A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the tread mill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda
took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!

OBSERVATIONS OF THE WORLD I LIVE IN

These are observations, thoughts and reactions to true events that happened today. These are some of the things Season and I saw/heard/dealt with. Some are funny, some sad and some just plain pitiful.

So without further ado...

The "special" employees at Goodwill, are far more knowledgeable and helpful than the non-special employees at Wal-mart. Which makes me wonder who has the higher hiring standards.

While sitting at our dinner table at one of the buffets in town, I noticed a few things...

• There was a young lady of color who was wearing a pair of painted on jeans and heels. She also had an ace bandage wrapped around her knee...on the outside of her pants. She was able to walk just fine until there were people around. Then she walked with a limp that would make Kathy Bates from Misery proud.
• There was another young lady present who was wearing some sweat pants and had a knee high cast and crutches. And she limped less then the above mentioned girl who hobbled past her and rudely bumped into her, while up at the buffet line.
• If you are not 100% sure where the Amazon is...keep your mouth shut. Because, I am sorry to say this, if you are don't know where the Amazon Jungle is, go back to school. Of course it doesn't help your standings if you are already prego's when you ask "Isn't the Amazon in Africa?" and then are completely astonished when the answer is "No."
  
• Just because someone is of an ethnic background, one should not assume that they do not have a mastery of the English language. It will cause you some embarrassment. When the "dumb spic isn't moving fast enough" is standing in front of you turns around and says, "I would be offended by you, but sadly I pity you too much to be offended. Now your parents on the other hand...I'm offended by how cheap they are. Because you see Sir, wire coat hangers are not expensive at all." Sadly, this is one of those true events that happened to yours truly. The worst thing is, I don't think Einstein got my insult at all.

Now I'm not going to focus on the negatives. While sitting at the restaurant, my wife and I noticed a few positive things...

• Like an older sister...around six years old shares her ice cream with her 2ish year old brother, than walks over hands him something and says "That is a marshmallow. Eat it. You will like it." Then tell their mother "I'm teaching him important stuff."
  
• When an older couple, as in those that have been married longer than dirt has been around, are still holding hands. Together they walk to the buffet line and the husband fills up his plate and they walk it back to their table. Then they grab a plate for her, fills that one up and walk it back to their table. Where they both sit down to eat together. Which will also go down as one of the greatest moments I was witness to.
• OK, my wife didn't see this because she never notices the positive things about herself, but I digress. I am able to look at my wife and fall in love with her, all over again, everyday.
• I saw a teenager hold the door for someone, without being asked, without any attitude and without being thanked. The teen didn't do or say anything negative. As he sat down at the table behind me, his buds asked him "What the hell that was all about?" and the teen said "Someday that might be me, and it would be tight if some jobber did that fo me." And that my friends is cool.
  

These are some of the greatest and foulest things I noticed today.

A HISTORY OF BOOBS

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

Since your truly is under the weather, and has been fighting the same damn illness for over a month...I have decided to make myself feel better. NOT that way...perverts. But instead by talking about things that make me happy. I am going for a happy feeling kind of blog entry. So without further ado...

I'm just sitting here waiting for my fever to break...again,so these are going to be in no particular order. Some will be kind of self explanatory, and some will have reasons. But mostly it's just me waiting for the "Fever flash" to go away.

An ice cold beer on a hot summer night/JD and lemonade on a hot summer afternoon.

A movie I am ACTUALLY excited to see finally hits the big screen. Instead of driving to the theaters and realizing there's nothing worth watching/paying $20 to see.

Being in the mood for a donut and the gas station/Krispy Kremes/grocery store are putting out the brand new and fresh donuts for the day.

Going to sleep and not getting the cold and/or wet spot.

When that song that's stuck in my head finally goes away.

When you're in the mood for a particular song AND it actually gets played on the radio.


NOT seeing "first", "second", "fifth" or any number in the comment sections of the blogs I read.

You're only first because the blog owner hasn't deleted you.

Getting a close parking stall when you go shopping.

Putting on fresh from the dryer underpants on a cold winter day. This also includes socks, sweatshirts/pants and cargo pants. I am learning this late in my life...I am not that big of a fan of the common blue jean.

Going on youtube and finding anything from my past that just makes me go...DAAAAMN!!!



I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!!

Finding a cowboy hat that not only fits me but looks good on me too. (Which I am wearing right now...WOO HOO)



On Wednesday morning, logging onto pogo, and the badges games are ones I actually want to play.


When I find that CD (I've been looking for) at Goodwill for $1.98 and it's NOT scratched at all.

And that's it for today...or at least right now.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

BUGS

Currently fighting one...and I think I'm losing...i guess I'll be back when I feel a wee bit better

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I don't think the world is stupid, but if you can't make correct change without using a machine, I believe you to be to stupid for the world

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Remember, it is not for any of us to discount the level of importance that others see in us.

126 Life Experiences I've Had

Level one
( ) I have had an asthma attack
(X) Smoked A Cigarette
(X) Smoked A Cigar
(X) Been drunk
(X) Been In Love or still in love
(X) Been Dumped
( ) Been Fired
(X) Been In A Fist Fight
(X) Snuck Out Of A Parent's House

Total so far: 7

Level two
(X) Had Feelings For Someone Who Didn't Have Them Back
(X) Been Arrested or Seen Someone You Know Get Arrested
(X) Made Out With A Stranger
(X) Gone Out On A Blind Date
(X) Had Crush On someone older than you
(X) Skipped School
(X) Slept With A Co-worker/ team mate
(X) Seen Someone / Something Die

Total so far: 15

Level three
(X) Been On A Plane
(X) Thrown Up From Drinking
(X) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding/Skiing
(X) Been Moshing
(X) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Loved or Lost Someone Who You Can't Have
(X) Been in a bad relationship

Total so far: 22

Level four
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(X) Made A Snow Angel
( ) Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
(X) Gone Puddle Jumping
(X) Played Dress Up
(X) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(X) Gone Sledding
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game

Total so far: 31

Level five
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
(X) Used A Fake / Someone Else's ID
(X) Watched The sun set/ sun rise
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Kissed A Snake
(X) Been Tickled
(X) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(X) Robbed Someone
(X) Been Misunderstood...

Total so far: 39

Level six
( ) Pet A Deer
(X) Won A Contest
(X) Been Suspended
(X) Had Detention
(X) Been In A Car/ Motorcycle Accident
( ) Had / Have Braces
(X) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) Had deja vu
(X) Danced in the moonlight
(X) Hated The Way You Look

Total so far: 47

Level seven
(X) Questioned Your Heart
(X) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
(X) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
( ) Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep

Total so far: 53

Level eight
(X) Played Cops And Robbers
(X) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(X) Made Prank Phone Calls
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(X) Kissed In The Rain
(X) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Been Kissed Under the Mistletoe

Total: 62

Level nine
(X) Watched The Sun Set With Someone You Care / Cared About
(X) Blown Bubbles
(X) Made A Bonfire
(X) Crashed A Party
(X) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(X) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey
( ) Worn Pearls
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge

Total: 70

Level ten
( ) Swam With Dolphins
(X) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/ Freezer/Ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(X) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(X) Sat On A Roof Top
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(X) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(X) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) Stayed Up All Night

Total: 77

Level eleven
(X) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(X) Had / Been In A Tree House
(X) Have been/Are scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
(X) Seen/heard a Ghost
( ) Have/had More Than 30 Pairs Of Shoes or Flip Flops
(X) Gone streaking
(X) Been to/Visited Someone At Jail
(X) Played Chicken
(X) Been pushed into a pool with your clothes on

Total: 86

Level twelve
(X) Broken a bone
(X) Been Easily Amused
(x) Caught A Fish
(X) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(X) Cried So Hard You Laughed
(X) Mooned / Flashed Someone
(X) Had someone Moon / Flash You

Total: 94

Level thirteen
(X) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone's Name
(X) French braided someones hair
(X) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(X) Rode A Roller Coaster
(X) Went Scuba-Diving / Snorkeling
(X)Had A Cavity

Total: 102

Level fourteen
(X) Been Used
(X) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(X) Licked A Cat
(X) Bitten Someone
(X) Licked Someone
(X) Been shot at
(X) Flattened someone's tires
(X) Drove/rode in a car until the gas light came on
(X) Had five dollars or less and bought something

total: 115

TWITTER THOUGHTS

HOW DARE ANYBODY ANALYZE ME...ESPECIALLY CORRECTLY!!!

TWITTER THOUGHTS

I am not confused or baffled by homosexuality, but I am confused and baffled by people who are confused and baffled by homosexuality.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

You know...I have never wondered where the good time's have gone.

VALENTINE'S DAY ,sure it's late, but it's worth it.

OK. I get it.

Some of you don't like Valentine's Day.

I understand.

What I understand least about this particular topic, is the reasons why some of you hate this "holiday."

So I (in my infinite lack of wisdom and tact), will sit here, type away and make some lame jokes, so that I might understand your feelings.

OK?

1. He/she doesn't know what type of gift/goodies to give or are desired.

If you're with someone, and you love them it doesn't matter what you get them. That kind of thinking is like beating a dead horse. Sure it may make you feel good and the "squish" sounds may be kind of cool, but ultimately all you'll be doing is attracting flies and getting nowhere fast.

If they like flowers/plants buy them one.

If they have a sweet tooth...by all that is good and holy get them some chocolate.

If they like jewelery AND you can afford it, get them a little trinket.

Hell most guys would be happy with a decent DVD/Video Game/CD. Price $10-$25.

Most women would be happy with a card and some kind of flower. Price $10-$25.

Shopping is done.

Now on to more important things. Whether to go out for dinner and entertainment or stay home and cuddle. Either way it's a win win situation.

HOWEVER--If your entire relationship hinders on the perfect gift, get the hell out of dodge. Run to the hills. Get to steppin'.

No relationship should ever be so fragile as to hang on the balance of a gift of any kind. Which pretty much means you think you are driving down a 2-way street, but sadly it's a one way and if you look closely up ahead you can see that it dead ends.


2. It makes single people feel like losers because they are single.

Actually it's not this so-called holiday that makes people feel like losers. That particular piece of blame falls into the jurisdiction of...drum roll please...US. WE THE PEOPLE. Your peers.

This is true because no-one can make you feel more like crap than those you trust and love the most. So this goes out to all of you, The Friends/The Pals/The Chums who think they know better...

SHUT UP!!

Just because you're in a relationship, it doesn't make you any better than anyone else...EVER!

It also does not mean you have the ability to dispense advice like a seasoned veteran, it just means you were lucky to find someone who is willing to put up with you, for whatever reason they choose to call it.

This does not raise your status in the world. It does not elevate you or your wisdom.

It doesn't make you a better person in any way. It just makes you NOT single.

Just remember, you're only one word from being single again...and that word is "GOOD-BYE."


3. Valentine's Day is such an important holiday for couples.

OK, and anyone who believes this should be drawn and quartered. After being kicked in the Jimmy/Jane multiple times, with pointy boots/shoes.

WHY?

Because you are too stupid to breathe. You should not wait until Feb. 14th to tell anyone how you feel.

This should be done repeatedly, everyday and for no reason at all.

If you want to propose than propose. Doing it on a Hallmark holiday does NOT make it more romantic, it makes it cliche.

If Valentines day reminds you how special the one you're with is...end it right now. You should be reminded of this fact every time they breathe. Because, in all honesty, no one really needs any one person to live.

If you're happy with who you are, you don't need someone to else to define you.

Ever.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

There's a time for truth...and then there's a time for parenting.

USELESS UPDATES

I'm still just screwing around with some of the functions on the Flock browser. I guess it's a decent tool. I'm just having a lazy day.

First things first...did anyone, besides me that is, catch the Knight Rider movie?

For an updating and revamping it wasn't that bad. It had just the perfect amount of bad acting, very cool visual effects and straight out silliness that was trademark for the show. So I was pleasantly surprised.

Now I'm just waiting for the 4th Indy movie.

I finished reading Brother Odd...OH MY GOD that was the best book so far. If you haven't read the Odd Thomas books by Dean Koontz you really should.

Well other than waiting for Monday Night Raw and screwing around with more of the thingies on this browser, I guess that's all for this moment

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Another thing I can use to waste time, space and all things anti-matter in between.

WOW THIS MAKES THINGS SO MUCH EASIER...i think

I'm playing around with some programs and browsers, and so far Flock is OK. That is until my needs change, I get smarter or I finally figure out this thing that I sit in front of and download porn.

OK sometimes it's a TV.

Sometimes it's nothing at all.

Yeah, that'll do pig, that'll do.

For now.

TWITTER THOUGHTS

Right now I am looking for ways to make wasting time on the world wide web more efficient.

WASTING TIME, PRODUCTIVELY

It seems like all I do anymore, is try and figure out ways to be more productive with my ability to waste time.

I'm looking to be more efficient in the laziness.

All because I can't really sleep.

God, this just sucks.

MARTINA McBRIDE - MY VALENTINE

You know...the song is sappy, and the words are pretty common to just about every love song ever written...but today at this moment, every word sings true.

I Love You,
You Will Always Be,
The One Meant For Me,

My Susan,
My Wife,
My Love

GLOBAL WARMING MY ASS

It's been a while since the snow has been piled up in the parking lots of department stores...(am I aging myself calling them department stores?) as high as the store itself, like in the image below

GOD, that is still so damn cool.

It used to be one of my favorite things from my childhood. I waited and hoped that Sunday would get here faster, because that was the only day they'd be closed.

We "deviants" would grab our sleds, claim a "mountain", climb it and take the plunge (sometimes almost straight down, so that the first few landings would knock the snot AND air out of you) down, just to do it again.

I know it would have been easier and probably safer to just use the hills that were readily available. BUT, damn, to have your very own mountain to trek up, then having the stupidity to try and slide down it!!

That's what being a boy was all about.


Sadly, my digital camera took a dump, so I had to find an image that closely resembled said childhood memory/current snowfall status.

This one actually comes close.

Thank you Mr. Internet for having such images ready and available for us with digital camera issues.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST THEME

So what?? Sure, I mean who isn't all weepy for a Disney cartoon?

ALADDIN - A WHOLE NEW WORLD

NEW KNIGHT RIDER

KITT comes back. KNIGHT RIDER returns. OH MY GOD!!!! The sad part is that I don't care if it's not a Trans Am. I don't care that it's a Ford Shelby instead. Hell I don't even care that Val Killmer is the new voice of KITT. I"m actually happy about the fact that they actually spent some money on this and it won't be as hokey as Team Knight Rider, as predictable as Knight Rider 2000 and as useless as Knight Rider 2010.

Yeah I know, no matter how old I get I still "geek" out way too much for it to be healthy...WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!"

MY SPACE ADDICT

Myspace is the Devil (pronounced deb-bull).

Thas fo shoe.

I can't believe how much time I waste on here.

I actually came to check my email, which reminds me, I still have to check my email.

Between the blogs and bulletins...Good and Holy Father Christmas, I wasted a good 2 1/2 hours.

I Looked at the time and went "You know what Einstein, this explains why you have no time to do everything you actually plan to do."

My response to myself was "SHUT UP!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!" Followed by rolling up a My Space doobie.

I answered back "You now maybe...just maybe you have a problem..."

I tell myself "That's not true! I can quit anytime I want!" as I'm chopping some My Space on a mirror.

"I think it's time for an intervention." I say to myself.

"I DON'T HAVE A MY SPACE PROBLEM!!! WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!" as I'm tapping the syringe filled with My Space while I tie off my mouse clicking wrist.

The above scenario was a dramatization of an actual moment.

OK, it was a complete falsehood, but it sure was funny in my head.

It just came to me as I was going through my online rituals.

I check My Space.

I check my emails.

I check out POGO.

I go to Project Play list spend a few minutes there.

Afterwards I look at the time and realize I have used up all my time and I have to rejoin the real world (NOT the MTV series...albeit the best one was Real world 2 L. A.). So I quickly write down some nonsense and hope you don't realize what a piece of crap it is.

INTERMISSION

OK, The Internet is the Devil (pronounced deb-bull).

Thas fo shoe.

Since I mentioned The Real World, I actually went and looked to see what happened to Jon, Irene, Dominic, Aaron, Beth 1 and 2, Glenn, Tami and David. A sad truth is that I knew their names without having to look them up.

OK back to the regularly scheduled blog entry.

INTERMISSION OVER

And that my friends is the how and why of my blogs. It's sad that I know all this, and I still try and write one of these things as often as I can.

You guys deserve better quality blogs.

With that said, ladies and gents, I'll be calling this the end for todays entry.

Damn it, I still have to check my email!!

Mahalo â nui

FREE RANGE, ORIGINAL RECIPE or EXTRA CRISPY revisited

My wife tells me that I have to redo this entry. She looked at me and asked "Are you even trying anymore?"

I was all like "What you doin' gettin' all up in mah bizness!" in my head.

The words that actually came out were "Umm honey I was kind of tired, and I wanted to get it down before I forgot."

Which now that I think about were also the words in my head when I was originally asked if I was even trying.

I think I gots to keep away frum dat MTV...word.

So she suggested that I should probably rewrite it.

So I guess here you have Free Range, Original Recipe or Extra Crispy revisited...

It's Saturday afternoon, and we just finished a stint at the white trash Bloomingdales (I have this love/hate thing with Wal-Mart shoppers) and my wife sees the sign for the Elegant Farmer. She sees this damn sign at least once a week, and at least once a week she says one of these days we should check it out. It finally turned into one of these days, and my wife and I were on our way to the Elegant Farmer.

Gentlefolks, let me explain that I'm not a very big fan of the rustic/farm/craft type establishments (which this totally was) and looking back I should not have been surprised...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

My wife was looking at all the products they carry. Jam's, pies, fresh dairy products, some knick-knacks , you know. Basically, if it has a price tag on it she's going to give it a once over.

Not me, all I was looking for the freshly slaughtered and ready to cook animals that will fill my belly with goodness.

AND I FIND IT!!!

Wooooohoooo went the victory scream!

Hunter/Provider find meat.

Hunter/Provider bring meat to cave.

Hunter/Provider is interrupted with words.

Hunter/Provider is confused.

Sign say this "happy chicken."

These are happy chickens? They have been fed a good and healthy diet? They are free range? They have had a happy life? They are HOW FRIKKEN MUCH?!?!?

And all the other meat products have very similar descriptions.

And they all have pretty much the same reaction from me. Emphasizing "the HOW FRIKKEN MUCH?!?!?" part.

I Like Meat.

Not in the gay way, but in the steak with a side of steak and some pork chops or chicken to take home kind of way.

YUMMY STEAKS! A GOOD BURGER WITH BACON. DEEP FRIED CHICKEN. NOW THAT'S EATIN FOLKS.

Believe me when I say I am no friend of PETA.

I think that every pet is an emergency meal (you know, when the end of the world comes).

I may not go actively hunt said critters, but I fully support those that do.

I think that if a couple thousand bunny rabbits and mice must suffer for make-up that the woman I love wears, than by god put that lip gloss on Mickey and Bugs needs some blush.

If I get to live a little bit longer because they used said little critters in medical experiments, than by all that's holy, I'll get you a few more myself.

I'm getting off track. Sorry.

My PETA thoughts are on a back burner for a wee bit longer. This is about the happy animals that are going to be my lunch/dinner.

I don't care what kind of life my food had. I don't care if it ate well. I don't care if it was from an award winning stock.

All I care about is whether its 350 degrees for 40 minutes or 340 degrees for 50 minutes.

I do not want a history lesson with my meal. I don't want to know what part of the country my tomatoes were grown in. I don't need to know what kind of cow gave me milk for the ice cream I am eating.

I really don't need to know how happy my dinner was.

Because unless I am not mistaken, at this point happiness in no longer part of the equation. The only part of the equation left is "and what sides would you like with your meal?"

So a happy chicken? Who cares.

A fried chicken in a bucket of extra crispy with a side of slaw and mashed taters, please and thank you.


So lovely wifey o'miney...is this up to my usual witty yet pointless waste of cyberspace that you expect and love me for??

I ALMOST FORGOT

WAY TO GO GIANTS!!!!

ANY TEAM THAT DOES NOT

AND I REPEAT

DOES NOT HAVE RANDY MOSS CAN WIN!!!

THIS TIME IT HAPPENS TO BE THE GIANTS!!!

I can live with that.

FREE RANGE, ORIGINAL, or EXTRA CRISPY

Over the weekend Season and I were checking out the Elegant Farmer. I guess if you is from a big city where there isn't much access to a working farm, this would be an impressive place. But for us almost on a farm types...it's pretty much old hat.

But anyway, we were walking around and something finally hit me.

We were looking at the "Happy Chickens." Yes, the frozen dead ready to cook Happy chickens. The 30 minutes at 350 degrees and then you have a meal happy chickens. I'm sorry, I don't think these are happy chickens anymore.

In my personal opinion, there are no such things as free range chickens. If you have to feed them or else they starve, that is not free range, it's just a bigger more open cage.

I also don't want to hear how well they lived. I don't need to know their dietary habits. All I want to know is if it's original or extra crispy.

This actually goes for all animals that are bred and raised to be a meal or a clothing item.

It's not because knowing the truth might skew my desire for meat or leather. It's a much simpler reason than that. I just don't care enough for it to matter. They will all die in one way or another. Just this way I get good food and cool coats.

And what else is there after that?

PART OF YOUR WORLD - The LITTLE MERMAID

Yeah still going through my sappy moment. I LOOOVE this song.

KISS THE GIRL - The LITTLE MERMAID

I'm such a sap. I LOVE this song. Yes, I'm the fool who sang along while it was playing. After I found it, I had to "check" to make sure the link worked just so I could sing it again.

P.S. My favorite part is when the seagull comes and does his screeching "wahhh wah wah" part.

TAKE ON ME - A-HA (family guy version)

THIS IS THE MOMENT - SEBASTIAN BACH

A BIKE AND GOD

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.

Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'

Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.

Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1:

Dear God:

I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend, Carol

Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:

Dear God:

This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I wouldlike a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Carol

Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 3:

Dear God:

I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Carol

Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.

'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said. Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary , slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.

LETTER 4:

I GOT YOUR MAMA.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed, YOU KNOW WHO

THANK U - ALANIS MORRISETTE

A THANKSGIVING BRAIN DRAINAGE

I sit here early in the morning and I am thankful for...

The thoughts are still mine

The people who read them online

I have a loving wife

I have a full life

I can still rant and carry on

The world, I still look upon

God is still in my heart

and that helps me not fall apart

I'm thankful for all that is questioned inside my brain

and for the fact that I'm still sane.

I am what I always wanted to be.

I am a grown up (which was news to me).

I stand tall and proud

I speak with words that confuse, and usually to loud

But mainly I am thankful for being me.

WHY IS IT, WHEN YOU LOSE SOMETHING, YOU LOOK LIKE HELL FOR IT?

You ever notice the only time you lose something and find the need to look for it, are the times right before you have to leave for somewhere and you need it for something?


But of course for the last 2 weeks it has meant nothing, not a care as to where or what it is. But now you're running late and the need to know where said object is and because it is imperative that it leave your home with you. Than and only than does it becomes a mad obsession.


You have to find it. Right now at this moment, because later will not suffice. At this juncture there is no later.


The only thing worse than the frenzied and panicked scramble, is when you call out the search party (you know, whoever finds it necessary to help out) that it becomes a life or death predicament.


Than when you have looked everywhere and have exhausted all you top secret resources (like looking in between the couch cushions or digging through the trash) that you try to call off the dogs from this code blue DEF-CON 5 engagement, that now it becomes a dire situation.


Now the rescue party doesn't listen (believing they know what's most prudent at this juncture), they continue looking for said object with idée fixe that makes King Kong's fixation on blonds seem like a passing fancy.


At this time I have accepted that the long lost object is MIA-presumed dead. I'm playing TAPS on the now long gone dealie-bob (can you believe I actually got that word from dictionary.com.....crazy).


During this moment the search party are still collecting data and going over the files and statistics repeatedly making sure that no stone went unturned (ergo looking in the same spots over and over again, yet coming up with the same results repeatedly). Yet here I am going (and yes I am making the stupid quote marks with my fingers) "its gone fergetaboutit!"


Now 10 minutes has gone by and I have mourned the missing object and I have found the strength to go on.


I am informed that the rescue parties have finally come to the same conclusion that I came to (even though I came to it 10 minutes earlier), it's gone the way of the planes over the Bermuda Triangle, gone, poof and mysteriously disappeared.


Why do I bring this up? Because I seem to find a little bit of happiness in the fact that since I could not rescue said object from the jaws of mystery that neither could anyone else.


I gave up on said object earlier, than to watch my cohorts frantically search the same places as if they were virginal and untouched (even though I know that not less than 30 seconds ago they had checked the same place). Needless to say it brought up a wonderful conclusion and anecdote, which I choose to share.


Look for something only as long as you have to.


There are things, no matter what you do, that happen. Not for the good or the bad, but they JUST happen.


Life with all of its ups, and downs, does not mean keep looking back and searching in the places you have already looked. It's about looking around as we travel forward, facing the future and exploring the unknown.

So today............... I Like It Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR BOYS AND GIRLS, MEN AND WOMEN, YOUNG AND OLD, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND FACE THE FUTURE

THIS IS TRULY HOW MY BRAIN WORKS 3

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Without music life would be a mistake."
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche


After the last few entries, I decided to just let the fingers flow with little assistance from the brain.

Right now "Hip Today" by Extreme is playing. It's only one of two songs on their fourth album I thought was any good. It's just a cool and funky rock song. No real thought process goes on in my waste of grey matter when it's playing. There's no emotional attachment to it either. It's like drinking water when you are thirsty. Most of the time you don't think about it, you just do it because you're thirsty.

Roadhouse Blues is being performed by Pearl Jam right now. This is one of my wife's favorite Doors tune's. I know she prefers the the original, but Gall dang it, it's Pearl Jam. This is such a great beer drinking, cigarette smoking and grooving song. I can sit here and just mellow to it all day long. It's been a quite a while since I just grooved to music with a cold beer. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow morning. Just chill and let the music carry me for a while. That sounds like a pretty good idea.

You ever notice how music and smells are the things that trigger memories the most. Stryper's Calling On You, takes me back to middle school, hanging out with my friend Neil, trying to find my place in the public school hierarchy, losing my identity and starting on the path that eventually led me to the here and now. Sadly, the smell of corn dogs does the same thing. The first time I had those was in middle school too.

I love groovin' songs. The kind that lift you up and just carry you along for a little while. Mother Love Bone's Stargazer is one of those type of songs. This was the band that actually opened my eyes to music that wasn't covered in Aqua net and spandex. It's actually pretty difficult to type while this song is playing. I just want to dance in my smooth seizure like way that I known for. It's sad and m-bare-ass-sing to boot.

Do you remember the first time, you saw a man fly on the big screen, and actually believed it? I was 6 years old. I remember being in complete awe. I remember tearing up because, thanks to movie magic, Christopher Reeve was flying. It's always been a fantasy of mine to be able to fly. Oh by the way it's the Superman movie theme, if you couldn't guess.

Now another Pearl Jam song and ironically it's Given to Fly. Yeah, that would be awesome. It's music like this, that makes me feel so special to have my hearing. After, experiencing such moving music, I can't fathom the idea of a world of silence. That, I truly believe, would be hell on earth.

I love Shotgun Messiah. I love the raw music, the raw lyrics and the raw vocals. I remember seeing them at Summerfest many years ago. I was so blown away by them, and when they played this song (Living Without You) I realized that the relationship I was a part of back then, was one that would never go anywhere.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I have gone through so many days when I have felt like this. I wonder, how many of us have those "I think I'm going crazy" moments? I know for a little while, I had a hard time holding onto reality. Thankfully, the really bad days are behind me. Now I just have moments of doubt, which is an improvement. That was Unwell by Matchbox 20.

I know Creed is preachy. I know they are spiritual rock bordering very closely to god rock. But I really like Scott's vocals. I am a fan of the "rock" voice. The ones that are gritty and emotional. In My Own Prison you can almost feel the anguish, and you can definitely hear it. I would have to say that My Own Prison is my favorite Creed song.

OK...the random feature is really creeping me out. Metalingus by Alter Bridge is playing now. You know the members of Creed without Scott singing. I actually fell in love with song because Edge (a WWE wrestler) uses it as his entrance song, and it's just got this awesome chunky "ROCK ROAR," if you know what I mean.

And I'll be calling it a day with Train's "Calling All You Angels." I think this is such a pretty song. I have asked many of the questions that comprise the lyrics. I question so much, and I have so many problems accepting everything the way it is. There have been so many times I just wanted to give up, and be like most everyone else, a sheep that follows the herd. But then there's someone or something that pulls me back. Is it angels? Beats the hell out of me, but I always say thank you. You know, just in case.

Just thought I'd share my thoughts while most of my favorite songs are playing. I hope you enjoyed, or at least I hope you didn't fall asleep.

BEAUTIFUL GIRL STAY WITH ME

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I am beautiful no matter what they say...I am beautiful in every single way"
Christina Aguilera "Beautiful"


A point when inspiration hits me is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

For example:

I'm watching Californication (which WILL most definitely be on my must watch list) and a statement is said, that I not only agree on, but thanks to my still working brain, charged up the ranting batteries.

Why are we trying to kill the "woman"?

Why are we telling women they are too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, too beautiful, too smart, too dumb, too virginal, too slutty, not sexy, too sexy, too plain, too busty, not busty enough, too "butch", too girlie, too average or any number of things I have missed. When did getting surgeries to "fix" these "flaws" become the norm? When did having surgically enhanced breasts become so important? Who the hell thought that "fixing" a woman's nether region with laser surgery, and then call it Cosmetic Vaginal Surgery & Vaginal Rejuvenation become a good idea? When did injecting Botulinum Toxin Type A become a trendy way to try to turn back time? Because personally speaking toxin, which is a poisonous substance produced during the metabolism and growth of certain microorganisms and some higher plant and animal species, being injected into a human being can't be a good thing, especially, if it's just to remove wrinkles. Since when did seeing every bone in your skeletal frame become sexy? Why is it so important for women to trim/shave/pluck/wax certain areas to be alluring? Shouldn't a woman look like a woman and not some prepubescent girl? Why must women diet/starve/count calories to be a size that, for some, is unhealthy to be at?

In my lifetime I have seen millions of women and they are all beautiful in their own skin and in their own way.

Sure I do find some women unattractive, but it's usually their personalities that do that. I've seen, talked, dealt, and slept with some very visually pretty girls who were bone deep ugly because of their inner selves. I have also seen, talked, dealt, and slept with some very visually unattractive women who were completely breathtaking when it came to that wonderful fire that burns within them.

The skin which we look at (and appreciate) and the bodies it covers, should never ever fit into any kind of mold. How boring would it be if every woman looked exactly the same? Hell, most people don't like driving cars that look the same as their neighbors, so why would you want a woman that looks just like your neighbors? It's that special and magnificent quality that separates women into their own, now say it with me, INDIVIDUALITIES, that makes them all unique and ravishing.

We all know that silly fact that no two snowflakes are the same. We marvel at this fact. It's something that we tell each other all the time. It's something that were told as kids.

"Look how beautiful and fragile each and every snowflake is. Because you know, no two are the same."

Yet we want all women to be the same size and shape, because if you're not, it needs to be fixed. If your too this or that, fix it, because if you don't, nobody will want you. No one wants a girl who says/believes that. You need to act like this because that is what is expected of you. If you don't look like (fill in whichever celebrity you want in here) well than you just aren't good enough.

---start of slightly off topic rant---

Take Paris Hilton, she's a dumb girl, who contributes nothing. She isn't a celebrity because of anything positive she might have done, but simply because she has money. She has no skills, has no talent, and believes that she is head and shoulders above all us "normal folks." Yet, she does something that gets her treated like a normal person and all of a sudden she's a fucking victim?!?! She than goes on a speaking tour, and then gets paid an ungodly amount of money (that she DOESN'T need) to tell everyone about the hell she has endured. AND YET, girls still want to be like her?? Fuck that!!!

---end of slightly off topic rant---

So we sit here and compare the women who are right in front of us, and fix them. You all know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about comments and statements like...

Well she'd be pretty if she lost some weight.

She'd be hot if her tits were bigger/smaller.

She has a butter face, she's so hot but her face.

Oh man she's so fat/ugly I wouldn't fuck her with YOUR dick.

Such a shame, she's a fucking dyke. What a waste.

After a couple of drinks I could fuck her.

She's a two bagger. One for her and one for me in case hers rips.

...or any others I have missed.

And we sit and wonder why women have eating disorders, mental issues, emotional crutches, and baggage. It's because we as a whole are giving it to them. Look around you. Every person on this planet is different. We all agree on that, correct? So why are we trying to cookie cut the females of this world. Too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too ugly, too beautiful, too smart, too dumb, too virginal, too slutty, not sexy, too sexy, plain, too busty, not busty enough, too "butch", too girlie, too average or another descriptive term you want, does not define the true works of art that walk this Earth.

All the cosmetic surgeries, botox injections, calorie counting, shaving, trimming, dyeing, dieting, and spackling you do will not make you look like someone else. It will still be you. And you still matter the most, under all those "improvements". When the day is done and the dust settles it's still only you living your life, so don't let anybody or anything change you. You will always be you. You will have to live with yourself, in the same skin, that you are trying so hard to fit into a mold that simply does not exist. A mold that should have been dead and buried a long time ago. A mold we should have never have made.

So in closing...

Be unique.

Be yourself.

Be beautiful.

Because you already are.

THIS IS TRULY HOW MY BRAIN WORKS 2

QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Whatever you believe with feeling becomes your reality."
Brian Tracy

Good Riddance by Green Day starts this off. Man I love this song. It's as true to life as a song can possibly be. How many times have we all sat here thinking about all that has come and question it, knowing that nothing can change it, but wonder "what if?" anyway. In my humble opinion this is one of the most perfect songs ever written.

How many of us "older folks" remember our days as freshman? Well Verve Pipe's Freshman is playing, and well to be very honest this song doesn't hit any "memory lane" moments, it's still a pretty cool song. I guess the connector for me is simply the fact that as kids, we never believe anything will affect us, than "the future" does a blind side bitch slap and all of a sudden we're growing up. That was one of the truly scary moments of my life. The very day I realized I wasn't a "kid" anymore. I think it happened about a week ago. LOL. Just kidding. It happened when my sister came home the first time. She was 3 days old, and I knew at that moment, that the rest of my life I would do all that I could do to make sure her and my mom would be safe...at my expense. Some day I'll tell you about that.

Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's is one of those songs that I listen to, only because my wonderful wife sings along with it every time. So when this song comes on the radio, I never turn it off, because she seems to like it a lot. You know one day I'll have to ask her why she likes this song.

Oh My God!!! Bowling for Soup is on with Girl All the Bad Guys Want. This just takes me back to high school to one of my female friends. Melody was that girl. Man , you have no idea how many guys came up to me asking me to put in a good word for them. Sadly being the honest guy (cock blocking bastard), I was I never ever did.

'Cuz I'm Freeeeee Faaaallin' is one of the most memorable moments from the movie Jerry McGuire, because I have felt that moment. You know when you want to sing a song, and nothing good is playing. Then all of a sudden a song that you know the words too, and is at least an OK song comes on, than you belt it out with more passion than the song writer/performer ever had. hat's what I feel whenever this song comes on. That and up until I met Season, I was free falling. Just kind of landing where I landed, only to jump again, and every time, hoping that I would land somewhere nice. I finally did, thank god, because I don't know how many more rough landings I could have handled. By the way if you couldn't tell, this song was Free Fallin by Tom Petty.

You know that song that is almost about you, not completely but almost. That's what Pink's Don't Let Me Get Me is to me. You know, just wanting to be someone else. Hell at most times, it didn't even matter who it might be, but whoever it was it had to better than the skin I was wearing.

LOL...Finding a Good Man by Danielle Peck is just one of those really fun songs...even though it's kind of shitting on all us men. Sadly if it wasn't mostly true I'd be offended, but it kind of is.

OK, I'm not the most avid lyric listener type of person, but when I first heard this song, Hinder's Lips of an Angel I thought it was OK. But The song grew on me, that is until my wife heard it. She looked at me with complete horror. She asked me if I even knew what the song was about. And being the calm, cool collected individual I am I said...no it just sounds nice. Well than of course I had to look up the lyrics...well after I read the lyrics, the first person I had thought of, was Season. These were the conversations we had sort of. We never really expressed our feelings completely, well I tried at least. I asked her, and she gave me some line, about being intriguing, and I thought "Well I guess I'll settle." But we kept talking, and I kept hoping that she would say something that would let me know that she felt the same. Of course that didn't happen until much later. So I guess when ever I hear this song I think of all those conversations we had on yahoo, with both of us thinking the same thing, just neither of us knowing.

Dusty Springfield's Son of a Preacher Man, is the only reason I bought the Pulp Fiction Soundtrack. It's such a great song, that I always find myself singing along to it. The song is just so cool. AND I don't know why.

LOL, if there was ever a driving song this would be it. Gary Numan's Cars is such a great driving song, even though personally I prefer Fear Factory's version better. I love the chunky guitars in that version, but none the less it's a great road trip song.

Well it's almost 6 A.M. and I'm tired. So I'm going to bed...g'night all.

THIS IS TRULY HOW MY BRAIN WORKS

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Without music life would be a mistake."
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.

I read a blog where the writer does this every once in a while. He turns on his I-pod hits shuffle than writes, and shares the music. Well I don't have an I-pod, but between the music that I do have I set up a bunch of random stuff so let's get the show on the road

At this moment Cochise by Audislave is playing. It's such a great rock song. I find myself headbanging to it all the time. I just finished watching the Eureka on SCI FI. Check it out. It's a lot of fun.

The Man In Black is kickin it with I Walk The Line. He may have never been a great singer, but Johnny Cash is without a doubt a great songwriter, who honestly belives in the less is more approach. And yes I was a fan before the movie. Which was very good by the way.

I still don't know why I like this band, but I do. I can't name 98% of their songs but Oasis is very cool. The room is being filled with Wonderwall right now, and though it aint my most fave song by them, it sure is better than a lot of the crap that get's played on the radio. I got so sick of the radio and all the top 40 crap being played, I was listening to a station that was playing "all the hits of the 60's and 70's." There is something kind of odd yet refreshing hearing Fleetwood Mac, the Ramones, Beach Boys and the Bee Gees.

OK the Foo Fighters is by far one the coolest straight up rock n roll bands to come out in forever, and Best of You is one of the coolest rock songs that they do. I miss Nirvana though. I miss the passion and angst that Kurt Cobain possesed. Suicide pises me off. I have a lot of troubles forgiving those people who take the easy way out. It's like cutting off your arm instead of trimming a finger nail. It's an extreme stupidity for a single moment of pain.

Trace Adkins is singing about One Hot Mama, and now I'm thinking about my wife. Wait who am I kidding, I think about her a whole lot of the time. She just cut her hair, and I told her it looked nice, except that she missed this tiny spot, and that turned into a "OH GREAT I TRASHED MY HAIR" thing. This is the same girl who spent all this time on her hair one day, JUST so she could put a hat on. Maybe it's safer not getting it.

One by Metallica is starting now. I actually saw Johnny Got His Gun as a PBS play and it was so disturbing. I had nightmares for months. When I saw the video for One it brought back all those nightmares. You know I also saw the Elephant Man as a PBS play too. For some reason I want to say that David Bowie was in it. Hmmm, I may have to look that up one of these days.

Brooks and Dunne, Hillbilly Deluxe may not be my first choice but still a rockin song. Sorry, just had a bathroom break.

WOW, these guys are good. Has anyone heard of 36 Crazyfists or the song The Heart and The Shape. This is my first time hearing them and it. Some very cool head banging metal, very cool tune.

There are some bands who just sound so good no matter what it is they sing. Alice in Chains is one of those bands. The tune playing right now What The Hell Have I, and I am so groovin to it right now. You know I sorta feel like those guys who will continue to talk into your answering machine/voice mail just to take up space and time. Oh, wait, umm...hehe..sorry, I am one of those guys. I hate guys like that.

Ok I think this will be the last song of the night. DAMN...it's a long one. Radar Love by Golden Earring, is a great road song. I have no clue how many times this song has accompanied your truly on a Destination Nowhere Road Trip. Ok just in case I have never mentioned a DNRT is when you get in your car, you get on a/any highway and you drive. You give yourself a time limit of some kind. Whether it's actual time, a fill up, or whatever you decide on, and you drive. When you get to your limit you stop and see where you are. It's a great way to see the state you live in. It also helps when you have the wanderlust bug bite your ass.

OK, thanks for listening with me. Talk to you soon.

TAKE A MOMENT

This is for those who fell, and never stood again,

Those who chose bravery over timidity,

Who chose liberty over constraint,

Who stood for freedom,

Who knew the cost,

Who made that choice,

Who ultimately paid the price,

This is for you,

You are not forgotten.

You are remembered.

In every flag that waves,

With every word voiced,

With every freedom we hold dear,

This is for you.

Thank You,

We miss you,

We remember you,

Always.

I AM SO BUMMED

I wrote this today---


Blog-city is no longer free. I must leave my blog home by the end of the year. That kind of sucks. Luckily I have been backing everything up at blog spot. So I guess with this new announcement, this will be the last official entry. I'll be coming back once in a while to let you know where you can, if you want that is, read about the lack of adventures in my world. If you would like to you can visit me

here

http://www.myspace.com/coacearchives



thank you to all who have made this fun and sometimes not so fun, but You still came here.

Be well, be good, be true.

So since it's a major bummer for me.

I'll be back on Friday, to make up for last few days.

Thanks.

TOO TIRED THIS MORNING or GOING TO SLEEP NOW

Hi all.

I'm sorry but 2 many days of crappy sleep has officially kicked mine ass.

I'll try be here later today but I needs to get to bed.

HER WINGS FLAPPING

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

The way they seem to lift your soul

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

The way they beat back the sorrow

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

The way it guides you back from the brink

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

It sounds like butterfly kisses

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

It sounds like a dewdrop forming

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

It's sounds like a tear when it hits the ground

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

It smells like sunshine

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

It smells like a smile

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

It smells like a breeze

Have you ever heard the sound of her wings flapping?

Have you?

ME

I don't need to hear it.
I already know.
You may think you're telling me some deep dark secret.
But I have a mirror.
My looks are not new to me.
It's not vanity talking.
Hell, it's not even me talking.
It's the damn truth.
Not sugar coated.
No pussy-footing.
But straight up, in your face truth.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't need to know your opinion.
This isn't a revelation that will change my thoughts.
Hell, this isn't a revelation that will make me blink.
You see what you want.
You say what you want.
And me, well, I'll be what I am.
And that's good enough for me.

THE CHILD

In the eyes of the man you can see the angry child, uncertain when his life will cease to be.

In the face of the man you can see the angry child, belligerent, unyielding, laughing, and spitting on the world.

In the soul of the man you can see the angry child, searching for a home and family that will never be.

In the hands of the man you can see the angry child, with balled and bloody fists fighting for his name and place.

In the body of the man you can see the angry child, trying to be a man, persevering to be a man, battling to be a man.

WHAT

Inside there is a hunger to be something,
I just don't know what.
There's a desire to arrive someplace,
I just don't know where.
There's a need to be someone,
I just don't know who.
There's a reason for all that I am,
I just don't understand it.
There's an idea in my head,
I just can't ponder it.
There's a passion in my soul,
I just can't feel it.
There's a song in my heart,
I just can't hear it.
There's a poem in my soul,
I just can't write it.
There's an awareness of my very essence,
I just can't define it.
There's a million questions,
I just can't answer.
There's a need to say something,
I just don't know what.

A WAY TO ORGANIZE MY RHYME WITHOUT REASON

"The conqueror and king in each one of us is the knower of truth. Let the knower awaken in us and drive the horses of the mind, emotions, and physical body on the pathway which that king has chosen."

George S. Arundale 1878 -1945

I am able to make plans and keep them, FINALY.

When I re-started this (again in some areas) I had a rough idea in my head about how I was going to go about it.

I knew I wanted to dedicate certain days to certain subjects (because being long winded and over-opinionated has it's drawbacks) and let myself go off on them.

My plan was simple. I needed to write 5 consecutive entries in 5 consecutive days.

Done.

Next, I was going to dedicate certain days to certain things. Fridays for music, Saturdays for emails, Sundays for links, Mondays for political and social commentary, Tuesdays for my poetry and lyrics, Wednesday for books/movies/music that I own and want to rave about and finally Thursdays are my miscellaneous days.

Because I am long winded and over-opinionated, I will still be blabbering away while doing all that other stuff.

So, this is where it's going to get a little harder for me because I need to keep this going for the rest of this month. Those few that know me physically (or from my earlier blogs) will know that I'm not much of a schedule keeper.

One of my dreams is to get paid for doing just this, writing.

To do that I need to be able to write everyday, but my writing has to improve also.

So, that's my plan.

Now with all that said, let's get this party started.

My poems are rarely pretty.

They are usually dark and brutally honest introspections. My life has not always been peaches and cream (and I know some of you share some of these feelings).

Somewhere along the road, I learned how to acknowledge those feelings in verse and even exorcise those personal demons. Sometimes, I'm just in a dark place and I write what I see and feel there. I felt I needed to explain a little about poems that will be posted shortly.

TURNING TRAGEDIES INTO MEDIA EVENTS or THE WHEELS OF MISERY GO ROUND AND ROUND

Quote of the day:

There will always be a part, and always a very large part of every community, that have no care but for themselves, and whose care for themselves reaches little further than impatience of immediate pain, and eagerness for the nearest good.

Samuel Johnson
English author, critic, & lexicographer (1709 - 1784)


I HATE THE NEWS!!

I REALLY DO!!

Why?

Because the little news they actually report, they end up sensationalizing it. It's not enough that there is a tragedy, but let's make sure that we can scare everyone else in America and make it worse. What the hell am I so incoherently talking about?

Well let's start at the beginning...

I don't watch the news anymore and haven't since 1988-1989. The local news channel had this commercial playing while I was getting ready for school.

The line went "RIGHT NOW THERE SOMETHING KILLING YOUR KIDS IN YOUR HOME." My sister was between 3-4 years old so this scared me, a lot! So that night I made sure to watch the news.

They talked about non-child proofed cabinets were leading to an increase of children's accidents and deaths.

At the time this pissed me off (and still does). They took something that every parent should do (but many don't), and turn it into a scare tactic to improve ratings.

I vowed that day to never sit down and watch the news. Something I have held true to this day (with the exception of September 11th, 2001 and for about a week or so after that truly tragic event).

So now let's fast forward to this past Saturday.

While Season and I were having a completely unhealthy breakfast at McDonald's I noticed a TV behind me. It was on CNN. Season says "Oh they're talking about the bus that crashed." I turn around and I see the tag line SAFE RIDES?

I started to lose it, but the simple fact that there were kids around I reigned it in, till today.

How much mileage can these so-called news stations drag out of misery, pain and death. I'm sorry but accidents happen. That is why they are called accidents.

Otherwise they would be called murder because they would be on purpose. My condolences to the families and loved ones of this shocking and heart breaking moment but a big FUCK YOU to so called news agencies who have turned it into a shock TV moment. FUCK YOU to the so called reporters who have turned this misfortune into a scare tactic to make Americans believe that they aren't safe anywhere.

The following bit of information, may open your eyes to what the media does to the truth.

According to data gathered for NHTSA's (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) Fatal Analysis Reporting System, in school bus crashes over the last couple of decades, fewer that 10% of school bus occupants have had any injury and 90% were not injured at all. The occupant most frequently injured is the bus driver since that seating position does not have the same passive occupant protections that passenger seats have, such as flexible and padded seat backs.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that 96 percent of the estimated 8,500 to 12,000 children injured in school bus accidents annually are considered minor (scrapes, bumps, bruises, etc.).

NHTSA calculated that 4 percent of the school bus-related injuries to children -- about 350 to 475 annually -- are serious (i.e. broken bones or worse) based on the medical community's widely accepted AIS or Abbreviated Injury Scale.

An average of six children are fatally injured inside school buses annually.

About 16 children are fatally injured as pedestrians in the loading & unloading zone around school buses annually. That's better than 200 percent improvement from 75 school bus fatalities in 1975; it is still not good enough.

I agree that these numbers are still not good enough. But it's an improvement and it's a very good start!

But compare those numbers to these.

On average, there are more than 6 million car accidents on the roads of the US, annually. More than 3 million people are injured in car accidents, with more than 2 million of these injuries being permanent.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration there are about 43,000 people killed in fatal car accidents each year in the United States.

From this information I'd rather ride the bus then get into my car. But I'm not here to scare any of you. I'm just giving you the cold hard facts. There are accidents and whether it's a fender bender or a fatality they happen. Every accident that happens is an emotional and terrifying moment. All we can do, as a whole, is try to be safer. Pay attention to our actions, reactions and environments.

But mostly we as a whole need to be educated to the truth.

Not to the exploitative journalism that preys on our fears.

Not the tabloid journalism that twists the facts.

Especially not to the ratings whores who take these horrific moments, to intimidate and terrorize us all.

Let me leave you with this last article because I agree with everything he says.

Why America's media sucks
November 19, 2004By Ben Ho
Media herding is something that always piqued my interest. During the Clinton administration, church burning suddenly became a big issue. It seemed like the news was reporting a new incident every other week.
They held Congressional hearings. Important men fulminated about the rampant problem of racism.
Then you look at the data, and the number of church burnings had been decreasing monotonically for as long as data was available. In fact, it was at an all-time low that year. The only thing that changed was the media coverage.
A few years ago, the big media story was shark attacks; lots of scary articles warning about shark attacks. Yet again, looking at the data, the numbers were tiny - less than the chance of getting struck by lightening - and again, there were fewer attacks than in previous years.
A year ago, it was kidnappings of young white girls, though once again, the number of kidnappings has also been declining.
Court cases are particularly amusing. Why is Scott Peterson so prominent, when there are lots of murders each year that people ignore?
One possible explanation is that the media is only giving the public what it wants to hear.
When one media outlet figures out a story that resonates with the people, the others just jump on the bandwagon and copy it. Once the media makes a big fuss, people start to think the story is important, and it feeds on itself - a vicious cycle of triviality.
The question to ask is how problematic is it?
Having this deluge of stories around a few select anecdotes often gives very wrong impressions about the actual state of the world.
The problem is that statistics and data are boring. They lack salience. People are much more likely to remember the poor woman with ragged clothes and disheveled hair than arcane numbers about those in poverty.
I read Time magazine every week. I am bothered by the fact that most of their news articles are primarily based on random quotes from random people across the country.
Who are these people? In a story about unemployment, they interview three random people and somehow think they have provided a complete picture of the problem.
I remember a few years ago, there was the Million Mom March in Washington, D.C. where women showed up protesting the lack of child safety locks on guns. They probably had in mind the horrible stories they saw in papers about little kids who accidentally shoot themselves.
Economist Steven Levitt finds that, statistically, having a swimming pool in a house is 100 times more deadly to children than having a gun. Levitt's point is not that we should have more guns, but that we spend so much time worrying about guns that we forget about safeguarding our children from far more significant dangers.
Hepatitis and malaria - both preventable diseases - kill more people a year in Africa than AIDS, yet AIDS gets all the media attention and more funding. AIDS is just a sexier disease than malaria. Lack of awareness has serious consequences.
Despite my general pessimistic view on the selective focus on social issues by the American populace, this is one area where I do think education can work.
It needs to start here. Harvard - yes, the Stanford of the East - actually had the good idea in requiring a statistics class for all of its undergraduates. The university wants its students to find meaning in statistics and be aware of their potential misuse.
An old definition of a scientist is someone who can get excited by a page of numbers. But we need everyone to get excited.
An informal poll of federal judges found that the great majority could not define the following words: mean, mode and median.
At the very least, we need reporters to be educated. It may be that salient anecdotes are the only means to get their point across. So far, they haven't been driving the right point home.

A SEASON FOR SATURDAYS or AN EASY WAY TO MAKE A BLOG ENTRY

Quote of the day: "Make the ones who screwed you over realize that their selfishness has only made you better and stronger--because you have made yourself better and stronger"

Matt Hardy http://www.myspace.com/theonlymatthardy


It's Saturday morning. I can't really sleep. Just spent a hell of a long time looking for a quote of the day I really liked. I guess I'm looking for those little bits of wisdom that we all say and don't realize we have said it. Sometimes they pop out at you, and sometimes you have to look for them. I guess it always like that when it comes to dealing with life. Well yesterday I said I would look for some cool music and that works for Fridays. So I decided that on Saturdays, because I would rather spend my days with my wife, that I would make this an email day. During the week I sometimes get emails from Season (in a moment of tenderness I accidently combined my wife's first and middle names and Season was born, I know she wouldn't mind me using her real name but for some reason this kinda stuck...well for this lil waste of space at least). Sometimes they're funny and sometimes, they are thought provoking. Well this being the first SEASON FOR SATURDAYS I figured I'd go with funny. So here you go...

GOD, RELIGION AND CHILDREN

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping."

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A 3 year old saying the blessing at dinner. "God is great, God is good" "Let us spank him for our food".

GOD, THE DEVIL AND MAN

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds.

And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croûtons and garlic toast on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them.

And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"

And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"

And Satan said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

BEST BREAKUP LETTER...EVER!

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.

Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,

Becky


The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, Aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note (I so totally LOVED this!):

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,

Ricky


So there you have it. Have a great day. And I'll see you 2-morrow

WOOOOOOOOO!!! or WOW, YOU MEAN THERE'S STUFF ON THE WEB BESIDES PORN????

Quote of the day:

"as if the word alternative automatically means something good. I mean, suicide is an alternative to life but that doesn't mean it's a good thing ya know? LOL"

Gregory Helms http://www.myspace.com/gshelms


Alright, I made it.

Yeah baby!!

Go me!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

It's the little things in life that make me happy. And it's the little things in life that don't mean too much, until you look back and realize that upon reflection it wasn't a lot of little things, but one long wonderful journey filled with ups, downs, goods, bads, rejoices and regrets.

I hope you are all in good health and high spirits because I have a little story to tell.

It's not a monumental story, as a matter of fact it's kind of a rewrite, because in my infinite lack of wisdom I lost the original post, and now I have to rewrite it.

Which normally would have pissed me off to know end, but instead I get to write a concise and clear tale.

It all started after the death of HAL (if you don't understand read the previous entry). After I brought home HAL-2, I was in quite a funk.

So after playing POGO for a couple of weeks and hearing about this new online community called My Space, well I decided to be on the cutting edge of trends and make myself a My Space page.

It was a slow process (because if it isn't porn, I'm lost). When it was time to choose my profile pic, I wanted it to be fun and cute.

Partly because I'm not fun and nor cute. Actually I'm pretty boring and mostly average looking.

I know when my wife reads this she'll go off on me...AGAIN. But it's my story and I'll tell it the way I want to.

I went to some My Space pages and started looking at some of the profile pictures.

I saw a lot of people use South Park style images, and I said to myself "Jose, those are pretty cool AND nifty!!" (yes I actually talk to myself and use my name. Why? Cause that's what my name is, and I wanted to make sure that I was listening).

So being a Jeff Hardy fan (he's a wrestler for the WWE for those that don't know) and seeing how cool AND nifty some of the South Park Jeff's were, I decided to look for one that yours truly could use.

I went to Google because Google knows all. So I typed in Jeff Hardy (of course in my usual lack of wisdom I did NOT click on images link but the usual standard Google search).

Lo and behold a name came up at a site and I said "Holy Moley Jose!! Jeff's brother Matt has a My Space page!! I must check this out, because it's probably a some person just pretending."

If you think that's a long winded self conversation, you outta see me when I have to do housework. I spend hours telling myself why I should stop watching the Arena Rock station on digital cable and go dishes instead.

I went to check it out and much to my delight, it actually is the Matt Hardy myspace site with the real Matt Hardy.

I then noticed he had a blog, and since I like reading blogs I checked it out. I read his blog and saw that has a list of "REAL WRESTLER" My Space sites.

So I said "Jose you aren't doing anything else right now, you might as well check them out."

And all was good in the universe.

Now why am I talking about all of this? Well today while watching TV (or more accurately while I was watching South Park, she was reading last months WWE Magazine.) It dawned on me how much she has gotten into sports entertainment.

I should add that she also spent some time reading the WWE MAGAZINE SPRING PREVIEW because it had a profile and brief history on most of the WWE superstars.

Because of her tendency to get sick or faint at the sight of blood, there are some matches she can't and won't watch.

She either loves or hates the story lines, critiques the matches, gives her opinions on the wrestlers (both new and old) and of course she gets vocal when it's a wrestler she loves (or hates).

I guess I feel very special knowing that she has taken a very REAL interest into one of passions, and that we can actually enjoy it together.

I'M BACK...AGAIN AND FOR THE FIRST TIME

I know.

Just when you get used to the idea of me being on here the computer gods treat me like a litter box.

Since the premature demise of the previous HAL (you know from 2001 a space odyssey), I was pretty much devastated. I lost a lot of things I was working on. A book, a couple of stories, a lot of poems that I was really proud of, some web comic ideas and story lines and some social and political stuff I was working on (you know to make this world a better place to live).

It all went the way of dookie in a flush.

Two months later I get a new HAL (see above what this means). The first thing I did was log in to write my "I'm back Again" blog...and nothing.

I had nothing to say.

My "Hey look I'm back again" self promo parade went the way of beta max and Stretch Armstrong.

I was finally defeated by the computer pantheons. So since I was blank, I went to the back up plan, I surfed.

That's right ladies and gentlemen I caught up on the web comics and blogs and in the process I found a few more areas of possible internet distractions.

I found new and better ways to waste time.

But I kept coming back here, for the inspiration to get me blogging again.

Eventually I found it. Sort of.

I had to update the blog and found out I could make it more me. That started some ideas rolling.

THEN, I started playing around on My Space and of course being the trend setter I am, I created a My Space page with some fun things but not that different than here. The Blog you read here, will be the same blog there.

Eventually, I will combine everything I have written and assemble it all in one place but that's a project that's destined for the future.

For some of you I'm Back...and thank you for having me.

For others Hi, I hope you enjoy the train wreck that is me.