SLEEPING ON THE COUCH IN JUST A FEW EASY STEPS

On this day of running errands, doing grocery shopping and getting dinner, I have come to this conclusion. If there's a way to end up sleeping on the couch, I'll find it.

On our way to Denny's for dinner we had a discussion on her colorful descriptives for the male genitalia for example...

When one of the cats is feeling rambunctious and the other one is not she will intervene (yes, she intervenes because they both happen to be male...and since cats can't give consent...) and will usually make one of these 2 statement, "Put Petey away," (when only slightly annoyed), and "Sheath it back up Mister, RIGHT NOW" (when she's had to pull one off the other more than twice and IS greatly irritated).

When she's being silly she usually refers to it as a winkie (now this is spelled to her precise specifications) which she says than giggles like a catholic school girl. Now personally I don't know whether to laugh along or to be insulted. You know what I mean?

Of course when she's feeling rambunctious she refers to it as a...let'as just say rooster. NO, not because it's up at dawn,(even though it usually it is) but the four letter word that means rooster. Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm trying to keep the language a little more appropriate for those who are easily offended. Believe me, it could happen at any moment that I refer back to my sailor-esque language but for right now this is funnier.

Now, when she's feeling violent, well in those times she doesn't get vulgar. Instead she calls it Jimmy, as in "KICK HIM IN THE JIMMY!!!" or "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT??? HE DESERVED TO GET KICKED IN THE JIMMY!!!" If there is trauma of any kind, that happens to include the male nether regions, it is forever referred as Jimmy.


At Denny's the waitress Amanda asked us what we wanted to drink, I asked for my usual diet coke and Season asked for her usual coffee.

When Amanda came back she asked my wife if she cared for cream, her response was "Yes please. I'm a creamaholic." -dramatic pause- looked at me and said "You shut up right now." (Being who I am, I know that at some point today I'll say something that will deny me access to the "Hole-y Land". Yes boys and girls this would be the moment.)

My response to her statement was very simply..."Whatever Jenna."

The immediate reaction to this was me getting kicked under the table.

Amanda looked at me and asked "Jenna Jameson? The porn star?"

Which caused me to get kicked under the table...again.


After dinner, Season was looking at the dessert menu and couldn't find the pie. She asked me to help her find the pie, and then get a little upset with me.

I asked her why was she looking for pie and why did she want me to help? I mean wasn't the winkie enough for her Luckily I protected the seat I was sitting on from the flurry of kicks that came from under the table with my leg, so that there would be no property damage...again.

Now she's asleep in the bedroom and I'm sitting here eating a Hot Pocket, writing on my blog and watching Meet the Spartans.