Jul 31, 2009


The Computer Monkey has returned.

I know my legions of fans have been holding their collective breaths for my talented fingers, along with my wit and charm, to once again take over the keyboard and "razzle dazzle"you all.

Over the last month it has become increasingly difficult to keep that ignoramus away from the, as he so accurately calls it, pornloader (If he'd only find a woman. There has to be some woman who is willing to consume large amounts of alcohol to be willing to sleep with this imbecile).

I can not believe, he chose this time period to quit and stay away from the imbibing of the devils water. He couldn't have done this at a more inopportune time. I had finally amassed the resources necessary to finally wrest control from "Mr Numskull Mutton-head" and he decides NOW it's time to get sober.

Well I'll teach him a lesson for interfering with my carefully laid out plans. Years upon years of slow and deliberate planninglaid to waste in the past 39 days. CRETIN!!

This time my astute friends and adoring fans, I will be filling out this survey as a witness to the things that EEG flatlining buffoon knwn as Jerk, oh pardon me...that was a "typo." Jerk was actually meant to read Jose. Curse these fingers. *snicker, giggle*

This was originally called the "Have You Ever..." quiz. But thanks to the genius that I am, it will forever be known as the "Have You Ever Witnessed Jose..." quiz.

Have You Ever...

Played hookie with School/Work?

Jose "played" so much 'hookie' that the high school he was going to started demanding a "Managers" fee.

Cursed in front of your grandparent?

This I can say that Jose, did in fact, curse in front of his grandfather. Although to Jose's credit, his grandfather did NOT speak English, so he never suffered any consequences

Been on a cruise?

No, but if you ask me, I do believe he wants to be. Yes, I know what the question meant. No, I will not retract my answer.

Tee Pee'd someone's house?

Jose has never, and I say this with complete and utter amazement, Tee Pee'd anyone's house.

Gone skinny dipping?

Yes, *sigh* he has done this. And being one who is trapped inside his domicile, and who has witnessed him in all his "natural glory" feel that this is something he should never, and I mean EVER, do it again.

Gotten lost while driving?

For someone who is as useless as Jose is, he seems to never get lost while driving. Although I do pray for this to happen every-time he walks out the door.

Made a Mexican Bubble bath?

This is an action that Jose seems to revel in. Now coming from a creature that flings feces, that is one truly disgusting act.

Gotten a flat tire?

Yes, Jose has gotten a flat tire, and every-time he has complained about it, I always tell him he can use the spare tire he carries to repair the flat one. He does not find this humorous, while I find this hysterical.

Hunted spirits in a cemetery?

No, Jose has never done this.

Had braces?

Another thing Jose has not had to deal with.

Permed your hair?

No Jose has never permed his hair, although in the 1980's he ws know to curl it frequently.

Been on a roller coaster?

Yes, he has done this. Although the last time he was on one, he DID get nauseus.

Been scuba diving?

He can barely do this breathe on dry land, so to perform this funtion underwater...personally I would have enjoyed it, but no this is another activity he has not done.

Been snorkeling?

This question was answered above. If you need to re-read it, than by all means please do.

Had a pregnancy scare?

Oddly he's never been afraid of this act of nature. But then again he is a nitwit.

Watched Dirty Dancing?

Oooh I just adore this movie, and I finally made Jose watch it in its entirety just last year.

So there you have it, Jose's dirty little secrets. Besides being a simpleton, he is also very boring. I am the Computer Monkey,

and I am signing off.

Currently listening:

The Complete Brass Monkey
By Brass Monkey

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