ELECTRIC SUNSHINE

My dreams are dying.
My lies are blinding.
weeping with me
the magician
and the mans with electric sunshine.

I'm nothing, a joke
A losers lost cause
crying beside me
the magician
and the man with electric sunshine.

Battle raging between him, her
them, us, me and you
cowering with me
a magician
and the man with electric sunshine.

There in the darkness
loathing feeding the fires
fanning the flames
a magician
and the man with electric sunshine.

Broken and stripped down
shattered tears fall like sand
alone and naked
a magician
and the man with electric sunshine.

To erase the tears with a backhand
To refill the glass that runs empty
To camouflage the shattered visages
To extinguish the desire
To spotlight loneliness
To raise me, to the counter
To hide the broken pieces
To build the splintered family
To weaken us to become one
To give up the battle

Standing beside me
a magician
to distract me
and the man with electric sunshine
pours another glass of electric sunshine

Sunshine touches my lips
A blindfold over my eyes
all I see...
the magician
and the man with electric sunshine.

A BOTTLES EMBRACE

you kiss my lips again

it burns my tongue

that liquid fire

slides down my throat

to the pit of my stomach

burning

soothing

drowning

liquid amnesia.

no hands, no fingers

but the grip on me is strong

leading me in a dance,

around and around an open pit

filled with shame

regret

destruction

not releasing me.

today it's my master

yesterday my friend and lover

holding me in your grasp,

my thirst for you grows

the pit grows bigger

you lead me closer

held captive

in my own flesh.

like a cast iron grip

that scares my mind,

and my soul,

if you ever leave me,

even for just a moment.

a longing resides in me

by you my sweet

my bottles embrace

so desperate to feel...

anything,




and nothing at all

SONG OF THE WEEK 7

I'll hear some amazing song on a commercial, in a movie or at the end of some TV show, that just blows me away. So, I go searching for it. Albeit, while searching for this amazing song, I more often than not, get distracted. I'll hear this song, and it's by some new or unsigned band and I think to myself "Self, this is a major discovery!" I'd end up searching for everything on the web by them so I can get an idea of what they really sound like, but depending on my mood at that moment, my music tastes may change. Sometimes a cool song gets forgotten, because I may not have cared for the rest of their music.

If it's an established artist, and I go looking for some other song of theirs that I like, and suddenly the first song I was searching for goes the way of that last bag of chips you were craving but are now gone..

A while ago, I heard this song at the end of the TV series "Mercy". I looked for it, found it, and put up a little blurb about it, mainly because I was exhausted, and I wanted to really appreciate later, and this way I wouldn't have to search for it. Later that day, because I had already done the leg work, there was the song in it's easy to reach container where I took the time to really absorb it. That my friends is how the SONG OF THE WEEK got started.


This weeks song is by Christian Kane called L.A. Song. The very first time I heard this song I was just mesmerized. It's one of those songs that I could relate to the very first time I heard it, and still resonates very strongly with me now.  It has this melodic groove that I just totally dig.  An emotional singer, simple lyrics that convey a deeper message and an acoustic guitar, makes this one of those songs that you can't get out of your head.  And in this case that's a good thing.

Christian Kane can be seen on the TNT series Leverage.

and if you like this song check out his other stuff on...

itunes - http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/christian-kane/id258550222

and of on myspace

www.myspace.com/christiankane




I also wanted to take a moment to thank all you who come by. I feel honored that of the thousands of places you can visit, that you stop here, even if it's for a moment. You give me that little bit of hope that says "I'm not THAT crappy at this writing thing." So THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, because you spending a a small portion of your time here truly fills me with joy. Again, Thank You All So Much.

I TOOK MY FIRST STEP TODAY

reprinted from 6/8/04

I TOOK MY FIRST STEP TODAY


i took my first step today.

the same as i did tomorrow,

i tripped yet i stood up,

than got back down to fall again,

the sidewalk gets smaller the closer i converge,

i'm nearly to my destination,

only to realize i never left,

i looked down at the sidewalk,

only to see the sky looking up at me,

i was walking nowhere,

getting farther than ever before,

i was losing my sanity,

only to stay insane,

I took my first step today.

different than i did yesterday,

i walked off the sidewalk,

to find myself already there,

to ask myself

'what took you so long?'

only to respond

'i was found but now i'm lost',

i laughed at myself,

'you were caged, now you're free'

i said,

'being free is frightening'

was my reply,

'yeah it is'

i answered

'but feeling "anything" is new to you',

'i felt things before'

i countered,

'you never felt alive or free before'

i retorted,


i took my first step today.



than i took my second.




than i took my third...

I WONDER...

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
Albert Einstein


I wonder about many things as each day dawns.

Dawn being a figurative term.

I'm still awake when it comes.

It's usually the afternoon sun that beckons this lowly creature from the dreamlands to the waking world.

That and a fucking alarm clock.

I wonder what the day will bring...

Missing moments and moments lost.

I wonder if I can complete a day without new scar...

On me or in somebody else.

I wonder if my words will be the reason for pain...

For someone I don't know or in someone close to me.

I wonder what each passing minute brings to fill my plate.

A healthy meal or a mouthful of crow.

I wonder will I blink, think, breathe?

I wonder if it's worth it.

For you or me.

I wonder if the wonderful people of this world have started the healing?

Spreading hope filled arms and embracing us.

I wonder if the monsters are rubbing more salt to yet another fresh wound.

Squeezing and squeezing and squeezing till darkness comes.

I wonder if today will be a coalescent, stagnant day.

Or will it blossom into a day of thunderous beauty, gelid rains?

With the lightning prancing, frolicking and shimmying, like a burlesque show of awe and WONDER.

I wonder if on this day, I can do something right.

Everyday, I sit her and think.

But mostly, I just wonder, why?

And today was no different.

BEAUTIFUL GIRL STAY WITH ME

Originally written and Posted on Saturday, August 25, 2007


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I am beautiful no matter what they say...I am beautiful in every single way"
Christina Aguilera "Beautiful"


A point when inspiration hits me is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

For example:

I'm watching Californication (which WILL most definitely be on my must watch list) and a statement is said, that I not only agree on, but thanks to my still working brain, charged up the ranting batteries.

Why are we trying to kill the "woman"?

Why are we telling women they are too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, too beautiful, too smart, too dumb, too virginal, too slutty, not sexy, too sexy, too plain, too busty, not busty enough, too "butch", too girlie, too average or any number of things I have missed. When did getting surgeries to "fix" these "flaws" become the norm? When did having surgically enhanced breasts become so important? Who the hell thought that "fixing" a woman's nether region with laser surgery, and then call it Cosmetic Vaginal Surgery & Vaginal Rejuvenation become a good idea? When did injecting Botulinum Toxin Type A become a trendy way to try to turn back time? Because personally speaking toxin, which is a poisonous substance produced during the metabolism and growth of certain microorganisms and some higher plant and animal species, being injected into a human being can't be a good thing, especially, if it's just to remove wrinkles. Since when did seeing every bone in your skeletal frame become sexy? Why is it so important for women to trim/shave/pluck/wax certain areas to be alluring? Shouldn't a woman look like a woman and not some prepubescent girl? Why must women diet/starve/count calories to be a size that, for some, is unhealthy to be at?

In my lifetime I have seen millions of women and they are all beautiful in their own skin and in their own way.

Sure I do find some women unattractive, but it's usually their personalities that do that. I've seen, talked, dealt, and slept with some very visually pretty girls who were bone deep ugly because of their inner selves. I have also seen, talked, dealt, and slept with some very visually unattractive women who were completely breathtaking when it came to that wonderful fire that burns within them.

The skin which we look at (and appreciate) and the bodies it covers, should never ever fit into any kind of mold. How boring would it be if every woman looked exactly the same? Hell, most people don't like driving cars that look the same as their neighbors, so why would you want a woman that looks just like your neighbors? It's that special and magnificent quality that separates women into their own, now say it with me, INDIVIDUALITIES, that makes them all unique and ravishing.

We all know that silly fact that no two snowflakes are the same. We marvel at this fact. It's something that we tell each other all the time. It's something that were told as kids.

"Look how beautiful and fragile each and every snowflake is. Because you know, no two are the same."

Yet we want all women to be the same size and shape, because if you're not, it needs to be fixed. If your too this or that, fix it, because if you don't, nobody will want you. No one wants a girl who says/believes that. You need to act like this because that is what is expected of you. If you don't look like (fill in whichever celebrity you want in here) well than you just aren't good enough.

---start of slightly off topic rant---

Take Paris Hilton, she's a dumb girl, who contributes nothing. She isn't a celebrity because of anything positive she might have done, but simply because she has money. She has no skills, has no talent, and believes that she is head and shoulders above all us "normal folks." Yet, she does something that gets her treated like a normal person and all of a sudden she's a fucking victim?!?! She than goes on a speaking tour, and then gets paid an ungodly amount of money (that she DOESN'T need) to tell everyone about the hell she has endured. AND YET, girls still want to be like her?? Fuck that!!!

---end of slightly off topic rant---

So we sit here and compare the women who are right in front of us, and fix them. You all know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about comments and statements like...

Well she'd be pretty if she lost some weight.

She'd be hot if her tits were bigger/smaller.

She has a butter face, she's so hot but her face.

Oh man she's so fat/ugly I wouldn't fuck her with YOUR dick.

Such a shame, she's a fucking dyke. What a waste.

After a couple of drinks I could fuck her.

She's a two bagger. One for her and one for me in case hers rips.

...or any others I have missed.

And we sit and wonder why women have eating disorders, mental issues, emotional crutches, and baggage. It's because we as a whole are giving it to them. Look around you. Every person on this planet is different. We all agree on that, correct? So why are we trying to cookie cut the females of this world. Too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, too beautiful, too smart, too dumb, too virginal, too slutty, not sexy, too sexy, plain, too busty, not busty enough, too "butch", too girlie, too average or another descriptive term you want, does not define the true works of art that walk this Earth.

All the cosmetic surgeries, botox injections, calorie counting, shaving, trimming, dyeing, dieting, and spackling you do will not make you look like someone else. It will still be you. And you still matter the most, under all those "improvements". When the day is done and the dust settles it's still only you living your life, so don't let anybody or anything change you. You will always be you. You will have to live with yourself, in the same skin, that you are trying so hard to fit into a mold that simply does not exist. A mold that should have been dead and buried a long time ago. A mold we should have never have made.

So in closing...

Be unique.

Be yourself.

Be beautiful.

Because you already are.

MOVIE REVIEWS 11

You know what has always bugged me?  Movie reviews that take a "I'm so much smarter than you" route.  Every movie review I have ever read takes this approach.  They sit there and with a fine tooth comb and condemn every aspect of the movie or they praise the intellectual aspects of this cinematic experience.

Me, I just want a simple review.  Did the movie achieve it's goal.  How was the acting?  Was the script/story any good.  Was the movie entertaining.  Add a positive comment.  Add a negative comment.  Finally make a simple scale and rate that movie accordingly.

It's not asking for much.

Reading a movie review shouldn't have to be a chore.

So let's make that scale

   1.  Punch me in the FACE, because that's gonna be better than this movie.
   2.  I will never watch the movie again
   3.  Did I actually pay to see this?
   4.  I wish I saw it on cable.
   5.  I'll only watch it if its free on cable.
   6.  Can't find the remote...so I guess I'll watch this
   7.  This is better then the other stuff that's on.
   8.  I will watch the movie again
   9.  I CAN'T WAIT to watch the movie again
 10.  This movie WILL be owned, in any form because it's that damn good!!.

Now let's review some movies...

Percy Jackson & the Olympians The Lightning Thief

This movie was good. Not great. The special effects were very good. But now awesome. The acting was average. Nothing special. This movie had all of the elements to make it an amazing movie. But it ended up being just OK. It had it's moments, but when all was said and done...it felt like Harry Potter meets Hercules.

7/10
Saw VI

Being a fan of the Saw series, I was looking forward to this one.  It had all it's usual gore moments, but nothing truly spectacular.  It did a great job connecting all of the dots to the previous 5 films But I think it's finally played itself out.  Don't get me wrong, I'll watch the next one, if there is a next one.  The acting was consistent, the story mostly predictable, with a few surprises thrown in.

7/10 but mostly because I am a fan of this series.
Year One

I wanted to love this movie.  I wanted to.  But it seemed like the whole thing was forced.  The jokes weren't that funny and the story (even for a comedy) had no direction.  It was like watching a a really bat interpretation of Mel Brooks's History of the World part 1

4/10


Terminator: Salvation

Being a fan of the whole Terminator story line I was stoked.  I know that any movie franchise has to have it's weak moment and I thought "Rise of the Machines" was it.  After spending some time with the Sarah Connor Chronicles, I honestly figured this would make the 12 year old in me just "SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"  The TV series had all of the flavor of the first Two movies, how could it possibly fail.

By giving you characters you just didn't give a damn about.  Christian Bale as John Connors is unlikable as you can get with out being the villain.  The only person you end up caring about is Kyle Reese played by Anton Yelchin, and he wasn't in the movie enough to really build a connection to.  If it wasn't for the AWESOME special effects this would have been the first "Punch Me In The Face" movie

2/10

I WAS JUST LAZY TODAY

1.How late did you stay up last night and why?

I NORMALLY STAY UP TILL 7ISH AM...THAT'S MY NORMAL LACK OF SLEEP PATTERN


2. What was the first thing you thought this morning?

DAMNIT!!! STUPID INTERNET F***ING PIECE OF S**T!!!...12:01 AM


3. Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?

NO CRUSH


4. What did you do last night?

CLEANED THE HOMESTEAD AND WATCHED WWE NXT


5. Do you own anything that cost more than 1000 dollars?

JUST A FEW MILLION DOLLAR IDEAS


6. Have you ever ran with scissors?

YES, AND I HAD TWO WEEKS OF AFTER SCHOOL DETENTION TO PROVE IT...2ND GRADE TEACHERS DON'T MISS A THING


7. Have you ever talked to Tom?

MYSPACE TOM??  NO.


8. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them and meant it?

YES


9. How is your day so far?

ACTUALLY IT'S BEEN PRETTY AWESOME


10. Do you want to go to college?

NOT SURE ANYMORE


11. What were you doing this afternoon at 12pm?

WAKING UP TO START MY DAY


12. Whats your favorite season?

THE ONE FROM MY MEMORIES


13. Last thing you ate/drank?


A BACON DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER FROM BURGER KING AND A COKE ZERO


14. When was the last time you cried and the reasons?

A FEW DAYS AGO...WAS WATCHING THE EPISODE OF BONES WHERE SEELEY BOOTH WAS IN A COMA DREAMING THAT HE WAS MARRIED TO TEMPERENCE BRENNEN ONLY TO WAKE UP AND IT WASN'T REAL...THOSE DREAMS SUCK


15. Are you single?

LIKE A DOLLAR BILL


16. Name something you cannot wait for?

SUMMER


17. What did you do for your last birthday?

MOPED ABOUT


18. How many kids do you want to have?

NOT ANYMORE


19. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

HEH...YEAH!!


20. How many red lights have you ran?

ON PURPOSE NONE...


21. Have you ever cried while taking a shower?

YES


22. What was your favorite grade?

I REALLY LIKE "C+" BECAUSE I LOOKED LIKE I WAS TRYING, WITHOUT REALLY HAVING TOO


23. What were you doing at 12 am last night?

READ ANSWER TO QUESTION 2


24. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?

SURE...UNLESS YOU MEAN IN A SWIRLING TONGUES WAY...THEN IT'S A MAYBE


25. Have you ever, in any way, been betrayed by someone you trusted?

WHO HASN'T...THE REAL QUESTION IS WHAT DO YOU DO AFTERWARD


26. When was the last time you were given roses? and from who?

HIGH SCHOOL


27. Plans for tomorrow?

THURSDAY IS LAUNDRY DAY, MOVIE DAY, DINNER WITH THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY THAN A MEETING IN THE EVENING


28. When did your last hug take place?

MONDAY NIGHT


29. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?

YES


30. Have you ever started a sentence with -No offense, but...?

ABSOLUTELY...BUT THEN I HAVE BEEN AN ASSHOLE FOR A LONG TIME


31. Do you drink tea?

OH SWEET COOCOO FOR COCA COLA NO!!!


32. When was the last time you saw a cop?

EARLIER WHEN I WAS SMOKING OUTSIDE


33. Did you ride in someone elses car today?

YUPPERS


34. Have you made a mistake in the past week?

SWEET LOVING DON'T MAKE BABY JESUS CRY...YES!!


35. What song are you listening to right now?

THE TOUCH BY STAN BUSH


36. Who was the last person to text you?

MY COUSIN


37. Do you miss someone?

EVERYONE MISSES SOMEONE...THAT'S A PROBLEM WITH THE WHOLE BEING MORTAL THING


38. Is there anything you regret about your past?

WHY YES THERE IS


39. Are you happy with your life?

SURE WHY NOT...THAT MAY CHANGE WITH EVERY PASSING MINUTE, BUT FOR NOW LET'S JUST SAY YES


40. What was the last movie you watched?

PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS THE LIGHTNING THIEF


41. Have you ever touched an elephant?

RODE AN ELEPHANT THANK YOU VERY MUCH


42. Who was the last person to call you?

JEFF


43. Do you sleep with the door open or closed?

NO DOOR, WHICH MAKES IT HARD TO SLEEP


44. Do you sleep with the light on or off?

OFF I GUESS...CONSIDERING I USUALLY SLEEP WHEN THE SUN IS UP


45. What is your favorite hobby?

WRITING


46. Do you own a pair of Nikes?

GOOD GOD NO...I'M A VANS GUY


47. Do you have any pets?

JUST MY CAT...ALTHOUGH SHE THINKS I'M HER PET


48. What were you doing at 11 a.m. this morning?

HITTING SNOOZE FOR THE FIRST TIME


49. Is there a difference between the word best friend and good friend?

WELL SINCE THIS ONE OF THE WORST PHRASED QUESTIONS I'VE EVER BEEN ASKED YES.


50. Has anybody on your top ever admitted to liking you?

JUST FAMILY


51. Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot?

SURE


52. Are you afraid of clowns?

NO, BUT I DESPISE, LOATHE, DETEST (FEEL FREE TO FILL IN MORE WORDS THAT EQUAL A GREAT DISLIKE) INSANE CLOWN POSSE


53. When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?

MONDAY


54. Who is your celebrity crush?

Sarah Lancaster FROM THE TV SHOW CHUCK


55. Do you know anybody who was abused?

YES I DO


56. Favorite fruit?

"NOT SPOILED"


57. Do you take walks often?

NO BUT I "GO FOR" WALKS OFTEN


58. Have you ever had a reoccurring nightmare?

WHY YES I HAVE THANK YOU VERY MUCH


59. Is silence really golden?

NO, I BELIEVE AND I MAY BE WRONG, THAT SILENCE IS COLORLESS


60. What did you do a week ago tonight?

CURSED THE NAMES OF THE PEOPLE THAT ASKED ME TO HELP THEM MOVE...DURING THE SNOW...WITHOUT PRE-PACKING ANYTHING


61. Who is your favorite rapper?

I GUESS I AM, NO ONE ELSE GETS THOSE PERFECT CORNERS...


62. Are you afraid to grow up?

I AM A GROWN UP...JUST IMMATURE FOR MY AGE


63. Who are your Top 4?

OH FOR THE LOVE OF DOUBLE CHOCOLATE BROWNIES WITH WALNUTS, JUST LOOK ON THE PROFILE PAGE


64. What language are you taking?

WHY, BESIDES SOME SPANISH, SOME FRENCH AND ENGLISH, IS THERE ANOTHER LANGUAGE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ILLITERATE IN?


65. Any upcoming vacations?

NOPE


66. Would you call yourself smart?

I AM NOT A SMART MAN, NOR AM I A WISE MAN


67. Do you like to read?

YES