UP ON A SOAP BOX JOSE TYPES, STARTS TO WHINE AND RANT AND SNIPE

AUTHORS NOTE
I can truthfully say that I was very surprised that so many of you still read my blogs.

O.K., truth be told, I was shocked and completely overwhelmed, that these words of mine have recently been read over 300 times. I know, to some of you those numbers are tiny, but for this particular individual, I feel privileged to have had one reader, so I am amazed and honored that I have been read so many times.

So to all of you I, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

Now I hope I don't let any of you down.

Now with all that said...
AUTHORS NOTE END


INTRODUCTION
Hello one and ...umm let's see....2...3...4...5...oh, I see you too number 6, and I think that's pretty much all of you. Hey guys and gals...wassup?

I know it's been a while since I actually took the time to address you all personally and I apologize. Right now I'm sitting here drinking a Buzzed energy drink and writing yet another introduction for my waste of space.

Every once in a while I'll sit here and have no idea what to write. This is one of those times.

So I am just going to write whatever nonsense and drivel pops into my head.

Tonight I'm just jotting down ideas, thoughts and passing fancies. Some days I have a lot of passing fancies, while some days all I'm passing is gas. I know it was a long way to get a fart joke in there, but that's just the way I roll. I'm still working on my street cred. Actually I'm not, I just like saying street cred. I figure if this "getting older fart" says it enough, people will stop using it. A man can dream right?

So buckle up boys, girls and children of all ages. The ride is about to start. OK, it's more like a merry-go-round. But I never promised you a rose garden, but my crap cup overfloweth.
END OF INTRODUCTION


PRESIDENTS

I guess it's time I mentioned how sick and tired I am at hearing about the "black" president. He's our new president. Color, race, religion and sexual orientation should not be an issue, ever. Is he the right man for the job? Will he keep his campaign promises? Those are the subjects that we should focus on.

Do we make reference to George Washington as our first white president? No we do not.

Do we refer to J. Edgar Hoover as the "cross dressing president?" Again no.

Do we refer to Franklin D. Roosevelt as the "handicapped president?" For the third time there is a no.

How about Honest Abe. Is he known as the first assassinated president? I don't think I have to answer that.

If color is such a big issue...then shouldn't we always refer to Mr. Obama as "Mr. Black President?" I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that wouldn't last very long.

So please for fuck's sake, stop referring to him as our "first" anything.
END OF PRESIDENTS


GAY MARRIAGE - a conversation

Over the last few years there's been this big hullabaloo about same sex marriages and I don't understand why?

My ex and I had this discussion

Her - I can't believe the same sex marriage bill didn't pass.

Me - So what? Why does it matter?

Her - What? HUH? YOU'RE OPPOSED TO GAY MARRIAGE?

Me - Hey calm down, and no I am not opposed to gay marriage at all.

Her - Then how can you say "so what?" (she actually made the air quotes too) If we were the same sex we wouldn't have been able to get married! Doesn't that bother you at all?!?!

Me - Hold on there were-cat, and reel in them claws. Now you're talking about two different things. First of all, not every state is going to pass a same sex marriage bill. There's too many old school career politicians to allow that to ever happen. But there are places that do allow it. If we were the same sex and we wanted to get married, you can bet your sweet gay ass that we would have moved there, and we would have been married.

If the gay population were truly hell bent on getting married that's what they would do.

If we were gay, what is there to stop us from moving to a state where gay marriage is allowed?

Nothing.

And nothing is exactly what would get in the way.

I love you truly madly and deeply, and if we were gay, we would move to any place at all that would allow it. At this moment it would be either Canada or Massachusetts, and I would start a crusade to make sure that any and all of my gay brethren (and sisteren) would follow me. Just imagine if all of a sudden there were 10,000 gay men and women moving into a state to live and to be wedded. Just imagine with that influx of eligible voters moving into a region where your numbers could affect policy changes. On a local level straight on to a state level.

Then you all move to a place where they allow civil unions. At this time you encourage more gay men and women to move with you and do the same there. Let's say your numbers double. When you first moved to a place where gay marriage is allowed you came with 10,000 people. When you moved to your next state all of a sudden the numbers are 20,000. You affect policy changes on a local level straight on up until you hit the state level.

This time when you go to the next place you are 40,000 people strong.

Then on to the another place...now you are 80,000 strong.

And so on and so on.

Soon everybody would have the right to get married no matter what.

Her - But that would never happen.

Me - Why?

Her - Because of the strong numbers in the bible belt.

Me - So you save them for last. Let's go on a limb here, OK? Let's say before they hit the bible belt, we have affected 10 states. We started with 10,000 in state one, 20,000 in state two, 40,000 in state three, 80,000 in state four, 160,000 in state five, 320,000 in state six, 640,000in state seven, 1,280,000 in state eight, 2,560,000 in state nine and finally in state ten you walk in with 5,120,000 people. Are you saying any place at all would stand a chance?

Her - I guess not.

Me - So I again repeat my previous 'So what?' If it's that important, they'd stop organizing marches in places where they know they will fail, and organize themselves into a policy changing , organized political party.

Her - But that would work for anyone who wants to affect big government changes, wouldn't it?

Me - Yes, yes it would. Now we just hold our breaths and see who makes the first move.
END OF GAY MARRIAGE - a conversation


SIMPLE TRUTHS AND LIES

1. A lie is easy to believe.

2. Far easier than the truth

3. Love is the biggest lie AND the most honest truth

4. Never tell a lie unless you can convince yourself that the lie is the truth.

5. Never tell a lie unless the lie is completely your own.

6. If you have to tell the truth, make it sound like a lie. (see rule numbers "One and two" )

7. The truth will not make you happy and neither will the lie.

8. If you're not happy, this list won't help.

9. If you are happy, this list still won't help.

10. If you follow these rules I can't guarantee a damn thing.

Does any of this make any sense to you? If it does than we're going to get along just fine, because that my friends is how my brain works. Well at least that's the way it works as I am typing this down.


INTERMISSION
If it didn't make any sense to you, I'm very sorry. But if it makes it any better, I'll make you some cookies. OK, I won't be making them, I'll be buying them and only if they are on sale.

You see, I am a little wrong in the head, but at least I am frugal.

Now where was I?
END OF INTERMISSION


Thorough the course of my life I have noticed that there is no such thing as a simple truth or a simple lie.

Even worse is the fact that I can't let these revelations drop out of my conscience thoughts.

I'll be sitting here thinking "It's so simple! Why can't you see it?"

And to those questions there are basically four kinds of reactions.

1. "That's insightful."

2. "That's funny."

3. "That's sad."

4. "I don't care."

Some find some insight or humor in my words.

Some think that I'm just a sad case and even more think that all this is a waste of trees and lumber.

But above and beyond all that I always hope my words make them think something, anything.

Since these things have been trapped in my waste of grey matter, I figure it's time to share the tales of infancy, teens, twenties, and my thirties.

Like everyone else in the world I have issues, shortcomings and failings.

Without further ado here's my funny stories, sad stories, thoughtful insights, blatant lies subtle truths, subjects observed, absurd objects, songs, poems, and whatever else crosses the non frying egg in a pan.

INTERMISSION
For those that have no clue what that reference is to...You have to go back in time to the early eighties. Back in that era, there was an anti-drug commercial that had two eggs in a frying pan. When the pan was in a unheated frying pan...nothing happened which meant that the brain was not taking drugs.

And then the commercial showed a heated pan with 2 eggs cooking which meant a brain taking drugs...
END OF INTERMISSION
END OF SIMPLE TRUTHS AND LIES

I hope you enjoyed my brain drain...I'll see you all soon.



Currently listening:

Angel Dust
By Faith No More
Release date: 1992-06-1