SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM

Today I remembered to check my G-mail account. I try to check it daily but sadly I only get around to it bi-weekly. So yeah, I get a Hoover Spam-load worth of crap to sift through. Which normally just kind of annoys me.

Well boys and girls, not today. Nope, today I decided to actually look at my spam, and to be very honest my almost fragile male spirit was almost crushed. I know that the spammers are obviously talking to my Ex's and conspiring against me!!!

Why you ask...let me tell you.

Well only my Ex's would know that I need male enhancement and performance improvement. But you know I really would appreciate if you didn't sell that information to the spammers. It's a little bit embarrassing opening up my emails and since I'm sitting here in the PJ's that God gave me, and there in bold letters...it says make it bigger and it needs to be better. Do you know how disheartening it is when your "little buddy" can read and reads things like this. It's another trip to the therapist and right now is not a good time for more therapy. You know?

Also I know some people are not happy unless you are unhappy and for crying out loud, I don't need to date safer or date smarter. First of all the Wife named Season did a preemptive strike on this option on our wedding day. She went into great detail about what would be the consequences. It involves a lot of pain, suffering, followed by death and then her collecting insurance money and living high on the hog. Ironically the first three results don't bother me that much, but the fact that she can live better off without me...THAT'S JUST UNACCEPTABLE! So please stop telling the spam people that I need more information on dating.

I sure as hell don't need more sex partners. I don't know, I mean I know most guys and some gals are out there asking "Why not Jose? Why don't you want more sex partners?" Let me tell you why. I can barely keep one partner happy as it is and now you want me to spread that fact around to other people too?

NOPE!!! I don't think so, SIR. Besides didn't you read the paragraph above about the pain, suffering, followed by death and then her collecting insurance money and living high on the hog. And how that is unacceptable? Just double checking.

More orgasms...

OK this one I could do with, I mean who doesn't want more orgasms?

More pleasure? They offer something that offers more pleasure?

Umm, doesn't it pretty much feel the same for everyone? Doesn't it all come down to wetness, squishiness, insertion, resulting in more wetness and a trip to the bathroom? (And just in case you failed to notice I left this very vague so it would pertain to all lifestyles. Do you see how PC friendly I'm becoming. But...on a side note what does Personal Computers have with being accepting and tolerant of others whether you agree or understand them. Shouldn't we accept them like that anyway? I'm just asking.)

Now these next few spam emails I don't understand. Why do I need to know how to spot a Rolex or even a fake Rolex? I don't wear a watch.

I haven't worn a watch seriously since I had my Snoopy watch back between grades 3 through 5.

Albeit that was one of the coolest watches ever. It had Snoopy sitting on the Sopwith Camel in the center with 3 different clouds and a Red Baron circling him.

The coolest watch in history was then stolen sometime in 5th grade from my desk. The band had broken, so I put it in my desk for safe keeping. Since it was stolen from a fifth graders desk while he was attending a Catholic School, that better guarantee some hellfire, brimstone and some personal attention from Satan himself to the culprit!

Am I bitter still after all these years??? OH HELL TO THE YEAH I AM!!! So no I don't need any watches thank you very much. And thank you for bringing that memory back. I guess me an little buddy are going to be siting next to each other in therapy thanks to this.

WOW!!! This is actually turning out to be longer than originally intended. So that will be all for today. I'll end it here and continue this tomorrow.