorcist" so funny to me? Sue and were watching it, and I was cracking up. She was horrified...both at me & the movie.


When we move I'll finally have my den of iniquity. My wife will have something to say about that. Which means no den of iniquity for me. :(


Jun 18, 2008


http://tinyurl.com/65p4dn my blog update for the day, enjoy


Well it seems that Jessica Simpson has officially enraged the tyrannical and militant terrorists...oops I mean PETA. I;m a "Whatever floats your boat." kind of guy. I really am. But there are times when I must exercise that "freedom of speech" thingy from that document signed by our fore fathers.

This is obviously a dig at her boy toys ex girlfriend Carie Underwood.  It's nothing more than a "you had your chance now he's mine" moment that ALL women do.  So what if she chooses steak and ribs over lettuce and tofu.  So do I.

When I first read that, my mind immediately surfaced right around the gutter, and I had a little chuckle.  I also know that Miss Underwood is also a VeggieHead (why I know THAT fact I'll never understand but I do) so it changed from a chuckle to a full blown "laugh out loud" moment.

Is it childish?  Yes.  Is it funny?  Absolutely.  Does it make me think any less of her?  Not even remotely possible, because I usually don't think about her at all!

Then PETA reared it's ugly head.

Now I am doing something I have never done before.  I am here to defend Jessica Simpson.

1. Meat increases the risk of breast cancer. A 2007 study of 35,000 women published in the British Journal of Cancer found that women who ate meat were far more likely to develop breast cancer than women who consumed none. Will Jessica's next t-shirt will say, "Real Girls Smoke 3 Packs a Day"?

I find this so amazing that I had my crack staff look into this.  You know what that crack staff found out?  That a 2007 study of death say that death affects 100 percent of all people involved.  The scare tactic IS using the words "far more likely"

"Far more likely" means simply, it could happen and we are guessing that it could happen because the conditions are right, but were still not 100 percent sure.  So we'll use the term "far more likely" and that will be taken as fact.

2. Real girls don't support animal abuse. Compassion is super sexy, if the huge number of hot celebs ditching meat is any indication. Young women turn vegetarian in droves when they learn that the meat industry cuts the sensitive beaks off newborn chicks and cuts off the tails of baby piglets.

I don't CARE what celebs do!!  The choices they make do not influence my life in the least!!  I don't drive a hybrid.  I don't talk about how much I hate the president or that he's a war monger.  I don't care what celebs are doing in the least.  Celebs are the second most filmed people in the world.  The first are the people who get filmed at scene of a tragic event.  Than just talk pure shit.  Like people who live along a lake/river and are completely surprised when the lake/river claims their property.  Only to rebuild in THE SAME EXACT SPOT.  Then are completely surprised when it happens AGAIN!!

Lastly, compassion may be sexy, but one thing I have never heard any of my friends say wow...look at her compassion, that is so sexy!  Usually it's a more physical thing that catches their eyes.

3. The meat industry is destroying the Earth. The only thing that's hot about the meat industry is that it's toasting the planet. According to the United Nations, raising animals for food causes more greenhouse-gas emissions than all the cars, trucks, SUVs, planes, and ships in the world combined.

That maybe true, but if you veggieheads stopped eating all the green things that take those harmful emissions and turn them into breathable air, we wouldn't have that problem.  Speaking of removing green things...how many acres of trees do you think have been eliminated by "celebs" so they can have their palatial estates?  Just wondering.

4. Meat will make you fat. All the saturated fat and cholesterol in chicken wings, pork chops, and steak eventually leads to flabby thighs and love handles. I hope the upcoming "Jessica Simpson's Intimates" line comes in plus sizes!

NO!!  MEAT WILL NOT MAKE YOU FAT!!  EATING MAKES YOU FAT!  I know this.  I like to eat.

"Going vegetarian is the best way to get slim and stay that way."


I like to eat.  I don't like to exercise. Thus I am fat.  I make no excuses.

5. Eating meat steals food from starving kids. Jessica's trip to help kids in Africa got a lot of media buzz, but by gnawing on meat, she's essentially stealing food from the mouths of starving children since it takes up to 16 pounds of grain to produce just 1 pound of meat. If more people went vegetarian, we'd free up enough grain to feed every person in the world.

No, if the society, religion and beliefs protects a possible food source, they are starving by choice.

If farmers are letting their crops spoil because it's to costly to farm it, that's taking food out of every bodies mouths, not just "the starving children", because obviously the starving adults don't get mentioned, so they must not matter.

So to end this spiel, which has grown a lot longer than originally intended,

There is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian as a lifestyle choice.  I don't care what you choose.  But DO NOT FORCE FEED ME YOUR VIEWS SO SCREW YOU PETA!!

Jessica eat whatever makes you happy.

I myself am about to go cook me up some pork chops.  C'mon over if you want some.


For 34 years she called it Teenage Wasteland. This makes me giggle, because she's the 50's-70's music aficionado, and I'm the hair band geek


I taught my wife, back when we first met, the name of the song, by The Who, isn't "Teenage Wasteland" but "Baba O'Reilly."

Jun 17, 2008


Rules of Marriage - Even though you are a fly by the seat kind of guy, you need to know the time. Being late can cause painful bruising.


I don't understand why mothers are concerned about babies drooling on someone. We know that drool, pooh & pee are expected & sometimes funny


Another hair band moment http://tinyurl.com/69o36s all this because hair bands still rock!!


Pimpin out mah blog http://tinyurl.com/66mqa6 because we all know that PIMPIN AINT EASY!


I listened to Motley Crue's Saints Of Los Angeles album. I don't know how, but these old school rockers can still kick out some cool music!!


As I get older I'm getting a lot more bitter. It's just that stupid people are pissing me off more and more every day. AND THAT'S NOT COOL!!


You know those triggers that automatically kicks a bad memory into a "relive" moment?

That happened to me on 6/2/06.

There's this stupid song called "The Rodeo Song", and if you don't know it, here's the lyrics...

Well it's 40 below and I don't give a ****
Got a heater in my truck and I'm off to the rodeo
And it's Alabama left Alabama right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off the stage ya god damn goof ya know
Piss me off ya fuckin' jerk get on my nerves
Well here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
He's a one ball man and he's off to the rodeo
And it's Alabama left and Alabama right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off the stage god damn goof ya know
Piss me off ya fuckin' jerk get on my nerves
Well it's 40 below and I don't give a ****
Got a heater in my truck and I'm off to the rodeo
And it's Alabama left Alabama right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off the stage ya god damn goof ya know
Piss me off ya fuckin' jerk get on my nerves
Well here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand
He's a one ball man and he's off to the rodeo
And it's Alabama left Alabama right
Come on ya fuckin' dummy get your right step right
Get off the stage ya god damn goof ya know
Piss me off fuckin' jerk get on my nerves

There it is...the last time I heard that song I was 12

My step-dad was drunk and my mom was pregnant with my sister. He smashed her head into the windshield of a blue Chevy Malibu, my step-brother was crying, I was sitting in silence and terror and my step-dad was screaming that if my mom was going to leave, she better have an abortion or else he was gonna kick her in the stomach to make sure she loses the baby.

This was almost 22 years ago.

This all started because I made the mistake of asking if we were going to be leaving the bar soon.

My step-dad had just put money in the jukebox, and this song started. My mom, in a very hushed tone said "Be quiet! You don't want step-dad to hear you!'

But drunk ears pick up everything.

He started screaming at me, "I'm not wasting my hard earned money!! I worked all week, and it was hard work, I deserve this Friday night out. It's MY reward for putting food on the table!!!"

"You are one selfish little prick for even asking something like that!!!"

My mom said, "Don't worry he'll be quiet from now on." I think she was trying to calm him down.

It did not work.

"Don't protect the little shit! He has to learn that the world isn't like his god damn books!!"

My mom got up, and walked out the door.

By herself.

She left all three of us there.

She left me there.

Than step-dad in a very nice and calm voice told step-bro to get his stuff ready, grabbed me by the arm, and shoved me out the door.

I could see that my mom was halfway down the block, walking away and leaving me behind.

Step-dad told us to get in the car.

He drove the car and told my mom to get in.

She didn't.

She said "You're so drunk you're gonna kill him, and I don't wanna see that!!"

So that's when he started screaming "If you're going to leave, you better have an abortion or else I'm was gonna kick you in the stomach to make sure you lose that baby!!"

My mom got in the car.

Just as she settles in, he rams her head into the windshield. Instantly creating a spiderweb.

"You don't never embarrass me in front of my friends ever again!" he yells at her.

During the 20 minute drive home, step-dad is still screaming at me, for ruining his night out.

When we get home, I get sent to my room and he takes step-bro home.

Through the door I ask my mom if she's OK?

During the time that he's gone, my mom says nothing.

I walked out of my room and I ask, "Why did you leave me behind when you walked out the door?"

No response.

I go back into my room.

I sit down with my back against the door and my legs braced against the bed.

I made up mind that night, no matter what happens, I would not run away this time.

I would stand and fight.

When he cames home, he and my mom start up all over again.

While they were screaming at each other, I was getting ready for my confrontation with my step-dad.

Then there was this awful silence.

Step-dad says "Jesus Christ, what have you done this time?"

I run out of my room.

I see my step-dad standing in the middle of the living room.

I see my mom with the phone in her hand and blood streaming down her face.

Step dad went to the bathroom.

I stand there horrified and frozen.

That's my mom, and she's bleeding.

As I look at her, she looks at me, and with a blank stare she hits herself in the head with the phone.

Somehow, (and even to this day I don't know what happened) I had the phone in my hand, and I called 911.

While this was happening, all I could hear was this retching sound coming from the bathroom.

I hung up the phone, walked to the bathroom where the acrid smell of urine and vomit assaulted my senses, grabbed some towels, saw my step-dad with his face in the toilet and kneeling in a puddle of piss.

When the ambulance arrived they took my mom to the hospital.

The cops asked me what happened.

I stood there in silence.

They asked me if I was OK.

I stood there in silence.

Step-dad comes out of the bathroom and says "We were having a fight then she hit herself in the head with the phone, then I called the boy to see if he could do something."

The cop asked me if this was true.

I stood there in silence.

The cop asked me if I was going to be OK.

I nodded. I knew then that this was my only chance to do something, and I failed.

The cops left.

As I stood there in silence, knowing exactly what would happen next, my step-dad approached me, raised his hand and proceeded to give the beating of a lifetime.

"How dare you bring outside people into family business! This is all your fault! If you would only learn to keep your damn mouth shut!"

I took the punches and the slaps in silence.

Tears streamed down my face, but I didn't make a single sound.

A few hours later my mom came back home.

Her head was wrapped in gauze, she gave me a hug and then laid down on the couch.

The next morning, step-dad asks me what happened to the living room, why my mom's head is bandaged and what I did to "fuck everything up?"

I stood there in silence.

All these memories flooded back into my head, because someone played that song.

I really hate that song.

Jun 16, 2008


Rules of Marriage - Doing laundry or dishes without being told or reminded to, can be an aphrodisiac.


Another hair band flashback http://tinyurl.com/65r5gp because hair bands still rock!!! Totally ROCK!!!


can of barley and wheat.


It's the middle of the night and I'm awake at home, the AC don't work and it's oh so warm, Not even tired, had enough to eat. I'm having a

Jun 15, 2008


Whoever said a warm glass of milk will help you sleep has obviously never had it. That has to be the foulest taste I've ever had in my mouth


Watching the Harlem Globetrotters made me feel like I did when I was 8 years old.


I don't know why...but the term "manscaping" is absolutely hilarious to me. It's like when kids say "When I was little."


A hair band flashback just for shits and giggles http://tinyurl.com/63jps3 because hair bands still rock


They NEVER do this to me anymore. They learned that flying across a room isn't fun and isn't conducive for the need/want of attention & food


I know I'm not supposed to laugh at my wife's misery, but whenever she tries to sleep late the cats are all over kneading and meowing at her


I can't wait for this day of sorting, washing & drying, folding, choosing what won't get packed, & packing the rest of the laundry to begin.


I wish I could sleep like a normal person. Insomnia is just kicking my ass 3 ways from Sunday. More proof that with age comes aches & pains.


Just watched "The Happening" I really enjoyed this movie. I think I will be the only one.


Dear God,
Make me the kind of man,
my Daddy is.

Dear God,
Make me the kind of man
my son wants me to be.

Happy Fathers Day

Jun 14, 2008


She just said biscuits & gravy. As my arteries begin to harden and saliva glands get excited...OMG I think I just had an oral orgasm! Later!


My wife just told me I've reached my twitter limit for the morning. I stand defiantly with a fist raised to heaven as I exclaim "NAY WOMAN!"


I'm not a political follower. I did not know who Tim Russert was by name. I recognized his face & realized he's the only who talked plainly.


Politics are like boobs. If everyone stopped making a big deal out of them, people would be less inclined to make a spectacle out of either.


It's like being stalked, only without having to worry about being naked in front of the window. That scary image is saved for the neighbors.


I'm still confused why anybody would follow me. I was shocked when I had my first follower, & still shocked to know that I'm being followed.


Just finished watching the Incredible Hulk...It actually made me forget the Ang Lee Hulk movie...which is a good thing ...a very good thing.


Jun 13, 2008


I'm hungry...I think I will go get food now


They are a making "Where the Wild Things Are" into a movie. I want to be happy, then again they made "How to Eat Fried Worms" and it sucked.


Pimpin aint easy http://coacearchive.blogspo... but it sure easier than whoring, no clean up


Mom and I were talking on the phone and I mentioned George Lopez. She asked "The one who did Star Wars?" I said yes,


All fed...watched Bravo's A-list awards...had a tizzy with the wife...drinking a beer...typing...working on my writing...and I am twittering


Here I am, sharing some thoughts.

I am afraid of monsters.

The creatures that prey on the weak and target the innocent and pure.

Who leave a scathing taint and a pungent stink on the few beautiful things that find the relentless need to persist, survive and grow.

That monster could be the man I see in the mirror everyday.

I know his thoughts and dreams.

I know what fuels his joy and anger.

I know what he's capable of both good and bad.

I know his strengths and weaknesses.

I know that when I look upon the man in the mirror, that he is capable of terrible deeds.

Who could one day, be the reason or cause for the horrors that we tell our children to scare them into obedience.

I know that the man in the mirror, at times, can have the face of a saint, kindly and benevolent.

But in his chest there could be a barren and vacant space where a heart should be.

An abysmal wickedness that's hidden behind an irreproachable facade.

I see a man. And that man, could become that Monster I fear the most.

So what keeps the monster at bay?

So what keep this shadow absent?


The fear of becoming this monster.

The fear of being a monster.

I am afraid of monsters.

So I fight that fear with hope.

I strengthen that hope with dreams.

I fortify my hopes and dreams with love.

As a man.

Only a good man can be strong enough to carry hopes, dreams and love.

Here I am sharing some thoughts.

I'm not afraid of a monster anymore.

I stand defiantly against the monster.

I stand as a man.

I try to stand as a good man.

I try.

Jun 12, 2008


Does anyone have the Noah's number. You know, the Ark builder. I think we need him badly here in the Dairy State.


WOW..200 posts..lots of rain..found a new home..moving in 3 weeks..keeping up with my writing..I love of a good woman..life is awesome. COOL


My Sister uploaded a picture of me holding my Nephew on her My Space account. I feel cool as hell and very very very very proud of them both


I just watched Antonio Sabato Jr's performance on Celebrity Circus. It was just BEAUTIFUL.


I'm not a blog whore, http://tinyurl.com/58eaey I'm pimpin mah blog, 4 street cred.


My wife's friends doing "Loon" calls. http://tinyurl.com/6elj9f I never how weird/cool it'd be to know someone on you tube.


the images have very little to do with the blog other than to illustrate how something scary and humbling can be breathtaking at the same time.

I'm sure some of you have heard about the rain and flooding that has happened here in the "Dairy State."

Season and I were at my mothers on Monday and Wednesday.

On Wednesday we all watched the news footage of the damage and destruction that had occurred.

I sat there in complete awe of the events that were transpiring right before my eyes.

At the moment they were showing the footage of the homes, land and roads being washed away from the Lake Delton area.

Which was then followed by an aerial view of the flooded areas and then this statement slipped out "Oh my God, that's amazing."

My mother immediately jumped down my throat, telling me about how heartless I am and that this was not a time to make jokes.

I was stunned. I had no clue what she was talking about. I looked at Season and she asked me "What was amazing? Was it the footage? That they caught it all on film, what was amazing?"

"What do you think I was commenting on? The damage? That's tragic, and I can't help feeling so bad for everybody that loses their homes and all their belongings. I was talking about nature itself. It was the raw power of nature that amazed me."

I continued with "Nature doesn't care about or judge anything. Everything gets treated equally. And when natures pissed off, there's nothing anyone or anything can do about it. You are looking at what mother nature has done to people" looking directly at my wife, "what about all the ecosystems that will be permanently damaged with all that debris, garbage and toxic chemicals that are in those homes. What about all those animals that you love so much? What happens when this flooding affects THEIR homes? You were crying about a bird that got pummeled to death by the rain. You even got upset with me because I said 'That's nature and it's doing what it always does. It deals with itself without mercy or prejudice. It just does what it does."

I turned back to my mom "All I was doing is looking at how small we are compared to what the Earth can do to us at any given moment. We build these roads, that are washed away in the blink of an eye. We erect homes that can be taken away and erased from existence in the span of heartbeats. Mother Nature can be unforgiving, relentless and still be amazing."

"We look at flowers and trees and go 'That's so pretty.' We can look at wild animals and go 'Ooh how graceful and beautiful.'"

"Yet you complain about the weeds, which in their own right are pretty, that are growing in your lawn and a couple weeks ago you were talking about cutting down some of the trees in your backyard."

"And when animals hunt, kill and eat the animals they need to survive, you have to look away."

"Nature is just what it is. Nothing more nothing less. I am just sitting here looking at the beauty of this unstoppable force. There's nothing more complex in it's simplicity. We survive on this planet only through the good grace of Mother Nature. Because in all honesty, she can take us out at any time."

Season just looked at me and said "OK crazy man are you done?" and my mom just gave me that "you so crazy and I stopped listening a long time ago" look.

It seems that I get that reaction a lot lately.

But I still stand by my original statement. Seeing what Nature can do to us is totally amazing and utterly terrifying.

And that in itself is amazing.


This feels very weird. I went to sleep last night 11PM. Woke up this morning at 8AM. I don't know what to do, with all this active daytime.


OOOH it's feed my face time...

Jun 11, 2008


my daily "look at the whore I've become" moment http://tinyurl.com/6p8lrt pimpin myblog


I'm utterly LOVING the current Doctor Who series. David Tennet has completely replaced Tom Baker as my favorite Doctor. He just needs K9 now


I'm tired although I am not sleepy. This sucks cuz I got a full day today & I can't get to sleep. This is gonna suck more than a Vivid video


ORIGINALLY POSTED AS A COMMENT ON "Friday May 16, 2008, 4:56 AM" It was a decent little comment that I decided to save it for those days when I am feeling a bit on the lazy side. This is one of those days.

"It's not my fault."

We have spent all this time and energy empowering our children in our society to be strong and independent that no one can tell you what to do. Your actions are yours and your alone. It doesn't matter what you do or say, what you do, can only affect you. Now they have an indifference to subjects like STD's, promiscuity, violence and pregnancy.

"It's not my fault."

We as a society have gone so far as to promote this behavior by adding 15 minutes of fame and in some cases being paid to "star" on these T.V. shows. These shows do nothing but promote the fact that having 3 children, being 17 and not knowing who any of the fathers are is a good thing. That going to "boot camp" is an acceptable alternative and automatic "slate" cleaner.

"It's not my fault."

We don't put enough blame on the parents for not paying attention to their children. We don't put enough blame the children themselves for their actions. It's the music and video games. Don't worry children of America, we are here to protect you.

"It's not my fault."

Nobody loves me! I want a baby so someone will love me. Look at me with my baby that loves me.

"It's not my fault."

In the end, the only one who suffers is the babies that are being born into the "It's not my fault" mentality.

It's all OK, though. It's not MY fault.

P.S. Yes this was said with TONS of sarcsm.


24 hours later and I have no will power what so ever. I bow down to thee again oh mistress Diet Coke. I am your slave.Diet Coke- 1 Jose- 0.

Jun 10, 2008


YOU... SHALL... NOT... PASS!! My lips are sealed tighter than the bond between Frodo and Samwise...OMG that sounds so GAY!!


Diet Coke Mistress & your evil! The power of decaffeination compels & empowers this former addict. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!! (dramatic pause)


My wife has Excedrin in one hand & a liter of diet coke in the other. "C'mon honey, you know you want it & it will make you feel sooo good!"


Hour 16.5 of decaffeination. An empty Diet Coke can is in our recycle bin, and I'm wondering if I can get a caffeine hit by licking the can



I want to be a shirt ninja http://tinyurl.com/6abl6z Can you imagine that greatness


That's right your johnny on the spot movie critic is here...August Rush is a decent movie, the music played throughout the film was amazing.


I've decided to give up caffeine. It has been 3 hours and I am NOT taking this very well. I can still hear my Diet Coke mistress calling me!


I am gonna lie down. And cry like a little girl, because I can.


While I'm suffering, read this. http://tinyurl.com/6qrszb It sure would make me feel better:)


It's been 12 hours since I decided to give up caffeine. And here is that headache I have been expecting. Diet Coke, you are a harsh mistress


I just watched the 'Oh Sherrie' video by Steve Perry, and I love that song. I know admitting this particular fact I'll lose my "street cred"



"When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half."

Gracie Allen July 26, 1895 – August 27, 1964
An American comedian who became internationally famous as the zany partner and comic foil of husband George Burns.

Well every once in a while I get some kind of news that makes me smile. This time it comes in the form of an e-mail...or a set of e-mails. One of the members of The Estrogen Clan of the North woods sent an e-mail out which was then forwarded to me. Well, after that similar stories started coming forth and I found it too funny not to post. So here you go...


I am still realizing that the things I say will come back and haunt me.

This morning as I was putting Sophie's shoes on, she went to lean against the door and it moved. She goes "Holy crap!" as she fell to the side. I could not help but laugh even though I know I should not have.

Even better, when we were in Gymboree last Friday, they were playing a game where the kids pretended to take a steering wheel and drive. Sophie gets up there and is pretending to drive and she says "Stupid Lady!" and keeps repeating it. Well, last week this lady almost hit me because she was not looking when changing lanes, and that is what I said. But do you think I could admit that in Gymboree that it was me that said that? NOOOOOOO! I said "I think you've been driving with Daddy too much." Oh, the little lies!!


Ah, yes.

We were watching something on television, and I said that the lady was "f-ing" crazy. I then proceeded to walk into the kitchen. Ian was playing and "minding his own business". Within a split second he said, and I quote, "You mean fucking, right Mom. Why don't you just say it?" Took Scott by surprise. Scott said Ian's definitely my child. Ian then continued to say that fuck wasn't so bad and who cares if I say it; he doesn't mind.

Ha...I'm such a good role model.

Hope you enjoyed.


Apartment hunting in the rain is not a pleasant endeavor. Not in the slightest.

Jun 9, 2008


1) Will your next kiss be a mistake?
The only mistake with any kiss, is that it's never lasts as long as you want it too

2) When was the last time you cried?
Crying is something that will never be defines as "the last time" but as a moment when our emotions overwhelm us, and that, for me, is daily.

3) Where is your biological father right now?
Well he isn't in hell, so i don't really care.

4) What do you think of your number 2 on your top friends?
Number 2 is my sister, so the only thought of her is simply pure love.

5) What is bothering you right now?
Actually...nothing really

6)Have you ever made out on a boat

7) Have you ever seen somebody get shot?
Nope again

8) Where are you?
At home

9) Does your head hurt?
Nope, but it will in a few hours

11) Have you ever rented out a hotel room?
Yes sir/ma'am I have

13) When was the last time you saw your grandpa?
When I was 12

14) Look to your right, what is there?
nothing but a wall

15) Have any piercings or tattoos?
Removed tat and ears 3 left 2 right
tats on my right arm/shoulder and 2 piercings in each ear (closing)

16) Do you fight with your parents often?
Not anymore

17) Where is the shirt you're wearing from?
I was born with it

18) Have you ever been in a car accident?
a lot of them actually

19) What are you feeling right now?
Oddly, I'm feeling pretty happy

20) The thing that was bothering you before, is it still bothering you?
Still NO on that one.

21) Do you know anyone with cancer?
not anymore

22) Have you ever hated someone but then ended up being friends with them?

23) What bed did you sleep in last night?

25) Has anyone ever saved your life?

26) Do you get butterflies every time you see the one you like?

27) What are you looking forward to?
each and every breath

28) Is it hard for you to get over people?

29) Did you ever go to a special learning center?

30) Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?

32) Do you get mad or discouraged when you're wrong?
I am a guy. I am wrong a lot, so no.

33) What was the first thing you did when you woke up?

34) Who did you ride in a car with last?
My wife

35) What color shirt are you wearing right now?
ummmm skin toned???

36) Are you crazy?

37) What was the last thing you ate?
Chocolate Ice cream

38) Last thing you drank?
Diet Mt Dew

39) How was your weekend?
The last weekend was nice

40) Are you happy right now?

41) What did you do today?
I am surviving another day

42) Where is your phone?
on the charger

43) What is on your mind?
Honestly, nothing really. Nothing at all.


My wife said "Prostitutes should form a church, & call it 'The Alter of the Cervix' & offerings can be left in little balloons, with cash."


I think I will make a barbarian named Barak next. And since he is the "bear"...oooooh the possibilities make me quiver.


Diablo II has taken my soul again...although having a 25th level sorceress named "Polgara" so totally rules.

Jun 8, 2008


Three days have come and gone, and in those three days we have had three straight days of rain...anybody else think we need Noah right now??


Here I go whoring myself again http://tinyurl.com/5f6rno because it just gets easier


My nephew has a profound affect on me. He seems to be the one human being on this Earth who reminds me on a regular basis how beautiful and special all people are.

I was holding him for a little while today, and of course because he exudes adorable cuteness, Season wanted in on the action.

So as she was holding him, he was doing something, that Season pointed out and made my sister go "OMG!!! Look at what Ethan's doing mom!!"

At a little over 2 months old, he hasn't mastered that whole getting around on his own yet, but he's trying.

No matter how Season was holding him and no matter where I was standing he kept trying to worm his way to me.

For the sake of science and my own curiosity, I decided to just get close enough to him so that he could sort of lean on me, while Season was still holding him.

The very second he made contact, he stopped squirming.

So the experiments continued.

Next up was Ethan's mommy. She held him and he was squirming around a little bit, then Season said "Hey Jose!"

Of course my usual reaction to that statement is "What?"

As soon as Ethan heard my voice he was wriggly little worm. Trying his damndest to find me. He started to get a little annoyed by this because as we all know, babies do not like to be toyed with, and Ethan was no exception to this rule. He had had enough. He started to make "those noises" that babies make when they are NOT happy. My sister then handed hime back to me and just like that, he was a happy little baby again.

I looked at Season and her beauty just overwhelmed me.

I loked at my baby sister and she looked so grown up.

I was able to forgive my mom for a lot of the things she allowed to happen to me as I was growing up.

And I was able to look in a mirror again and be little happier than I was just few moments before.

That's when I realized that this little human being was more than that.

That's when I realized that in my arms I was privileged to be holding pure magic.

And I felt blessed.


A revelation from kung fu panda. Tigress is hot! Like Cheetara from Thundercats hot! NOT like Pammy from the Shirt Tails. She was so not hot


I want to be a kung fu panda because kung fu pandas are cool. This revelation has come to me after watching kung fu panda.

Jun 7, 2008


Quote of the day: "There is no charge for awesomeness, or attractiveness."


The one day Sue & I have to look for a new home, is during the middle of a severe thunderstorm/tornado. I'm hated by the gods, I swear I am.

Jun 6, 2008


When Susan tells me to be ready in 10 minutes; that's when my brain feels a need to type something important. She dislikes this fact, a lot!


Coming Soon... http://tinyurl.com/5n5pzo



Quote of the day: "Shut your hate hole you harpy!" Now that is a beautiful thing...truly beautiful.


WOW, self imposed exile did it's thing. Feeling almost refreshed again.

Jun 4, 2008


368 days later and I feel the same as I did 365 days ago. Except for the fact that the hangover hurts a hell of a lot more than it used to.

Jun 3, 2008


Each generation is getting lazy They're given knowledge without ever having to learn it Which keeps them from coming up with their own ideas


For some unknown reason, my mother can kill a computer in 3 days. I keep trying to convince her to go Microsoft and get a job there.

Jun 1, 2008


Rules of Marriage - There are times, albeit very seldom, when the joke just isn't worth it.


My wife just asked me what I was doing. I was tempted to tell her I was downloading porn...but it's to early for the pummeling.


No matter how many times I watch "Black Snake Moan," I can't get over how good that movie is.


From Warren Ellis' White Chapel Message Boards

Tell me what you want

I want common sense to be used on a global basis, and if people continue to refuse to use common sense, let the pummeling begin

Tell me what you hate

Oddly I think I already did that with my previous statement

Tell me one thing about you that you want me to know

Your comics are quite often the topic of discussion between my wife and me. In a good way.

We're open all night

YAY, just like some ladies I know. Heh.

Show your face

Shout a bit.