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Oh good, I'm still here. Hard to believe that another Turkey Day with relatives you don't like, kids who won't eat, and nothing on TV but football and parades, has passed on by, and I survived. I have to add this. At a family get together, function or reunion, you usually put on the fake smile and wish one and all a happy whatever it is, because you choose to. You hug the aunt with the halitosis that would make Satan weep because you choose to. You agree with everything you're overbearing cousins have to say even when they say the moon is made of blue cheese because you choose too. You put up with your siblings significant others retarded jokes and useless advice because you choose too. You do all this because you choose too. If you didn't, than you wouldn't have gone.
It’s the unwritten rule of family functions. You came because you wanted to, not because you had to. That is unless you're dragging your kids along only because it was the same hell your parents put you through, and it is your job as a parent to do the same to them.
Now you may think 'so what, we all go through that, what makes you so special?' Well let me tell you.....nothing, nothing at all.
If I wasn't annoyed at a family function, than I would have been annoyed with strangers, like standing behind the one person in the world who still has no clue how to use an ATM.
See, its not that I hate everyone, you just all annoy me. I'm ok with that because I probably annoy you too. Let's some time on the people that annoy me. Sadly, this is an ever growing list and won't ever be complete. Everyday there's another dumb mother fucker born, which means there's another chance some fucktard will annoy me. But alas I am digressing.
Being in the express lane (you know, the 10 items or less lane) with the one person who can count to 30 but somehow misses the number 10 in the process?
Those "truth" commercials, because obviously all smokers have no clue that smoking causes cancer. Let me shed a little light on this. It's not that we don't believe smoking causes cancer, we do! It’s just that we don't believe it'll happen to us. That’s the real truth. We aren't dumb or stupid. We just live in denial. So when I'm outside smoking, because I'm not allowed to smoke inside and someone gives me that dirty look for smoking outside...well all I'll can tell you is this, I didn't go out of my way to talk to you because apparently I don't and didn't find you that interesting...SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
People who constantly chew, with their mouths open are on that list. Come on already! Manners costs nothing, but keep that up and it'll cost you my boot in your ass.
People who still ask "does this make me look fat?" If you're asking it probably does. But in direct conflict to my own statement, if you feel good wearing it, and you like the way you look, who cares what someone like me says.
As a matter of fact that goes out to anyone and everyone. If you are reading this, take what I say as an editorial on the things I see. Some days things may be the most annoying thing ever and on other days I won't have an issue. I'm just going on a day to day viewpoint.
So do it if you want or don't. I mean someone out there just got fed up with me as I got tired of someone else. That’s life, deal with it.
I do. I just happen to dwell on it long enough to think if I should write about it. Is this going to be a funny anecdote or a serious prose. Will this be a rant or a rave? Should I even be thinking this much about it? That's how I deal with it.
Mar 17, 2008
Mar 16, 2008
Mar 15, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
Youth culture has finally sterilized itself.Young America has finally achieved its terminal ambition-fucking itself before anyone else could
THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM or THE MOST COMMON WORDS SAID RIGHT BEFORE YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ON YOUR OWN
Current mood: 
amused
Have you ever notice that the moment before you get something dumped on you, you get one of these phrases barked (or cooed, depending on who’s saying it)at you.
Would you care for some proof?
As I bring this to an end, no, I am not a team player. Not being a team player means I take both credit and blame for all that "I" do. There may be no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in individual, intelligent and integrity. So stay true and be true to yourself.
amusedHave you ever notice that the moment before you get something dumped on you, you get one of these phrases barked (or cooed, depending on who’s saying it)at you.
"There is no ’I’ in team"..."take one for the team"..."it’s all about teamwork"..."the team is right behind you"..."the team depends on you" or something similar to one of these phrases.
I find it hard to believe that I am doing anything with a team. If it is/was a team effort why am "I" all of a sudden responsible for the team? Where is the rest of the team? Why should "I" take one for the team, because there is ’no "I" in team!’ But there is a "me" in team, along with meat and tame.
I sit here reflecting on that little word. I know it probably derives from ancient text that I should probably research, if I really cared that much to learn the etymology of the word, but I don’t want to. But if you’re just as lazy as me, we’ll all just accept that the fact that the word "team" has a rich and beautiful history.
Back to my tirade, I realize "team" is the perfect word for patsy, sucker and weak-willed. It’s a word perfectly designed to play on the fear of being an individual and alone.
Would you care for some proof?
OK, these are just observations that I have made over the years.
First of all...when I was in soccer (back then I was bamboozled into thinking I had to be a part of a team...... but I’m much better now) when the team was running the "end of practice" laps, the stars of the team made sure they were far out front and out pacing us insecure sheep.
When the running was done, the coach was there to tell us wheezing and gasping fodder, err i mean athletes, that we were weak and not supporting the team (but had anyone seen this particular display, five individuals were standing there smug, while the rest of the "team" was berated).
The coach than made this inspirational statement, which sparked the thought that became an idea that a few years later became this little space on the web.
"I need to see hustle the few can’t carry the team, THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM!!
Thats also when a smart-ass individual that would eventually evolve into the man typing on this particular keyboard, started to rear his ugly face. I was always accused of speaking before thinking. This would be one of those moments. I raised my hand and said "But coach there is a ’me’ in team and without the ’me’ there is no team."
20 laps later I realized that maybe, just maybe, I’m not a "team" player. I eventually walked away from the game of soccer.
My story doesn’t end there, though. A few years after that incident, I was working at Arby’s, (the following scene would continue at every place of employment), and I was asked to cover a shift because someone called in sick. Normally, I would have said ’yes,’ but this is one of those times that I had actually made some after work plans.
So I said "sorry I can’t".
The statement that followed was simple and to the point. "You know Jose’ we are a team here and as a team we do have to cover for each other".
Thats also when a smart-ass individual that was still evolving into the man typing on this particular keyboard, started to rear his ugly face. I was always accused of speaking before thinking. This would be one of those moments. I raised my hand and said "But Randy, you do know that there is a ’me’ in team and without the ’me’ there is no team."
Three days later, after my suspension for insubordination, I was back at work, albeit with a chip on my shoulder. I would eventually be promoted TEAM leader (which is a nice way of saying Assistant Managers Bitch). In true Jose fashion, after I received the little plastic name tag with my name engraved into it, I looked at Randy and said "Randy, you do know that there is a ’me’ in team and without the ’me’ there is no team."
That story still makes me chuckle.
As I bring this to an end, no, I am not a team player. Not being a team player means I take both credit and blame for all that "I" do. There may be no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in individual, intelligent and integrity. So stay true and be true to yourself.
 | Currently listening: Pure Guava By Ween Release date: 10 November, 1992 |
Mar 14, 2008
CLEARING OUT SOME SPACE 2
Current mood: 
frisky
Well I’ve started writing or commenting or reviewing all kinds of stuff. I figure since I’m sitting here at pornado central, I might as well keep my fingers and brain working.
So some of the next few articles are just one or two lines that struck a nerve. Some are reviews of movies and are written as if you can decide to watch them at that moment. Some are links I think are worth mentioning and visiting.
OK I’ll stop wasting your time...
friskyWell I’ve started writing or commenting or reviewing all kinds of stuff. I figure since I’m sitting here at pornado central, I might as well keep my fingers and brain working.
So some of the next few articles are just one or two lines that struck a nerve. Some are reviews of movies and are written as if you can decide to watch them at that moment. Some are links I think are worth mentioning and visiting.
OK I’ll stop wasting your time...
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 1/11
Winners win and losers lose, but fools are happy
Lost and Found by The Dexateens Lost and Found is a wonderful album By The Dexateens and is available free on their website. http://www.skybucket.com/media/dexateens
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 2/11
The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
A Review 30 DAYS OF NIGHT
OK as a horror movie this sucked. There’s really nothing more to say than that.
BUT....
As a movie about vampire’s...it’s actually pretty good. It doesn’t have the creep out factor for the audience...instead it makes you feel sympathy and the occasional hope for the characters in the story.
Now this is something I honestly thought I’d never say. Josh Hartnet is actually turning into a pretty decent actor. In this movie he plays a small town sheriff who’s all cool calm and collected. Which is right up his acting style. For once I actually believed he could be the character he was portraying. SO KUDOS to him.
The vampires were nothing new. They ate most of the people. They missed a few. The people survive. End of story. You know...it would be very cool if every once in a while the vampires win.
So in the end...if you want a horror movie, pass this one up. If you want to be entertained, than by all means watch this little gem. I promise it will entertain.
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 3/11
When two hearts race, both win.
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 4/11
You people don’t know what the truth is! It’s there, just under their bullshit, but you never look!
MR. MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM
My wife wanted to see this movie more than I did. So yeah for her I added it to our Netflix thingie. Well, to eat a lot of crow in front of your wife is a treat that I believe most married men do...on a regular basis. This married man is no different. This movie is simply about magic. The magic that let’s us all grow into wonderful human beings. The magic that takes us all into those wonderful places that as children we visit constantly, but as we get older, we visit them less and less. This movie is about becoming an occasion. Then finding the strength, the will and yes, the magic to rise to it.
This movie is very much a kids movie.
But what child is it for? The one who is 3 years old or the one who is 243 years old. The answer is yes.
ABSOLUTELY YES!!! This is one of those movies that every family should sit through, simply because by the end (like in Peter Pan) you’ll find yourself clapping, because it’s the magic that we lose as we grow old and older that makes a movie like this so important to enjoy. Because you see in this movie, a little bit of that magic that we created and shared when we were children (and those of us who still are) still lives, grows and flourishes.
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 5/11
Watch reruns, they replay your memories.
Songbook by Fallen Ivory Two very talented musicians. A very melodic album. You can download it for free at their website http://www.fallenivory.com/music.htm
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 6/11
I’ve seen my hopes and dreams A lying on the ground I’ve seen the sky, just begin to fall he said, "All things pass into the night"
A Review of MARTIAN CHILD
I have officially added a movie to my Top 10 movies of all time. The Martian Child is by far one of the greatest feel good movies ever. The chemistry between veteran actor John Cusak and relative newcomer Bobby Coleman was simply magical.
This is one of those movies that actually promotes two things. One, that everybody is different and that makes us all unique and special. Two, that we can love and be loved no matter how different from the normal we are.
This is one of those movies that tugs at the heart strings, fills you with joy and leaves a wonderful feeling in your soul.
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 7/11
Grief is a story that has no beginning, middle or end. Grief, like fiction, is always in the present tense as soon as you open the book.
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 8/11
Whoever Said That Life Would Be Easy Never Walked A Mile In My Shoes
A Review of John Rambo
What happens when you take an action hero from the 80’s and very early 90’s and try to make him viable for the 21st century?
Well when it’s the usual shoot ’em all up, because they are the bad guys, well you kind of chuckle and go...well what did you expect?
But when somehow you actually pull off that the character got older and that he’s somewhat smarter while still keeping the integrity of the original concept...well than my friends, we have John Rambo.
Yes I am a fan of First Blood and Rambo: First Blood part II. Did not really care for Rambo III, and I laughed hysterically when I originally saw the trailer for John Rambo. Which just for the record is the 4th movie in this franchise.
Than last night I watched it. I will say that it is absolutely brutal. The special effects guys went to town on what high caliber weapons would do to a human body. This movie is bloody and gory. Now I’ve never seen actual combat in my life, but I have a very strange feeling that this is what it would look like.
The plot is fairly simple. The story also very simple. This is not a date movie. This is not a movie for children. This is not a movie for intellectuals. This is a movie for the fans of the action genre. There is no redeeming value to this movie other than to entertain. That’s it.
And I was entertained.
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 9/11
I thought you were a CD of U2, You just an 8track of Kevin DuBrow
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 10/11
I Won’t Give Up! I Won’t Give In! I Won’t Give Out Or Fall Apart! This Is The Mountain I Must Climb! This Is My Time!
A Review of No Reservations
No Reservations is simply a very nice date movie. It follows the usual love story pattern. The independent woman who’s lonely, the tragedy that causes a major life change, the way she tries to adjust to the new changes yet keeps falling short, the moment she reluctantly falls in love, the fallout, the make up and the happily ever after.
It’s a pleasant date movie that will make you shed a tear or two, but mostly it will make you hold your partner a little bit closer while you laugh a little, cry a little and makes you feel good.
QUOTE, THOUGHT LYRIC AND MOMENT THAT MOVED ME 11/11
When you’ve lost it all. That’s when you finally realize. Life is beautiful
 | Currently listening: Little by Little... By Harvey Danger Release date: 25 July, 2006  |
Mar 13, 2008
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY MORNINGS?
Current mood: 
calm
(FLASHBACK)
My eyes open, and with a slight panic, I glance at the clock. There’s a five and an eleven. With a sigh of relief I wipe the after effects and evidence of sleep from my eyes. I leave my warm and comfy bed and head to the bathroom. Afterwards I wander into the kitchen. I drag one of the two kitchen chairs to the cupboards so I can reach an old margarine container that I use as cereal bowl. The clock now says six, one so I turn on the TV.
I know the cartoons won’t start until AG-USA is over, but I can not take the chance that today for some weird reason things might change. I walk back to the cupboards to get my box of cereal. If my luck holds out I’ll have Frosted Flakes and of course the worst case scenario is I get Apple Jacks or Kix. On this particular day I get Alpha Bits. It’s not necessarily what I want, but for today it’ll be just fine.
On the TV they are putting some metal tags on some cows ears. I think to myself "Doesn’t that hurt them?" followed with a "Oh WHAT DOES THE CLOCK SAY?"
The little wind up clock that sits on top of the console TV now says six six. OK, I still have time. I have to start making the coffee for my mom, because I know she won’t want to miss anything either. (Of course I later learned it was the coffee smell that woke her up. The reason she sat there next to me is she was just trying to wake up. However, as a child, it was everything and the world that she sat with me.)
Not too much longer now. I check to make sure we have milk in the fridge...and yes we are cool on that front.
Afterwards I jump in the shower and wash all my naughty bits and the dirty ones too. But because I was wearing my super cool Mr. Spock pajamas I put them back on. I look at the clock six and eleven.
Alright!! I pour my Alpha Bits into the margarine bowl, add some milk and with great haste, walk into the living room. I’m spilling milk and cereal all over the place, but it’s OK; I’ll clean it up during the commercials. Thus begins my Saturday morning ritual.
For the next 5 hours I’ll be glued to the boob tube. Spending my Saturday mornings with the likes of the The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse and Heckle & Jeckle, The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, Shazam, Super Friends, Plastic Man, Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels, The Super Globetrotters, Fred and Barney Meet the Shmoo, Spider-Woman, Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo, The Daffy Duck Show, Fred and Barney Meet the Thing, The New Shmoo, The New Adventures of Flash Gordon, Godzilla, Jonny Quest, and The Jetsons to name a few of the heroic, silly and memorable characters who spent many Saturday mornings with me.
(FLASHBACK OVER)
Whatever happened to shows like Tom and Jerry, Popeye, Drak Pack, Thundarr, Dynomutt, The Tarzan/Lone Ranger Adventure Hour, The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang, Richie Rich, Heathcliff/Dingbat, Plastic Man and Baby Plas, Hong Kong Phooey, and The Flintstone Comedy Show?
What happened to the cartoons based on video games like Pole Position, Captain N: The Game Master, Pac-Man, Q*bert, Dragon’s Lair, Frogger, Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong, Jr. and Space Ace?
Or the cartoons based on Dungeons and Dragons or music videos (the show was called Kid Video)?
What happened to innocent fun and hi-jinks? Even then I knew that Saturday morning cartoons were basically really long commercials, but at least they were entertaining and FUN.
Sure we all got older, and waking up at the crack of dawn to watch some stupid cartoons on a Saturday morning wasn’t the same thrill it used to be. I wasn’t spending those Saturdays alone. I was eating that bowl of cereal with my mom was right next to me, coffee in hand and laughing at all the silliness that was happening on TV.
Now this isn’t just as a days gone by kinda rant. When I was in my 20’s I was living with a now ex-girlfriend and her family. Come Saturday morning, her youngest brother and I would be sitting there watching the Saturday morning cartoons. I mean who was cooler than the X-Men and Batman? Well no one was.
Now it seems those days are gone. Now on Saturday morning you get news and world reports. I mean, back then I would sit through AG-USA to make sure that I didn’t miss a single cartoon. I guess it is kinda silly that at 1:41 AM on a Monday morning I’m here talking about those long gone Saturday mornings, but I miss them. Those days of awe struck wonder. The days of the Bugs and Tweety Show. The days of the Lone Ranger and Tarzan Adventure Hour. The days of Shazam and Isis. But put more simply...I miss the simple and innocent days.
calm(FLASHBACK)
My eyes open, and with a slight panic, I glance at the clock. There’s a five and an eleven. With a sigh of relief I wipe the after effects and evidence of sleep from my eyes. I leave my warm and comfy bed and head to the bathroom. Afterwards I wander into the kitchen. I drag one of the two kitchen chairs to the cupboards so I can reach an old margarine container that I use as cereal bowl. The clock now says six, one so I turn on the TV.
I know the cartoons won’t start until AG-USA is over, but I can not take the chance that today for some weird reason things might change. I walk back to the cupboards to get my box of cereal. If my luck holds out I’ll have Frosted Flakes and of course the worst case scenario is I get Apple Jacks or Kix. On this particular day I get Alpha Bits. It’s not necessarily what I want, but for today it’ll be just fine.
On the TV they are putting some metal tags on some cows ears. I think to myself "Doesn’t that hurt them?" followed with a "Oh WHAT DOES THE CLOCK SAY?"
The little wind up clock that sits on top of the console TV now says six six. OK, I still have time. I have to start making the coffee for my mom, because I know she won’t want to miss anything either. (Of course I later learned it was the coffee smell that woke her up. The reason she sat there next to me is she was just trying to wake up. However, as a child, it was everything and the world that she sat with me.)
Not too much longer now. I check to make sure we have milk in the fridge...and yes we are cool on that front.
Afterwards I jump in the shower and wash all my naughty bits and the dirty ones too. But because I was wearing my super cool Mr. Spock pajamas I put them back on. I look at the clock six and eleven.
Alright!! I pour my Alpha Bits into the margarine bowl, add some milk and with great haste, walk into the living room. I’m spilling milk and cereal all over the place, but it’s OK; I’ll clean it up during the commercials. Thus begins my Saturday morning ritual.
For the next 5 hours I’ll be glued to the boob tube. Spending my Saturday mornings with the likes of the The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse and Heckle & Jeckle, The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, Shazam, Super Friends, Plastic Man, Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels, The Super Globetrotters, Fred and Barney Meet the Shmoo, Spider-Woman, Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo, The Daffy Duck Show, Fred and Barney Meet the Thing, The New Shmoo, The New Adventures of Flash Gordon, Godzilla, Jonny Quest, and The Jetsons to name a few of the heroic, silly and memorable characters who spent many Saturday mornings with me.
(FLASHBACK OVER)
Whatever happened to shows like Tom and Jerry, Popeye, Drak Pack, Thundarr, Dynomutt, The Tarzan/Lone Ranger Adventure Hour, The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang, Richie Rich, Heathcliff/Dingbat, Plastic Man and Baby Plas, Hong Kong Phooey, and The Flintstone Comedy Show?
What happened to the cartoons based on video games like Pole Position, Captain N: The Game Master, Pac-Man, Q*bert, Dragon’s Lair, Frogger, Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong, Jr. and Space Ace?
Or the cartoons based on Dungeons and Dragons or music videos (the show was called Kid Video)?
What happened to innocent fun and hi-jinks? Even then I knew that Saturday morning cartoons were basically really long commercials, but at least they were entertaining and FUN.
Sure we all got older, and waking up at the crack of dawn to watch some stupid cartoons on a Saturday morning wasn’t the same thrill it used to be. I wasn’t spending those Saturdays alone. I was eating that bowl of cereal with my mom was right next to me, coffee in hand and laughing at all the silliness that was happening on TV.
Now this isn’t just as a days gone by kinda rant. When I was in my 20’s I was living with a now ex-girlfriend and her family. Come Saturday morning, her youngest brother and I would be sitting there watching the Saturday morning cartoons. I mean who was cooler than the X-Men and Batman? Well no one was.
Now it seems those days are gone. Now on Saturday morning you get news and world reports. I mean, back then I would sit through AG-USA to make sure that I didn’t miss a single cartoon. I guess it is kinda silly that at 1:41 AM on a Monday morning I’m here talking about those long gone Saturday mornings, but I miss them. Those days of awe struck wonder. The days of the Bugs and Tweety Show. The days of the Lone Ranger and Tarzan Adventure Hour. The days of Shazam and Isis. But put more simply...I miss the simple and innocent days.
 | Currently listening: Atomizer By Big Black Release date: 22 August, 1994  |
Mar 12, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
HIGHLANDER: THE SOURCE
Yes I am a Highlander fan. I love the movies. I am a fan of the Television show. I (unlike so many) enjoyed the cartoon. If Highlander was in a movie theater I paid the money to sit there and absorb more of the crap they were feeding me. I sat there and ate the crap from Highlander 2. I accepted Mario van Peebles as a black Kurgan in Highlander: The Final Dimension. I accepted the fact that Christopher Lambert was getting to old and showing his age badly so they had to give him a noble death in Highlander: Endgame. I was able to accept all of this.
I accepted the fact that there are more fans of Adrian Paul as Duncan MacLeod because of the watered down TV series. That's fine by me...as long as they keep putting out more and more Highlander properties, that DON"T destroy the integrity of the original "myth." Which is pretty much a bunch of bad asses fighting for this great prize, and to win this great prize, well to quote what the whole Highlander Universe is based on, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE."
So about two weeks ago I saw this commercial for the newest installment to the Highlander mythos. A movie called Highlander: The Source. Yes I was STOKED. You can rest assured, to quote my wife, "There was chubbiness action." So being an official member of Netflix (yeah we ended up letting go of the Blockbuster mail home thing, because in the 6 months we had their service they had doubled their price and they were going to raise it again...so we dumped them, because Daddy don't like gold digging ho's) I immediately added this movie.
So this morning after yet another failed attempt at sleeping, I got up and walked into the living room and hit play on the DVD machine.
This movie had everything going for it that is crucial to a Highlander movie. Semi-decent acting, many cheesy effects, very simple storyline and Queen songs (albeit the songs were recorded by someone else but they were pretty decent, but I thought it was worth mentioning). Now some of you may think that is a tongue in cheek review, but if you have ever seen these movies you would know (as all great things from the 80's, it wasn't quality, it was a coolness factor) that they are not nor will they ever be award winners. So as I was saying I was hooked. I was in it to win it. I was there and then they tell you the prize.
THIS IS A SPOILER TO THIS MOVIE...SPOILER ALERT...SPOILER ALERT....THIS IS A SPOILER TO THIS MOVIE
The prize they are all fighting for. The true meaning to the phrase "there can be only one" is that only one immortal if he is pure of heart can have a child.
Well FUCK ME!!!
That's the big pay off?? That goes along the same lines as getting the chance to boff some supermodel and having the fireman using up the fire extinguisher too quickly.
Man, they had me at Hello and then they looked me in the eye and said "Sorry Charlie."
So that my friends is my review of HIGHLANDER: THE SOURCE.
Currently listening:
Black Aria
By Glenn Danzig
I accepted the fact that there are more fans of Adrian Paul as Duncan MacLeod because of the watered down TV series. That's fine by me...as long as they keep putting out more and more Highlander properties, that DON"T destroy the integrity of the original "myth." Which is pretty much a bunch of bad asses fighting for this great prize, and to win this great prize, well to quote what the whole Highlander Universe is based on, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE."
So about two weeks ago I saw this commercial for the newest installment to the Highlander mythos. A movie called Highlander: The Source. Yes I was STOKED. You can rest assured, to quote my wife, "There was chubbiness action." So being an official member of Netflix (yeah we ended up letting go of the Blockbuster mail home thing, because in the 6 months we had their service they had doubled their price and they were going to raise it again...so we dumped them, because Daddy don't like gold digging ho's) I immediately added this movie.
So this morning after yet another failed attempt at sleeping, I got up and walked into the living room and hit play on the DVD machine.
This movie had everything going for it that is crucial to a Highlander movie. Semi-decent acting, many cheesy effects, very simple storyline and Queen songs (albeit the songs were recorded by someone else but they were pretty decent, but I thought it was worth mentioning). Now some of you may think that is a tongue in cheek review, but if you have ever seen these movies you would know (as all great things from the 80's, it wasn't quality, it was a coolness factor) that they are not nor will they ever be award winners. So as I was saying I was hooked. I was in it to win it. I was there and then they tell you the prize.
THIS IS A SPOILER TO THIS MOVIE...SPOILER ALERT...SPOILER ALERT....THIS IS A SPOILER TO THIS MOVIE
The prize they are all fighting for. The true meaning to the phrase "there can be only one" is that only one immortal if he is pure of heart can have a child.
Well FUCK ME!!!
That's the big pay off?? That goes along the same lines as getting the chance to boff some supermodel and having the fireman using up the fire extinguisher too quickly.
Man, they had me at Hello and then they looked me in the eye and said "Sorry Charlie."
So that my friends is my review of HIGHLANDER: THE SOURCE.
Currently listening:Black Aria
By Glenn Danzig
Mar 11, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
You people don't know what the truth is! It's there, just under their bullshit, but you never look!
THE EVOLUTION OF MUSICAL TASTE
I was born a poor glam child (hair bands to you Johnny/Joanie come latelies) and that is where my poor heart strays to time and time again.
I was first introduced into the glam scene back in 6th grade (thank you so VERY MUCH TWISTED SISTER) and since I had Dee Snider pics taped to the inside of my desk, I knew I was on the cutting edge of cool.
Sadly, the cutting edge was a dull razor that couldn't scratch paper. But I'm digesting...oops I mean digressing.
So here I am...listening to the wicked tunes of TS and all of a sudden, I come into school one day and Dee is gone.
Shredded.
He's confetti covering the inside of my desk.
I of course do what any rational grade school kid would do...I ran to the teacher and said someone had vandalized my desk.
Of course there was a major inquiry (and much to my dismay, the FBI did NOT show up...lazy frikken lazies) by Mrs. Parish (that be the teacher's name), and fellow student named Dan confessed that it was he who had turned my Dee shrine to a New Years Eve party tool.
Dan was then ordered to replace my Circus Magazine pin-ups.
And he did...sort of.
He replaced Twisted Sisters front man with pin-ups of his favorite band Motley Crue. All of a sudden I had all these pictures of some guy I had never seen before (who looked like a girl...sans breasts).
Since I was in mourning over the loss of my prized treasures, I complained some more, that I had no clue who this guy was.
Well boys and girls, Dan was ordered to introduce me to this "new" band, and if I didn't find it an adequate replacement, that the three of us would come up with a reasonable punishment.
I can say that that particular action never came into play. Dan lent me 2 cassette tapes (yes I AM that old) and upon first listening I knew that I had found my new voice.
I was listening to Motley Crue for the first time, and by god they knew me. All the angst was mine...all the power chords rang true to this baby-metal head. There was never a more pure form of adolescent rebellion rock then Motley Crue, and I reveled in it.
To this very day, I can honestly say that of all my CD's, tapes and albums, the only ones that I have multiple copies in all formats are Motley Crue.
It wasn't until many years later that I started to listening to music that did NOT come out in the 80's.
Here's a simple time line
80's glam-- Motley Crue, Twisted Sister, Ratt, Poison, Tigertailz (just to name a few)
90's still glam/thrash/heavy metal--Metallica, Anthrax, Queensryche, Crimson Glory (just to name a few)
late 90's grunge/country--Pearl Jam, Mother Love Bone, Jane's Addiction, Garth Brooks, Mark Chestnut (just to name a few)
The early Zero years Classic Rock--Led Zepplin, the Doors, New York Dolls, Kiss (just to name a few)
currently "whatever moves me"-- these are cd's, mp3's, and cassette's that are a click or button away from being played at any second. NIN "Ghosts 1", Verbatim "Pizza Party EP", Black Flag "Loose Nut", Glen Danzig "Black Aria", Andrew W.K. "Close Calls With Brick Walls", Garth Brooks "Ultimate Hits"
I was first introduced into the glam scene back in 6th grade (thank you so VERY MUCH TWISTED SISTER) and since I had Dee Snider pics taped to the inside of my desk, I knew I was on the cutting edge of cool.
Sadly, the cutting edge was a dull razor that couldn't scratch paper. But I'm digesting...oops I mean digressing.
So here I am...listening to the wicked tunes of TS and all of a sudden, I come into school one day and Dee is gone.
Shredded.
He's confetti covering the inside of my desk.
I of course do what any rational grade school kid would do...I ran to the teacher and said someone had vandalized my desk.
Of course there was a major inquiry (and much to my dismay, the FBI did NOT show up...lazy frikken lazies) by Mrs. Parish (that be the teacher's name), and fellow student named Dan confessed that it was he who had turned my Dee shrine to a New Years Eve party tool.
Dan was then ordered to replace my Circus Magazine pin-ups.
And he did...sort of.
He replaced Twisted Sisters front man with pin-ups of his favorite band Motley Crue. All of a sudden I had all these pictures of some guy I had never seen before (who looked like a girl...sans breasts).
Since I was in mourning over the loss of my prized treasures, I complained some more, that I had no clue who this guy was.
Well boys and girls, Dan was ordered to introduce me to this "new" band, and if I didn't find it an adequate replacement, that the three of us would come up with a reasonable punishment.
I can say that that particular action never came into play. Dan lent me 2 cassette tapes (yes I AM that old) and upon first listening I knew that I had found my new voice.
I was listening to Motley Crue for the first time, and by god they knew me. All the angst was mine...all the power chords rang true to this baby-metal head. There was never a more pure form of adolescent rebellion rock then Motley Crue, and I reveled in it.
To this very day, I can honestly say that of all my CD's, tapes and albums, the only ones that I have multiple copies in all formats are Motley Crue.
It wasn't until many years later that I started to listening to music that did NOT come out in the 80's.
Here's a simple time line
80's glam-- Motley Crue, Twisted Sister, Ratt, Poison, Tigertailz (just to name a few)
90's still glam/thrash/heavy metal--Metallica, Anthrax, Queensryche, Crimson Glory (just to name a few)
late 90's grunge/country--Pearl Jam, Mother Love Bone, Jane's Addiction, Garth Brooks, Mark Chestnut (just to name a few)
The early Zero years Classic Rock--Led Zepplin, the Doors, New York Dolls, Kiss (just to name a few)
currently "whatever moves me"-- these are cd's, mp3's, and cassette's that are a click or button away from being played at any second. NIN "Ghosts 1", Verbatim "Pizza Party EP", Black Flag "Loose Nut", Glen Danzig "Black Aria", Andrew W.K. "Close Calls With Brick Walls", Garth Brooks "Ultimate Hits"
Mar 9, 2008
Mar 8, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
I've seen my hopes and dreams A lying on the ground I've seen the sky, just begin to fall he said, ”All things pass into the night"
A BETTER WORLD
I have admitted on many occasions that I am not a smart man nor am I a wise man, this my friends is fact.
My wife tends to get upset with me when I say that, and I have never understood why. I'm not saying I'm dumb, I'm just saying I'm not smart.
Well, anyway that's neither here nor there, this starts with my search for something to read.
I was looking for something insightful and intelligent to read.
I was looking for something of depth beyond he/she screwed me and now I'm pissed.
Being fairly new to the drama, disputes and wars of and among bloggers I wanted to read something that would for all purposes make me think.
I read a couple of things that made the brain start firing out some thoughts. It was actually a very good feeling knowing that I can still have some pretty deep thoughts running through the same brain that can name most of the Justice League along with 75% of the Smurfs and a few Fraggles.
So this is what I have come up with. That there are basically two groups of people standing forever on the battle lines of this world.
Why must battle lines be drawn anyway? I mean whatever happened to loving your neighbor? What happened to all men created equal? What happened to the phrase "your fellow man"?
According to the bible we're all technically brothers. If you're not into the bible but into evolution, than aren't we one big tribe separated at half past the dawn of time?
But instead we all seem to live in this mode of thinking...
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards (fill in the blank) and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards (fill in the blank).
You know I honestly don't understand this. Because when you break it down it goes like this...
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards homosexuals and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards homosexuals.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards blacks and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards blacks.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards Jews and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards Jews.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards men and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards men.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards Americans and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards Americans.
And it goes on and on.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards (fill in the blank) and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards (fill in the blank).
This is sadly the core of humanity.
The fact that we are not happy unless you are on one side or the other. You're either for or against whatever topic you wish champion or attack. We must be at war with someone or something.
Of course if you choose to not be either, you have no convictions or strength of character.
I guess what confuses me the most is who do you condemn or praise?
Do you condemn the guy who has his dog fight for profit or fun or do you condemn an organization that not only condones but has actually praised the fact that violence is used against their fellow man for the sake of the dog?
Do you condemn the Christian who with a fevered passion and religious zeal shoots at or blows up an abortion clinic or do you condemn the Muslim who with a fevered passion and religious zeal shoots at or blows up a building?
Do you praise the man who claims to be a speaker for injustice but he himself does the same intolerant things that he's preaching against?
Do you praise the man with religious convictions, who points us along the moral path when he himself is found at a motel 6 straying off that path himself?
There were two men who preached change. One through peace and conviction and the other took a more militant approach? But if my history serves me right...didn't they meet the same bitter end? Did they not both have their lives stolen by a man with a gun?
Or should we listen to the musician who never claimed to be a great man. Nor did he claim to be a good man. But he did try to better himself, those around him and the world by using his one great talent. He was a songwriter, and he wrote a great song explaining such a wonderful world...and all we had to do was imagine.
Sadly on this subject I gotta go with the musician.
I prefer to imagine the better world.
You see I know that if enough people start to imagine a better world, there are some people who will go beyond imagining and go into creating a better world.
Who knows maybe...just maybe your kids, kids, kids, kids will have a chance at being a better people living in a better world. Because for a better world to exist, we need better people to run it and better people to live in it.
Currently listening:Horse of a Different Color
By Big & Rich
My wife tends to get upset with me when I say that, and I have never understood why. I'm not saying I'm dumb, I'm just saying I'm not smart.
Well, anyway that's neither here nor there, this starts with my search for something to read.
I was looking for something insightful and intelligent to read.
I was looking for something of depth beyond he/she screwed me and now I'm pissed.
Being fairly new to the drama, disputes and wars of and among bloggers I wanted to read something that would for all purposes make me think.
I read a couple of things that made the brain start firing out some thoughts. It was actually a very good feeling knowing that I can still have some pretty deep thoughts running through the same brain that can name most of the Justice League along with 75% of the Smurfs and a few Fraggles.
So this is what I have come up with. That there are basically two groups of people standing forever on the battle lines of this world.
Why must battle lines be drawn anyway? I mean whatever happened to loving your neighbor? What happened to all men created equal? What happened to the phrase "your fellow man"?
According to the bible we're all technically brothers. If you're not into the bible but into evolution, than aren't we one big tribe separated at half past the dawn of time?
But instead we all seem to live in this mode of thinking...
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards (fill in the blank) and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards (fill in the blank).
You know I honestly don't understand this. Because when you break it down it goes like this...
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards homosexuals and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards homosexuals.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards blacks and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards blacks.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards Jews and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards Jews.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards men and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards men.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards Americans and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards Americans.
And it goes on and on.
Those that are ignorant, hateful and violent towards (fill in the blank) and those that are tolerant, accepting and loving towards (fill in the blank).
This is sadly the core of humanity.
The fact that we are not happy unless you are on one side or the other. You're either for or against whatever topic you wish champion or attack. We must be at war with someone or something.
Of course if you choose to not be either, you have no convictions or strength of character.
I guess what confuses me the most is who do you condemn or praise?
Do you condemn the guy who has his dog fight for profit or fun or do you condemn an organization that not only condones but has actually praised the fact that violence is used against their fellow man for the sake of the dog?
Do you condemn the Christian who with a fevered passion and religious zeal shoots at or blows up an abortion clinic or do you condemn the Muslim who with a fevered passion and religious zeal shoots at or blows up a building?
Do you praise the man who claims to be a speaker for injustice but he himself does the same intolerant things that he's preaching against?
Do you praise the man with religious convictions, who points us along the moral path when he himself is found at a motel 6 straying off that path himself?
There were two men who preached change. One through peace and conviction and the other took a more militant approach? But if my history serves me right...didn't they meet the same bitter end? Did they not both have their lives stolen by a man with a gun?
Or should we listen to the musician who never claimed to be a great man. Nor did he claim to be a good man. But he did try to better himself, those around him and the world by using his one great talent. He was a songwriter, and he wrote a great song explaining such a wonderful world...and all we had to do was imagine.
Sadly on this subject I gotta go with the musician.
I prefer to imagine the better world.
You see I know that if enough people start to imagine a better world, there are some people who will go beyond imagining and go into creating a better world.
Who knows maybe...just maybe your kids, kids, kids, kids will have a chance at being a better people living in a better world. Because for a better world to exist, we need better people to run it and better people to live in it.
Currently listening:Horse of a Different ColorBy Big & Rich
Mar 7, 2008
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM II
So yesterday we talked about male/performance enhancement, how to date safer/smarter, more sex partners/orgasms/pleasure and watches.
Heh heh heh...you know typing it like that it just seems so silly. I mean what does male performance have to do with anything? I mean why does it matter if he's a early finisher? I mean apparently it still felt good to him. I mean he was able to finish.
What?
Say that again..."watch" doesn't fit? I mean of course watch doesn't fit, I was just testing you to see if you were paying attention. Thank goodness you were, because if you weren't I would have sent you back to read the previous blog again. But since you were paying attention shall we continue...
So now according to the spammers they think I need a new car. Well I happen to like my car. It's the car that I actually learned how much fun driving is. It fit's my lard ass in just fine and I know how she handles. I also know that soon she will be mine with no strings attached.
Stupid loan people.
Oh yeah...why do the spammers want me to get credit cards? I don't want credit cards. I'm an irresponsible man when it comes to credit cards. This I know. This my wife knows. So why is it that the credit card spammers keep trying to lead me down the dark path...again. I mean you don't have to lead me, I'll walk it myself. That's not an issue. I just wish they weren't so pushy. I'll walk that road to ruin in my pace, no need to push and/or shove. I'm waxing up the rocket sled that will take me to ruin as we speak.
Now here's another one.
Why do I need cash in 24 hours. I mean if I needed cash wouldn't I just go to the ATM? I mean that's just silly to wait 24 hours for money when I can go to an ATM and get cash in like 15 minutes. There's no need to fall for that one my friends.
You see...along with writing a blog, I'm also serving the public with useful information. Now why do I supply this service free of charge? Because that's just the way I roll.
Now these last two spam offers confused me the most. You see the first was one for the hottest ring tones. You know I was sitting at a Denny's with my wife the other day, and I asked her if she remembered the days when ringing phones sounded like phones? I mean sure they were a little bit annoying but it sure as Hades doesn't need thermal underwear, you were never confused by the rings.
I find it so confusing why a phone would ring with "Cold Hard Bitch" by Jet and the man responds with "Hi Darling."
Or one of my favorites "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks and the owner of the phone went, "Hey sis, whassup?"
I've also heard "I want a lover who won't drive me crazy,"(No honey, I'm leaving the office right now...I should be there in about 20 minutes) and "I'm all lit up again," (DUUUUUDE, yeah we are so going out, but dude you gotta get us hooked up.)
So why would I look at my emails for the hottest ring tones, if all they do is give away who is calling and why?
You never see that on the TV commercials. On the TV commercials not only do you get the hottest ring tones, but you get the coolest games and screen savers. Now I'll be honest it's the screen savers that's the selling point for me. I mean where else will you get a puppy licking your little phone screen if not from the people who offer the hottest ring tones/games/screen savers. Just saying.
Now this one is more of an annoyance.
I mean it is March on the planet Earth right? I'm not on warp speed and missed the winter did I? It is winter where you all are, right? I know there might not be any snow, but that doesn't change the fact that according to the calendar in the northern hemisphere that the seasons are pretty much running on track as they have for hundreds of years correct?
Than why am I being sent information asking me if I'm paying too much on my winter auto insurance? Wouldn't that information have been of more use back...umm..in..say October or November. I swear sometimes I think that the spammers are robots or programs that don't do any thinking for themselves.
They all seem to use the same opening message and I know I'm no marketing agent nor am I in advertising, but isn't the whole key to getting someone to look and want your product by making it unique? But when all you spamming people send out the same message in the subject line, well people will tend to ignore you. But that's just my two cents worth.
Heh heh heh...you know typing it like that it just seems so silly. I mean what does male performance have to do with anything? I mean why does it matter if he's a early finisher? I mean apparently it still felt good to him. I mean he was able to finish.
What?
Say that again..."watch" doesn't fit? I mean of course watch doesn't fit, I was just testing you to see if you were paying attention. Thank goodness you were, because if you weren't I would have sent you back to read the previous blog again. But since you were paying attention shall we continue...
So now according to the spammers they think I need a new car. Well I happen to like my car. It's the car that I actually learned how much fun driving is. It fit's my lard ass in just fine and I know how she handles. I also know that soon she will be mine with no strings attached.
Stupid loan people.
Oh yeah...why do the spammers want me to get credit cards? I don't want credit cards. I'm an irresponsible man when it comes to credit cards. This I know. This my wife knows. So why is it that the credit card spammers keep trying to lead me down the dark path...again. I mean you don't have to lead me, I'll walk it myself. That's not an issue. I just wish they weren't so pushy. I'll walk that road to ruin in my pace, no need to push and/or shove. I'm waxing up the rocket sled that will take me to ruin as we speak.
Now here's another one.
Why do I need cash in 24 hours. I mean if I needed cash wouldn't I just go to the ATM? I mean that's just silly to wait 24 hours for money when I can go to an ATM and get cash in like 15 minutes. There's no need to fall for that one my friends.
You see...along with writing a blog, I'm also serving the public with useful information. Now why do I supply this service free of charge? Because that's just the way I roll.
Now these last two spam offers confused me the most. You see the first was one for the hottest ring tones. You know I was sitting at a Denny's with my wife the other day, and I asked her if she remembered the days when ringing phones sounded like phones? I mean sure they were a little bit annoying but it sure as Hades doesn't need thermal underwear, you were never confused by the rings.
I find it so confusing why a phone would ring with "Cold Hard Bitch" by Jet and the man responds with "Hi Darling."
Or one of my favorites "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks and the owner of the phone went, "Hey sis, whassup?"
I've also heard "I want a lover who won't drive me crazy,"(No honey, I'm leaving the office right now...I should be there in about 20 minutes) and "I'm all lit up again," (DUUUUUDE, yeah we are so going out, but dude you gotta get us hooked up.)
So why would I look at my emails for the hottest ring tones, if all they do is give away who is calling and why?
You never see that on the TV commercials. On the TV commercials not only do you get the hottest ring tones, but you get the coolest games and screen savers. Now I'll be honest it's the screen savers that's the selling point for me. I mean where else will you get a puppy licking your little phone screen if not from the people who offer the hottest ring tones/games/screen savers. Just saying.
Now this one is more of an annoyance.
I mean it is March on the planet Earth right? I'm not on warp speed and missed the winter did I? It is winter where you all are, right? I know there might not be any snow, but that doesn't change the fact that according to the calendar in the northern hemisphere that the seasons are pretty much running on track as they have for hundreds of years correct?
Than why am I being sent information asking me if I'm paying too much on my winter auto insurance? Wouldn't that information have been of more use back...umm..in..say October or November. I swear sometimes I think that the spammers are robots or programs that don't do any thinking for themselves.
They all seem to use the same opening message and I know I'm no marketing agent nor am I in advertising, but isn't the whole key to getting someone to look and want your product by making it unique? But when all you spamming people send out the same message in the subject line, well people will tend to ignore you. But that's just my two cents worth.
Mar 6, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
Grief is a story that has no beginning, middle or end. Grief, like fiction, is always in the present tense as soon as you open the book.
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
Today I remembered to check my G-mail account. I try to check it daily but sadly I only get around to it bi-weekly. So yeah, I get a Hoover Spam-load worth of crap to sift through. Which normally just kind of annoys me.
Well boys and girls, not today. Nope, today I decided to actually look at my spam, and to be very honest my almost fragile male spirit was almost crushed. I know that the spammers are obviously talking to my Ex's and conspiring against me!!!
Why you ask...let me tell you.
Well only my Ex's would know that I need male enhancement and performance improvement. But you know I really would appreciate if you didn't sell that information to the spammers. It's a little bit embarrassing opening up my emails and since I'm sitting here in the PJ's that God gave me, and there in bold letters...it says make it bigger and it needs to be better. Do you know how disheartening it is when your "little buddy" can read and reads things like this. It's another trip to the therapist and right now is not a good time for more therapy. You know?
Also I know some people are not happy unless you are unhappy and for crying out loud, I don't need to date safer or date smarter. First of all the Wife named Season did a preemptive strike on this option on our wedding day. She went into great detail about what would be the consequences. It involves a lot of pain, suffering, followed by death and then her collecting insurance money and living high on the hog. Ironically the first three results don't bother me that much, but the fact that she can live better off without me...THAT'S JUST UNACCEPTABLE! So please stop telling the spam people that I need more information on dating.
I sure as hell don't need more sex partners. I don't know, I mean I know most guys and some gals are out there asking "Why not Jose? Why don't you want more sex partners?" Let me tell you why. I can barely keep one partner happy as it is and now you want me to spread that fact around to other people too?
NOPE!!! I don't think so, SIR. Besides didn't you read the paragraph above about the pain, suffering, followed by death and then her collecting insurance money and living high on the hog. And how that is unacceptable? Just double checking.
More orgasms...
OK this one I could do with, I mean who doesn't want more orgasms?
More pleasure? They offer something that offers more pleasure?
Umm, doesn't it pretty much feel the same for everyone? Doesn't it all come down to wetness, squishiness, insertion, resulting in more wetness and a trip to the bathroom? (And just in case you failed to notice I left this very vague so it would pertain to all lifestyles. Do you see how PC friendly I'm becoming. But...on a side note what does Personal Computers have with being accepting and tolerant of others whether you agree or understand them. Shouldn't we accept them like that anyway? I'm just asking.)
Now these next few spam emails I don't understand. Why do I need to know how to spot a Rolex or even a fake Rolex? I don't wear a watch.
I haven't worn a watch seriously since I had my Snoopy watch back between grades 3 through 5.
Albeit that was one of the coolest watches ever. It had Snoopy sitting on the Sopwith Camel in the center with 3 different clouds and a Red Baron circling him.
The coolest watch in history was then stolen sometime in 5th grade from my desk. The band had broken, so I put it in my desk for safe keeping. Since it was stolen from a fifth graders desk while he was attending a Catholic School, that better guarantee some hellfire, brimstone and some personal attention from Satan himself to the culprit!
Am I bitter still after all these years??? OH HELL TO THE YEAH I AM!!! So no I don't need any watches thank you very much. And thank you for bringing that memory back. I guess me an little buddy are going to be siting next to each other in therapy thanks to this.
WOW!!! This is actually turning out to be longer than originally intended. So that will be all for today. I'll end it here and continue this tomorrow.
Well boys and girls, not today. Nope, today I decided to actually look at my spam, and to be very honest my almost fragile male spirit was almost crushed. I know that the spammers are obviously talking to my Ex's and conspiring against me!!!
Why you ask...let me tell you.
Well only my Ex's would know that I need male enhancement and performance improvement. But you know I really would appreciate if you didn't sell that information to the spammers. It's a little bit embarrassing opening up my emails and since I'm sitting here in the PJ's that God gave me, and there in bold letters...it says make it bigger and it needs to be better. Do you know how disheartening it is when your "little buddy" can read and reads things like this. It's another trip to the therapist and right now is not a good time for more therapy. You know?
Also I know some people are not happy unless you are unhappy and for crying out loud, I don't need to date safer or date smarter. First of all the Wife named Season did a preemptive strike on this option on our wedding day. She went into great detail about what would be the consequences. It involves a lot of pain, suffering, followed by death and then her collecting insurance money and living high on the hog. Ironically the first three results don't bother me that much, but the fact that she can live better off without me...THAT'S JUST UNACCEPTABLE! So please stop telling the spam people that I need more information on dating.
I sure as hell don't need more sex partners. I don't know, I mean I know most guys and some gals are out there asking "Why not Jose? Why don't you want more sex partners?" Let me tell you why. I can barely keep one partner happy as it is and now you want me to spread that fact around to other people too?
NOPE!!! I don't think so, SIR. Besides didn't you read the paragraph above about the pain, suffering, followed by death and then her collecting insurance money and living high on the hog. And how that is unacceptable? Just double checking.
More orgasms...
OK this one I could do with, I mean who doesn't want more orgasms?
More pleasure? They offer something that offers more pleasure?
Umm, doesn't it pretty much feel the same for everyone? Doesn't it all come down to wetness, squishiness, insertion, resulting in more wetness and a trip to the bathroom? (And just in case you failed to notice I left this very vague so it would pertain to all lifestyles. Do you see how PC friendly I'm becoming. But...on a side note what does Personal Computers have with being accepting and tolerant of others whether you agree or understand them. Shouldn't we accept them like that anyway? I'm just asking.)
Now these next few spam emails I don't understand. Why do I need to know how to spot a Rolex or even a fake Rolex? I don't wear a watch.
I haven't worn a watch seriously since I had my Snoopy watch back between grades 3 through 5.
Albeit that was one of the coolest watches ever. It had Snoopy sitting on the Sopwith Camel in the center with 3 different clouds and a Red Baron circling him.
The coolest watch in history was then stolen sometime in 5th grade from my desk. The band had broken, so I put it in my desk for safe keeping. Since it was stolen from a fifth graders desk while he was attending a Catholic School, that better guarantee some hellfire, brimstone and some personal attention from Satan himself to the culprit!
Am I bitter still after all these years??? OH HELL TO THE YEAH I AM!!! So no I don't need any watches thank you very much. And thank you for bringing that memory back. I guess me an little buddy are going to be siting next to each other in therapy thanks to this.
WOW!!! This is actually turning out to be longer than originally intended. So that will be all for today. I'll end it here and continue this tomorrow.
Mar 4, 2008
MY OWN PRISON
Since I started this whole music searching thing, it seems to have encompassed most of my meager existence.
Between starting my journey listening to all our CD's and cassettes (yup I still own a whole lot of 'em too).
I've begun to look at websites that list bands that I have and still listen too like Sleaze Roxx, new stuff I have never listened to before like 4:A.M. which is located on Warren Ellis' web kingdom, and down loading Ghosts I (from Ghosts I-IV) available HERE FOR FREE.
It seems sad that I am taking a break from music by blogging.
But it's cool. I am prepared. I have my Kool-aid ala John from the Real World 2, I got tunes rocking in the background, and I just finished a couple of onion bagels for strength.
WOW, that made me sound like a moron. I'm just glad you can look around my room and finally not notice how much mouth breathers, spazzes and I have in common.
That was sarcasm.
I'm drinking my Kool-Aid out of a Wonder Woman glass I got at Six Flags Great America many years ago, my mouse pad is the "Cockpit view" of an R-wing fighter from the Star Wars Rebel Assault game and I have The Flash super glued to my monitor.
So let's change the subject from my lack of productive life to why I'm on here. Well there really is no reason I am on here other than, I just can't sleep. Well that and the music thing, but the music thing is a choice, where insomnia is NOT.
Well I guess that's all for right now.
Mar 3, 2008
WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW...
My wife gifted me an MP3 player. I decided that my new/old piece of technology needed some "street cred." Thus my "MP3 playa" was filled and I have been one very happy boy.
It's an older model, so it's memory isn't monstrous. Which means my music choices are a tad bit limited.
Since Wednesday, when she presented me an ability to ignore the world and to literally march to the beat of a different drummer, I had a play list that I was very happy with.
WAS being the key word.
Last night when I was cleaning out my "well" I heard a very cool song.
On Saturday I picked up two of Andrew W.K.'s cd's. VERY VERY cool stuff. One of the songs "Into the Clear" struck a chord with me, and I had it playing in my head all day.
I decided that this brand new musical gem (to me that is) would have to go in my "MP3 playa." But after I added it to my array of music and decided to give it an audio gander (that's my very dorky way of saying "a listen to.").
Suddenly...the songs didn't work.
By adding this one song I've had to rethink the entire play list.
After three hours of screwing with this, I gave up for now. I thought maybe I just need to find a set of songs that blend.
I know I can't trust the radio (I mean not like it ripped me off, or stole my girl, but once in a while I'd like to hear an entire day of cool brand new music that was just released. I don't just mean the "single" but the whole album...you know?).
I went with option number two. I started listening to our CD's. Yup over 400 different cd's trying to find the missing pieces
As I'm writing this I'm on CD 6.
All of this because a song that resonated with me, caused a chain reaction with "MP3 playa's" play list.
The worst part is that I just happened to notice the candles I had lit just went out. I started looking for the next set of "antique light bulbs" that I look over and noticed my audio cassette collection.
CRAP.
I forgot that I still have some Cassette's to upgrade to CD's. Well I guess life could be worse. I mean the at least the vinyl albums I own already have CD counterparts.
All this happened because I really really really liked a song, and wanted to put it in "MP3 playa."
You know what folks...I think I need a hobby...badly.
It's an older model, so it's memory isn't monstrous. Which means my music choices are a tad bit limited.
Since Wednesday, when she presented me an ability to ignore the world and to literally march to the beat of a different drummer, I had a play list that I was very happy with.
WAS being the key word.
Last night when I was cleaning out my "well" I heard a very cool song.
On Saturday I picked up two of Andrew W.K.'s cd's. VERY VERY cool stuff. One of the songs "Into the Clear" struck a chord with me, and I had it playing in my head all day.
I decided that this brand new musical gem (to me that is) would have to go in my "MP3 playa." But after I added it to my array of music and decided to give it an audio gander (that's my very dorky way of saying "a listen to.").
Suddenly...the songs didn't work.
By adding this one song I've had to rethink the entire play list.
After three hours of screwing with this, I gave up for now. I thought maybe I just need to find a set of songs that blend.
I know I can't trust the radio (I mean not like it ripped me off, or stole my girl, but once in a while I'd like to hear an entire day of cool brand new music that was just released. I don't just mean the "single" but the whole album...you know?).
I went with option number two. I started listening to our CD's. Yup over 400 different cd's trying to find the missing pieces
As I'm writing this I'm on CD 6.
All of this because a song that resonated with me, caused a chain reaction with "MP3 playa's" play list.
The worst part is that I just happened to notice the candles I had lit just went out. I started looking for the next set of "antique light bulbs" that I look over and noticed my audio cassette collection.
CRAP.
I forgot that I still have some Cassette's to upgrade to CD's. Well I guess life could be worse. I mean the at least the vinyl albums I own already have CD counterparts.
All this happened because I really really really liked a song, and wanted to put it in "MP3 playa."
You know what folks...I think I need a hobby...badly.
TWITTER THOUGHTS
I Won't Give Up! I Won't Give In! I Won't Give Out Or Fall Apart! This Is The Mountain I Must Climb! This Is My Time!
Mar 2, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
When you’ve lost it all. That’s when you finally realize. Life is beautiful.
By Jose aka J2 at 3/02/2008 04:28:00 AM
By Jose aka J2 at 3/02/2008 04:28:00 AM
CLEARING OUT SOME SPACE
Well I've started writing or commenting or reviewing all kinds of stuff. I figure since I'm sitting here at pornado central, I might as well keep my fingers and brain working.
So some of the next few articles are just one or two lines that struck a nerve. Some are reviews of movies and are written as if you can decide to watch them at that moment. Some are comments that I have left...and after reading them, realizing that it's actually a pretty good start on something, but than I no longer have the righteous anger fueled rant, that was in my head at the moment I started that, so in the end all I get is a very cool paragraph.
OK I'll stop wasting your time...
REVIEW OF "JUSTICE LEAGUE - NEW FRONTIERS"
This is a movie for comic book fans. Sadly it really isn't for those who have enjoyed the Justice League cartoon on Cartoon Network, or the Super Friends from days of old. It is for fans who enjoy a bit of nostalgia and elements of "what if this happened" and who are knowledgeable of the DC comic book universe. This movie runs along the same vein as Batman:Mask of the Phantasm with the dark and gritty overtones. Sadly, it isn't a stand alone movie. Without some foreknowledge and history of the main characters, you will get lost in the storyline and some of the "inside" elements won't have the same impact as they would for someone with foreknowledge and history of the main characters. I really hope this will help some of you if you decide to watch it.
A REVIEW OF "TMNT"
JUST PLAIN FUN That's what the TMNT was all about. Just plain fun. This movie is that. It's just plain fun. Sure the story could be better. But is there anything out there you can't say that about? I guess when it comes to being a TMNT fan, I've never taken them any more seriously than I was supposed to, so I have yet to be disappointed by anything TMNT. But back to this move..well..I guess..YUP, this movie is just plain fun.
IN RESPONSE TO A BLOG ON PETA
How can you expect people to treat animals ethically when we as a race can't treat each other ethically? We as a race are cruel and savage hunters who make better weapons to destroy and kill. We are the most technically advanced savages in existence today. And we're not getting any wiser or kinder. So if you want to start somewhere start teaching tolerance on a global scale, and after that we might have a cruelty to animal free world.
A REVIEW OF SUPERMAN/DOOMSDAY
Of all the Superman story lines I read during my fanatical comic book collecting days, this one was by far my most favorite. So when I found out that they were doing a movie of it I was stoked. That is until I saw it, I was disappointed. Maybe I expected to much. Maybe I just hoped it would be more than it was. Either way I was still disappointed. They rushed what would equal three story line that took over a year in the comics into just over an hour on video. Now had they spent an hour on each part of the story maybe I would have been a little happier. I have since watched it again. Although I still find it lacking. It's like they forget that if you're going to kill a character, even temporarily, you have to spend a little time making it mean something. You have to have spend time with the people who are affected by it. With some more time they could have done this, and then there would have been more perennial moments. But as a Superman "fix" or if you need a dose of Superman it would do in a pinch.
A REVIEW OF "MEET THE SPARTANS"
I went into this thinking the same thing I do whenever I check out a parody film. I go in expecting that the funniest parts of the movie were in the trailers. This movie, well I was actually surprised by this movie. It was a lot funnier than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it will never win an award of any kind, nor will it ever be a classic. What it will be and thankfully is, simply a dumb parody movie with some funny moments, some gross moments and few surprises. And let's be honest..sometimes it's OK to expect nothing from a movie and still be entertained by it. Especially a movie whose only purpose is to entertain you at the bathroom level humor.
Well my "well" for the week is officially dry. SO now that I've purged everything, I am walking away from pornado central for the day. I hope you all have a good day.
So some of the next few articles are just one or two lines that struck a nerve. Some are reviews of movies and are written as if you can decide to watch them at that moment. Some are comments that I have left...and after reading them, realizing that it's actually a pretty good start on something, but than I no longer have the righteous anger fueled rant, that was in my head at the moment I started that, so in the end all I get is a very cool paragraph.
OK I'll stop wasting your time...
REVIEW OF "JUSTICE LEAGUE - NEW FRONTIERS"
This is a movie for comic book fans. Sadly it really isn't for those who have enjoyed the Justice League cartoon on Cartoon Network, or the Super Friends from days of old. It is for fans who enjoy a bit of nostalgia and elements of "what if this happened" and who are knowledgeable of the DC comic book universe. This movie runs along the same vein as Batman:Mask of the Phantasm with the dark and gritty overtones. Sadly, it isn't a stand alone movie. Without some foreknowledge and history of the main characters, you will get lost in the storyline and some of the "inside" elements won't have the same impact as they would for someone with foreknowledge and history of the main characters. I really hope this will help some of you if you decide to watch it.
A REVIEW OF "TMNT"
JUST PLAIN FUN That's what the TMNT was all about. Just plain fun. This movie is that. It's just plain fun. Sure the story could be better. But is there anything out there you can't say that about? I guess when it comes to being a TMNT fan, I've never taken them any more seriously than I was supposed to, so I have yet to be disappointed by anything TMNT. But back to this move..well..I guess..YUP, this movie is just plain fun.
IN RESPONSE TO A BLOG ON PETA
How can you expect people to treat animals ethically when we as a race can't treat each other ethically? We as a race are cruel and savage hunters who make better weapons to destroy and kill. We are the most technically advanced savages in existence today. And we're not getting any wiser or kinder. So if you want to start somewhere start teaching tolerance on a global scale, and after that we might have a cruelty to animal free world.
A REVIEW OF SUPERMAN/DOOMSDAY
Of all the Superman story lines I read during my fanatical comic book collecting days, this one was by far my most favorite. So when I found out that they were doing a movie of it I was stoked. That is until I saw it, I was disappointed. Maybe I expected to much. Maybe I just hoped it would be more than it was. Either way I was still disappointed. They rushed what would equal three story line that took over a year in the comics into just over an hour on video. Now had they spent an hour on each part of the story maybe I would have been a little happier. I have since watched it again. Although I still find it lacking. It's like they forget that if you're going to kill a character, even temporarily, you have to spend a little time making it mean something. You have to have spend time with the people who are affected by it. With some more time they could have done this, and then there would have been more perennial moments. But as a Superman "fix" or if you need a dose of Superman it would do in a pinch.
A REVIEW OF "MEET THE SPARTANS"
I went into this thinking the same thing I do whenever I check out a parody film. I go in expecting that the funniest parts of the movie were in the trailers. This movie, well I was actually surprised by this movie. It was a lot funnier than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it will never win an award of any kind, nor will it ever be a classic. What it will be and thankfully is, simply a dumb parody movie with some funny moments, some gross moments and few surprises. And let's be honest..sometimes it's OK to expect nothing from a movie and still be entertained by it. Especially a movie whose only purpose is to entertain you at the bathroom level humor.
Well my "well" for the week is officially dry. SO now that I've purged everything, I am walking away from pornado central for the day. I hope you all have a good day.
Mar 1, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
horrified the answer may be beyond the capabilities of my own two hands so small (no one should feel this alone)
SLEEPING ON THE COUCH IN JUST A FEW EASY STEPS
On this day of running errands, doing grocery shopping and getting dinner, I have come to this conclusion. If there's a way to end up sleeping on the couch, I'll find it.
On our way to Denny's for dinner we had a discussion on her colorful descriptives for the male genitalia for example...
When one of the cats is feeling rambunctious and the other one is not she will intervene (yes, she intervenes because they both happen to be male...and since cats can't give consent...) and will usually make one of these 2 statement, "Put Petey away," (when only slightly annoyed), and "Sheath it back up Mister, RIGHT NOW" (when she's had to pull one off the other more than twice and IS greatly irritated).
When she's being silly she usually refers to it as a winkie (now this is spelled to her precise specifications) which she says than giggles like a catholic school girl. Now personally I don't know whether to laugh along or to be insulted. You know what I mean?
Of course when she's feeling rambunctious she refers to it as a...let'as just say rooster. NO, not because it's up at dawn,(even though it usually it is) but the four letter word that means rooster. Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm trying to keep the language a little more appropriate for those who are easily offended. Believe me, it could happen at any moment that I refer back to my sailor-esque language but for right now this is funnier.
Now, when she's feeling violent, well in those times she doesn't get vulgar. Instead she calls it Jimmy, as in "KICK HIM IN THE JIMMY!!!" or "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT??? HE DESERVED TO GET KICKED IN THE JIMMY!!!" If there is trauma of any kind, that happens to include the male nether regions, it is forever referred as Jimmy.
At Denny's the waitress Amanda asked us what we wanted to drink, I asked for my usual diet coke and Season asked for her usual coffee.
When Amanda came back she asked my wife if she cared for cream, her response was "Yes please. I'm a creamaholic." -dramatic pause- looked at me and said "You shut up right now." (Being who I am, I know that at some point today I'll say something that will deny me access to the "Hole-y Land". Yes boys and girls this would be the moment.)
My response to her statement was very simply..."Whatever Jenna."
The immediate reaction to this was me getting kicked under the table.
Amanda looked at me and asked "Jenna Jameson? The porn star?"
Which caused me to get kicked under the table...again.
After dinner, Season was looking at the dessert menu and couldn't find the pie. She asked me to help her find the pie, and then get a little upset with me.
I asked her why was she looking for pie and why did she want me to help? I mean wasn't the winkie enough for her Luckily I protected the seat I was sitting on from the flurry of kicks that came from under the table with my leg, so that there would be no property damage...again.
Now she's asleep in the bedroom and I'm sitting here eating a Hot Pocket, writing on my blog and watching Meet the Spartans.
On our way to Denny's for dinner we had a discussion on her colorful descriptives for the male genitalia for example...
When one of the cats is feeling rambunctious and the other one is not she will intervene (yes, she intervenes because they both happen to be male...and since cats can't give consent...) and will usually make one of these 2 statement, "Put Petey away," (when only slightly annoyed), and "Sheath it back up Mister, RIGHT NOW" (when she's had to pull one off the other more than twice and IS greatly irritated).
When she's being silly she usually refers to it as a winkie (now this is spelled to her precise specifications) which she says than giggles like a catholic school girl. Now personally I don't know whether to laugh along or to be insulted. You know what I mean?
Of course when she's feeling rambunctious she refers to it as a...let'as just say rooster. NO, not because it's up at dawn,(even though it usually it is) but the four letter word that means rooster. Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm trying to keep the language a little more appropriate for those who are easily offended. Believe me, it could happen at any moment that I refer back to my sailor-esque language but for right now this is funnier.
Now, when she's feeling violent, well in those times she doesn't get vulgar. Instead she calls it Jimmy, as in "KICK HIM IN THE JIMMY!!!" or "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT??? HE DESERVED TO GET KICKED IN THE JIMMY!!!" If there is trauma of any kind, that happens to include the male nether regions, it is forever referred as Jimmy.
At Denny's the waitress Amanda asked us what we wanted to drink, I asked for my usual diet coke and Season asked for her usual coffee.
When Amanda came back she asked my wife if she cared for cream, her response was "Yes please. I'm a creamaholic." -dramatic pause- looked at me and said "You shut up right now." (Being who I am, I know that at some point today I'll say something that will deny me access to the "Hole-y Land". Yes boys and girls this would be the moment.)
My response to her statement was very simply..."Whatever Jenna."
The immediate reaction to this was me getting kicked under the table.
Amanda looked at me and asked "Jenna Jameson? The porn star?"
Which caused me to get kicked under the table...again.
After dinner, Season was looking at the dessert menu and couldn't find the pie. She asked me to help her find the pie, and then get a little upset with me.
I asked her why was she looking for pie and why did she want me to help? I mean wasn't the winkie enough for her Luckily I protected the seat I was sitting on from the flurry of kicks that came from under the table with my leg, so that there would be no property damage...again.
Now she's asleep in the bedroom and I'm sitting here eating a Hot Pocket, writing on my blog and watching Meet the Spartans.
Feb 29, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
I was not gentle, I was not kind. I'm afraid I've damaged them beyond repair. And that's the truth. I am afraid.
FEBRUARY 29, 2008
All kinds of facts, news bits, births and deaths that took place on this auspicious day...done to songs that were either a #1 song on the charts and/or most played. It's pretty cool stuff
Feb 28, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion I myself prefer to laugh since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
SO MUCH COOLER ONLINE...not
So I was listening to Brad Paisley this evening and lo and behold I had a blog entry form just like that.
"Online"
I work down at the pizza pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5'3 and overweight
I'm a Sci-Fi fanatic
Mild asthmatic
Never been to 2nd base
But there's a whole nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace
'cause online I'm down in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black belt in Karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online
I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I
Ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade.
Online I live in Malibu
I posed for Calvin Kline, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that'll blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
When you got my kinda stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
And I lose a bunch of weight every time I log in
Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
Obviously, I'm doing something wrong, because here I am...online, with a my space page yet I'm still as uncool and unhip as humanly possible.
I don't know, maybe my uber-geek tendencies comes forth in spades on my profile which keeps me from being in the freezer section of cool here in cyber-ville.
Who doesn't love a good comic book, video game or cartoon?
Just because I know who Gordon Shumway is that should not keep me from the hallowed halls of coolness university.
So what if I still have the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe opening from the cartoon memorized. This should not disqualify me from being part the gang from Cools-ville.
Or because the closest I get to exercise is watching the Claudia Schiffer workout tapes. Is this enough evidence to be judged and to be found lacking the coolness gene that would make me the envy of every kid in town?
I feel so left out.
I want to be iceberg lettuce cool too.
I want to be able to take a trip to Iceland, and have the natives look at me and say...
"WOW! We will have to change the name of our little country to Jose-Land, because Jose is way cooler than ice."
I want to be so cool that when I walk into the zoo, penguins, polar bears and all of the other arctic aminals look start following me home because I remind them of their motherlands.
I want to be so cool that I can single handedly go into the land of glaciers and snow and with just my presence, which reeks of awesome coolness, undo all the damage global warming has done.
After that Vanilla Ice will only want to be called Vanilla because he will have to give up the Ice part of his name, because compared to me he is no longer "Cool as Ice."
I'll have to call every weather man when ever I leave my house to let them know that a "COOL" front is on the move.
I want to be so cool that even cool people will have to pay me royalties for allowing them even a minute amount of coolness.
As a matter of fact I want to be so cool, that people start replacing the word cool with Jose.
Or maybe I just thought that was a really silly song...
until I remembered all that I have witnessed on here. I remembered a blog I read that mentioned about how fake people are on here
Wow, you mean there are people online that aren't truthful?!!!
Then the song took a whole different meaning. Now it's not as funny as it was when I first heard it.
"Online"
I work down at the pizza pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5'3 and overweight
I'm a Sci-Fi fanatic
Mild asthmatic
Never been to 2nd base
But there's a whole nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace
'cause online I'm down in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black belt in Karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online
I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I
Ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade.
Online I live in Malibu
I posed for Calvin Kline, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that'll blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious
'cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
When you got my kinda stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
And I lose a bunch of weight every time I log in
Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
Obviously, I'm doing something wrong, because here I am...online, with a my space page yet I'm still as uncool and unhip as humanly possible.
I don't know, maybe my uber-geek tendencies comes forth in spades on my profile which keeps me from being in the freezer section of cool here in cyber-ville.
Who doesn't love a good comic book, video game or cartoon?
Just because I know who Gordon Shumway is that should not keep me from the hallowed halls of coolness university.
So what if I still have the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe opening from the cartoon memorized. This should not disqualify me from being part the gang from Cools-ville.
Or because the closest I get to exercise is watching the Claudia Schiffer workout tapes. Is this enough evidence to be judged and to be found lacking the coolness gene that would make me the envy of every kid in town?
I feel so left out.
I want to be iceberg lettuce cool too.
I want to be able to take a trip to Iceland, and have the natives look at me and say...
"WOW! We will have to change the name of our little country to Jose-Land, because Jose is way cooler than ice."
I want to be so cool that when I walk into the zoo, penguins, polar bears and all of the other arctic aminals look start following me home because I remind them of their motherlands.
I want to be so cool that I can single handedly go into the land of glaciers and snow and with just my presence, which reeks of awesome coolness, undo all the damage global warming has done.
After that Vanilla Ice will only want to be called Vanilla because he will have to give up the Ice part of his name, because compared to me he is no longer "Cool as Ice."
I'll have to call every weather man when ever I leave my house to let them know that a "COOL" front is on the move.
I want to be so cool that even cool people will have to pay me royalties for allowing them even a minute amount of coolness.
As a matter of fact I want to be so cool, that people start replacing the word cool with Jose.
Or maybe I just thought that was a really silly song...
until I remembered all that I have witnessed on here. I remembered a blog I read that mentioned about how fake people are on here
Wow, you mean there are people online that aren't truthful?!!!
Then the song took a whole different meaning. Now it's not as funny as it was when I first heard it.
Feb 27, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
Hope is the thing with feathers. That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops, At all. - Emily Dickenson
A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the tread mill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda
took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!
Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the tread mill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda
took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!
OBSERVATIONS OF THE WORLD I LIVE IN
These are observations, thoughts and reactions to true events that happened today. These are some of the things Season and I saw/heard/dealt with. Some are funny, some sad and some just plain pitiful.
So without further ado...
The "special" employees at Goodwill, are far more knowledgeable and helpful than the non-special employees at Wal-mart. Which makes me wonder who has the higher hiring standards.
While sitting at our dinner table at one of the buffets in town, I noticed a few things...
So without further ado...
The "special" employees at Goodwill, are far more knowledgeable and helpful than the non-special employees at Wal-mart. Which makes me wonder who has the higher hiring standards.
While sitting at our dinner table at one of the buffets in town, I noticed a few things...
- There was a young lady of color who was wearing a pair of painted on jeans and heels. She also had an ace bandage wrapped around her knee...on the outside of her pants. She was able to walk just fine until there were people around. Then she walked with a limp that would make Kathy Bates from Misery proud.
- There was another young lady present who was wearing some sweat pants and had a knee high cast and crutches. And she limped less then the above mentioned girl who hobbled past her and rudely bumped into her, while up at the buffet line.
- If you are not 100% sure where the Amazon is...keep your mouth shut. Because, I am sorry to say this, if you are don't know where the Amazon Jungle is, go back to school. Of course it doesn't help your standings if you are already prego's when you ask "Isn't the Amazon in Africa?" and then are completely astonished when the answer is "No."
- Just because someone is of an ethnic background, one should not assume that they do not have a mastery of the English language. It will cause you some embarrassment. When the "dumb spic isn't moving fast enough" is standing in front of you turns around and says, "I would be offended by you, but sadly I pity you too much to be offended. Now your parents on the other hand...I'm offended by how cheap they are. Because you see Sir, wire coat hangers are not expensive at all." Sadly, this is one of those true events that happened to yours truly. The worst thing is, I don't think Einstein got my insult at all.
- Like an older sister...around six years old shares her ice cream with her 2ish year old brother, than walks over hands him something and says "That is a marshmallow. Eat it. You will like it." Then tell their mother "I'm teaching him important stuff."
- When an older couple, as in those that have been married longer than dirt has been around, are still holding hands. Together they walk to the buffet line and the husband fills up his plate and they walk it back to their table. Then they grab a plate for her, fills that one up and walk it back to their table. Where they both sit down to eat together. Which will also go down as one of the greatest moments I was witness to.
- OK, my wife didn't see this because she never notices the positive things about herself, but I digress. I am able to look at my wife and fall in love with her, all over again, everyday.
- I saw a teenager hold the door for someone, without being asked, without any attitude and without being thanked. The teen didn't do or say anything negative. As he sat down at the table behind me, his buds asked him "What the hell that was all about?" and the teen said "Someday that might be me, and it would be tight if some jobber did that fo me." And that my friends is cool.
Feb 26, 2008
THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
Since your truly is under the weather, and has been fighting the same damn illness for over a month...I have decided to make myself feel better. NOT that way...perverts. But instead by talking about things that make me happy. I am going for a happy feeling kind of blog entry. So without further ado...
I'm just sitting here waiting for my fever to break...again,so these are going to be in no particular order. Some will be kind of self explanatory, and some will have reasons. But mostly it's just me waiting for the "Fever flash" to go away.
An ice cold beer
on a hot summer night/JD and lemonade 
on a hot summer afternoon.
A movie I am ACTUALLY excited to see finally hits the big screen.
Instead of driving to the theaters and realizing there's nothing worth watching/paying $20 to see.
Being in the mood for a donut
and the gas station/Krispy Kremes/grocery store are putting out the brand new and fresh donuts for the day.
Going to sleep and not getting the cold and/or wet spot.
When that song that's stuck in my head finally goes away.
When you're in the mood for a particular song AND it actually gets played on the radio.
NOT seeing "first", "second", "fifth" or any number in the comment sections of the blogs I read.
You're only first because the blog owner hasn't deleted you.
Getting a close parking stall when you go shopping.
Putting on fresh from the dryer underpants on a cold winter day.
This also includes socks, sweatshirts/pants and cargo pants. I am learning this late in my life...I am not that big of a fan of the common blue jean.
Going on youtube and finding anything from my past that just makes me go...DAAAAMN!!!
I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!!
Finding a cowboy hat that not only fits me but looks good on me too. (Which I am wearing right now...WOO HOO)
On Wednesday morning, logging onto pogo, and the badges games are ones I actually want to play.
When I find that CD (I've been looking for) at Goodwill for $1.98 and it's NOT scratched at all.
And that's it for today...or at least right now.
I'm just sitting here waiting for my fever to break...again,so these are going to be in no particular order. Some will be kind of self explanatory, and some will have reasons. But mostly it's just me waiting for the "Fever flash" to go away.
An ice cold beer
on a hot summer night/JD and lemonade on a hot summer afternoon.A movie I am ACTUALLY excited to see finally hits the big screen.
Instead of driving to the theaters and realizing there's nothing worth watching/paying $20 to see.Being in the mood for a donut
and the gas station/Krispy Kremes/grocery store are putting out the brand new and fresh donuts for the day.Going to sleep and not getting the cold and/or wet spot.
When that song that's stuck in my head finally goes away.
When you're in the mood for a particular song AND it actually gets played on the radio.
NOT seeing "first", "second", "fifth" or any number in the comment sections of the blogs I read.
You're only first because the blog owner hasn't deleted you.Getting a close parking stall when you go shopping.
Putting on fresh from the dryer underpants on a cold winter day.
This also includes socks, sweatshirts/pants and cargo pants. I am learning this late in my life...I am not that big of a fan of the common blue jean.Going on youtube and finding anything from my past that just makes me go...DAAAAMN!!!
I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!!
Finding a cowboy hat that not only fits me but looks good on me too. (Which I am wearing right now...WOO HOO)
On Wednesday morning, logging onto pogo, and the badges games are ones I actually want to play.
When I find that CD (I've been looking for) at Goodwill for $1.98 and it's NOT scratched at all.
And that's it for today...or at least right now.
Feb 25, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
Feb 22, 2008
BUGS
Currently fighting one...and I think I'm losing...i guess I'll be back when I feel a wee bit better
Feb 21, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
I don't think the world is stupid, but if you can't make correct change without using a machine, I believe you to be to stupid for the world
TWITTER THOUGHTS
Remember, it is not for any of us to discount the level of importance that others see in us.
126 Life Experiences I've Had
Level one
( ) I have had an asthma attack
(X) Smoked A Cigarette
(X) Smoked A Cigar
(X) Been drunk
(X) Been In Love or still in love
(X) Been Dumped
( ) Been Fired
(X) Been In A Fist Fight
(X) Snuck Out Of A Parent's House
Total so far: 7
Level two
(X) Had Feelings For Someone Who Didn't Have Them Back
(X) Been Arrested or Seen Someone You Know Get Arrested
(X) Made Out With A Stranger
(X) Gone Out On A Blind Date
(X) Had Crush On someone older than you
(X) Skipped School
(X) Slept With A Co-worker/ team mate
(X) Seen Someone / Something Die
Total so far: 15
Level three
(X) Been On A Plane
(X) Thrown Up From Drinking
(X) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding/Skiing
(X) Been Moshing
(X) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Loved or Lost Someone Who You Can't Have
(X) Been in a bad relationship
Total so far: 22
Level four
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(X) Made A Snow Angel
( ) Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
(X) Gone Puddle Jumping
(X) Played Dress Up
(X) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(X) Gone Sledding
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game
Total so far: 31
Level five
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
(X) Used A Fake / Someone Else's ID
(X) Watched The sun set/ sun rise
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Kissed A Snake
(X) Been Tickled
(X) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(X) Robbed Someone
(X) Been Misunderstood...
Total so far: 39
Level six
( ) Pet A Deer
(X) Won A Contest
(X) Been Suspended
(X) Had Detention
(X) Been In A Car/ Motorcycle Accident
( ) Had / Have Braces
(X) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) Had deja vu
(X) Danced in the moonlight
(X) Hated The Way You Look
Total so far: 47
Level seven
(X) Questioned Your Heart
(X) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
(X) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
( ) Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep
Total so far: 53
Level eight
(X) Played Cops And Robbers
(X) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(X) Made Prank Phone Calls
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(X) Kissed In The Rain
(X) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Been Kissed Under the Mistletoe
Total: 62
Level nine
(X) Watched The Sun Set With Someone You Care / Cared About
(X) Blown Bubbles
(X) Made A Bonfire
(X) Crashed A Party
(X) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(X) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey
( ) Worn Pearls
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge
Total: 70
Level ten
( ) Swam With Dolphins
(X) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/ Freezer/Ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(X) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(X) Sat On A Roof Top
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(X) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(X) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) Stayed Up All Night
Total: 77
Level eleven
(X) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(X) Had / Been In A Tree House
(X) Have been/Are scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
(X) Seen/heard a Ghost
( ) Have/had More Than 30 Pairs Of Shoes or Flip Flops
(X) Gone streaking
(X) Been to/Visited Someone At Jail
(X) Played Chicken
(X) Been pushed into a pool with your clothes on
Total: 86
Level twelve
(X) Broken a bone
(X) Been Easily Amused
(x) Caught A Fish
(X) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(X) Cried So Hard You Laughed
(X) Mooned / Flashed Someone
(X) Had someone Moon / Flash You
Total: 94
Level thirteen
(X) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone's Name
(X) French braided someones hair
(X) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(X) Rode A Roller Coaster
(X) Went Scuba-Diving / Snorkeling
(X)Had A Cavity
Total: 102
Level fourteen
(X) Been Used
(X) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(X) Licked A Cat
(X) Bitten Someone
(X) Licked Someone
(X) Been shot at
(X) Flattened someone's tires
(X) Drove/rode in a car until the gas light came on
(X) Had five dollars or less and bought something
total: 115
( ) I have had an asthma attack
(X) Smoked A Cigarette
(X) Smoked A Cigar
(X) Been drunk
(X) Been In Love or still in love
(X) Been Dumped
( ) Been Fired
(X) Been In A Fist Fight
(X) Snuck Out Of A Parent's House
Total so far: 7
Level two
(X) Had Feelings For Someone Who Didn't Have Them Back
(X) Been Arrested or Seen Someone You Know Get Arrested
(X) Made Out With A Stranger
(X) Gone Out On A Blind Date
(X) Had Crush On someone older than you
(X) Skipped School
(X) Slept With A Co-worker/ team mate
(X) Seen Someone / Something Die
Total so far: 15
Level three
(X) Been On A Plane
(X) Thrown Up From Drinking
(X) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding/Skiing
(X) Been Moshing
(X) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Loved or Lost Someone Who You Can't Have
(X) Been in a bad relationship
Total so far: 22
Level four
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(X) Made A Snow Angel
( ) Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
(X) Gone Puddle Jumping
(X) Played Dress Up
(X) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(X) Gone Sledding
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game
Total so far: 31
Level five
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School
(X) Used A Fake / Someone Else's ID
(X) Watched The sun set/ sun rise
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Kissed A Snake
(X) Been Tickled
(X) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(X) Robbed Someone
(X) Been Misunderstood...
Total so far: 39
Level six
( ) Pet A Deer
(X) Won A Contest
(X) Been Suspended
(X) Had Detention
(X) Been In A Car/ Motorcycle Accident
( ) Had / Have Braces
(X) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) Had deja vu
(X) Danced in the moonlight
(X) Hated The Way You Look
Total so far: 47
Level seven
(X) Questioned Your Heart
(X) Been obsessed with post-it-notes
(X) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
( ) Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep
Total so far: 53
Level eight
(X) Played Cops And Robbers
(X) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(X) Made Prank Phone Calls
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(X) Kissed In The Rain
(X) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Been Kissed Under the Mistletoe
Total: 62
Level nine
(X) Watched The Sun Set With Someone You Care / Cared About
(X) Blown Bubbles
(X) Made A Bonfire
(X) Crashed A Party
(X) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(X) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey
( ) Worn Pearls
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge
Total: 70
Level ten
( ) Swam With Dolphins
(X) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/ Freezer/Ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(X) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(X) Sat On A Roof Top
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(X) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(X) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) Stayed Up All Night
Total: 77
Level eleven
(X) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(X) Had / Been In A Tree House
(X) Have been/Are scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
(X) Seen/heard a Ghost
( ) Have/had More Than 30 Pairs Of Shoes or Flip Flops
(X) Gone streaking
(X) Been to/Visited Someone At Jail
(X) Played Chicken
(X) Been pushed into a pool with your clothes on
Total: 86
Level twelve
(X) Broken a bone
(X) Been Easily Amused
(x) Caught A Fish
(X) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(X) Cried So Hard You Laughed
(X) Mooned / Flashed Someone
(X) Had someone Moon / Flash You
Total: 94
Level thirteen
(X) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone's Name
(X) French braided someones hair
(X) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(X) Rode A Roller Coaster
(X) Went Scuba-Diving / Snorkeling
(X)Had A Cavity
Total: 102
Level fourteen
(X) Been Used
(X) Fell Going Up The Stairs
(X) Licked A Cat
(X) Bitten Someone
(X) Licked Someone
(X) Been shot at
(X) Flattened someone's tires
(X) Drove/rode in a car until the gas light came on
(X) Had five dollars or less and bought something
total: 115
Feb 20, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
I am not confused or baffled by homosexuality, but I am confused and baffled by people who are confused and baffled by homosexuality.
Feb 19, 2008
VALENTINE'S DAY ,sure it's late, but it's worth it.
OK. I get it.
Some of you don't like Valentine's Day.
I understand.
What I understand least about this particular topic, is the reasons why some of you hate this "holiday."
So I (in my infinite lack of wisdom and tact), will sit here, type away and make some lame jokes, so that I might understand your feelings.
OK?
1. He/she doesn't know what type of gift/goodies to give or are desired.
If you're with someone, and you love them it doesn't matter what you get them. That kind of thinking is like beating a dead horse. Sure it may make you feel good and the "squish" sounds may be kind of cool, but ultimately all you'll be doing is attracting flies and getting nowhere fast.
If they like flowers/plants buy them one.
If they have a sweet tooth...by all that is good and holy get them some chocolate.
If they like jewelery AND you can afford it, get them a little trinket.
Hell most guys would be happy with a decent DVD/Video Game/CD. Price $10-$25.
Most women would be happy with a card and some kind of flower. Price $10-$25.
Shopping is done.
Now on to more important things. Whether to go out for dinner and entertainment or stay home and cuddle. Either way it's a win win situation.
HOWEVER--If your entire relationship hinders on the perfect gift, get the hell out of dodge. Run to the hills. Get to steppin'.
No relationship should ever be so fragile as to hang on the balance of a gift of any kind. Which pretty much means you think you are driving down a 2-way street, but sadly it's a one way and if you look closely up ahead you can see that it dead ends.
2. It makes single people feel like losers because they are single.
Actually it's not this so-called holiday that makes people feel like losers. That particular piece of blame falls into the jurisdiction of...drum roll please...US. WE THE PEOPLE. Your peers.
This is true because no-one can make you feel more like crap than those you trust and love the most. So this goes out to all of you, The Friends/The Pals/The Chums who think they know better...
SHUT UP!!
Just because you're in a relationship, it doesn't make you any better than anyone else...EVER!
It also does not mean you have the ability to dispense advice like a seasoned veteran, it just means you were lucky to find someone who is willing to put up with you, for whatever reason they choose to call it.
This does not raise your status in the world. It does not elevate you or your wisdom.
It doesn't make you a better person in any way. It just makes you NOT single.
Just remember, you're only one word from being single again...and that word is "GOOD-BYE."
3. Valentine's Day is such an important holiday for couples.
OK, and anyone who believes this should be drawn and quartered. After being kicked in the Jimmy/Jane multiple times, with pointy boots/shoes.
WHY?
Because you are too stupid to breathe. You should not wait until Feb. 14th to tell anyone how you feel.
This should be done repeatedly, everyday and for no reason at all.
If you want to propose than propose. Doing it on a Hallmark holiday does NOT make it more romantic, it makes it cliche.
If Valentines day reminds you how special the one you're with is...end it right now. You should be reminded of this fact every time they breathe. Because, in all honesty, no one really needs any one person to live.
If you're happy with who you are, you don't need someone to else to define you.
Ever.
Some of you don't like Valentine's Day.
I understand.
What I understand least about this particular topic, is the reasons why some of you hate this "holiday."
So I (in my infinite lack of wisdom and tact), will sit here, type away and make some lame jokes, so that I might understand your feelings.
OK?
1. He/she doesn't know what type of gift/goodies to give or are desired.
If you're with someone, and you love them it doesn't matter what you get them. That kind of thinking is like beating a dead horse. Sure it may make you feel good and the "squish" sounds may be kind of cool, but ultimately all you'll be doing is attracting flies and getting nowhere fast.
If they like flowers/plants buy them one.
If they have a sweet tooth...by all that is good and holy get them some chocolate.
If they like jewelery AND you can afford it, get them a little trinket.
Hell most guys would be happy with a decent DVD/Video Game/CD. Price $10-$25.
Most women would be happy with a card and some kind of flower. Price $10-$25.
Shopping is done.
Now on to more important things. Whether to go out for dinner and entertainment or stay home and cuddle. Either way it's a win win situation.
HOWEVER--If your entire relationship hinders on the perfect gift, get the hell out of dodge. Run to the hills. Get to steppin'.
No relationship should ever be so fragile as to hang on the balance of a gift of any kind. Which pretty much means you think you are driving down a 2-way street, but sadly it's a one way and if you look closely up ahead you can see that it dead ends.
2. It makes single people feel like losers because they are single.
Actually it's not this so-called holiday that makes people feel like losers. That particular piece of blame falls into the jurisdiction of...drum roll please...US. WE THE PEOPLE. Your peers.
This is true because no-one can make you feel more like crap than those you trust and love the most. So this goes out to all of you, The Friends/The Pals/The Chums who think they know better...
SHUT UP!!
Just because you're in a relationship, it doesn't make you any better than anyone else...EVER!
It also does not mean you have the ability to dispense advice like a seasoned veteran, it just means you were lucky to find someone who is willing to put up with you, for whatever reason they choose to call it.
This does not raise your status in the world. It does not elevate you or your wisdom.
It doesn't make you a better person in any way. It just makes you NOT single.
Just remember, you're only one word from being single again...and that word is "GOOD-BYE."
3. Valentine's Day is such an important holiday for couples.
OK, and anyone who believes this should be drawn and quartered. After being kicked in the Jimmy/Jane multiple times, with pointy boots/shoes.
WHY?
Because you are too stupid to breathe. You should not wait until Feb. 14th to tell anyone how you feel.
This should be done repeatedly, everyday and for no reason at all.
If you want to propose than propose. Doing it on a Hallmark holiday does NOT make it more romantic, it makes it cliche.
If Valentines day reminds you how special the one you're with is...end it right now. You should be reminded of this fact every time they breathe. Because, in all honesty, no one really needs any one person to live.
If you're happy with who you are, you don't need someone to else to define you.
Ever.
Feb 18, 2008
USELESS UPDATES
I'm still just screwing around with some of the functions on the Flock browser. I guess it's a decent tool. I'm just having a lazy day.
First things first...did anyone, besides me that is, catch the Knight Rider movie?
For an updating and revamping it wasn't that bad. It had just the perfect amount of bad acting, very cool visual effects and straight out silliness that was trademark for the show. So I was pleasantly surprised.
Now I'm just waiting for the 4th Indy movie.
I finished reading Brother Odd...OH MY GOD that was the best book so far. If you haven't read the Odd Thomas books by Dean Koontz you really should.
Well other than waiting for Monday Night Raw and screwing around with more of the thingies on this browser, I guess that's all for this moment
First things first...did anyone, besides me that is, catch the Knight Rider movie?
For an updating and revamping it wasn't that bad. It had just the perfect amount of bad acting, very cool visual effects and straight out silliness that was trademark for the show. So I was pleasantly surprised.
Now I'm just waiting for the 4th Indy movie.
I finished reading Brother Odd...OH MY GOD that was the best book so far. If you haven't read the Odd Thomas books by Dean Koontz you really should.
Well other than waiting for Monday Night Raw and screwing around with more of the thingies on this browser, I guess that's all for this moment
TWITTER THOUGHTS
Another thing I can use to waste time, space and all things anti-matter in between.
WOW THIS MAKES THINGS SO MUCH EASIER...i think
I'm playing around with some programs and browsers, and so far Flock is OK. That is until my needs change, I get smarter or I finally figure out this thing that I sit in front of and download porn.
OK sometimes it's a TV.
Sometimes it's nothing at all.
Yeah, that'll do pig, that'll do.
For now.
OK sometimes it's a TV.
Sometimes it's nothing at all.
Yeah, that'll do pig, that'll do.
For now.
Feb 17, 2008
TWITTER THOUGHTS
Right now I am looking for ways to make wasting time on the world wide web more efficient.
WASTING TIME, PRODUCTIVELY
It seems like all I do anymore, is try and figure out ways to be more productive with my ability to waste time.
I'm looking to be more efficient in the laziness.
All because I can't really sleep.
God, this just sucks.
I'm looking to be more efficient in the laziness.
All because I can't really sleep.
God, this just sucks.
Feb 14, 2008
MARTINA McBRIDE - MY VALENTINE
You know...the song is sappy, and the words are pretty common to just about every love song ever written...but today at this moment, every word sings true.
I Love You,
You Will Always Be,
The One Meant For Me,
My Susan,
My Wife,
My Love
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