SALVATION LATER, CANDY NOW!!!!

Getting candy, that’s the damn reason for Halloween! Not promoting a pagan holiday. It's all about the candy, well and costumes too.

Not spending money on Hershey’s, Twizzlers or Snickers bars and it's sure as hell not about defending the privilege to go to a neighbors house, knock on their door, threating them (trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat), getting candy and then proceeding down the street to repeat this ritual.

I used to love trick or treating, walking what felt like 100 miles for a pillowcase full of candy. Carry the loot back home and then go hit another neighborhood and do it all again.

Now we just go to the store and buy twice the candy amount, because we plan on snacking on a whole lot of it as we hand out the rest of it. Of course while doing this, we're also fending off the religious freaks who go on and on about how this is the devils blah blah blah.

But the candy's not free anymore, and that sucks. The only thing that is free is that little pamphlet that says that if you participate in Halloween, you're going to hell.

The costumes are still pretty cool, and seeing the babies in their strollers dressed as little clowns or pumpkins, that's just adorable.

But what about me and my selfish desire for sweets and sugar highs, huh? What about my need to dress up as a Jedi Knight or a Cowboy or a Pirate and walk around the neighborhood?

Where's my “free candy”? My free candy is a little bit different now. I mean I still wear the costumes, but now I'm the spooky house that when I was a lot younger I was too afraid to too. I'm the one who plays the spooky and scary sound Cd's. I'm the house with the black lights and the fog machine to try and scare the new crop of kids and their parents.

I make sure I get the good candy. The good candy means more visitors. More visitors means the chance to scare more people. That's right, there's no pennies, candy corn, or toothbrushes to be given away at this house. I avoided the tootsie rolls, dum dums, and the cheap Sam's club bubblegum. Only name brands here dammit. I got the Reeces, M&M's, the Hershey’s snack pack (removing the dark chocolate bars....because the they are icky and yucky to most children} and this time I even added Spree's and Sweetarts (because not everybody wants chocolate).

Am I ranting for no good reason? Well of course I am! Silly rabbits, tricks (or treat) are for kids.

We had our time, its time to pass the torch (or flashlights because some dumb kid had to get burned and ruined it for the rest of us) and move on.

Hell now we get to be the house that was too creepy (insert evil laugh here). We get to be the house that gets all the attention because we have the best candy. Noting travels faster on Halloween than finding out who has the best candy.

So yes, I will take the candy now. All you Jesus freaks, keep your salvation speeches out of my candy bowl. This is about some harmless fun, costumes and candy. It's not about your “holier than thou” bullshit. It's about staying children in a world that doesn't allow children to stay innocent for very long.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY MORNINGS?

(FLASHBACK)
My eyes open, and with a slight panic, I glance at the clock. There's a five and an eleven. With a sigh of relief I wipe the after effects and evidence of sleep from my eyes. I leave my warm and comfy bed and head to the bathroom. Afterwards I wander into the kitchen. I drag one of the two kitchen chairs to the cupboards so I can reach an old margarine container that I use as cereal bowl. The clock now says six, one so I turn on the TV.

I know the cartoons won't start until AG-USA is over, but I can not take the chance that today for some weird reason things might change. I walk back to the cupboards to get my box of cereal. If my luck holds out I'll have Frosted Flakes and of course the worst case scenario is I get Apple Jacks or Kix. On this particular day I get Alpha Bits. It's not necessarily what I want, but for today it'll be just fine.

On the TV they are putting some metal tags on some cows ears. I think to myself “Doesn't that hurt them?” followed with a “Oh WHAT DOES THE CLOCK SAY?”

The little wind up clock that sits on top of the console TV now says six six. OK, I still have time. I have to start making the coffee for my mom, because I know she won't want to miss anything either. (Of course I later learned it was the coffee smell that woke her up. The reason she sat there next to me is she was just trying to wake up. However, as a child, it was everything and the world that she sat with me.)

Not too much longer now. I check to make sure we have milk in the fridge...and yes we are cool on that front.

Afterwards I jump in the shower and wash all my naughty bits and the dirty ones too. But because I was wearing my super cool Mr. Spock pajamas I put them back on. I look at the clock six and eleven.

Alright!! I pour my Alpha Bits into the margarine bowl, add some milk and with great haste, walk into the living room. I'm spilling milk and cereal all over the place, but it's OK; I'll clean it up during the commercials. Thus begins my Saturday morning ritual.

For the next 5 hours I'll be glued to the boob tube. Spending my Saturday mornings with the likes of the The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse and Heckle & Jeckle, The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, Shazam, Super Friends, Plastic Man, Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels, The Super Globetrotters, Fred and Barney Meet the Shmoo, Spider-Woman, Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo, The Daffy Duck Show, Fred and Barney Meet the Thing, The New Shmoo, The New Adventures of Flash Gordon, Godzilla, Jonny Quest, and The Jetsons to name a few of the heroic, silly and memorable characters who spent many Saturday mornings with me.
(FLASHBACK OVER)

Whatever happened to shows like Tom and Jerry, Popeye, Drak Pack, Thundarr, Dynomutt, The Tarzan/Lone Ranger Adventure Hour, The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang, Richie Rich, Heathcliff/Dingbat, Plastic Man and Baby Plas, Hong Kong Phooey, and The Flintstone Comedy Show

What happened to the cartoons based on video games like Pole Position, Captain N: The Game Master, Pac-Man, Q*bert, Dragon's Lair, Frogger, Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong, Jr. and Space Ace?

Or the cartoons based on Dungeons and Dragons or music videos (the show was called Kid Video)?

What happened to innocent fun and hi-jinks? Even then I knew that Saturday morning cartoons were basically really long commercials, but at least they were entertaining and FUN.

Sure we all got older, and waking up at the crack of dawn to watch some stupid cartoons on a Saturday morning wasn't the same thrill it used to be. I wasn't spending those Saturdays alone. I was eating that bowl of cereal with my mom was right next to me, coffee in hand and laughing at all the silliness that was happening on TV.

Now this isn't just as a days gone by kinda rant. When I was in my 20's I was living with a now ex-girlfriend and her family. Come Saturday morning, her youngest brother and I would be sitting there watching the Saturday morning cartoons. I mean who was cooler than the X-Men and Batman? Well no one was.

Now it seems those days are gone. Now on Saturday morning you get news and world reports. I mean, back then I would sit through AG-USA to make sure that I didn't miss a single cartoon. I guess it is kinda silly that at 1:41 AM on a Monday morning I'm here talking about those long gone Saturday mornings, but I miss them. Those days of awe struck wonder. The days of the Bugs and Tweety Show. The days of the Lone Ranger and Tarzan Adventure Hour. The days of Shazam and Isis. But put more simply...I miss the simple and innocent days.

I HATE IT HERE...SOMETIMES

Man oh man, the Internet just had to make sure I get a space to rant, rave and spew forth my ever pointless ideas, thoughts and whatever else decided to flow from my under used brain through my fat chubby fingers to tap out on this off white keyboard, didn't they?

I have to say when I started this, I was really walking on the side of "whiny lil bitch." I figured thats not a good way to start this project.

But then a bit of reality kicked in. I know to start off with one major emotion instead of an introduction makes no sense. Well, it does to the writer but not the reader. As a form of an introduction to who I am...I'll get there as time goes on. What I am is much simpler. I'm just like you. I hate and love everything. Just like you.

As to what this is...it's some of my moments in life as I experienced them. Written down as they happened (more or less) with some clarification, grammar and spelling checks done at a later date.
Basically this starts during the worst part of my life.

All through this my life just went on. Now this has been a "soapbox," a diary, and a therapy for me to yell and scream, lie and cheat, beg and plead, and whatever other 2 words you wanna add that are opposites of each other and yet by some weird grammatical rule, still makes sense. So enjoy or don't. Thats up to you.