MONKEY SAY, JOSE DO

Hello.



I'm Jose' and this is my blog. I am not a monkey.



This is my monkey. He is a computer monkey.



He helps me write my blogs.



My computer monkey is mad at me.



He wants a day off for rest.



It threatened me and told me to give him a break or else.



So I am being forced,



to take a break.



I will comply.



Stupid uppity computer monkey.



I'll be back tomorrow.



Currently listening:

Monkees
By The Monkees
Release date: 2006-08-15

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Wow I went 20 hours with out twatting once. I feel like such a failure. Feelings gone. I am happy now. Or it might just be sleep deprivation

SURVEY aka filler

I oddly just ran out of time today...we'll try and get back on track quickly



Do you sleep with your socks on or off?
off

Do you flip your pillow to the cold side?
yes

Do you like to hold or be held?
both

Do you want a small or big wedding?
neither

What type of girls do you usually go for?
blind women with loose morals

Would you rather be rich and unhappy or poor and happy?
poor and happy

What are 3 things you want to do before you die?
apologize to one person
go to New York City
write a book

Have you ever churned Butter?
nope

Are you trusting of new people?
nope

If your dream was to be a model and a big opportunity came up but you had to be nude , would you do it?
yes, yes I would

What is the most money you would spend on a pair of shoes?
$15.00

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
blue

Do you have more friends or more acquaintances?
aquaintances

If you could win a couple front row tickets to a game, any sport any team what would it be?
wwe raw

Would you rather help someone out or be helped out?
help someone

If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt?
nope

How was your weekend?
it was pretty good actually

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
yes I hugged someone

Ever thrown up in public?
yes

Passed out because of alcohol?
yes

What is on your mind RIGHT NOW?
"what's the next question"

Would you take a bullet for anyone?
yes

Where would you like to live?
in an apartment over a chinese restaurant

What kind of house would you like?
see the previous answer

What do you want to be when you grow up?
a man I can be proud of

Who was the last person that left you a comment?
Jeanine

How often do you log in to myspace?
once a day...I just happen to stay logged on for a long time

Do you like candy necklaces?
as a food item yes, as jewelry no

What was the last thing you drank?
a warm and flat diet coke

Who do you miss?
she knows who

About how many people have you driven with?
oh christ I don't have a clue...let's just say 1000

What are you doing this weekend?
I have some appointments and working on my writing

Whats your favorite kind of soda?
diet coke

Last kiss? With who?
3 months ago

Last hug? With who?
last night, my sister

How many times have you eaten sushi?
twice

What do you want to do right now?
finish this survey

Are you listening to music right now?
nope

What time is it now?
1:57 A.M
.
Do you think anyone will repost this???
probably not

What pisses you off?
stupid people

What song makes you cry?
today...love by Sugarland

What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
silence

What makes you happy?
children laughing

Height?
5'10"

Hair?
Dark Brown with lots of stray grays

Piercings?
not anymore

Tattoos?
2

What are you wearing?
t-shirt, shorts, underwear

What taste is in your mouth?
diet coke

Do you have a bad habit?
yes



Currently listening:

These Days
By Bon Jovi
Release date: 1999-02-09

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I learned a brand new word. Skank-opotamus is the new word. This word makes me giggle like a little school girl. this word makes me happy :)

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Unless it's me. There is no stabbing of the Jose' for any reason. Plus I have a pretty mouth.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I hate having to be politically correct. I feel if someone deserves to be stabbed with a rusty trombone, there should be no discrimination.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

The previous statement was mad in humor and jest. No nuns or children were harmed nor were they in danger. That was just a set up for a joke

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I will stab nuns and children with a rusty trombone for a RED BULL! Oh, no need to worry, I found one. The nuns and kids are safe...for now!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

My traffic counter at this very moment reads 5150...I think I'll play some Van Halen now. The Hagar Era

TWITTER THOUGHTS

If the future is just around the corner, where is the past?

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I rode in a cop car today! In the front not the back! This made me happy! He wouldn't turn on the lights or the siren. This mad me sad. :(

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I have noticed that I tend to get that look a lot...hmm? I wonder if it's me? Nah. Can't be. Hmmm?

TWITTER THOUGHTS

She just looked at me the way she looks at her daughter when she does something that kids find hilarious, but the rest of the world groans

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Woo hoo! I have energy drinks & smokes! I have Diet Coke! I have food in my belly! The only thing missing now is Nibblys. I miss the nibblys

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Once I take care of the food cravings, the Red Bull cravings and the cigarette cravings, all will be good Good lord that's a lot of cravings

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I crave food. I'm leaving now to take care of food cravings. I'll return after satisfying food cravings. I'll get Red Bulls before I return.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I barely escaped facebook quizzes with my life and sanity. OK, there might be some (not a lot but some exaggeration) but they are addictive.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I am so glad I still have cigarettes, now if I only had a flame thrower, two dozen chickens, a filthy assistant and a copy of the Kama Sutra

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Oh crap! I am out of Red Bull! Which means, I must venture forth into the community to acquire some. It's to damn early to deal with people.

IS IT WORTH IT pt 3

A few (many) years back, Wisconsin was suffering from a drought. It was so hot that my mom had put out some plastic plants that she kept in the living room, and she killed them.

OK in truth they melted, but that's not as funny.

Rob, Mike (some of you may remember him from the Disappointment stories) and I had been hanging out at Rob's house because he happened to have a pool.

It was right around noon, when I had this AWESOME idea. I looked at the fellas and said "Dudes, let's go to the pool."

I know, not my best opening line, but believe me THINGS would get worse.

Mike and Rob just started laughing uncontrollably, and in between guffaws Rob finally spit out "Dude we ARE in a pool." Which caused the laughter to begin all over again.

That should have clued me into what kind of day this would be...but like all things great, I ignored the obvious signals.

"No...I mean the public pool. At least there are girls there AND life guards." It was like a switch had been thrown. I had mentioned the life guards. The ever elusive beauties in the red bathing suit and sunglasses. The bronze goddesses who sat upon their thrones of white, watching over their dominion. These enchantresses of the sun who would forever be a part of every teenage boys fantasies.


INTERMISSION
Now you know why Baywatch was such a big deal. Every guy that watched Baywatch, was just taken back to the days of youth and rampaging hormones. Just thought I'd share that with you.
END OF INTERMISSION

There was silence.

Then there was the enthusiastic chorus of "Oh HELL YEAHS" and "GREAT IDEA!"

Now as most people know, 16 year old boys are notoriously lazy, and we were no different.

"How are we gonna get there?" Mike asked.

INTERMISSION
None of us, at this point, had a divers license. So we were usually at the mercy of someone else when it came to automotive transportation. I would've normally asked my girlfriend for a ride but, there were two factors that put the kibosh on that idea. One, she would've wanted to come along, which would have hampered the ogling. Two, we had just broken up...again. We were on again off again couple during the high school years.
END OF INTERMISSION

Rob questioned "How about Chad?"

"Nope, he's workin'" I said.

We went around like that for about five to ten minutes, and all of our usual suspects were unavailable.

That left us with only two choices.

Walk the two miles, or ask one of our parents.

Like I stated previously, we were notoriously lazy, so we asked Mike's dad if he would chauffeur us to the land of wet female bodies. We finally hit a stroke of good luck...or so we thought.

We had asked him if he could drop us off a few blocks down the street and he agreed. The evil smirk on his face should have sent up the warning flare, but all we had on our minds was the sun soaked anatomies that awaited us.

That rat bastard dropped us off right in front of the public pool.

"Now boys make sure you put on sunscreen, you don't want to burn! I'll pick you up in three hours! I love you boys! Play nice!" he said in this whiny nerdy voice, loud enough to be heard all the way into the pool itself.

We heard him cackling as he drove away.

After our near death experience by embarrassment, we finally made it the promised land.

For the first hour all we did was point out the "hotties" and try and make small talk, and like the MiG-28s in 'Top Gun' we were shot down.

Then the gods smiled down upon me in glorious fashion. One of the life guards was looking at me.

ME!

So I did the very nonchalant head nod, and she smiled. She smiled at me.

ME!

With every ounce of courage I had, I walked on over and said "Hi."

INTERMISSION
Can you tell even back then I was a master word smith...ugh.
END OF INTERMISSION

On this blistering summer afternoon, the most magical thing happened.

She said "Hi, I'm Tina."

We talked for a little while, and to this day I have no clue about what. I am still in awe that this sun kissed nymph talked to me.

"I'm done in half an hour, do you mind if I hang out with you guys?"

"Sure that's cool."

INTERMISSION
Like I said a master word smith...ugh.
END OF INTERMISSION

Rob and Mike were envious.

There was nothing on this Earth that could have wiped the smile off my face that day.

I was wrong.

30 MINUTES LATER

Tina is sitting right next to me, while Rob and Mike are having a diving competition, trying to impress Tina.

INTERMISSION
This particular pool had three diving boards set at three different heights. Mike and Rob were diving off the lowest of diving boards.
END OF INTERMISSION

I was on top of the world.

When Rob (that rat bastard) goes "Jose it's your turn!"

"My turn for what?"

While in my head I'm screaming 'SHUT THE HELL UP ROB!'

Rob says "We're seeing who can do the cleanest dive."

"Go ahead Jose, show them how it's done." Tina cheered on.

While in my head I'm begging in a whimpering tone 'Shut the hell up Tina.'

Now listen up close kiddies, because this is where Jose and stupidity get intimate.

"Fine, but if I'm going to do this I'm going to do it from the high dive." That little voice of reason that usually keeps me from doing the truly stupid shit that could get me killed screamed in this high pitched voice 'WHAT!!! ARE YOU STUPID!!!'

Hey, in my defense I was challenged in front of a girl who thought I was worth flirting with.

Tina gave me this wonderful little smile, and that little voice of reason that usually keeps me from doing the truly stupid shit that could get me killed says 'oh well, did you see that smile? Dive motherfucker!'

I was hopelessly outnumbered this day.

I begin my trek to the high dive. Taking a whole lot of short, shallow breaths...you know those breaths that come right before hyperventilating...yeah those.

I begin the climb up the ladder, and I glance over to the are where we were all sitting, and ooooh there's that wonderful smile, and she even added the two thumbs up sign.

I am now standing on the high dive.

I take a deep breath.

I than do this little 'skip, skip, hop thing' that brings me to edge of the diving board...although with much more speed than I expected.

And then I dove into the void.

INTERMISSION
Now kiddies, I implore that you pay attention in science class. You see they teach you things like velocity and momentum and how they affect objects in motion. I obviously had missed that particular class, but worry not, I was about to get a lesson in velocity and momentum and how it affects objects in motion.
END OF INTERMISSION

You see, the dive was perfectly executed...but the momentum of my 'skip, skip, hop thing' ends up forcing my body to continue on it's arc.

At first I see the pool, then I realize that the pool is leaving my field of vision, then the high dive comes into my field of vision and than I see that bright blue sky.

About a half second later I feel all the air being driven from my body as I do a "back flop" into the pool. Then the excruciating pain kicks in. Then I feel two sets of hands grabbing at me. Tina and one of the other life guards had jump in the pool to save my stupid ass.

The second life guard was making sure I was OK, as Tina was packing up her stuff.

She glanced over at me and gave me this 'You ARE an idiot!' look.

The worst part of it all, is I couldn't have agreed more.

On this day...no my friends, it was SO NOT worth it.



Currently listening:
The End of Silence
By Rollins Band
Release date: 1995-12-01

advice by madge

http://site.advicebymadge.com/

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I can hear the cries of people begging me never to do that again mainly because the drapes are open and the neighbors don't like the show

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I was about to jump in the shower, when I had this sudden urge to go on here and say "I'm naked, I'm tweeting and I'm loving every bit of it

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Cigarettes? check. Diet Coke? gone. Microwaveable burrito? ate. At least 4 cans of Red Bull? empty. Antidepressants? taken. Awake? finally!!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

HI and WELCOME to all my new followers, It's a pleasure to meet you all. Unless you're stalking me, then it's a REAL pleasure to meet you :)

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Cigarettes? check. Diet Coke? check. Microwaveable burrito? check. At least 4 cans of Red Bull? check. Antidepressants? check. Awake? almost

UP ON A SOAP BOX JOSE TYPES, STARTS TO WHINE AND RANT AND SNIPE

AUTHORS NOTE
I can truthfully say that I was very surprised that so many of you still read my blogs.

O.K., truth be told, I was shocked and completely overwhelmed, that these words of mine have recently been read over 300 times. I know, to some of you those numbers are tiny, but for this particular individual, I feel privileged to have had one reader, so I am amazed and honored that I have been read so many times.

So to all of you I, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

Now I hope I don't let any of you down.

Now with all that said...
AUTHORS NOTE END


INTRODUCTION
Hello one and ...umm let's see....2...3...4...5...oh, I see you too number 6, and I think that's pretty much all of you. Hey guys and gals...wassup?

I know it's been a while since I actually took the time to address you all personally and I apologize. Right now I'm sitting here drinking a Buzzed energy drink and writing yet another introduction for my waste of space.

Every once in a while I'll sit here and have no idea what to write. This is one of those times.

So I am just going to write whatever nonsense and drivel pops into my head.

Tonight I'm just jotting down ideas, thoughts and passing fancies. Some days I have a lot of passing fancies, while some days all I'm passing is gas. I know it was a long way to get a fart joke in there, but that's just the way I roll. I'm still working on my street cred. Actually I'm not, I just like saying street cred. I figure if this "getting older fart" says it enough, people will stop using it. A man can dream right?

So buckle up boys, girls and children of all ages. The ride is about to start. OK, it's more like a merry-go-round. But I never promised you a rose garden, but my crap cup overfloweth.
END OF INTRODUCTION


PRESIDENTS

I guess it's time I mentioned how sick and tired I am at hearing about the "black" president. He's our new president. Color, race, religion and sexual orientation should not be an issue, ever. Is he the right man for the job? Will he keep his campaign promises? Those are the subjects that we should focus on.

Do we make reference to George Washington as our first white president? No we do not.

Do we refer to J. Edgar Hoover as the "cross dressing president?" Again no.

Do we refer to Franklin D. Roosevelt as the "handicapped president?" For the third time there is a no.

How about Honest Abe. Is he known as the first assassinated president? I don't think I have to answer that.

If color is such a big issue...then shouldn't we always refer to Mr. Obama as "Mr. Black President?" I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that wouldn't last very long.

So please for fuck's sake, stop referring to him as our "first" anything.
END OF PRESIDENTS


GAY MARRIAGE - a conversation

Over the last few years there's been this big hullabaloo about same sex marriages and I don't understand why?

My ex and I had this discussion

Her - I can't believe the same sex marriage bill didn't pass.

Me - So what? Why does it matter?

Her - What? HUH? YOU'RE OPPOSED TO GAY MARRIAGE?

Me - Hey calm down, and no I am not opposed to gay marriage at all.

Her - Then how can you say "so what?" (she actually made the air quotes too) If we were the same sex we wouldn't have been able to get married! Doesn't that bother you at all?!?!

Me - Hold on there were-cat, and reel in them claws. Now you're talking about two different things. First of all, not every state is going to pass a same sex marriage bill. There's too many old school career politicians to allow that to ever happen. But there are places that do allow it. If we were the same sex and we wanted to get married, you can bet your sweet gay ass that we would have moved there, and we would have been married.

If the gay population were truly hell bent on getting married that's what they would do.

If we were gay, what is there to stop us from moving to a state where gay marriage is allowed?

Nothing.

And nothing is exactly what would get in the way.

I love you truly madly and deeply, and if we were gay, we would move to any place at all that would allow it. At this moment it would be either Canada or Massachusetts, and I would start a crusade to make sure that any and all of my gay brethren (and sisteren) would follow me. Just imagine if all of a sudden there were 10,000 gay men and women moving into a state to live and to be wedded. Just imagine with that influx of eligible voters moving into a region where your numbers could affect policy changes. On a local level straight on to a state level.

Then you all move to a place where they allow civil unions. At this time you encourage more gay men and women to move with you and do the same there. Let's say your numbers double. When you first moved to a place where gay marriage is allowed you came with 10,000 people. When you moved to your next state all of a sudden the numbers are 20,000. You affect policy changes on a local level straight on up until you hit the state level.

This time when you go to the next place you are 40,000 people strong.

Then on to the another place...now you are 80,000 strong.

And so on and so on.

Soon everybody would have the right to get married no matter what.

Her - But that would never happen.

Me - Why?

Her - Because of the strong numbers in the bible belt.

Me - So you save them for last. Let's go on a limb here, OK? Let's say before they hit the bible belt, we have affected 10 states. We started with 10,000 in state one, 20,000 in state two, 40,000 in state three, 80,000 in state four, 160,000 in state five, 320,000 in state six, 640,000in state seven, 1,280,000 in state eight, 2,560,000 in state nine and finally in state ten you walk in with 5,120,000 people. Are you saying any place at all would stand a chance?

Her - I guess not.

Me - So I again repeat my previous 'So what?' If it's that important, they'd stop organizing marches in places where they know they will fail, and organize themselves into a policy changing , organized political party.

Her - But that would work for anyone who wants to affect big government changes, wouldn't it?

Me - Yes, yes it would. Now we just hold our breaths and see who makes the first move.
END OF GAY MARRIAGE - a conversation


SIMPLE TRUTHS AND LIES

1. A lie is easy to believe.

2. Far easier than the truth

3. Love is the biggest lie AND the most honest truth

4. Never tell a lie unless you can convince yourself that the lie is the truth.

5. Never tell a lie unless the lie is completely your own.

6. If you have to tell the truth, make it sound like a lie. (see rule numbers "One and two" )

7. The truth will not make you happy and neither will the lie.

8. If you're not happy, this list won't help.

9. If you are happy, this list still won't help.

10. If you follow these rules I can't guarantee a damn thing.

Does any of this make any sense to you? If it does than we're going to get along just fine, because that my friends is how my brain works. Well at least that's the way it works as I am typing this down.


INTERMISSION
If it didn't make any sense to you, I'm very sorry. But if it makes it any better, I'll make you some cookies. OK, I won't be making them, I'll be buying them and only if they are on sale.

You see, I am a little wrong in the head, but at least I am frugal.

Now where was I?
END OF INTERMISSION


Thorough the course of my life I have noticed that there is no such thing as a simple truth or a simple lie.

Even worse is the fact that I can't let these revelations drop out of my conscience thoughts.

I'll be sitting here thinking "It's so simple! Why can't you see it?"

And to those questions there are basically four kinds of reactions.

1. "That's insightful."

2. "That's funny."

3. "That's sad."

4. "I don't care."

Some find some insight or humor in my words.

Some think that I'm just a sad case and even more think that all this is a waste of trees and lumber.

But above and beyond all that I always hope my words make them think something, anything.

Since these things have been trapped in my waste of grey matter, I figure it's time to share the tales of infancy, teens, twenties, and my thirties.

Like everyone else in the world I have issues, shortcomings and failings.

Without further ado here's my funny stories, sad stories, thoughtful insights, blatant lies subtle truths, subjects observed, absurd objects, songs, poems, and whatever else crosses the non frying egg in a pan.

INTERMISSION
For those that have no clue what that reference is to...You have to go back in time to the early eighties. Back in that era, there was an anti-drug commercial that had two eggs in a frying pan. When the pan was in a unheated frying pan...nothing happened which meant that the brain was not taking drugs.

And then the commercial showed a heated pan with 2 eggs cooking which meant a brain taking drugs...
END OF INTERMISSION
END OF SIMPLE TRUTHS AND LIES

I hope you enjoyed my brain drain...I'll see you all soon.



Currently listening:

Angel Dust
By Faith No More
Release date: 1992-06-1

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I hate the fact that this town basically shuts down by 10:00 PM, except for the bars. Don't they know how important unhealthy food is to us?

TWITTER THOUGHTS

crave a microwaveable bean burrito, a BAWLS Guarana drink, a cigarette, and nibbly bits. Sadly all I can take care of is the cigarette :(

TWITTER THOUGHTS

"Palin isn't being probed by FBI, contrary to rumors, U.S. says" That statement sounds a lot like, "Dude not even with your dick" to me.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Food is supposed to fill you up & be yummy. Food is NOT supposed to be work. The only thought involved with food should be 2nds or 3rds!!!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

My brain is now very happy! Oh yes, very very happy indeed.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I'm currently filling my brain with scathing political commentary, dissection of society and dead dog carcases by reading Transmetropolitan

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Silly as it seems this is my 300th Tweet. No it's not a big milestone, but since they're keeping track, I figure I might as well mention it.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

An attack womb would come in handy, on grass & in the air, An attack womb would be nifty, over here, over there. I wish I had an attack womb

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Sometimes, not always, just once in a while, I wish I didn't have a meat gun On those days I wish I had an attack womb instead of a meat gun

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I have a meat gun I was born with a meat gun It is not a big meat gun It is not a small meat gun It is a meat gun that belongs to only me.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Must Share Quote of the Day - "Our fat looks better brown than white" Arn Anderson

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Is it wrong knowing that I'm twittering the day away? Is it worse knowing that yesterday I twattered the day away. Yeah that's way way worse

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I want to be the "the other half" so people can wonder how I live or, if you're an INXS fan, than you would wonder how the "other half dies"

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I wouldn't hold your breath. I've never claimed to be intelligent. Although I've claimed to be a smart ass and this one time at band camp :)

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I have to say it feels pretty damn good to back keyboard surfing again. Maybe this time around I'll have something intelligent to say...

NEW YEARS DAY finally deciphered

AUTHORS NOTE:
This was originally written, in a slightly altered state of mind, on January first 2009. I have spent the last seven or so months trying to decipher, translate and clarify what the hell I had written down on that particular morning.

So, this may not be as fluid and coherent as I like my words to be, and for that I apologize.
END OF AUTHORS NOTE.


It's 2:45 A.M. on January 1st 2009, with blurry vision, lack of fine motor skills (symptoms my ex would claim was a drunken stupor) and craving for nachos, frozen waffles, and Diet Coke...with a rum chaser, I sit here contemplating all of the possibilities for the upcoming year.

Baking chocolate is still a liar. Even though, to the olfactory system, it smells of delicious chocolaty goodness. It still, however, does not have a delicious choclaty flavor (even with honey).

My ex hit the sack about two hours ago. Right after Robby Kneievel jumped some volcano in Las Vegas. I personally would have gone to bed before that particular moment of T.V. history.

It was not very cool or exciting.

It was a lot like that moment when "things" happen faster then you thought they would. Heh...um anyway.

I started thinking about this past Christmas...more specifically Christmas shopping and these are the things I didn't say this past holiday.



PRE-CHRISTMAS THOUGHTS
People at Wal-Mart...would it kill you to smile?

NO sir, I'm not being rude, you're just in the way, and I'd like to get past you.

If you were my child and you threw that kind of fit in front of me...I would tell you the truth about Santa, and give all your presents away...in front of you.

I don't care if "Merry Christmas" isn't Politically Correct, that is what I am wishing you. If you don't like it then GO SUCK ON A YULE LOG.

The only perfect gifts we can ever exchange are love and laughter.

On one of the coldest days of the year (so far) it is not prudent or cool to stop and have a conversation in the parking lot.
END OF PRE-CHRISTMAS THOUGHTS


But with all those comments being filtered in my head...on December 26th when we went to Wal-mart...


POST CHRISTMAS WORDS
FUCK YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU!!!!
END OF POST CHRISTMAS WORDS


The TV just said there was going to be more snow...ooh marriage advise, I can give marriage advise about winter responsibilities...(of course the irony on this is not lost on me at all)


RULES OF MARRIAGE
It doesn't bother us that you won't shovel, what does bother us is when you give us "shoveling pointers" from the doorway, and then casually remark about how much snow there is.

Even though we were at the Wal-Mart and there is a Pizza Hut just 2 minutes away, She is correct in driving 10 minutes in the oppisite direction where there is no Pizza Hut. This is not her fault either.

Husbands and wives are equals (so she says) until the tempature drops below zero, and I have to scrape the windows and start the car "Because it's too cold out there."

PLEASE don't ask US for directions and then be completely surprised because we arrived at the destination. That's just mean.
END OF RULES OF MARRIAGE


Now where was I...oh yeah the future.

In that instant (well to be more accurate it was a nanosecond's worth of a coherent thought) I started wondering what happened to all the promises for the future.


THE FUTURE
Where is my silver jumpsuit? Not only mine but yours too. I remember in all the science fiction movies everyone wore these silver things...until Star Wars that is. I know they aren't flattering but according to all the movies and books, they were flight suits and radiation protection.

They also went well with the jet packs or the anti-gravity belts that we never got. We were supposed to soar into the heavens without airplanes.

Speaking of flying where are the flying cars that run on solar power, whizzing through the wild blue yonder. With the bubble domes and the ability to go into space so that we could "drive" to the moon for a vacation. You know, the space station on the moon where we fraternize with aliens who look like green Jell-o and robots that always threaten to take over the universe.

Now that we're talking about the universe, Where are the rockets that would take us to brave new worlds that we have colonized.



AUTHORS NOTE:
After this I realized I must have passed out on the keyboard because, I couldn't decipher anymore.

So with that said...

Happy New Year!!

Two days after Happy Independence Day!!
END OF AUTHORS NOTE.

Currently reading:

Transmetropolitan Vol. 2: Lust For Life
By Warren Ellis
Release date: 2009-05-26

TWITTER THOUGHTS

"Being Human" is AWESOME...check it out!!!!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I take back my previous statement...I think I'm addicted to Hulu...I guess it's more like a Fatal Attraction now...I better hide my bunny!!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I LOOOOOVE HULU!!!!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Damn it...I'm out of energy drinks! I think I might have to leave the cave to get...ooh just located a 2 liter of diet coke...I am saved!!!!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

A floppy cowboy hat, sweatpants with a hole in the crotch & a Skid Row t-shirt from the 'Slave to the Grind' tour means today is a lazy day!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

All my fingers still attached? Yes. Anything burn down? Nope. Which means I survived yet another 4th of July explode-a-rama craziness. YAY!!

TOP 10 FAVORITE SUPER HEROES

While back my ex and I were running around wasting time...I mean running errands and I was in charge of the radio. Which pretty much means that I was "radio hopping" more than an over caffeinated rabbit on cocaine (I stand firm with my belief that if it is a crappy song, I refuse to sit through it).

Anyways, one of our local rock stations is doing this top 10 songs for _______ (the blanks stand for things like movie themes, arena anthems etc. etc.) and that sparked an idea which became the blog that I am sharing with you now.

INTERMISSION
What can I say...I like "Top Lists."

I'm that guy that goes through the AFI's list just to see how many of those movies I have seen. I do the same thing with Rolling Stone's and VH1's "top lists."

Like I said, I like "Top Lists."
END OF INTERMISSION

So that got this waste of air's brain working and I said to myself "Jose, why don't you make a top list?"

I answered "Because what happens if people don't like my list, I don't know if I could live with that."

I slapped that Jose and said "It's your damn blog! Your opinions! If people disagree than they disagree! Do you have any clue how many people disagree with you? HUH DO YOU?!?!"

Meekly I responded "no."

"Well than what do you have to lose? You were married so you have no dignity or pride, because your ex has that hanging from her key chain right next to your testicles, so you got nothing to lose, RIGHT?"

"I guess so." I answered.

"Well than there you go. Start off small. Why don't you start off with you top 10 super heroes and why they are you top 10. And as time goes on build from there."

"Hey, that's not a bad idea at all."

So after having that multiple personality moment I decided to do just that. So here are my Top 10 super heroes (according to me) and I hope you enjoy.


10. Firearm (Alec Swan)





He wasn't really a superhero. He was a normal guy with a big gun. His job was to track down bad guys with super powers. This was the first comic book I read, where the main character talked directly to the reader. After his series ended, there was a mini series where Alec Swan was a backup story and it was like a friend had come to visit for a little while. Of all the comic books I have sold this series is still safely in my collection.



09. The Incredible Hulk (Bruce Banner)




There were so many times in my childhood that I wish I could get stronger to protect my family and myself. The Incredible Hulk was the epitome of those moments of fear, anger and pain where one who was meek and mild mannered could, for a little while, fight back.



08. Zauriel




He was an angel who became a super hero because he was in love with a human. Yeah I know, this is just another cliche but to me it was very cool. And he had wings!!!



07. Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner)




The Green Lantern has a long and illustrious history that starts back in July of 1940 and is still going strong today. There have been many different and interesting characters that have carried the mantle of the Green Lantern. When I got into comics in my 20something, Kyle Rayner was also starting his reign as the Green Lantern. It was just really cool to be able to start reading a comic book with an established hero, and at the same time be completely new.



06. The Night Man (Johnny Domino)





The Night Man also known as Saxophone player Johnny Domino was sort of like the Ultraverse's version of Batman. His only power was that he could "hear evil thoughts", although he rarely knew where they originated from. Of course he had one other talent, because of a car accident, he had a piece of metal lodged in his brain, that kept him from needing sleep. This was one of those really fun books to read, because as he faced new obstacles, he would adapt. For example, he added a cape because he got cold during a stakeout. It was those little things that made this book tons of fun.



05. Impulse (Bart Allen)





This comic was just FUN FUN FUN. I have always a soft spot in my heart for speedsters, but Bart was just one of those characters that from day one, had my complete and undivided attention.



04. Batman (Bruce Wayne)





Let's not kid ourselves. Batman has always been cool. From the days of the Caped Crusader and the Dynamic Duo straight on through to the Dark Knight. Batman is always just one very cool character.



03. Captain America (Steve Rogers)





Captain America to me is a lot like Batman here. He has always been very very cool. The costume, the shield, the strength and agility...duuuude!!!



02. Aquaman (Arthur Curry, Orin)





I have always been a fan of Aquaman. Since his early days of throwing "hard water" projectiles and riding giant seahorses straight up to the time that they had his left hand eaten by piranhas. I have always been a poor swimmer yet I love the water. How great would that be knowing that the one thing you never have to worry about is drowning. Add the fact that he's a king, he's strong, he's surly and he's telepathic, made me wish I could be Aquaman...even with the orange and green costume.



01. Superman (Clark Kent, Kal-El)





Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...Look up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman! He's a true american legend...possibly one of the last great characters to be created. He has the powers of a god. Yet, he fights, protects and works alongside mere mortals, never judging. He does the right thing because it's the right thing to do. Sure he can fly and he's strong and you can't forget about all the different vision and breath powers, yet in the end, all he is, is nothing but a simple farm boy. In essence Superman is hope. A beacon of light not to lead but to show you the way to a better place.

Yeah, heh, can you tell I am a fan of Superman?

Well with all that said thank you for taking the time to read this, and I'll be back soon.



Currently listening:

Brain Drain
By Ramones
Release date: 2008-09-30

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I feel so retarded right now, that I'm very much considering getting a helmet from the garage & that window looks like it needs a good lick.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Today, I have learned that dancing on a boat in a paper "grass skirt" & waving a flag while drinking alcohol is part of the American spirit.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Today is the 4th of July good old Independence Day. Happy "Good Excuse to Drink A Whole Lot Of Beers and Blow Some Expensive Shit Up Day!"

TWITTER THOUGHTS

In my very humble & honest opinion, all things, and I mean all things can be cured with diplomacy and a REALLY FRIKKEN BIG ASS FLAMETHROWER!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

AWESOME MUST SHARE QUOTE - "I am not an enabler...I'm a helper."

TWITTER THOUGHTS

While sitting here, behind this monitor, I have come to the conclusion that I honestly desire to see some real nibblys and some real bits!!!

WOMEN OF TV AND FILM pt 2

The last time I was here talking about this particular topic, I was talking about a very "innocent" time. Back before the hair started growing in places where there wasn't hair before, before the voice started doing that stupid squeaky/crackly thing and before the hormones started running rampant like stampeding wildebeests through my little veins.

I was waiting on the playground before school, when I noticed that there was a change in some of the girls. I couldn't place my finger on it. They were the same girls who I had gone to school and shared the same class rooms with for the past 6-7 years and something was definitely different.

So here I am, waiting for the bell to ring, and I just happened to glance over and noticed one of the older students was taking off her sweater.

As I was looking, her uniform shirt and her sweater got all tangled up. That's when I saw a vision that would change my life forever.

I had seen her boobies.

My first ever pair of real flesh and blood boobies and I had SEEN them.

Although it was a fleeting moment, I had witnessed God's most perfect creation.

That's when it hit me and ironically so did she (I had not learned the fine art of "covert looking". I mean give me a break, this was my first time looking at "real ones").

And that's when I started to notice all the girls had curves where there weren't curves before. There were bumps in places that just last year weren't there.

That shocked me straight to the core.

It also made me look at women a little differently. Instead of just noticing cute girls, I was looking at umm...other things too.

Needless to say that also, affected the way I looked at TV and movies. I had gotten my first taste, so to say, of boobies and I wanted more.

Oddly this is an affliction I am still fighting today.

Although I don't fight it very hard.

Heh heh.

So without further ado,

The Top 10 WOMEN OF TV AND FILM pt 2 in no particular order. OK, they aren't all of TV and Film but nobody's perfect.

1.  From her days as THE Guess Jeans girl 
 Claudia Schiffer

2. Another Guess Jeans girl
 Anna Nicole Smith

 

3. Juliette From the movie "...and God Created Woman" played by
Bridgitte Bardot

4.Allison Carr from The Breakfast Club played by

Ally Sheedy

5. Brenda from Beverly Hills 90210 played by

Shannen Doherty

6. Nora Diniro from the movie "Pump Up The Volume" played by
Samantha Mathis

7. Samantha Josephine "Sammy Jo" Dean Reece Carrington Fallmont from the TV show "Dynasty" played by
Heather Locklear

8. Colleen McMurphy from the TV series "China Beach" played by

Dana Delany

9.  Catherine Chandler from the TV series Beauty and the Beast played by
Linda Hamilton

10.   Sports Illustrated Swimsiut Covergirl


Kathy Ireland

and now the honorable mentions

From the TV series "Head of the Class"

Khrystyne Haje


From the TV series "The Fall Guy"
Heather Thomas


From the Movie "Summer School"
Courtney Thorne-Smith
 

From the movie "Better Off Dead"

Diane Franklin





Well I hope you all enjoyed. Talk to you all soon.

Currently listening: Pride By White Lion Release date: 2008-07-15

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Being a spectator at a "street dance" 2nite I have to say if you're pregnant, a beer, a smoke and a halter top doesn't make you sexy one bit

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I was told this evening by a charming young lady that, and I quote, "Jose, you put the 'ass' in sassy."

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I'm enjoying this stress free day. Now that I've said that I know the unforgiving God of retribution will rain down upon me fire & brimstone

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Oh my GAWD! Red Bull hangovers hurt! I feel like I was kicked in the head by the Rockettes. Although, that would make a much better story.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

If my life was a movie, who'd do the soundtrack? The geek in me asks for John Williams and the rocker in me begs for Andrew WK or Nikki Sixx

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Now, I am completely and totally wide awake...while being thoroughly exhausted at the same exact time. It's a lot like being horny and alone

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I shouldn't have drank the Red Bulls I keep by my bed. Being too lazy to grab a Gatorade has added a complication I should have seen coming.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

"I am no longer pretty. Gravity tugs at my ass, my paunch and my painfully heavy testicles." -that's brutally honest & every bit true poetry

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh the right stuff. I shouldn't be dancing around to the "New kids on the Block", but today I can't help myself.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I am not completely sure what, exactly, I would or wouldn't do for a Klondike Bar, but I would really like to see what the suggestions are.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I had McDonald's for breakfast. Normally not that big of a deal, I know. But today, I was helped by someone who was competent AND efficient.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I was sitting on the front step, having a smoke & I watched a woman walk down the middle of the street, take off her pants, squat, and shit.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I really wish I was kidding.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Why is it, when I walk into a bar and ask the bartender if "I could please have a cocktail?"...that I tend to feel "a little bit more gay?"

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I want to spend my days practicing to be a dirty old man. And I want to spend my nights putting that practice to use in real world settings.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Death is the opening of a more subtle life. In the flower, it sets free the perfume; in the chrysalis, the butterfly; in man, the soul.

A SURVEY TO GET ME BACK IN THE BLOGGING FRAME OF MIND

How old is the first person on your top friends?
40

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?
NOPE

Do you own a computer?
nope...I own a device that allows me access to porn from

around the world.

Why is your myspace song, what it is?
I don't have a myspace song.

Where was your default picture taken?
It's a picture of my nephew wearing a raincoat and rain boots, but I thought he totally looked like a wrestler, so I asked my sis, if I could steal the pic for my MySpace profile and she said OK

Do you like messages or comments better?
I'll take any and all forms of communique

What woke you up this morning?
the uncontrollable need to pee.

What is your current mood?
Hot, sweaty and hoping the dryer finishes soon.

What color shirt are you wearing?
red

Are you crazy?
yes

Ever had a near death experience?
yes, I rode in a car with my sister driving

What was the highlight of your week?
so far...breathing. I happen to enjoy that a lot.

How long is your hair?
not as long as I would like it

Last thing you ate?
a bacon cheddar burger and fries

What was the last thing you drank?
a diet coke

Are you happy right now?
well I am not sad

Last person you hugged?
my nephew

Are you wearing make-up?
nope, I gave that up when Vince Neil and Motley Crue went their separate ways. Yes I know they are back together again, but it's just not the same.

Who do you most look like in your family?
MOM

Did you have a dream last night?
uhhh sure, let's go with that

What were you doing at 11:30 last night?
watching True Blood

Are you left handed?
no

What's the fifth text say in your inbox and who is it from?
N/A

What did you do today?
I watched my nephew, ran to the bank,doing laundry, went to walmart and now doing this survey

Who was the last person's voice you heard?
my own

What is bothering you right now?
waiting for an answer to a question I have now asked twice. Sadly it seems the person who I asked the questions too...would rather sit in silence. Knowing that silence equals death.

Have you ever seen somebody get hit by a car?
yup

Who do you tell everything to?
right now...Jeff

Have you ever taken a picture in a bathroom?
YES...Oh hell yeah...I took a hell of a picture just this morning...oh wait, you weren't being polite? You actually meant "a picture." Heh, my bad.

Do you use big words?
only when the little ones get redundant or obsolete

Favorite number?
19

Name a part from the song you're listening to?
silence...it's not a song.

Do you fight with your parents often?
whenever I get the chance

Where is the shirt you're wearing from?
walmart

Do you know anyone with cancer?
not anymore

Do you have any picture frames in your room?
nope

Where did you spend Christmas?
in a home that doesn't exist anymore

Do you get good grades?
I graduated high school

Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
I did...got infected...hurt like hell...never re-pierced again

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
yes

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
depends on whether or not I'm running on time or late

Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
I would rather know where I stand in the permanent relationship

What did you accomplish today?
I finished this survey

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
finishing this survey

Do you like your life as of now?
Absolutely not

Last thing you purchased?
Dial for men and some q-tips

Where are you right now, and how do you feel about where you are?
well I'm at home and I feel fine blah blah blah blah LEONARD BERNSTEIN (that's my only R.E.M. reference I will ever make)

Currently listening: The Airborne Toxic Event By The Airborne Toxic Event Release date: 2008-08-05