This was originally written, in a slightly altered state of mind, on January first 2009. I have spent the last seven or so months trying to decipher, translate and clarify what the hell I had written down on that particular morning.
So, this may not be as fluid and coherent as I like my words to be, and for that I apologize.
END OF AUTHORS NOTE.
It's 2:45 A.M. on January 1st 2009, with blurry vision, lack of fine motor skills (symptoms my ex would claim was a drunken stupor) and craving for nachos, frozen waffles, and Diet Coke...with a rum chaser, I sit here contemplating all of the possibilities for the upcoming year.
Baking chocolate is still a liar. Even though, to the olfactory system, it smells of delicious chocolaty goodness. It still, however, does not have a delicious choclaty flavor (even with honey).
My ex hit the sack about two hours ago. Right after Robby Kneievel jumped some volcano in Las Vegas. I personally would have gone to bed before that particular moment of T.V. history.
It was not very cool or exciting.
It was a lot like that moment when "things" happen faster then you thought they would. Heh...um anyway.
I started thinking about this past Christmas...more specifically Christmas shopping and these are the things I didn't say this past holiday.
People at Wal-Mart...would it kill you to smile?
NO sir, I'm not being rude, you're just in the way, and I'd like to get past you.
If you were my child and you threw that kind of fit in front of me...I would tell you the truth about Santa, and give all your presents away...in front of you.
I don't care if "Merry Christmas" isn't Politically Correct, that is what I am wishing you. If you don't like it then GO SUCK ON A YULE LOG.
The only perfect gifts we can ever exchange are love and laughter.
On one of the coldest days of the year (so far) it is not prudent or cool to stop and have a conversation in the parking lot.
END OF PRE-CHRISTMAS THOUGHTS
But with all those comments being filtered in my head...on December 26th when we went to Wal-mart...
POST CHRISTMAS WORDS
FUCK YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU!!!!
END OF POST CHRISTMAS WORDS
The TV just said there was going to be more snow...ooh marriage advise, I can give marriage advise about winter responsibilities...(of course the irony on this is not lost on me at all)
RULES OF MARRIAGE
It doesn't bother us that you won't shovel, what does bother us is when you give us "shoveling pointers" from the doorway, and then casually remark about how much snow there is.
Even though we were at the Wal-Mart and there is a Pizza Hut just 2 minutes away, She is correct in driving 10 minutes in the oppisite direction where there is no Pizza Hut. This is not her fault either.
Husbands and wives are equals (so she says) until the tempature drops below zero, and I have to scrape the windows and start the car "Because it's too cold out there."
PLEASE don't ask US for directions and then be completely surprised because we arrived at the destination. That's just mean.
END OF RULES OF MARRIAGE
Now where was I...oh yeah the future.
In that instant (well to be more accurate it was a nanosecond's worth of a coherent thought) I started wondering what happened to all the promises for the future.
Where is my silver jumpsuit? Not only mine but yours too. I remember in all the science fiction movies everyone wore these silver things...until Star Wars that is. I know they aren't flattering but according to all the movies and books, they were flight suits and radiation protection.
They also went well with the jet packs or the anti-gravity belts that we never got. We were supposed to soar into the heavens without airplanes.
Speaking of flying where are the flying cars that run on solar power, whizzing through the wild blue yonder. With the bubble domes and the ability to go into space so that we could "drive" to the moon for a vacation. You know, the space station on the moon where we fraternize with aliens who look like green Jell-o and robots that always threaten to take over the universe.
Now that we're talking about the universe, Where are the rockets that would take us to brave new worlds that we have colonized.
After this I realized I must have passed out on the keyboard because, I couldn't decipher anymore.
So with that said...
Happy New Year!!
Two days after Happy Independence Day!!
END OF AUTHORS NOTE.
Transmetropolitan Vol. 2: Lust For Life
By Warren Ellis
Release date: 2009-05-26